Hayden's pov
"Then make me, " I growled,"because i bet you wouldn't understand how much pain im in."They give me a weird look."What if im a bad mate?What if im a bad parent to our pups?What if im a bad Luna?All through the month i missed, All the what ifs dawned on me.Nobody answered them i just had to guess but my guesses never sounded right.When i woke up i just wanted to hold you and kiss you but then they dawned on me again making me angry at you.What if you regret marking me?What if im not ready when i turn 16?Your wolves already don't like that you guys haven't mated with me...what if i make them wait more?I-I, "I began panicking and tears fell from my eyes, " What if you mark me and realize you would rather die than stay mated to me?I am not just a pretty face.Im broken and probably...i wont ever be fixed properly.What if you hate how i look when we start aging."They growled.I looked up at them."What if you never want to mate me?What if you regret it all?What if-, "I was cut off when Tate pulled me into his chest as i sobbed.
" I'm sorry that we didn't know you were feeling this way...we should have known, "Tanner rubbed circles on my back.
"you wont be a bad mate.The pups will love you.The pack will love you no matter what.We wont regret marking you.If your not ready at 16 we'll wait.They will wait forever and so will we.We would never think that way.We would never hate how you look ever even if you don't have a face.We love you so much and nothing will ever change that, " Travis cooed.I whimpered and buried my face further in Tate's chest.We just stood there in silence.
Time skip
I sat up and snuck out of bed making sure i didn't wake up my mates.I scurried to the bathroom on the 3rd floor.I quickly locked he door and slid down it.I searched the hoodie pockets for the blade i slipped in there.
(Warning)
I slid down my sleeve and looked at my skin.I traced it with my finger.I let the cold metal sit on my skin before pressing down and sliding it down my wrist.I let the what ifs flood my head as i ignored Hunter and Holden's pleads.One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...I looked at the pile of blood then back at the deep cuts."One more, "I groaned and lifted the blade up and cut into my skin as i turned my tan skin into stained blood.I chuckled and set the blade down." I guess this is what my old man meant, "I chuckled.I stood up and grabbed the medical kit.
When i was finished, I walked down to the first floor and opened the fridge.I grabbed a water and chugged it down.I felt dizzy but i ignored it.I walked over to the stairs and began climbing them.
" Hayden why are you up at this hour, "Jacob asked.
" Oh i wanted some water, "I smiled.
" Your lying, "He pouted.
" You were always the one to tell if i was or not..unlike everyone else, "I sighed and sat on the step.
" Your hurt, "He whimpered.
" No im fine just tired, "I sighed.
" Now your half lying, "He growled.
" Just drop it jacob and go to bed, "I snarled.He whimpered at my actions." I-im sorry,"I whimpered.
"you started again didn't you, "He cried.I shook my head.
" No..i almost did but didn't.This was from fishing with a bear, "I chuckled.I wiped his tears away.He nodded his head and began walking back to his room.I let out a big sigh.