A/N: SOOOO EVEN WITH A BROKEN FINGER (don't ask) I MANAGED TO WRITE THE CHAPTER FASTER THAN I WAS GOING TO
YES I KNOW I'M AMAZING
(((:
btw
GUESS WHO WILL GO TO A THREE DAYS GRACE CONCERT IN MONDAY??? I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY I MIGHT JUST JUMP OFF A ROOF
DO WE HAVE ANY 3DG FANS HERE???????????
okay i'll just let you read the chapter
love ya
bayyyyyy
xx
Published: 2018/10/27
"What is going through your head right now, D? You don't seem to be entirely here" Matt chuckled, softly going through Draco's hair with his fingers. It was almost midnight and they were laying in Matt's bed, just finished watching a movie, Draco's head laying on Matt's arm the entire time. Draco came to Matthew right after he stormed off from the hospital and without any words just hugged him. He hated hospitals and couldn't bear being in them. And even though being in Matt's embrace wasn't as comforting as Harry's, it still made Draco feel a little bit better.
"Nothing, I'm just..tired" Draco mumbled, not wanting to tell the truth about memories with a particular human being. He couldn't shake off the feeling that Harry's presence was there, still holding his hand tightly and trying to calm him down. Draco could feel Harry's thumb, drawing circles on his palm. He could hear Harry's voice in his head. He could hear Harry's laugh.
"You are lying, Draco" Matt turned on his side so that he was now facing Draco, and stared him straight into the grey eyes. When the boy didn't answer or react to Matt's words, he understood that Draco drowned in his mind again. Matthew sighed deeply and sat up, making Draco snap back into reality.
"Is something wrong?" He sat up too, raising his eyebrow.
"Tell me about that guy with black hair and glasses, Harry" Matt bit his lip, looking down at the floor. "How long do you know each other?"
"Why do you want to know about him?" Draco asked, confused and a slightly bit nervous. Matt just shrugged and waited for an answer. "Uh, I've known him for eleven years, I think"
"Are you friends?"
Draco chuckled slightly, no matter how much that chuckle weirded out Matt. "We were enemies in school for like, six or seven years. Like, we would shout insults at each other, call each other names and all that kind of stuff.. Y'know, the usual school rivalry. But in our last year, we sort of became friends. There was some massive shit happening at out school and after that we slowly bonded. My and his friends groups mixed, and yeah.. After I moved here four years ago, we hadn't been in contact, just like with my other friends."
"How come he lives at your house now? With your other friends?" Matt looked at Draco for a short second and turned his head to the floors again.
"It's a strange and long story, actually. The short version is, we met here accidentally and they just stayed here, with me, I have no idea why, honestly. Not that I'm complaining, it's just... weird, because I hadn't seen them in so long, nor talked to them" Draco shrugged.
"Were you just friends with Harry or there was something you're not saying me, hm?" He raised an eyebrow, making Draco curse in his mind. You could not lie to this guy, unless you were really skilled at it. That was one thing he had in common with Pansy. Usually, Draco could lie to anyone he knew. But having mental holes in his head made him weaker.
Draco sighed sharply. "We were dating for a half a year. Not publicly, only our close friends knew. We would just... hang out in our dorm, share small kisses between classes, when no one was watching.." He explained, a small smile forming in his face and disappearing, as he added another sentence. "But then I had to leave him. Things didn't really work out"
"You still think of him, don't you?" Matthew asked after an awkward pause.
"Everyday" Draco muttered in reply, without managing to stop himself.
Matt just shook his head slightly. "I think we should break up"
Draco's eyes widened. Even though deep down he knew that this wasn't going to work out, hearing those words out loud was more than unexpected. He stared at Matt with a bemused look and couldn't say a word. "It wasn't hard for me to notice that you miss him, y'know. You're different when the situation is involving him. For example, five minutes ago. When we were talking about him, I finally heard your laugh or saw your smile." Matthew shrugged, sounding way more down than usual. "He looks at you every time he thinks you're not paying attention. How did you not actually notice that? Oh, cause you are avoiding his eyes."
"Matt.."
"What? it's not like I am wrong or something. You love him. And he clearly loves you back" Matt breathed out, without any hope, that he might be wrong in his voice. "Let's end everything now. Even if we don't, we're going to break up eventually. I don't want to stand in your way or something, no matter how upset would that make me, because I really like you, Draco. But.." He faked a chuckle. "You're not mine. You'll never be. Make things up with him and don't worry about me. I just want you to be happy, even if it wouldn't be with me. Being with someone who doesn't love you or with someone you don't love isn't a good thing.."
"Bloody Hufflepuff"
"What? What's a-"
"Nothing, don't mind it." Draco muttered, cutting the other boy off and scratched the back of his neck, as he barked out a slight chuckle. "Okay, this is awkward"
Matt just shrugged again and stood up, his face fading into a sorrowful expression. "Let's go. I'm going to take you home"
"Wait" Draco said sheepishly, making Matt turn around and look at him with a questioning look. "How do you know that much about this kind of stuff? How could you tell that I was lying? How could you tell that I was having problems?"
Matt sighed and lowered his gaze. "When.. Eleanor.. became mentally sick, I begged our parents to just take her to the psychologist, but they turned me down. I begged and begged and begged, but.. They just ignored me. Our parents couldn't really stand her, just because she was born a daughter. They always wanted to have a perfect son to show off to their friends. And I was the Golden Boy at first. Then I stopped, and because they couldn't force me to come back to being their perfect son, mom got pregnant again. This time, Eleanor, or Nellie, as I would call her, was born. The look on my parents faces was.... horrible. They loathed her just because she was a girl. They couldn't stand having a daughter and a rebel son, so they tried again. And after a year my little brother Tristan, a.k.a, a real kiss-ass and the perfect son, was born." Matthew shrugged and ran his fingers through his hair before continuing. "I knew that I'll have to take care of Nellie, and I started reading books about psychology, anxiety and depression. I tried to help her. But I just.. couldn't do enough, and I hate myself so much for that"
Once Matthew finished, he raised his hand and rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe away the upcoming tears. Draco stood up and quickly wrapped his arms around the other guy, pulling him into the comforting hug. "I'm sure you done what you could've. And I know that Eleanor is thankful for that"
•••
"Didn't stay the night, I see" A deep voice came from the kitchen. Draco, who had just locked the doors, took his shoes off and walked towards the sound with another cigarette in his mouth. He saw Harry-obviously-it-had-to-be-him-didn't-it-Potter standing in the kitchen with his pyjamas. Green eyes behind the glasses looked weirdly awake. The black hair messy as usual, some little bangs fallen onto Harry's face. Pink lips pressed together, as he was staring at the other boy.
Draco leaned against the wall and looked at Harry, while breathing out the nicotine. Just at that time, a small smile started to form in his face. "Happy birthday", he muttered, as his smile grew bigger.
Harry blinked a few times surprised and threw a look at the calendar, hanging onto the kitchen wall. Indeed, it was his birthday. He couldn't feel more surprised and delighted, that Draco remembered it, when Harry himself forgot. Harry smiled softly and turned to Draco again, nodding. "Thanks" Even though Harry wanted to hug Draco tightly, he had to settle with a nod now.
"I should go get your present" Draco put the cigarette between his teeth again. "You got me a gift?" Harry's shocked voice made him chuckle for a second.
"Yeah, well it's not technically a gift, it's just... something that will leave you surprised" Draco shrugged and turned to the door. "I just need to Apparate somewhere and get it" Harry's expression changed instantly as he grabbed Draco by his elbow. "What the hell?"
"Are you going to walk out of the house and disappear?" Harry raised his eyebrow. "I'm not letting you do this. Not again"
"I'm not going to run away" Draco frowned, trying not to show how much Harry's acts affected him. "Just let me go"
"No. If you're really aren't going to vanish from our lives again, you won't mind me going with you" Harry said in a serious tone, his hand still holding Draco's elbow.
Draco bit his lip, thoughts racing through his head. He understood, that there was no way that Harry would let him go and honestly, Draco didn't really want that. "Fine" He sighed. Harry relaxed and followed Draco into his backyard with a small smile, before taking Draco's hand again and Apparating.
Once Harry felt that they're already in place where they had to be, he opened his eyes. They were standing next to the lake with a small wood bridge. It's shores were filled with reeds and white lilies, almost invisible in the dark. Behind them, Harry saw a little wooden one-store house, with small windows and a chimney. Huge dark trees were surrounding that little field and Harry could hear an owl hooting in them and cicadas and crickets chirping around.
"Where are we?" He breathed out. Draco didn't answer, he just walked towards the house and unlocked it with a flick of a wand, before disappearing. Harry, still with his mouth open, saw light and movement appearing in the windows. His bare foots started followed Draco, and Harry was surprised when the inside matched the house's outside. He saw a medium sized living room, with a soft red sofa and two armchairs around a small, wooden coffee table next to the fireplace, made out of bricks. A few shelves on the walls were filled with books or small plants, one had a framed photo, but Harry was standing too far away to see what was in it.
Curiosity draw his attention to another room, which turned out to be a kitchen. While walking in, Harry noticed a table, which was quite too big for this house. A small fridge, sink, shelves and counters, along with a cactus on the table completed the kitchen and left Harry in an awe of this house's cozyness. He could feel magic here even more than he did in Draco's usual house.
Draco, walking into the kitchen, holding something behind his back, intrigued Harry and he smirked, remembering the reason they were in this strange and yet interesting place. "What do you have in there?"
Draco sighed and stretched out his arm, giving Harry a familiar looking red clothing. Harry gaped as he took the material. "Is that.."
"Yeah"
Harry slowly folded it out, like it had been the most fragile thing in the world. He saw a red jumper with a golden number 'seven' with his surname above it. It was an old Harry's Quidditch sweater. The one that Draco was always wearing when they were alone in their dorm. And the one that Draco had kept to himself, apparently. Even if it had been washed, it still had Draco's smell in it, and having something, that reminded him of Quidditch and also had a part of Draco inside of it made Harry smile. He pressed the jumper to his chest and looked up at Draco. Harry smirked, as one crazy thought built up in his head and he threw a jumper at Draco.
"Oi, what the hell?" The other lad asked in shock and frowned his light eyebrows.
"Put it on."
"What?"
"Put. It. On," Harry slowly repeated, making a pause after each word. His smirk faded into a small smile, as he took a step closer to Draco. Draco, who was still standing, not really understanding why would Harry want this, swallowed. He slowly picked the jumper up from the floor and looked at it. "Please," Harry said when Draco stood still without moving.
He glanced at Harry for a second, before inhaling deeply and putting it on. All the memories reached his head again, as the soft material slid down Draco's pale skin and covered the top part of his anorexic body. Standing like this in front of Harry made him feel like the old times were back. Almost. His hands started shaking, he felt nervous and scared as he was trying to force himself to look up at Harry. And when he did, he saw Harry coming closer slowly, with a lust and awe sprinkling in his eyes.
"You're so beautiful," He whispered, now standing only half a foot from Draco. "God, how did I even lived without you these past four years, Draco ?" He added, and Draco shivered. He loved the way his name rolled off Harry's tongue and disappeared into the air.
"Harry..."
"I tried to move on, but I just couldn't. There was always something reminding me of you. I even started talking to myself at night, while looking at the sky. Hoping, that you'll somehow hear me, or at least feel, that I'm talking to you. I didn't.. I didn't even knew if you were alive," Harry tried to laugh. "After hearing your song I wanted to just drown myself somewhere. I felt so guilty, for making you feel unloved, for not showing how much I actually need you. I said that I want a calm life, but that isn't true. I thought that after everything that happened, having a little bit of serenity would be good, but that's never going to happen, is it? And my life would be so much better, if I would have you in it, whether it would be peaceful or not. Unfortunately, I understood that too late."
"Harry.."
"I missed you. I missed you so much, that I think I would've gone mad without Ron and Hermione trying to get me function normally again. I don't even remember feeling truly happy after the day you left. And now.. you're standing in front of me, with my jumper on, just like we would be in our old dorm again. Right now I just want to kiss you. I did since the day we came here. I want to kiss you so badly, that I don't even care that you have a boyfriend waiting for you. I just..."
"Harry.."
"And I see that you're happy with Matthew and I do want to stand back but I just can't, okay? I see how much he likes you, and that you two became close after this short amount of time just shows that you have to be together. But I just can't get you out of my head. Out of my mind, or my heart. I'm thinking about you everyday, as I did these four years, more even. And every time I see you together I want to just kiss you as hard as possible, to show him that you're mine, to show him, what he can never have, but the thing is, I'm too late. I'm too bloody late, and I hate myself so much for it. And you just look better with him, he helps you and I just.. you came back so happy today after being with him and.. Shit, Draco I.."
"We broke up" Draco exhaled.
"W-what?"
"Me and Matt. That's why I came back happy. I just.. felt relieved. Even though it looked like everything was alright, it just didn't feel right to me and he noticed it," Draco shrugged looked into Harry's green eyes with a small smile. "Thought you should know."
Harry cupped Draco's white cheeks with his hands and stared straight at him. Draco felt, how his eyes had started to tear up. He put his palm onto Harry's and breathed heavily. "Harry.."
"Don't say anything."
Then, just like some invisible force would have pushed them, both lads leaned in and their lips jointed. It was a deep long kiss, filled with feelings, emotions and unspoken words. It was like the make up for these four years living without each other. Draco felt a tear roll down his face and come between their lips, when he realized that he missed Harry even more than he was saying to himself. Through the kiss, both of them just fell into each other's embrace, arms wrapped around each other, chests and lips pressed together hardly. When the need of air had to stop them, Harry broke off the kiss for a split second, looking Draco in the eyes, before pressing his mouth onto Draco's again for a short kiss. And one more. And one more. And one more.
Harry picked up Draco, feeling how blonde's skinny legs wraps around his waist, and sat him on the table, trying to ignore the fact that Draco now weighed much less then he was used to. His lips left Draco's and started tracing kisses on Draco's skin. Draco jerked his head back and started laughing, his hands finding their way into the messy black hair. He laughed, while Harry's mouth was attacking his throat, placing kisses on his sharp jaw or behind the ears.
He smiled into the kisses, when Harry's lips went up and pressed against his own. Or when they touched his neck again. Or when he felt tears stream down his cheeks. Or when he felt Harry's thumb tracing softly through them and wiping the salty water again. Or when Harry had stopped for a few seconds, just so his green eyes could stare at Draco's grey ones.
He couldn't stop smiling, when he felt a massive stone roll down from his chest and allowing him to breath again. When he felt how his heart started beating again. He couldn't stop smiling, when he finally felt all the holes inside of him vanish. He couldn't stop smiling, when he started feeling like whole again.
And later, when Draco was lying naked in the bed, smiling at sleeping Harry and softly petting his messy hair, he looked up at the sky with only one thought in his head,
please
don't
let
this
be
a
dream