My work schedule changed and I'm struggling. I still haven't adjusted.
Chapter 27 Part 2
Found Out
Maybe the world had just tilted on its axis. Or maybe I was dreaming, and I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be a good dream or a cruel joke.
But maybe my mind was taking his words for what they really were but my heart was just too scared to accept it for truth.
"What... what do you mean?" I whispered, not daring to hope.
"The baby is okay," Zachary articulated slowly, "You both are."
My heart started to thud. It was a strong beat and it was getting louder and louder in my ears.
"What?" it was the only thing that came to mind as I watched my husband dumbly.
I was still pregnant? My hand shakily crept to my stomach.
"Are you s-sure?" I needed to make sure.
"So you don't remember again. Then let me brief you on what happened yesterday," Mara said from the side. I turned to her, waiting anxiously. "Zachary found you unconscious inside his office. They called an ambulance and you were transported here within fifteen minutes. While being wheeled in, you regained consciousness for a few minutes."
She paused as if to wait for me to follow.
"And since you refuse to see the doctor, I'll brief you on your medical condition. You had premature labor and bleeding. It's a good thing you were rushed in on time because any later and it would've been bad for the baby."
The baby...
The baby was fine.
He really was fine.
I still couldn't believe it.
I watched Mara and knew she was waiting for me to absorb further. It was still a process to have them sink in. I looked down at the hand on my stomach. "But... I remember the blood. There was so m-much of it... I thought—"
"It just looked worse than it really was," Mara cut in gently. "The fetus has a strong grip and I specifically remember telling you that you're slightly anemic. I told you not to stress yourself out, that's gotten worse in the last week since your check-up. Have you been feeling light-headed? Lack of appetite? We'll have to adjust your diet and give you iron supplements to increase your blood production."
And that was it. Mara was done saying her piece and she was casual about the whole thing.
What she was saying was I was fine. More importantly, the baby was fine.
The baby was fine.
He was fine.
I had to repeat it to myself again and again and again.
"Mommy."
I had a dream of a little boy and I could've sworn I could clearly remember how he looked. And I imagined that child was still okay, securely lying in my womb.
But where there should've been relief, there was a new feeling of dread. Where I should be leaping with joy, there was an awareness of time ticking... and it was ticking fast against me.
The baby was okay now but until when?
Mara thinks it was simply stress and anemia. But I remember what happened inside that office before I fainted. I knew why. It was those memories. The past. That stupid void inside my mind where monsters liked to creep out.
It was endangering the future of the child I was carrying.
The baby was okay now...
But until when?
And that was the scariest part of it all.
Was I supposed to live fearing every new memory from the past? How in the world was I going to secure the baby's safety for the next twenty-eight months?
What was I going to do now?
"Damn it, Red. Don't cry."
It was only at Zach's words that I realized my cheeks were wet. The tears that were not present at that first thought that my baby was dead was streaming down as if the dam had broken. The shock, the relief and how quickly everything turned to this crippling dread I was feeling inside my mind. There was no way to stop the tears even if I tried.
In my blurring vision, I saw the pained expression in Zachary's face, the helplessness.
"Red, hey..." Zachary soothed. "It's over. You're okay. You're both okay."
But it wasn't over. That was something that Zachary didn't understand.
Isn't it your fault? My mind whispered, you never tell him anything and you expect him to understand? The voice taunted. It's not as if it did you well keeping all these things to yourself.
Yes. Why? Now that I thought of why I kept all those things to myself...
Was it self-preservation? Or was it plain selfishness... without thought of the child I was carrying.
Because the bottom line was I almost miscarried.
The child almost died.
It was a painful squeeze to my throbbing heart.
Why didn't you tell him? My mind asked again. And as I looked at the man I married... the person obviously as distraught, but was doing everything to keep those emotions under wrappings. The person trying to be my steady rock.
Was this why you were keeping my past from me? You knew I could lose the child?
I wanted to ask him these things.
But as I opened my mouth, it was as if it had a mind of its own.
And my first words were, "Valerie... I was with Valerie in the office."
There was a moment of silence.
"Don't," The change in Zachary's face was instantaneous. "Don't mention that woman's name in front of me. She's gone. You won't ever have to see her again."
The coldness in his voice could freeze a flowing river. And that stopped me.
It was Marcus who broke in, "After you were rushed to the hospital yesterday, we had security review the CCTV footage outside the president's office. She was the last person seen to come in and out of the office. Zach found you five minutes after that. We fired her. Charges were filed against her this morning."
But I didn't care about that. That's not what I was going for.
In my next words, I watched Zachary's reaction. "She told me things... about the past."
It wasn't my imagination that the whole room tensed.
Zachary searched my eyes.
But it was Mara that caught on first. She turned pale, "You mean the memories! It triggered..."
I nodded, no longer letting her finish. Zachary glanced between his friend and me. And like that, his expression clouded over.
"You're starting to remember," he said without emotion.
Maybe my mistake was in not telling him anything before when it's obvious now that he was helping me.
Zach raised blue eyes to Mara, "And you knew." It wasn't a question. The sudden chill in his tone was frightening... and he was directing it to Mara.
"What you're both telling me right now is this happened because you remembered—"
"It's not her fault," I whispered, tears still streaming down. This wasn't what I was expecting to happen. He wasn't supposed to get angry.
"Then whose fault is it, Scarlett? You kept this a secret from me why?" when he turned back to me, I felt his emotional withdrawal as if he'd physically walked out of the room.
This cool attitude. It was the one he was giving me when I woke up in the hospital the first time.
"Well?" Zachary continued, "What do you remember?"
So there's that. To those still confused, yes, the baby is okay:)