AN: MAJOR FILLER ALERT WEEEOOO WEEWOOO WEEWOOO but I'm gonna update again real soon (hopefully) :D
-
I walked up the steps to school that Monday morning, fearing the same things that I usually fear. It feels like it's been ages since I could easily walk up to shool and be comfortable with it, but I guess it's just different now. I'm scared of people looking at me and staring at me, only to see the things that they assume about me and the things that aren't true. Apparently, from what Luke has told me, the words spread around about me have only increased since my fight with Michael. I don't know what I did; I didn't mean to do anything to upset all the people I don't even know. I try not to pay attention to it, but I still always have that burning feeling on the back of my neck that every pair of eyes in the world are staring me down and waiting for me to fail.
My first instinct was to look for Brooke, since I haven't seen or even made any contact with her since Friday night. I tried to text her a few times, but she never replied. That's alright, though.
I stood in the middle of the courtyard, with a sea of other arriving students surrounding me. That's another thing; I always just feel so surrounded and cramped when I'm around all these people. I feel like its like we're all trapped inside of a box; but my own box is my own thoughts.
"Ashton." I perked my hearing up to the sound of a voice calling out to me. I instantly knew who it was, but I wasn't going to be rude enough to just walk away and pretend I didn't hear her. I spun around to see none other than Jessie, quickly making her way over here. She looked how she usually does now a days, with ordinary clothes on and just a little bit of make up on her face. It's a huge step from how she used to dress, and I personally think it looks prettier on her that way.
"H-hi," I stuttered. I still don't like her at all, but at least she's not being extremely mean to me anymore. I can't remember the last time she said I ruined her life, so thats definitely an improvement.
"Hey." she huffed, swinging her backpack to the side of her body to dig through the fromt pocket. I stood where I was, nervously swaying back and fourth on my heels. I didn't want to be around her right now, but she looked rather flustered and tired and in need of something. I wondered what she needed to talk to me about.
"Can you help me with the english homework? I didn't do any of it." she asked, pulling a crumpled up piece of paper out of her back pack. Half of me was a little saddened that she's still using me to help her with homework and stuff, but it's still better than what she used to use me for. She used to use me as a connection to get wasted, and I sadly used to let her.
"Oh," I said. "Sure." I took the paper from her and unfolded it. But, to my surprise, as my eyes scanned over it, I noticed how every single line was filled and question was answered. Actually, considering how neat the handwriting was, it looked to me like she had spent a lot of time on it. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, slowly glancing up at her. She stared back, and when her eyes flickered down to her work as well, they widened.
"Oh, U-um," she stuttered, snatching the paper back. "I'm sorry I...I didn't mean the english homework."
She began to chuckle at her self, hastily putting it away and rumaging through her back pack again. She seemed pretty uneasy and awkward, and I kind of felt the same way. She shook her head and avoided my gaze, continuing to laugh at herself as if to try and erase the embarassment. I can still remember that look she used to have whenever she would be abashed and uncomfortable, and it was easy to see it right now. "Silly me." she mumbled.
"I, uh..." Jessie said, pulling out a new piece of paper. "I mean the pre-calculus homework."
She held this new piece of paper out to me, and I grew even more confused. Also, I didn't even want to look at it. Calculus is terrifying to even look at.
"Jessie," I laughed. "I'm in geometry."
A look of worry and realization flashed through her icy blue eyes. "Oh," she said awkwardly. It almost seemed like she thought she had been caught with something, but I just didn't understamd why. "I knew that."
And without saying anything else, she turned back around and took off, speed walking in the direction that she had come from. She bumped into a few people, but she didn't even seem to notice. "Nice to see you again?" I called out to her, but she didn't look back. Soon she had disappeared into the mass of other students, and I sighed but kept walking.
I don't know why she's even talking to me at all. It seems like it's been forever since we've had an actual conversation...especially one that awkward and confusing. I don't know; she's always been kind of moody, I should still be used to it.
I turned back into the direction I was originally heading, and I scanned the area for Brooke or Luke. They're all I pretty much have left, but I'm trying to tell myself to get over than and move on. I saw Michael not too far away, 25 yards to left of me. He was facing the other way, and I was catching some sort of vibe that he knew where I was and didn't want to look at me or even face in my direction. I've always known that Michael is very stubborn and it's easy to tell when he hates a person...unfortunately, it's very clear to see he hates me.
Luckily, Luke had arrived while I was lost staring at my now ex-best friend, and I hurried over to the bench to sit down next to him. Luke was staring down at his hands, while his left foot tapped against the floor rather quickly. I know that's a pretty nervous habbit; I have the same thing sometimes. I was happy that he was here, since it felt like no one else really was right now. As I've said, I've only got about 4 people left...but one of them is about 73 years of age and the other lives across the world from me. That leaves just Brooke and Luke at this time.
"Hey." I said, slumping down next to him. Luke only shot his eyes in my direction for a seconds, before looking back down to the ground. He didn't say anything, he just replied with a hardly-noticable side smile. I scooted a few inches in the other direction; maybe I sat down too close to him or something. I stared at him and waited for him to say something, really anything...but he remained silent.
"Uh...good morning?" I tried another greeting.
"Morning." he mumbled. He looked extremely uncomfortable, and my heart began to pound. I slid away from him even more, fearful that I have done something.
"Are you alright?" I asked. My mind told me not to ask him anything since he may be angry with me, but I couldn't help it. Luke luckily sat back and rested his back against the bench, gazing out infront of us with his eyes barely able to stay open. I was getting more scared by the minute, since Luke is always in such a cheery mood.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Luke replied. He pryed his eyes away from whatever he was staring at, to meet my gaze with warmer expression on his face. "Um, sorry. I'm just a little tired."
"Why is that?" I asked, grateful that he wasn't mad at me. I don't even know why he would be, but I say that about a lot of people that hate me.
"I dunno." Luke shrugged. I could instantly tell he was bluffing, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to take any chances of upsetting him.
Luke looked around again, and when he was staring into the direction of the back enterance, he stopped. His eyes ceased moving, and they almost seemed to turn to a firey ice while he glared outward. I did the same, searching for what caught his attention and changed his whole demeanor rather quickly. My heat sank to the sight of Brooke, hastily making her way onto campus. I was more than happy that she was here, but it was pretty disheartening to see that she was the one Luke was staring at.
Brooke glanced around the area with her eyes a little wide, and I only hoped she was looking for me. I would assume that she would know where I would be, but I guess not. Unless she's looking for Leila; that would make sense too. I waited for her eyes to dart in this direction, so I could wave her over or something.
"Brooke," I called out as she got closer. Still, she hasn't looked in Luke an I's direction, so I decided to get her attention with my voice. A few moments after I spoke, Brooke froze and finally met my gaze, and I then began to wave her over. At first she didn't move; she stood still, staring at me with her eyes a little wide and worrysome. It pained me to instantly notice the tiredness in her eyes, but I will definitely make sure to know what's up...you know, if she actually comes over here. She glanced to Luke for a moment, but out of the corner of my own eyes I could see that Luke was no longer paying attention. His head was turned away from me, as well as where Brooke stood. I could feel a sense of uneasiness in the air, even worse than usual. I know he isn't fond of her, but I wished that he didn't make it as obvious as Michael does.
Finally, Brooke started making her way over here, which was a relief to me. She walked extremely slow, though, with her head down and her eyes glued to the floor. It's kind of odd, actually. Not too long ago, either of us arriving to school would be so much different. Usually, one of us would always be here, and when the other showed up we would both call out to each other and rush to greet each other with a hug and a kiss and everything. It was like we were little kids greeting their best friends. Seeing her would make my day, and I could tell she felt the same about me. But now...I know the same feelings must be there, but I guess we just found a new way to express it. This new way was quite sad..but oh well.
"Hi." she said quietly. She was now standing a few feet away from me, with her eyes still looking away. I sat back and stared at her, confused and worried about how she looked. I know her; I know her very fucking well, and I can tell whenever there is something on that beautiful mind of hers. It sucked to see, and I just wished she could sit down next to me so I could give her a hug.
"I'm..uh, I'm not sick anymore." I said, hoping the reason why she wouldn't sit next to me was because she was scared I was still sick. My temperature is fine and I feel well again.
"Oh, right." Brooke nodded, quickly taking a seat next to me. She sat on the side of me that wasn't next to Luke, while Luke was just awkwardly sitting there.
"Good m-morning." she stuttered. She looked at me for a moment, gave me a little smile, and then looked back down to her feet.
"Good morning," I said. I wondered whether I should even touch her and put my arm around her, but it looked like to me she doesn't want me to. Which is a strange thing to feel, but I just kept to myself.
"What a great morning," Luke muttered. I watched as he slowly turned his head and our direction, his harsh gaze staring right past me. "Right, Brooke?"
I could just feel Brooke freezing beside me. "Yeah," she said awkwardly. "It is a great morning."
"Good, good," Luke nodded. He then got up, swung his back pack over his shoulder, and spoke again. "Maybe you can finally open your fat mouth to make it even better."
I also froze to his words, while my eyes widened before narrowing a few moments later. Brooke said nothing, while I silently told myself not to shout at Luke to not say that. One, I had no idea what he was even talking about, and two...I don't want to piss him off. It was odd to hear him have such a harsh tone and say such a random and rude thing, but I didn't want to question it. I need Luke almost as much as I need Brooke. It made my muscles tense and my skin crawl with the looks he gave to her, but I was too shy to call him out.
Luke turned and stomped off, without saying goodbye to either of us. I then looked down to Brooke, who stared out in front of us with her eyes wide. She looked terrified, really. Her skin looked paler than usual, and her bottom lip was curled in like she was trying to get herself to not start talking... or maybe even crying. Again, my heart was pounding. This was terrible to watch. I love her smile more than anything, but I can't remember the last time I saw it.
"Am I missing something?" I asked.
"No." Brooke replied quietly. She didn't even look at me as she spoke; like she was so lost in her own thoughts but she still forced herself to talk. It was saddening.
"Oh," I nodded. I believed her, because I didn't know what else to do. "Okay."
Unfortunately, the bell rang, and everyone began to disperss to get to the first perioud of the day. I was excited 1st period was art, and luckily Brooke was in that class. She's been coming late to it a lot lately, or she would tell me she would be there soon so she could go talk to someone else, so I wasn't going to be surprised if she didn't come with me. But, she just got up and waited for me to get up as well, and without any of us saying a word we just walked to class.
Everything just felt...weird, and I didn't like it at all. I've been confused with everyone lately, and I just wished everything could go back to normal again. It sucks, it really does suck. And not knowing if it's real or my own worries and thoughts made it all even worse. Maybe it's all my fault; maybe I'm screwing everything up.
---
AN: To make this chapter more interesting, lets talk about the fact that I bought special gloves to wear to help my hands stop aching and cramping all the time so I can write more fanfiction on the daily basis. If they don't work that's going to be the worst $12 I've ever spent.
Okay you have to admit this chapter was pretty boring, but I had no idea what to do for this one. I wanted to get it posted, though, because it helps build up on other things that are coming. So thank you for reading, and I hope to update again in the next couple of days :D
If you wanna follow me on these fabulous websites, that would be amazing!!
My twitter is @illegallyirwin, and my tumblr is icelund.tumblr.com
Okay peace out have a great day(:
-Ellena