It wasn't until nearly a year later when the institute gave Louis the 'all clear' after they had found out about his suicide attempts and he finally, after the ever so long wait, was packing his old suitcase, filling it with the same clothes he came here with. Okay, that's a lie. Some of Harry's shirts might have found their way in somehow, but that's only because they were comfortable and looked like they belonged in there.
"Do you need any help?" Harry asked with his head popping through the doorway, probably on his way to help some patient.
"No, thank you," Louis signed and sent the younger boy a small smile, waving him off, because Harry got himself a full time job at the institute and Janet had not given him a seconds worth of rest ever since. And Louis was scared to bring it up, but Harry really should find a different job with his astonishing university degree.
"Are you sure?" The sight of Harry biting his lip had Louis weak at the knees but after months of getting used to it, he managed to stay upright and not fall on his knees (no pun intended).
So Louis nodded, not wanting to keep Harry from his job any longer and folded his sweat pants into the open suitcase. It was beginning to fill up quicker than he expected and soon, the room was almost empty, aside from the bigger things like his warm blanket or his comfortable pillow.
His phone rung quietly from its' place on the desk and as soon as Louis finished folding everything, he walked up to it and opened the new text message from his mum.
Don't get Jay wrong, she really wanted to help Louis out with the packing and overall be there, but Louis insisted that he would be fine, nearing the age of twenty four he was sure he could do some things himself.
Harry also promised Jay to take great care of him and boy, that was his plan. He already made extra space available in his wardrobe, filled up his cupboards with Louis' favourite cereal and jars of almond butter, bought Louis' favourite shampoo just in case he didn't want to share, made sure that there were enough pillows for the two of them, all ready for Louis to move in.
Jay's mum sent some of Louis' old stuff to Harry's relatively new apartment already and it was becoming more and more real for everyone around them.
Sure, they haven't slept with each other and have admitted their love for each other only a year ago but they wanted to live together and nothing could stop them. Louis loved feeling safe while around Harry and Harry loved being Louis' anchor.
Funnily enough, Louis had only seen the apartment once, and that was before Harry managed to move in, so it was empty and lifeless and he couldn't be more nervous but excited at the same time to enter the flat and explore.
Harry met Louis in his room about two and a half hours later, coat already in his hands, "Ready?" he reached his hand out to Louis who grabbed it. He pulled his suitcase behind him as the pair made their way down to the office for the very last time and Louis' heart could not stop beating fast.
"You okay?" Harry questioned and when Louis nodded, he pressed a kiss against his forehead just in case.
When they finally reached the apartment in Harry's old car, Louis took a deep breath in because this, this was the start of something new. Harry had already opened the boot and proceeded to take Louis' suitcase out meanwhile Louis himself had his eyes closed, desperately trying to relax.
A light knock on the window caused his eyes to open and Harry gave him the thumbs up while smiling with those fucking adorable dimples and Louis nodded in response. It was going to be okay, yeah.
They walked up two flights of stairs, hand in hand and only stopped once they reached the front door.
"You ready?" Harry asked, taking the set of keys from his trouser pocket.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Louis signed.
The door opened and Louis took a deep breath in once again, getting a whiff of the flat and it smelt nice and homey and the hand at the bottom of Louis' back pushed him a little forward so that Harry could close the door behind them and stop the cold from entering the space.
Harry grabbed hold of Louis' hands in his own, cold from the weather and smiled down at his boyfriend. Louis stood on his toes and soon enough, their lips pressed together in a soft kiss and it was all they needed to warm up after their short time spent in the outside air.
Louis gasped softly when he felt something press up against his ankle and looked at Harry with confusing eyes; Harry just smiled.
Louis looked down with his eyebrows furrowed only to see a small ball of grey rubbing their head against one of his shins, small purrs erupting from the back of its' throat and a tiny little meow captivated his attention when the ball of fluff looked right at Louis. His mouth opened slightly and he knelt down in front of the cat, lifting one of his hands up to stroke its fur carefully.
"This is Shadow," Harry sat down on the floor next to Louis and the cat, "Surprise!"
Louis didn't bother to look at Harry and thank him for the surprise but instead lifted the cat and pressed it against his chest in attempt to cuddle with it.
"I only got him a week ago, he's still a kitten and I thought you'd like something cuddly," Harry pressed a kiss against Louis' cheek and Louis couldn't do anything but smile and beam with happiness.
-
So yeah, Louis didn't feel like everything was perfect, but it was nice and loving and he had Harry and Shadow and he liked it. He didn't need anything 'perfect' to please him. Sure, he still felt down on a regular basis, sometimes took one tablet too many, but Harry was always there to comfort him, to make him eat and drink, to rub his back if he felt the need to throw up.
As Louis stood in their shared bathroom, facing the mirror, he popped open his bottle of pills and swallowed one dry; why not? He was used to doing so anyway. He placed the bottle back at the far end of the cupboard, accidentally knocking over a smaller pot which stood right next to it.
He bought it closer to himself and lifted the lid. He wasn't surprised as to what was in there because he knew where his blade was, Harry didn't, but whatever, it didn't matter. He just needed the reassurance of it being there. After a couple of minutes, he had enough and put the lid back on, placing the pot back where it belonged; he wasn't ready to throw it away just yet.
Two familiar knocks sounded from the closed bathroom door and Louis bit his lip.
"You okay in there?" Harry asked and Louis walked up to the door and unlocked it. Harry was stood right in front of him with Shadow right by his leg and Louis simply felt like throwing himself at his boyfriend so he did.
He wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and Harry had to catch his balance but once he did, he wrapped his arms around Louis' waist and placed his head in the crook of Louis' neck.
That was all Louis needed to survive; Harry's love.
*
If you're going through depression, self harm or anything touched upon in this story, stay strong; I know it's hard. I love you.
Thank you, I love you guys.