This continued over
and over
and over
and over again.
My father would hear that I was
acting up
like a child would
in kindergarten.
He couldn't have that.
He couldn't have his child
ACTING
LIKE
A
CHILD.
So he would, as he loved saying,
"beat the bad out of me."
Before him,
I didn't know what hate was.
After him,
I could feel it.
Boiling away
Like a kettle
Left on the stove
For too long.
Afterward, I always r a n into
Mum's
arms.
I knew she knew what he
did to me.
I caught her looking once.
Her eyes were
so, so sad.
"He only does it because
he loves you, Rowan."
...so I learned to hate that man.
Because if that was him showing his
love,
I didn't want it.