❝ toto, I have a feeling
we're not in kansas anymore. ❞
"Do you notice something different about me?"
The Gecko sits up straight, studying her with sharp eyes as though he hasn't checked her out entirely twice since she entered.
"Your hair?" He raises his brows. It's shorter, reaching to her shoulders, if even. It used to go below her chest, falling in dark waves. Waves of temptation.
"Yeah," she smiles, putting down her bag, and the Gecko feels his chest warm up ― similar, he finds it is, to the effects of the drug. "You like it?"
"It's shorter," Seth just observes matter-of-factly.
"Is that a yes?"
Amber throws him a look over her shoulder and momentarily catches his eyes travel her up again. She instantly turns around again, fumbling somewhat clumsily at the grocery bag at the sudden rush of adrenaline in her body.
"I don't really care about those things," Seth eventually states and moves back to rest against the wall, whereupon she extensively rolls her eyes.
She's not surprised by his distant manner, he's been acting like this for days now. It seems like he gives her attention, but only when she isn't aware of it. As soon as she demands some from him he closes in, as though too afraid to open up to her any more than he already has since Amber discovered his dangerous drive for heroin.
In the meanwhile, Seth forces his attention back on the TV. From the corners of his eyes, though, he watches her.
She is showing him the consequences of his cold behavior by humming to herself, soft and tender. The girl might not realize, but it is way more difficult for him to talk to her nowadays than it has been before.
Nonetheless, every so often now, he can't help but come back to wondering what would be if . . . he took a step too far.
Seth fears to scare her away.
She's young. A lot younger than him ― the Gecko furrows his brows. But not that young, right? No, it's at the most eight to ten years. What are those few years, right?
Thinking about it he realizes how creepy he sounds. Counting their age gap, as though something would ever happen between them. Huh, in your dreams, Gecko.
He never felt like he had to treat her differently, though, only because she is younger than him. She is emotionally mature, whereas he still feels as though he's the same 25 year-old stud from KC, attracting girls left, right and center.
However, irritatedly, his memory soon sweeps him back to the Twister. When Amber kissed Richie, she didn't seem to mind an age gap. What would have happened if he hadn't walked in?
Sure, Richie is younger than Seth, but still older than her. Plus, after all he did in the motel to that bank teller, he is irritated as to how she would even wanna talk to him alone.
Hypocrite.
He hasn't mutilated a bank tellers body, no, but there's no deny his rough hands are stained with innocent blood. She'd never feel this way for him.
He'll have to deal with it. But at the same time, he doesn't want to. What he wants is the exact opposite.
And usually, when Seth Gecko wants something, he gets it.
It is a velvet summer night, and it feels awful to spent it pent-up inside a room with only one shuttered window. The neighbors are awfully loud when engaging in their late night sexual activities, and it only contributes to the awkward tension that's already clinging to their air, making it a thousand times more uncomfortable for Amber to be in the same room as Seth. For that reason, and many others, she decides to suggest to go for a ride.
"Where to?"
"Somewhere but here."
He grabs the car keys, while Amber slides into her denim jacket, throwing her hair back. Her new lifestyle has made her stick to black jeans and dark shirts instead of the more colorful outfits she used to wear before. A few days back she cut her hair, and sometimes when she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, it takes a few seconds for her to recognize herself.
Then she thinks of who she used to be; and who she's become.
They drive out of the town, leaving the lights behind and indulging in the absolutely astonishing atmosphere that the sky full of stars offers them. Behind them lies the town, and in front of them nothing but dark landscape.
Amber finds herself thinking a lot about the way things are now in her life — she's somewhere out in Mexico in the middle of the night, with a stranger who is a criminal, and who has wrenched her away from her life without the intention of doing so. And now, he's her life.
No matter how much it stings to admit it, but Seth has become her best friend, her constant companion, and the only person she can really trust. In the beginning, when dawn had crept over Mexico and she had stepped out of the Twister, everything was so risky; driving away with him, knowing him only for a day and that day spoke for itself. And she was naive for believing that, after what happened in the Twister, her life would balance itself out again and things would eventually go back to what they used to be.
Everything is different now, starting from the way she lives and looks upon the world to the way her and Seth treat each other. Despite their small arguments and fights there is so much respect between the two, Amber would never dare to go against him for real. She doubts he has that much respect for her, seeing as he's announced himself the lead of their two-head working team, but somehow he treats her with a similar patience as he did his brother. That one is not only gone from Seth's life for good — he has left scars. And Amber is there to nurture them.
Seth and her were thrown in at the deep end after the Twister, with both dealing with that fact in different ways. While Amber seems to have made a great step towards recover now, Seth is falling deeper and deeper into the abyss of his repressed emotions. Yet, one thing has changed.
Amber has caught him engaging in exercise these days. Sometimes when she comes out of the shower she briefly loses sight of him, wondering whether he took off to get some personal necessities, but then he's actually doing push-ups behind the bed, and Amber only then notices his soft groans in between the takes. The girl is glad to see that at least somehow he is still taking care of himself by staying fit, but it doesn't overweight the narcotic he injects every few nights.
The sky is of a midnight blue with white stars twinkling from afar.
It has become rather cool during the evening, and a small wind arises occasionally on the flat land. Amber pulls her knees up to her chest, feet resting on the smooth black surface of the car hood both of them sit on. They have parked at the waysides with an astonishing view in front of them and absolutely no noise but the chirping of crickets and summer time.
"The stars are beautiful tonight, aren't they?"
She asks rather parenthetically because her thoughts are deep entangled in memories and phantasies of what-would-be-ifs.
"Yeah," Seth mutters softly, resisting to glance her direction as he continues to lay on the hood in serenity. "They are."
"When I was younger I always wanted to be an astronomer. Look at the sky all night long."
His brows shoot up. "No kidding?"
Amber nods.
"What were you doing anyway? College?" Seth sits up, with a new interest burning in his eyes as he reaches for the beer cans they brought, handing Amber one.
"I, uh," she begins while receiving the can, opening it, "I dropped out, actually."
"What, didn't like it?"
Amber chuckles. "Not really. It just didn't feel right to be so far away from my family." She observes him slowly nod. "And you? Always wanted to be a criminal?"
"Thief," he corrects her somewhat bitterly before he chugs from his beer, keeping back a quiet belch afterwards.
"Potato, potato." Upon that, she earns a brief glare.
"Being a thief is what I'm best at, so that's what I do. And it's certainly a promising job. You take what you want, what you deserve."
"Regardless of the consequences, huh?"
He senses slight accusation underlying her tone, one that makes him guilt trip until there's nothing but blame contouring his tough features. He turns to catch a glimpse of her face and her expression, revealing more to him, but she's just blankly staring ahead into the dark night.
Seth sighs, putting the can aside to straighten his posture, before parting his lips. "Look, Amber, I'm sorry," he suddenly says. "For everything that happened to you. For your uncle, your brother, your mom. I'm sorry for how everything turned out... Richie and I, we should have never taken you. It's my fault."
There is a silence that follows that causes the Gecko to question whether she really heard him. He only knows she did indeed as she slowly nods, but she still doesn't look his way.
"Thank you."
He takes in her words with caution, still regarding her frame from the side as though he's uncertain whether to say something else. He is flung back to the day she found his stash, when she pulled him into her embrace as though to protect him from the harms that the world tries to bring on him.
Seth's eyes wander to her cheeks, where a single lonely tear slowly rolls down over her skin — and the amount of pain he experiences in his chest at the sight makes it hard for him to breathe. There is a conflict in his mind that keeps him on the leash, that makes him sit there in silence, hating himself more and more with every second that passes, until the girl takes a quiet sniff upwards and wipes the tear away, as though nothing ever happened.
And he sits there, having witnessed all this, without a single comforting touch.
But the Gecko fears once he's gone down that road, there will be no going back.
They're both tired when they get home.
Stumbling past each other through the door, Amber slips out of her shoes and falls on the bed, lying flat on her stomach like she's been just shot. Seth's lips curve into a timid smile at the sight, and he shuts the door behind himself, throwing the car keys on the table.
"You alright, sweetheart?" He asks and her head instantly snaps up. At some point he had realized the amount of beer she had drunk, which was the entire rest, and it catapulted her into a rather tipsy state. Seth, on the other hand, had stuck to one beer on account of him driving.
"I always feel weird when you call me that," she drawls and the Gecko shakes his head with a deep chuckle.
"Never complained before."
She groans something but he doesn't get what because she's stuck her face into the mattress. She lies there like this for the following minutes, and Seth figures to use the time to undress, but soon he realizes she has turned to look at him, devouring the picture with hungry eyes.
"Those flames — what do they mean?"
Somewhat startled, he stops in his action, looking down on himself. He didn't think she would ask him about his tattoos anymore, since her asking him about his past had been unofficially declared off-limits.
"Nothin'," he replies but she gives him a wary look.
"A pattern that specific over your entire arm? Sure, it means nothin'."
Seth frowns at the amount of sarcasm lacing her reply.
I got drunk in New Orleans once, is what he told Vanessa when he first met her, but as he looks at Amber, he suddenly doesn't feel like free falling in fear like he used to with his ex-wife, no, he feels comfort — almost narcotic.
"Why do you wanna know?" he asks instead, deciding to stretch it a little bit and see what other kind of information he can get out of the girl.
"I'm just curious." Amber places her head in her hand, leaning with an elbow on the mattress. Her tired eyes behind the heavy eyelids lazily rest on him. "The day of the Twister, at the 'Dew Drop Inn'," she suddenly begins, "the Ranger said somethin' 'bout a wife."
Seth's eyes flicker to her. That's a topic he'd like to avoid at all costs. "Vanessa? How about we skip that subject."
"...So that is her name."
He keeps his eyes locked with hers.
"Why?"
He's suddenly all sobered up, feeling intensely curious about the further progression of this conversation.
"Why what?"
Amber looks up, her gaze sincerely confused. She's properly drunk, the Gecko thinks. Whatever would happen now, she wouldn't remember anyway.
Hold your horse.
"I'm wondering why you all of a sudden take such an interest in my marriage," Seth responds, feeling fairly confident with the way he's winning the upper hand in this conversation.
And she only continues to glance at him with those bedroom eyes that the Gecko fears he's about to interpret in a completely wrong way.
"'Cause I can't imagine you committing to a woman. That's why."
He feels cold and hot sweats in turns, staring at her with big eyes, and the tension is so burning it feels like a thousand degrees.
"...Why not?"
It's dead silent, and now he's sure to be on edge.
"Why didn't it work with Vanessa?" Amber demands, and Seth believes to hear a certain persistence sway her voice.
"We were together — it wasn't good. Simple as that."
Amber grimaces, obviously not believing him. "It's never that simple, Seth."
"Oh, so you're the great expert on love now, huh?" He raises his brows, her expression lightening up at that. "Tell me, where do you get your great wisdom from, princess?"
And he thinks jackpot, because he didn't even need to dig deep for her to spill more about her past, and what interests him most, the romances that have been in her life before. There is an internal urge to compare himself to those before in the line, like it's a way to make out whether his imaginations concerning her are really that naive to want.
Amber throws him a look. "From TV."
Seth lets out a scornful laugh. "Sure."
Nibbling on her lips, Amber continues to eye him, now more careful. "What exactly do you wanna know?"
And he feels so caught, so pathetic, as he furrows his brows. "Nothing I wanna know, darlin'," Seth claims and attempts to wave it off, but the skepticism in her eyes doesn't vanish.
"I've had boyfriends if that's what you mean," she says. "But I don't think I really loved any of them."
Seth only takes in her words in silence, processing the following seconds, before he switches off the light, setting an end to their conversation. Amber continues to stare at him in the darkness of the room, somewhat confused.
"C'mon, let's get to sleep," he tells her, "It's almost morning."
And Amber begins to overthink her words, and she wonders how the hell she can tell whether she really loved them.
But then she looks at Seth, as he lays down next to her on the bed, and something tells her she's never loved anyone ever.