It seems that I've been trapped in this never ending dream.
Waking up only to find myself paralyzed.
It's hard to wake up.
The ice is screaming for my name, the fate I have has been crawling for too long.
When are you going to stand up?
When are you going to speak up?
In this world, you can either be the predator or the prey.
To have, you must loose.
To smile, you must cry.
Before you say I'm wrong, before you say I'm inconvenient, please listen to this silent voice.
Because you see...
'To wake up, you must fall asleep.'
***********
"Ah! Yurio! (Y/N)!"
We turn around to see Viktor waving like no tomorrow at us.
Yuri rolls his eyes as I grin and reply with a wave.
Behind, Yuuri steps out. As soon as he sees me, he shares a gentle smile.
I force it once again.
I glance back at Yuri who seemed to be suddenly spacing out. I look at his direction, only to meet Karui's expressionless figure seated beside Mia.
"(Y/N)?" Both Yuri and I spin around, facing Logan. "Ah? (Y/N), are you into skating too?"
I look away.
Yuri stands up and shoves him with one arm, "Get lost."
"Hey, hey, chill man—"
I guess out of embarrassment, I took Yuri's arm and dragged him inside the break room. Logan followed behind, puzzled. Coincidently, it's where Mia and Karui decided to hang out.
We were stuck in the middle.
Mia was then swooning over Logan, and as I was looking over to Yuri for support, I've realized Karui already took him away to the outside.
I didn't see him until warm ups.
*******
Throughout the practice, he seemed troubled.
His jumps were also a mess.
'I wonder what Karui said to him.'
His grandpa said he wouldn't be able to make it here today.
All these issues shaped his day, most importantly, his short program.
*******
It didn't go so well.
His agape was replaced with frustration.
He wasn't happy at all.
He lost to the Katsudon for today.
Nikolai said he wouldn't be able to pick us up and June was at a meeting out of state, so she wouldn't be back till midnight.
We had to walk home under the snow.
*******
"That damn Pig!" He exclaims, "That damn old man! Freaking letting Katsudon have Yakov as his coach! Don't joke around with me!"
You sigh but chuckle at the same time.
He stops to acknowledge your expression. He debates with himself whether or not to tell you something.
'One lie can ruin a thousand truths.'
"Hey, mute." He mumbles, you halt, "Karui and I knew each other."
Your eyes soften, "I knew that." You reply with an even quieter voice.
"Huh? How?"
"Logan told me."
The deafening silence was ruined by the breathing of the wind.
You reach out to the falling flakes of purity, "The snow is really pretty." You whisper, glancing upon the melting sphere in your hands, "but it's beauty only remains within a mere second before it's gone forever."
"Mute, I—"
"Nevertheless, it's still a view."
"Mute, Karui sai—"
"Like loving someone who might disappear."
"(Y/N)," you turn around, "Karui said she likes me."
...
...
...
...
...
...
You burst out laughing, he was confused.
"Go out with her." you reply containing your laughter.
"But—Like, I have practices and it'll slow me down if I have a girlfriend! Plus, my fan girls will go absolutely crazy!"
"Do you like her?"
He pauses, but replies more dedicated than ever, "Yeah."
"Then, follow your heart!"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Whatever your heart says, do whatever it tells you!"
"This is so cliche..."
"It's cliche because it's real."
"But still—"
"Don't think about it too much." You pat his back.
...
...
...
"Mute, you're awfully talkative today."
Your face heats up, 'did I say too much?'
"Well, Karui wanted an answer, but I guess I kinda chickened out at that moment. I didn't know what to say."
...
...
"Let's—Let's get something to eat!"
You pull him towards the nearest 24/7 store.
*******
"Here," He hands me a bag of Pirozhki, "it's not as good as grandpa's, so too bad."
It's true, it wasn't the worst, but it cannot at all compete with Nikolai's cooking.
We both suddenly receive a face of relief.
Someone's footsteps stoped behind us, we snap back and assume it was a burglar, but it was really just Karui.
Wait.
"Karui?!"
********* listen till the end for a better experience*****
You and Yuri walked together with Karui to her home, the whole way, none of you were comfortable.
Soon, you arrive at her house.
You decided not to be the awkward third wheel and walked off, nudging Yuri forward before hiding behind a fence.
"Um..."
"Yuri, I'm sorry to have troubled you."
"No! It's uh, fine...um, you're getting better at speaking now..."
Karui nods.
"Um, about before..." Yuri scratched his neck.
"I understand if you would like to reject me, after all, I was being an idiot for doing so to you first."
"No, to be honest, I've thought about it."
"You have?"
"I...think I Like you too." Yuri's tone was rather uncertain. His voice seemed shaky, not because he was scared about being awkward, but being scared about making the wrong decision.
Karui smiles and grabbed his hand, "I'm sorry about before, but, I hope we can put them aside."
You peeked through the fence to see their faces move in closer to another until it touched.
That second, your heart dropped. You didn't hold onto it, it slipped from your grasp and broke into a trillion pieces.
It hurt.
A lot.
'Was there a mistake?'
'Was something not right?'
Without realizing, your hands reached towards your mouth, muffling the ugly cries hiding behind that fake smile.
Your eyes squinted, barely able to see through anything as you slid down onto the cushion of snow.
Yuri glances over to see if you were there, maybe giving him a signal of 'good job'. But you were nowhere to be found.
The bottle containing you slowly cracked open.
********
Ah, I used my voice.
I used me voice?
No, I can't.
I can't.
What have I said?
Why?
Why did I tell Yuri to go out with her?
Why did I say everything?
Why does it ache so much?
When I finally thought I could use my voice, I messed up again.
Why do I keep messing up?
I might as well wake up for the first time, to see that everything was just an unfaithful and nostalgic dream.
But I know, I'm already awake.
I can never fall back asleep again.
Voice, To be continued.