⚠️WARNING⚠️ Mention of suicide and slightly intimate scene.
Chan's POV
The day of Minho's birthday
Today was the day.
The day that marked the third year of his old friends death.
The day that would've been that friends 20th birthday.
Sighing softly I turned onto my side still surround by my warm fluffy blankets I was rolled up in on my bed. Glancing at the time I sighed noticing it was already 11am.
Almost half the day was gone and my second class would've been starting by now.
I lucky was able to convince Woojin and avoid going to University today. I just wasn't in the mood to sit through classes. I wouldn't be paying attention anyway and I didn't feel like having a bunch a people ask me what was wrong either.
My normal bubbly and happy personality being wiped away to leave a completely different person.
A sad, depressed and guilt ridden person.
This is how I got every year on Minho's birthday. Even though I accepted everything that happened and had tried to move on to live a happily life like he was told to do.
"I'm okay...Its fine. Don't worry about me. I'll always be with you...with all of you. Be happy for me...Always be happy and live life to the fullest..."
Minho's voice rang through my ears again as I thought back to the dream I had that night of his death. It always relaxed me to an extent but I still couldn't help but let the guilt eat me up.
Feeling the bed dip from a sudden weight that was on it I stayed silent until I heard the persons soothing and honey like voice that I had fallen so deeply in love with.
"Babe, get up yeah?" Woojin started to try and get me to break free of my cocoon of blankets but I refused to move from my spot.
I heard a sigh leave my boyfriends lips before feeling the tugs on the blanket that he always seemed to figure out how to unwrap.
'What kind of super power is this?' I thought to myself with a pout forming on my lips before my eyes suddenly meet the warm brown orbs of the man I loved. Watching the boy chuckle a bit. Most likely from my appearance.
My cheeks were definitely red from both the heat from being under the blanket and from seeing such a handsome face first thing in the morning. A pout on my lips and cheeks slightly puffed out upset that I was torn from my blankets. My blonde strands on my head messy and shooting out in every direction from sleeping.
"Come on Chan, get up I made some food." Woojin said while patting down my hair in which I nudged my head closer to his hand enjoying the touch but as soon as I heard the word food I sprung up from the bed excited to eat. I mean I loved food- depressed or not I could always eat and the elder always used it against me.
Now that I was up Woojin had already started to head out the room with a grin of success on his lips.
"Hurry and wash up before you come eat. You don't want the food getting cold." He warned before disappearing and I sighed a bit slowly getting out of bed and shuffling into the bathroom.
It had been a little over a year now that Woojin and I had been together, a few months now since we moved in together. Or should I say since he moved in with my younger brother and I. Our parents had gone back to Australia a long time ago leaving us here in Korea but we didn't mind. As long as we had each other Felix and I were happy without them.
It took me about 10 minutes to wash my face, brush my teeth and attempt to fix my hair before I was heading out of the room not even bothering to change out of the black tshirt and rubber ducky pajama pants. (I made it in the story!🎉)
Taking a seat at the table Woojin set the plate filled with different breakfast treats in front of me and I instantly started to dig in.
Besides my own Birthday, Minho's birth/death day was the day Woojin spoiled me the most. I knew he didn't want me to be down in the dumps and beating myself up all day long so he always did his best to do whatever to make me happy.
I always appreciated how much he made sure to show that he cared. That he loved me. That no matter what he'd be right by my side to help me through everything.
A promise he made since our friend had passed away and had surprisingly kept all these years. Not once did I ever feel like I couldn't go to Woojin for something. He was the reason that I even got out of my extreme depression when everything first happened.
He was the light to my darkness that would've consumed me by now if he wasn't there to guide me along.
"Hey Woojinnie.." I called with a mouth full of food causing him to glare at me and I held a hand up quickly swallowing the food since I already knew he was going to scold me for talking with my mouthful. "We can go visit today right?" I asked and he instantly nodded a yes.
"Yeah...we can go once you're finished eating love." He assured while putting away the last dish from the strainer.
I watched as he started to walk around the table to where I was before I was feeling his arms wrap around my torso bringing me back against his warm chest that I instantly melted into.
I smiled softly as his nose nuzzled into the crook of my neck causing me to tilt my head slightly to give him more room. I hummed as he started pressing soft kisses against my skin causing a soft chuckle to slip past my lips. I felt his own strech into a smile against my skin and let out a content sigh at his cuddly behavior.
This was the one of those days where Woojin was completely open to showing affection and being clingy. Not that he wasn't already but I was the one that had to initiate the clingy and cuddly behavior to get him to start acting that way too but this day was different.
This day wasn't only hard for me to handle but it was extremely hard for Woojin too. Minho was his childhood bestfriend after all. Those two were never separated from each other back when the younger was alive.
I knew he missed Minho the most out of any of us but he was always so good at handling his feelings and emotions that no one would really be able to tell the pain he was going through besides me.
I was the only person to see and witness the weak and vulnerable side of Woojin. Both of us already knowing each others deepest secrets, problems and hardships. Being each others rocks and shoulder to lean on through the tough times. It was for these reason that we ended up dating in the first place.
There was a point in time when we only had each other when our friend first left us. We were the only ones that had witnessed everything that happened the day of the others death besides Changbin.
The guilt eating away at me for being the one the boys evil father caught kissing his son and at Woojin for not being able to get the monster away and get help quick enough.
The guilt wasso strong at one point that we didn't even want to live. There had been multiple times when Woojin would catch me being extremely close to taking a few extra pills some days. Or he would catch me right before I could cut deeper into my pale skin. I was so out of it during that time that I didn't notice how bad he had it until I caught him about to jump off a bridge that would have had him being swallowed by the depths of the Han River.
Shoot there were times when we both planned to jump off together but at times like those were when Minho's voice would always ring through my ears.
"I'm okay...Its fine. Don't worry about me. I'll always be with you...with all of you. Be happy for me...Always be happy and live life to the fullest..."
In which I would then whisper to the boy that had been sitting on the bridge beside me at the time. "He's okay. He's fine. He wouldn't want us worrying about him. He'll always be with you with all of us. He wants us to be happy...he wants us to live life to the fullest for him..."
When we both accepted these words it had been almost seven months since Minho had left us. Seven months of pure guilt, anger and regret fighting within us before we could finally accept the fact that he was gone and he wouldn't want us to live how we were.
With those words in our heads we fought our way out of depression together and became each others reasons to live on.
"Woojin?" I whispered suddenly causing the said boy to rest his chin on my shoulder and hum into my ear to show that he was listening.
"I love you." As soon as I utterd out those words my head was being turned towards his direction and a soft pair of lips were instantly colliding with mine.
It was slow, soft and comforting in a way but also filled with love. An amount of love that was impossible to show with words and could only be proven with actions like this. I felt like all my problems were being melted away as our lips moved together like the most beautiful symphony.
"I love you too" He whispered suddenly against my lips making me turn slightly in my seat to face him more and I slid my arms around his shoulders wanting to be closer.
My fingers grazing against the hairs on the back of his neck before they were tangling into my lovers dark locks.
I felt his already strong hold tighten around my waist and hold me flush against his chest knocking the air out of my lungs in the process.
Our hearts beating rapidly against each others chests both of us being able to feel it since at this point there was almost no space left between us.
With one quick movement I felt myself being lifted from my seat and being placed back down on the kitchen counter.
With the chair out of the way I was able to cage Woojin between my legs bringing us as close as possible.
The kiss no longer slow and sweet but fiery and passionate noticing the elder had found a way to push his tongue past my lips and fight with mine in a intense battle to gain control. Though when Woojin suddenly broke the kiss and instead bit down on my lower lip giving it a rough tug I couldn't help but let out a low moan while a shiver ran down my spine.
The elder making it obvious that he was in charge no matter the situation and that I should back down. In which I just nodded a yes in response understanding the unspoken words.
With that he let go of my lip and leaned his forehead against mine. A smile etched on both of our lips as we let out soft pants to regain our breaths.
Slowly I opened my eyes finally calming back down and was instantly meet with Woojin's who had been staring at me since the moment we broke apart.
He always told me how much he enjoyed watching me recover from moments like these I couldn't help but roll my eyes and shove him away playfully.
"You kinky bastard- " I muttered which caused him to feign innocences by placing a hand over his heart and letting out a gasp.
"Excuse me Christopher Bang! Language!" I laughed at the response and just stuck my tongue out at him before hoping off the counter and running towards the bedroom.
"CHRIS!! YOU COME BACK HERE!"
I squeaked a bit at his angry tone and closed the door behind me with a laugh. "NEVER!" Locking the door I looked around the room with a grin before slightly jumping in place when hearing the loud knock on the door.
"Chan- open the door right now or I swear to God you will not be leaving the house actually this bedroom for a week." With that my eyes went wide and face instantly went red already knowing exactly what that meant and I quickly scrambled to the door unlocking it.
"Woojinnie please-! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Please forgive me!" I whined clapping my hands together pulling off the best pout and puppy eyes I could muster knowing that he was a sucker for whenever I managed to pull off being cute.
As soon as his eyes met mine I could visibly see him go soft and melt under the affect. He sighed and ran his fingers through his messy hair that was technically my fault for ruining.
"Alright fine you're off the hook this time" he smiled "Geez you're going to be the death of me..." he chuckled and reached up to ruffle my hair.
A grin forming on my lips and I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug in which he returned. "Alright get ready now so we can go see Minho yeah? I'm sure hes waiting for us~"
I nodded a few times and pulled away from the other so I could change out of my pajamas and make myself look some what decent for our trip to the grave site.
I glanced over at Woojin who was restyling his hair before he was looking at me with a smile which I returned.
"Ready?" He asked after a few minutes and I nodded grabbing my phone and wallet sliding them into my pockets before we were heading out the house and to the car.
"Did Changbin take Felix to school today?" I asked my boyfriend while getting in the car and he nodded a few times with a smile as he started the car headed off to the graveyard.
"Yeah...it took awhile to get him to leave since he wanted to spend the day with you but Changbin was able to convince him by promising an endless supply of cheese sticks and some new video game." Woojin chuckled and I snorted at how easy it always was to get Felix to do something.
It wasn't long before we finally got to the burial grounds and parked the car. Getting out we stopped at the booth out front to buy a bouquet of flowers before we were making our way through the surprisingly calming and beautiful field.
These places weren't like the ones you saw in horror movies. Gloomy, scary, beat up or dented tombstones that were shoved crookedly in the grass.
It was the complete opposite really. A beautiful big grassy field perfectly aligned headstones. Each one with a name and message carved with love on every block of marble.
It was peaceful and that's what I loved about the place. It gave off the feeling that I could go there at any time to relax and take a breather from everything with the person we missed and not being consumed by sadness like one would think.
Feeling a small tug on my hand I glanced up to Woojin who gave me a reassuring smile as we stopped in front of our friends resting place.
Looking over to the headstone I smiled softly reading over the words there.
Lee Minho
1998 -- 2015
"When I can dance like the leaves that move so gracefully in the wind is when I'll be truly happy" -Lee Minho
I couldn't help but smile at the quote we decided to put on there. It was something Minho would always say whenever we would catch him watching the clouds in the park or on the school roof when he wanted to get away from his "fans" or even when he was exhausted on the dance room floor after a long day of practice for the schools team.
Those words also being something that put not only myself but all our friends at ease. Whenever we would see leaves blowing in the wind we couldn't help but think it was Minho beside us doing what he always wanted and being as happy as he could be.
Bending down I placed the flowers right beside the block of marble. "Hey Min.." I whispered before Woojin was also settling beside me and placing the cupcake we brought next to flowers as well.
Taking out a lighter he placed a candle in the frosting and lite it. We both smiled as we took a step back and sang Happy Birthday to our friend. Once finished we smiled at each other and Woojin once again took hold of my slightly cold hand and laced our fingers together.
"Happy Birthday Minho-ah...we miss you" I whispered. "And we love you very much" Woojin finished giving my hand a squeeze noticing the tears that started to roll down my cheeks.
We watched as the fire on the cradle flickered a few times before a sudden gust of a wind blew it out. At the same time a swirl of leaves were surrounding us and I couldn't help but smile.
"Tch...always such a show off" I heard Woojin joke and we both ended up laughing softly as the wind settled again.
We were there for about 20 minutes just talking and letting Minho know what was going on in our lifes before I was starting to shiver more from the chilly air. Woojin taking this as the perfect time for us to say our goodbyes and head back to the car.
Getting into the car I let out a faint sigh as I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to clear my head. Once feeling the car start to move I knew we were on the road again and I let out a small hum letting my gaze go out the window feeling content at the moment.
"So...wanna get wasted tonight?" I suddenly asked and grinned cheekily at the male that let out a sigh but didn't disagree.
"I'm for it. It be weird if we didn't right?" Woojin grinned changing course to a liquor store that wasn't far from our house.
He had a point. It seemed to become a tradition since the accident happened to drink the night away. We were tipsy when it happened, we drank the day away the next two years after that and today would be no different. These were the only times that Woojin would even really drink a lot at once noticing at any party or bar they went to he was always the designated driver. So this was the one day Woojin actually let himself go.
Seeing the store come in view I waited untill the car stopped to get out and go inside to buy a 12 pack before I was rushing back to the car and we were finally heading home again.
Once inside the house I instantly let my body sink into the couch and kicked my feet up on the table. Woojin settling besides me and handing over one of the cans of beer before he was turning on the TV to some random movie. We were half way through the movie when we order some chicken from our favorite place.
The movie now being over and I could feel the alcohol start to kick in noticing I was on my sixth one. So while I still could I texted Changbin to keep Felix at his place since I'd rather not have him see me like this.
When getting the okay from the boy I glanced at Woojin noticing he was on his fourth can and already out of it. I chuckled faintly seeing that his cheeks were already a rosey color indicating he was tipsy or maybe even drunk and I shook my head with a small tsk gaining his attention.
"Whut-" he huffed crossing his arms over his chest annoyed. The action causing me to let out a soft giggle and lean over to press a kiss to his cheek.
"Mhmm is my giant Teddy being moody~?" I cooed causing him to slowly grin before he was pulling me to lay against his chest. I felt his nose nuzzle the top of my head and I smiled faintly focusing on the TV again.
Once the third movie was over I grunted lightly glancing up at my lover that was already passed out. Shaking my head I sat up slowly not wanting to wake him up and shuffled into the kitchen glancing at the time on the microwave seeing it was 12am.
Going into the fridge I took out a bottle of Soju that was half way emptied. Leaning against the counter I started to sip on it while thinking about the past few years and that's when all the guilt hit me again like ton of bricks.
Cursing softly I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration gripping onto my blonde locks pulling out a few strands in the process. With a grunt I quickly downed the rest of the liquor in the bottle while pacing back and forth.
My hand having a death grip on the bottle until it was shattering to pieces causing me to hiss in pain at the glass that pierced my skin. I frowned at the glass that then fell to the floor shattering into even smaller pieces.
"Fuck..." with a small groan I looked to my hand again quickly pulling out the pieces before running my hand under cold water watching the blood run down the drain.
It had been awhile since I had seen this site or felt this pain. Truthfully it felt relieving almost to be able to feel such a thing again. It's what I deserved after all.
"It should've been me..." I muttered to myself while glancing to the glass pieces tempted to just roll around in it truthfully.
Sighing I shook my head knowing that if anything extreme happened to me Woojin would kick my ass and then Changbin would and truthfully maybe Felix would too.
Once the blood stopped I turned off the water and got a paper towel to dry off my hands glad that it wouldn't need bandage up. Grabbing the broom I quickly cleaned up the glass and tossed it out before grabbing my jacket and heading out the house after slipping on my sneakers.
Stuffing my hands into my pockets I started to walk down the dark streets of Seoul that were just dimly light by a street lamp every now and then. I was walking for almost 30 minutes before I found myself in Minho's favorite park.
I sighed softly as the images of just seeing him laid out on the grass staring up at passing clouds during the day or shining stars at night.
Smiling lightly I settled myself on the damp grass and looked up at the stars that littered dark sky while starting to once again relive that horriable day....
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hI HElLo *woojin voice*
Rubber Ducky~♡