He's hurting so much. His pain is so strong I can feel it wrapping around my heart. How could he think it was his fault? How could his mum let him think it was his fault? It was an accident.
I wrap my arms around him as we lay on the bed, simply holding onto each other. He presses his lips to my forehead gently and I move closer to him.
"I'm sorry, Annie," he whispers gently and I hate how it hurts so much.
"It was an accident, Jason. I don't need you to apologise to me for your past. We both have things that are dark and things that we don't want to relive, but it's ok, because we have each other," I say softly and his arms tightened around me.
"How long do I have you for, Annie?" he whispers and I feel his pain inside of me ache and hurt even more.
"As long as we're given," I whisper and he growls softly as he pulls me flush against his body and buries his face against my neck.
"I want you forever," he breathes and I grip his hair in my hands and hold him to me.
"I know," it's the only thing I can say. We don't speak again after that and I soon feel his arms loosen gently. I know by how his breathing evens out that he's fallen asleep.
How is it possible to love him so much, in what feel like such a short time? I don't want to leave him. I don't want to die. But I can't have his life in my hands. I can't. I look at him as he shifts his body softly and pulls me into his side. My head rests against his chest as his arm wraps around my waist protectively. The tears in my eyes burn and my whole body aches with pain, both physical and emotional but I can't do anything except watch him as he sleeps.
"I love you, Jason. More than you'll ever possibly know. But I can't hold your life in my hands. I don't want to hurt you and I know when I die, I'll break your heart. Please don't hate me for it. I'm selfish, Jason. Selfish enough to want even a little more time with you," I whisper very softly as I touch his cheek with the tips of my fingers.
His face is so relaxed, his skin soft and warm. I never want this moment to end, even when a single tear falls from my jaw and soaks into his skin.
"Love me forever, Jason, but be happy without me," I murmur before I curl into him and hold on. I don't know how long I have left. I could die tonight, tomorrow, but I'm going to make the most of my time with Jason, even if I don't have that much time left.
*
I sit on the edge of the bed, watching as Jason pulls his T-shirt on over his head. I'm already dressed, having gotten up before he'd woken, but I wait for him to get ready before we go down.
"You ok?" he asks gently and I look up and nod.
"I'm fine," I add when he continues to watch me closely. Moving on silent feet across the room, he bends down and kisses me. I sigh softly in pleasure as I slip my hands into his hair, the strands still slightly damp after his shower. He traces his tongue across my lips, coaxing me to part them and let him in.
"We should go down," I murmur, but he growls playfully into my mouth as he pushes me down onto the bed and deepens the kiss. His hand slips under my dress and his fingers brush the inside of my thigh. I gasp softly into his mouth and I feel him smile.
"I want you," he whispers. My body heats even more, wanting him just as much.
"We can't. We're in your mum's house," I breathe as he cups one of my breasts through the material of my summer dress in answer.
"I don't care where we are. I love you, want you, need you," he mumbles before he takes my lips and I moan.
"No," I mutter, pushing him away. He rolls off me, his member strained against the front of his jeans and I breathe out slowly, his eyes watch me with something every close to hunger. I stand up and move further into the room, away from the bed and from temptation.
"You're mum and Lucas are downstairs," I breathe, telling myself that no matter what, we can't not make love while in their house.
"I'm aware of that, baby, but I don't care," he says as he stands up gracefully, without any jerky movements a human would make, even though his very large, very bulky member in his jeans must be killing him.
"Well you should. What if they heard us or came in and caught us," I mutter and he smiles as he stalks toward me. I back up quickly, even though I still feel slightly sick; I'm having a good day. My body aches only slightly and the nausea isn't as bad as normal.
"They won't. We aren't human, Annie. They don't react like human parents might. Once mated, they expect us to sleep in the same room, share the same bed, and make love together. It's when we don't that they start to wonder why," he grins. I realise too late that he's been distracting me, backing me up against the wall, his body blocking my escape. His eyes almost devour me as they skim up and down my body. I feel my nipples harden as my body grows hot, the wetness between my legs growing with each passing second. His nostrils flare and his eyes darken as he moves closer to me.
"I can smell your arousal, Annie," his lips brush against my ear and I shiver, "You want me," he murmurs, pressing a hot kiss to my neck.
"Jason," I breathe, meaning to tell him no, to tell him we can't, because truth be told, it's more than just Jason's mum catching us. Making love to him makes the bond grow stronger between us. I'm dying and damn it to hell, but I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have. Yet those thoughts leave my mind as soon as he presses his lips to mine. I growl gently as his hands frame my waist, his leg spreading mine apart a second before he presses his groin against my pelvis and rubs softly.
"God, Jason!" I cry softly, "I need you," I breathe unable to stop myself. Within seconds, my dress is bunched up around my waist, his jeans are on the floor and our lips fused together in hunger.
"We need to slow down. I'll hurt you," he says sharply, his voice raw and gruff with need. I let my hand slide between our bodies, and then I wrap my hand around his erection and rub once.
"Shit, baby," he moans, his eyes shifting as he catches my eye.
"I want you, Jason. No holding back, please. I don't want only enough of you, I want all of you," I whisper and before I can comprehend what's happening, his hand rips mine from his member and he's pressing me up against the wall. He thrusts into me and I cry out as pain and pleasure rushes through me. I arch against him, his lips sucking the skin against my neck and I feel my eyes shift.
"Mark me, Annie," he murmurs as he pulls out of me, only to thrust back in a second later.
"I-I can't... no blood bond," I breathe.
"It won't make a blood bond, I swear it," he groans and then there's nothing I can think of to say as he suddenly shifts position inside of me. He grips my waist tightly as he takes me and I kiss him hard. My hands gripping his shoulders as he finally brings me over. Without thinking, I pull away from the kiss and bite his neck, hard. He grunts in pain as my eyes shift to those of my wolf and his blood fills my mouth at the same second he comes inside of me. I grip him tightly as we come together, his own emotions of happiness and pleasure mixing with mine and making the experience so much more. Recalling how he'd sealed the wound after he'd bitten me, I trace my tongue across the gash and seal it.
"I love you," he says as we both sag against the wall.
"I love you, too," I smile as I rest my forehead against his chest. A soft knock at the door and I pull back, looking up at Jason as he rolls his eyes. I told him something like this would happen! It's just my luck!
"Err... Jason? You're mum and I want to talk with you and Annie... When you're ready. Just come down to the living room when... well when you're done," Lucas calls through the door before making a hasty retreat.
"Oh no, they know, don't they?" I whisper as Jason pulls back and grins.
"Yup," he says, his eyes shining brightly and I can't help but smile back as I look into the endless depth of his eyes.
"You knew!" I accuse and he just shrugs.
"You're mine, Annie," is his only answer, "Come on, let's get dressed and then go and hear what they want to say," he mutters. We clean ourselves up and I fix my dress, I've no idea how, but the damn wolf had gotten my breasts out!
"I think we should go and speak with Zack and Kaitlyn," Jason says suddenly and I jerk my head up to meet his gaze.
"Why?" I whisper softly and I feel his worry inside of me.
"There were two rogues, Annie. We killed only one. What if the second attempts to change another human?" he asks softly. My blood runs cold. If that happens, they wouldn't understand what was happening. They'd feel so ill, so alone and then they'd die. It isn't fair to sacrifice human lives to hide my own attack.
"I-yeah, you're right," I say softly. I wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes. Even thinking about telling them the truth, about what happened, makes me feel sick. Suddenly, two arms pull me back against a hard male chest. Jason's scent surrounds me and I let my shoulders sag as I lean into him.
"We don't have to tell them everything, Annie," he says softly in my ear and all but fall against him in relief.
"I can't let them know, Jason. I just, I can't," I mumble and even without words, I know he understands. I can deal with retelling the story, but nothing needs to be mentioned about the rape, because that, I won't live through retelling over again.
"You don't have to, Annie. But they do need to know what's happening with you and what the rogues are trying to do," he says.
"Ok. When do we leave?" I ask gently and he presses his lips to mine tenderly.
"As soon as we've spoken to my mum and Lucas. They obviously have something to say," Jason answers and I pull away nodding.
"Let's not keep them waiting then," I suggest and he nods in agreement.
"We'll be fine, Annie," he promises gently as we leave his room. I don't think he's referring to speaking with his mum and Lucas. It's almost as if he knows, without me having first told him, the reason why I'm trying, and obviously failing, at keeping my distance from him.
We headed downstairs hand in hand and make our way into the living room to find Julia and Lucas waiting for us. Julia looks so pale as she jumps up from her seat and looks over me.
"Annie... I'm so sorry. I never meant to cause you ill," she says gently. Lucas stands up and winds his arm around his mate's waist supportively.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to my little boy and I know you two will be happy together. I'm sorry, please, forgive me. I know I was rude to you and that was wrong of me, but please, forgive me," she says softly, her eyes filling with tears. Jason squeezes my hand in reassurance, but before he can say anything, I draw in a deep breath and meet Julia's eye.
"It's not your fault. I..." I look over at Jason and find him watching me with a surprised expression on his face.
"You don't have to tell her," he says softly but I know that she's blaming herself for what happened to me. Just like Jason blames himself for what had happened to that pup.
"I'm ill," I say strongly as I look back over at Julia, "I was attacked by rogue Werewolves last year and bitten. I'm... well I'm what is known as a cursed one. I have..." I swallow and can't help but take in Julia's confused and somewhat worried expression, Lucas' face matches hers in every way possible.
"She only has a few days left to blood bond with another Werewolf before she dies," Jason finishes for me and I'm thankful.
"What do you mean? What's a cursed one? How many days left?" Julia shoots quickly.
In the end we sit both of them down and explain the whole situation to them. They've a right to know. I can't let Julia think she caused something she had nothing to do with, even if she never had the same sort of decency for Jason. To say by the end of the conversation Julia and Lucas are shocked is an understatement.
"I've never heard of anything like this in my life," Lucas says, breaking the sudden silence.
"It hasn't happened that many times as far as we know," Jason says.
"If it is ok with you, Annie, I'd like to inform my Alpha of this. It's important that others of our kind know. Even if we want to keep other rogues from finding out, there are others out there who most likely already know and that could be putting a lot of lives at risk," Lucas says. I grip Jason's hand tightly.
"Of course, I understand," I murmur as Lucas smiles warmly at me.
"How... how long do you have left?" Julia asks gently as she bites her lip. Lucas takes her hand in his and she closes her eyes.
"Five days," Jason answers hoarsely and my gaze shoots to his. He's watching me intensely and I feel my heart break. Five days. Is that all I have left? I'll be honest in admitting that I'd stopped counting. I don't want to know, but now that he's spoken it, now that he's given us the timeline... it scares me.
"Why haven't you already blood bonded? Surely that's important," Lucas says. He looks between us and Julia's eyes snap open.
"You are going to blood bond with her, aren't you?" she says.
"Yes," Jason snaps at the same time I say, "No," silence fills the room and then Jason growls dangerously as he stands up and runs his hands through his hair.
"I'm not letting you die, Annie," he growls. Both Lucas and Julia visibly shrink back at the dominant tone in his voice. I didn't realise until this moment that Julia isn't a beta wolf; she's a maternal.
"And I'm not going to hold your life in my hands!" I snarl angrily, my eyes blazing with a fiery heat.
"That works both ways, damn you! Do you not think it scares me to know that if I were to be killed while on duty, you'd suddenly follow? But I'd rather live with that knowledge than live without you, Annie!" he shouts as he moves toward me. I look away from him, but his hand wraps around my upper arm and hauls me to my feet, bringing my attention back to him.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" he snaps.
I glare at him, "I may be ill, but I'm not a fucking child! If you want someone to control, get a fucking dog!" I growl. He stares at me angrily as I rip my arm from his grasp.
"You can't leave me! I won't let you leave me! Do you think I'm just going to stand there and watch you die? Is that it Annie? Do you think I'm going to sit back and watch you die, knowing that I can save you?!" he growls, his eyes those of his wolf.
"I expect you to understand! To accept my wishes!" I snarl and he cocks his head to the side slightly as my eyes shift.
"And if I don't?" he asks calmly, his voice holding a lethal threat.
"If you don't, I'll kill you myself," I say darkly and he shakes his head.
"No you won't," he says softly as he takes a step closer to me. I shove him away or at least I try to, yet he simply catches my wrists and pulls me closer to him; so close to him that I have to look up to meet his gaze.
"What are you so afraid of?" he asks. I swallow hard, before I look away.
"Just let me go, Jason," I mutter as I catch Julia and Lucas watching us silently.
"Not until you explain to me why the fuck I should let you die. I mean, it must be something big for you to happily leave me without you. Do you have any idea what that will do to me?" he asks.
I close my eyes again, I don't want to do this, not now, not ever!
"I don't think you do," he mutters, "It'll kill me, Annie. You'll kill me deep inside and I won't never be happy. I'll never love again, ever feel happy again. I'll be all but dead inside. So why are you going to do that to me, Annie?" he asks and I force myself to look up at him.
"I don't want to lose you, Jason," I say softly.
"Don't you understand that if you died, I'd follow you? Why can't you seem to grasp the concept of that?" he demands, "If I died tomorrow, what would you do?" he whispers. Why is this so hard? "Answer me, Annie."
"I don't know! Ok, I don't know what I'd do... but I wouldn't want to live," I say tearfully. I don't know how that can be true, but just the thought of Jason dying breaks me. It kills everything inside of me. It makes me want to scream and fight as hard as I can to keep him with me.
"Then why are you determined to end yours?" he asks gently. I move into his arms then, burying my face against his chest as his arms come around me.
"I'm scared of that responsibility, Jason," I murmur and he cups my chin in his hand and tilts my face up to meet his eyes.
"How about this then, if we go, we go together? Whether it be today or tomorrow or in a hundred years. No matter what, we go together," he says.
I can't stop the tears springing to my eyes. As much as it hurts to think about Jason dying, I know that if he dies, I'll follow right behind, no matter if we're blood bound or not, "Ok," I whisper and he sighs in relief as he pulls me tightly to him, his lips pressing into my hair.
"Will you let me blood bond with you?" he murmurs.
"Will you not blood bond with me anyway, Jason?" I counter.
"I won't lose you."
"Ok," I say. He kisses me gently.
"Good," he says.
"I want to speak with Kaitlyn first," I add and he rolls his eyes.
"I knew you would, but no matter what, she's going to side with me on this," he states and I nod.
"I know. But I just need to talk to her first. I lied to her, Jason. She's my best friend and I lied to her," I mutter and he nods.
"Alright, baby. We'll make sure you speak with Kaitlyn first."
"Thanks."
"I guess that means you'll be completing the blood bond back on Garrison Territory?" Lucas suddenly says.
"Yes," Jason answers and then looks at the clock and swears under his breath, "It's a three day drive back to the Pack. We need to leave as soon as possible," he adds, just as Julia comes back into the room and she isn't alone. She's followed by another woman; whose hair is a deep red and her eyes a bright green.
Jason freezes.
"Jason?" I ask softly, but his attention is on the woman standing before us. She doesn't look anywhere near his age, in fact, she looks close to his mum's age, but she meets his eyes in that moment.
"Hello Jason," she says. I don't know how he moves so fast, but even as she says his name, Jason is already gone. One second he's next to me with his arms around me and the next he's literally gone, the back door slamming shut behind him. I watch through the window as he runs toward the woods and then shifts in a burst of activity and vanishes among the trees. I turn back toward the three in the living room, hoping to understand what has just happened.
"I'm Marcy, you must be Annie. Julia has been telling me quite a bit about you since last night," Marcy says.
"It's nice to meet you," I reply softly, not truly focusing on her as my gaze slips back toward the window as I wait and hope that Jason will come back. Her next words, however, catch my attention.
"I'm Kyle's mum," she says gently and I look at her in shock.
"Oh," I breathe.
Understanding suddenly sinks in, "It was an accident. Jason never meant to hurt your son," I say now, not bothering to pretend I don't understand. I'm not going to let Jason take the fall for this anymore. He's suffered enough.
"I know," she whispers gently.
"Why don't we all sit down and talk? I'll make us all something to drink. Tea?" Julia says. With nods of agreement and a small movement of activity both Marcy and I sit down, facing each other from across the room. I make sure my gaze is toward the window so I can see the forest where Jason had vanished into.
"Well, I guess I better begin at the start," Marcy says a few minutes later after Julia has handed us the drinks.
"Best place to start," I agree, wishing with everything inside of me that Jason is here with me.
"I knew it wasn't Jason's fault. I've always known, but he's never given me the chance to tell him," she says softly. I accept that, having just seen Jason's reaction.
"The day it happened... It was my fault, Annie. He was my son and I was irresponsible enough not to have kept a closer eye on him," Marcy begins gently.
"Don't blame yourself, Marcy," Julia says, but Marcy shakes her head.
"He ran off into the woods. If I'd been keeping a closer eye on him, he'd still be here. I couldn't find him... not until it was too late," she says, "I know Jason feels guilt ridden. I know how that feels because I feel it every day of my life and I always will. But Jason has nothing to feel guilty about. He was just a child himself. He should've never been taken along that day," Marcy said.
"Boys are stubborn, Marcy," Julia says.
"Marcy, I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must have gone through and are still going through, but Jason needs to hear you tell him this yourself. He can't go on feeling this way. It wasn't his fault; it was no one's fault. Bad things happen all the time, all around us. We just never think they'll happen to us until it's too late," I say gently, knowing from experience that my words are all too true.
"He puts flowers on Kyle's grave every year. He thinks I don't know, but I do. Jason feels responsible for what happened, I know that now. At first, I couldn't think straight enough to even accept that my Kyle was gone and never coming back. Yet over the years, I came to realise that Jason felt it was his fault. I just want to tell him it isn't. So he can move on. Live life without that sort of past hanging over him at every turn," she says gently and I nod. My heart is breaking for this woman, my soul screaming for Jason, because god knows if there's one thing I need right now, its him. I need his arms around me, his lips near my skin, his warmth and love and protection. She blames herself so much, just like Jason blames himself. Why can't they just understand that it wasn't either of their faults, but a collection of events that ended badly?
"They both had a role to play, Annie and they both feel guilty because of it," Lucas whispers as if hearing my thoughts.
"Please, please tell Jason what I said," Marcy begs as she wring her hands together, "He won't let me speak a work, he won't listen. You're his mate, he'll listen to you," she says. I swallow hard, hating the lump forming in my throat.
"I may be his mate, Marcy, but this is something you, yourself have to tell Jason," I say.
Her eyes go wide and I turn to see Jason leaning against the door frame, listening quietly, "Jason... I didn't think you'd come back while I was still here," Marcy says softly. He pushes himself off the door frame easily and moves like the predator he is. He looks down at me and brushes a few tears away, tears I hadn't been aware were on my face. He sits down next to me and pulls me into his arms.
"I'll always be with Annie when she needs me," he says gruffly and I kiss his neck, feeling the pain easing away piece by slow piece.
"I think it's about time we talked, don't you?" Marcy asks. Jason's arms tighten around me before he nods once.
"Yes," he accepts and for the first time since that night, they speak together about the events leading up to the death of Kyle Johnson.