Word was sent today that we should all come to town. This doesn't feel like it's going to be a good trip.
Patrick and Armstrong escorted me to town, while the uncles stayed behind with the others and my children. I haven't received one word from Oliver since he left.
We visited the mercantile first to load up on supplies. Everyone was talking about the Second battle at Bull Run. I know my husband missed it because he was home. I climbed back into the wagon, then we stopped in front of the church and Armstrong offered me his hand. I took it so I might resemble a lady, then held my head high as I entered the church. Everyone was nervous, as a Union soldier stood at the front of the church. I noticed papers posted on the far right corner.
"Ladies and gentleman if I may have your attention." The union officer stood. "I've gathered you all here to deliver news of the Maryland campaign. This does involve most Indiana Regiments.
The Union Army has been engaged twice in the passing weeks. Your loved ones engaged in the bloodiest battle to date at the Antietam Creek. The last two battles have cost the Union over 12,000 casualties."
Everyone started talking and some crying.
"Please, calm down and let me speak. Our Union is still strong. Not all of those soldiers are Indiana regiments. I have posted what we know so far. On the wall I have the dead on one list, injured on another, and the missing on the last one. These are only Indiana soldiers. Please do not rush up. I will allow one row at a time to check the rosters. If your loved ones aren't listed, it means they are accounted for and did not parish."
My body was numb. I have three brothers, two brother-in-laws, my father, and my husband, and chances are at least one is listed.
My hands shake as I heard women screaming as they read the rosters. Mr. and Mrs. Cooners son is dead, that I can see from their emotions. I saw in the corner of my eye, Claudine, as she sat stone cold and stared. She was brought back down here by George and Gladys Bastian, who have a particular dislike for me. They shouldn't be here. Their son fights for the confederacy.
Armstrong helped me up to the rosters. First I check the missing, and none of my family is listed.
I checked the injured, and found Luis Chapman and Jeremiah Foster. Note beside said, released. Patrick said they'll be sent home.
I checked casualties and that's when I saw the names.
Asa Chapman
Asa Chapman II
My body went limp, but Patrick held me up. My husband's name is not listed, but my father and brother are dead. I asked Armstrong to check all the lists again, and nobody else was listed.
Patrick held me up, even with his unstable wooden leg, until Armstrong picked me up and carried me outside.
"Daddy." I cried, and Armstrong just held me tight. "Mrs. Westlake?" I was approached by the Union Soldier.
"I fought beside your husband, and he is a brave man. He asked me to tell you that he is uninjured, and he is very sorry for your losses. He has requested that you stay strong, and says he will be here the minute this war is over. There is a paper shortage at the moment, and we are waiting for more provisions. I was sent personally to deliver the news to this town, and when your brother is well again, he is being sent home indefinately. He will make a full recovery. The same was said about a Mr. Forester. Again ma'am, you have my condolences. Oh, one last thing. Your husband said.. well ma'am, I don't think he wants you to be riding your horse any longer. I'm not sure why, but he said no astride or side saddle till he arrives. Perhaps he's worried for your safety?"
I couldn't even muster a smile at my husband horrible attempt at a joke.
I tried to hold myself together to look brave for the man, but it didn't work. Armstrong held me in his arms the entire ride home. Telling Mae will not be easy.
Patrick stopped the wagon halfway home so I could vomit. Armstrong tried to help, but I fell to my hand and knees emptying my stomach.
I saw Patrick fight his own emotions. He has no way of knowing if the people he knew growing up has survived this war.
"I'm so tired Armstrong." I curled up in his arms on the side of the dirt path. "It's never going to end."
I got sick again before sitting up. "I'm with child."
He took a deep breath. I'm aware of his temporary hatred of his cousin, but someday soon we will talk.
"Naomi." He just pulled me in close and let me cry.
"We want this baby Armstrong. I begged him to give me this child. Now my father and brother will never know this one. Oliver may never return."
I haven't told anyone of this baby. I haven't even written Oliver about it, because I don't believe he gets my letters anymore.
"Oliver never meant to hurt me. Please forgive him. He was acting on his own guilt."
"Guilt for what? He hurt you, and I hate to think what he was doing to you, Naomi. I need to know if he raped you."
"He was out of his mind. He stopped, there's no way for you to understand. Please don't hate him any longer, I can't bare it anymore. It's between myself and my husband. This child was created out of love, and that's all you need to know. I never want to speak of this again. Please tell me you forgive him."
He sighed. "Only because I trust you."