Meredith gets to Jules's house at 6:50 and can see through the kitchen window all of the women walking about, drinking wine and taking pieces of pizza from delivery boxes. She comes in through the front door.
"Hellooo?" she sing-songs.
Jules rushes down the hall and her eyes widen at the sight of Meredith. "Mere! Where have you been?"
"I'm sorry, I thought the meeting was at seven—" she says. "I didn't have my phone on me until a little while ago and saw all the texts."
Jules squints at her. "Shame on you," she wags her finger. "I'm just kidding. You're busy with the horse, I get it." She leans forward and gives Meredith two air-kisses. "We just tightened some loose ends with Pink Aid, but we're pretty much all set." She puts her hand on the small of Meredith's back. "Come have some pizza."
They enter the kitchen and all the ladies squawk at her. Feeling awkward, Meredith grabs a piece of cheese pizza and takes a bite. She finds a seat on the couch and pretends to listen as the women summarize what they've accomplished during the meeting. Pam is across the room leaning against the kitchen island with a hearty glass of white wine in her hand. If Meredith doesn't tell Pam that she moved Thor now, Pam will find out soon enough from Kimberly. She'd rather it come from her own mouth and Pam's easier to talk to when she's got some alcohol in her, Meredith thinks.
She makes her way over to Pam. "Hey can I talk to you?" she whispers.
Pam lifts an eyebrow and quickly, Meredith regrets coming over. But Pam nods and they excuse themselves to the foyer.
"What's up?" Pam asks, swirling the golden liquid in her glass. Round and round like a whirlpool.
Meredith's heart is racing again and she blurts everything out in one breath. "I ended up moving Thor to Barn 5. I just think it—it's better for me. I really like the work aside from the riding, you know what I mean? Does that make sense?"
Pam takes a sip of wine and purses her lips.
"You know it's not easy to get into Barn 6."
"I know—I really appreciate your help with that but, erm." Meredith swallows. "It just wasn't the right fit."
"Meredith, you can do whatever you want." She presses her palm against her chest, "I don't care what you do with your horse. If you're happy with Barn 5, then great. Good for you. That's fantastic." She takes another gulp of wine.
Meredith tenses. She can't read if Pam is being sarcastic or serious. Then Pam reaches out and pinches a piece of Meredith's shirt. She makes a disgusted face, "Yuck. What is that?"
Meredith looks down at the beer stain like it's the first time she's seen it. "I think it's Thor's slobber."
"It smells sour," Pam says, sniffing her fingers. "Like beer."
"You don't have a Tide To-Go wipe do you?" Meredith asks quickly, backing away before Pam can catch the scent of her breath.
"Take it to the dry cleaners. Tide isn't going to get that out." Pam shrugs and then tips the wine glass into her mouth, this time until the wine is all gone. "I'm going to pour another glass. I'll pour you one too," she says, turning to go back into the kitchen.
"No, I'm okay. I need to use the bathroom," Meredith says.
She grabs the bathroom door handle and slips inside. She puts the lid down on the toilet seat and sits on top of it. She rubs her eyes with the heels of her hands. It stinks of the cinnamon potpourri and rose-scented perfume. She looks up at the hand-painted walls of willow trees and waterfalls. The bronze swan sculpted into the faucet stares at her, it's bill spread out at the mouth.
"Stop looking at me," Meredith orders it.
Her phone starts vibrating and it startles her. When she pulls it out of her pocket, her eyebrows perk up. Olivia is calling her.
"Hi honey," she answers.
"Mrs. Smith?" Meredith's back straightens at the sound of an older woman's voice. "It's Coach Harding. You need to come pick up Olivia. She's not feeling well."
"What's wrong?"
"She fainted. We've got the trainer checking her out now, and she seems to be okay."
Fainted? Meredith stares at her reflection in the mirror as the blood drains from her face.
"I'll be right there." Meredith thanks Coach Harding and hangs up. She leaves the bathroom and runs into the kitchen to grab her purse. The women all look at her.
"You're going?" Jules asks.
"Olivia's sick. I need to go pick her up."
The women nod. No one questions when a child is sick.
* * *
Meredith pulls into Greens Farms Academy and drives up to the lacrosse fields, which are now empty except for one car in the parking lot and Olivia and Coach Harding on a bench beside it. Olivia is hunched forward with her hands in her lap, nodding to whatever Coach is saying to her. Her body is pale and her cheeks are flushed. They redden deeper once Meredith gets out of the car.
Meredith shakes Coach's hand. "Thank you for calling me." She reaches out to squeeze Olivia's shoulder. "Liv, honey, are you okay? How're you feeling?"
Olivia shrugs away from her. "Fine."
Coach stands up. She's a short, pudgy woman with greying hair and a stern look in her eye. The way the woman folds her arms, screaming at the girls on the field during games always makes Meredith shudder. But she has a kind smile and it softens her features.
"Can I speak with you for a minute?" Coach asks.
"Sure." Meredith turns to Olivia, "Why don't you get in the car? I'll be there in a minute." Olivia takes her things and trudges to the car, mumbling a thank you to Coach as she does.
When she's out of earshot, Coach pulls out a piece of paper with a list of foods on it. "Make sure Olivia's eating these during the day, especially before practice. I've noticed a change in her performance recently; I don't think she's eating enough. She seemed out of it during the game, so I subbed her out and that's when she fainted. If it continues, I'll have to suspend her."
Meredith takes the paper with a shaky hand. Olivia's not eating enough? she asks herself. She thinks back to the times Olivia was running late to school and skipped breakfast, the deflected comments about food, and how she never eats that sorbet anymore.
"Thank you. I'll make sure she eats these," she says.
Meredith gets in the car and Olivia is scrolling through Instagram on her phone like nothing's happened. Meredith holds out her hand. "Give me your phone." Olivia flashes a death-glare at her, but Meredith doesn't budge. "Give me your phone," she repeats.
Olivia groans and hands her the phone, which she turns off and puts in the center console. This only makes Olivia curl away from Meredith, her back completely facing her.
Meredith doesn't know what to say. She's angry, she's upset, and she's embarrassed at how blind she's been. She blinks away the stinging tears forming along the rim of her eyes and pulls out of the parking lot. A few minutes later, as she's driving down the main road, she hears Olivia sniffle. She reaches over to touch her arm but hesitates. Olivia never responds well to contact. She puts her hand back on the steering wheel and sighs.
"Olivia, have you been skipping meals?"
"No," she snaps.
"Why do you think you fainted, then?"
There's a pause.
"I guess I didn't eat enough today. I was distracted with school work..."
Meredith doesn't believe her.
"Please don't tell Dad," she whispers.
"Honey, I have to tell him."
Olivia flips around to face Meredith, her eyes wide and red. "No, please don't! Please!"
Meredith is quiet. RJ's response will be punishment, but Olivia needs support.
She remembers what it was like to be a teenage girl when self-image was everything. Hell, obsessing over self-image doesn't stop once you become an adult, Meredith thinks. These women in Westport—they all crave praise and power. As if a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes or a hand-painted bathroom will give them that. It's something RJ wouldn't understand.
"I'll keep this between us," she says to her daughter. "If you promise to log everything you eat and send it to me."
Olivia exhales. "Okay."
When they get into the house, Olivia drops her lacrosse bag down and walks into the kitchen. Meredith follows behind her, flicking on the kitchen light, and finds RJ on the couch in the open living room scrolling through his iPad.
"You're home early," he says, getting off the couch. "How was the game?"
"It was good, we won," Olivia says quickly.
"Mom told me you got a lot of playing time. That's great!"
Meredith stiffens, feeling Olivia eyeing her. She bends down to pet Lemon, cringing as she waits for her lies to catch up to her.
Olivia answers. "Yeah, I got a lot of playing time."
Meredith exhales with relief.
It doesn't take long after that for Olivia to make her usual "I need to shower and/or do homework" excuse to go to her room. Meredith follows her up. She holds the door open as Olivia tries to close it, spooking her.
"What the f—!" she starts to say.
Meredith ignores the swear and pulls out Olivia's phone from her back pocket. Olivia looks at it like it's solid gold and snatches it.
"Hey," Meredith leans against the doorframe and says in a stage whisper, "Thank you for covering for me."
Olivia looks up from her phone and shrugs. "It's okay." She points at Meredith's stomach. "You've got a huge stain on your shirt, by the way." She makes a disgusted face.
Meredith looks down at it. "I know."
"What's it from?"
"Beer."
"Beer?" Olivia makes another disgusted face.
Meredith smiles. She looks at Olivia and suddenly sees herself as a teenage girl. The first time she tried beer, she spit it out in disgust and it sprayed all over the boy she had a crush on.
"What's so funny?" Olivia asks.
"Nothing." Meredith wraps her arms around Olivia and hugs her.
"Ew, don't get beer on me!" Olivia squeals. She wiggles out of the hug and starts wiping her shirt as if Meredith has given her fleas.
Meredith starts laughing.
"You're so weird," Olivia says, trying to hide her own smile. "I need to shower." She puts a hand on the door and slowly starts to close it.
"Yeah you do. You smell like a gym locker." Meredith smirks.
Olivia gasps, "Mo-om!" She swats her hand, lightly smacking Meredith's shoulder.
"Goodnight," Meredith singsongs.
Olivia smiles and rolls her eyes. "Night, Mom."