I get out of the elevator on the main floor. I head directly to the front office to talk to Sophie. She doesn't recognise me, but yet she weirdly does after a moment.
"Sophie? It's me, Grace. Would you follow me to the restroom, quickly?" I lean over the desk and tell her.
I don't even wait and look to see if she follows me. I need my friend. I have enough of these games. I want the truth. And I need to get out of my disguise for that.
I get into the restroom and look at myself in the mirror. I realise that I don't know much about Marcel. He knows all about my life with Steeve, our ups and downs. He knows about my brothers, my family. He knows all of my very dear friends and I barely know a thing about him. It was my concern yesterday.
I take off my sunglasses and my wig. I put them all on the counter. I untie my hair and let them free on my shoulders. I take off the cardigan to throw the cellophane around my chest in the bin. I button up my shirt and let my curves show. I take off Marcel's shoes and roll the bottom of the pants he lended me to make the outfit more feminine.
Sophie gets in the restroom with a disturbed grin. She looks for me for two seconds and then sets her eyes on me by the counter.
"What is happening? Why were you dressed as a man?" She rushes her questions as she seems worried about me and I am so emotionally conflicted that tears rush into my eyes.
"I always wanted to pretend to be one for a day... And Marcel embraced that. He introduced me to his mother as a man. He doesn't care what anyone thinks of him..." I smile despite of my tears and wipe them quickly as I look away.
"Then what's the problem? Why are you crying?" She steps closer and rubs her hand on my back as she looks at me through the mirror in front of us. Her tone is so supportive, it takes a lot of efforts to straighten my thoughts to really get to the bottom of why I suddenly feel shattered like that.
"What can you tell me about an old employee named Kate?" I ask her with an imploring voice that sounds more desperate than I would have wanted.
"She worked here way before I got here. She was Andrew's associate for a few years. She was an Editor here. I don't know her that much, but I know her name isn't always welcome around here. I don't know what happened, but I don't think Edith likes her very well. I know Marcel became her associate for some time. I think one woman was jealous of the other or something and everything turned bad... At least that's what I heard from Paul. Which isn't the most reliable source in the world. Why?" She says and I am stunned at how I didn't even know that Marcel's father was named Andrew. It troubles me that such a simple information was unknown to me.
"Nothing. Her name was brought up in a conversation we had with Edith upstairs. I was just wondering..."
"Grace, as much as I love you, I know how a terrible liar you are. Tell me everything." She coos me sweetly and I adore her support. I sit on the counter and she joins me as I tell her about everything I have realised minutes ago.
I tell her about Marcel and Kate's liaison and how blindly in love he was with her. I keep to myself all the BDSM details that would be too long to explain. I just want her to know what she thinks about this whole situation and how should I see things. I feel too overwhelmed to think rationally about all of this information.
"What do you think about it?"
"Honestly Grace, I don't know... She's a part of his past, however fucking weird this relationship is. You shouldn't worry about that."
"But you don't understand... He still sees her. He was supposed to meet her this morning, but he decided to bail on her last minute because of me. He would have met with her if I hadn't told him that I love him last night..."
"What?! You love him?"
"I do. It hit me last night when he came over. I know it's quick, but Soph... I have never felt that way with anyone before. He makes me feel everything so damn deeply. When he kisses me, I feel like I am floating. When he pisses me off, I feel a profound rage. When he looks at me, I feel like the only woman in the world. And when he says he loves me, I feel all the passion in the universe burning inside of me. He is a mess. She broke him, like you can't even imagine. But I love him that way. We are finding ourselves with each other." I try to explain myself, even though I don't need to. My pace is quick and I so desperately want her to see him the way I do. But it all comes to what I feel towards him that is important... "I never thought there was somebody out there who would match me so perfectly. It's almost too good to be true. I remind myself that everyday."
"You are the most romantic and the most quirky woman I know. Do you know that?" She giggles slightly to how intense I am behaving, but she doesn't laugh at me. "But I get everything you say. With seven billion people around the world, how can you expect to find your soulmate at the end of the street?"
"Do you feel that way with Lucas?"
"Yes, I do. It might not always seem that way, but he triggers something in me. We get each other. He acts crazy, I act crazy, but we love each other and we'll never doubt that. It's because we have such a profound connection that we let ourselves act that crazy around each other. And he comes from Australia... Never would I have thought that I would be saying all this cheesy stuff, but maybe that's just what you bring out of me." She brightly smiles at me and wraps her arm around my shoulder to pull me in a hug.
"What do you think I should do?" I look into her eyes and I feel so terribly lucky to have her by my side through everything I've been through since I first got here.
"You should let him explain the situation. Now, you are freaking out on your own deductions. If your bond is as strong as you pretend, I don't know why you would have run from him instead of addressing the matter directly."
"You're right. I guess I must let go of what I am used to with Steeve."
"Yes! Because I don't think Steeve's love will ever come as close as the love Marcel shows for you."
"You see it?"
"Even if he tries to hide it, he's changed and that's undeniable. Just seeing you both earlier, when you got into the building. I had never seen him so happy and so expressive. You were both carefree. I just find it sad that you have to be someone else for that to happen." She speaks her mind and I completely understand where she is coming from. We felt different. We've never been so carefree together.
"I'm meeting his mum tomorrow... as Grayson."
"Grayson? Clever name. Don't you think this is too much, to lie to her about that?"
"I just want her to like me, no matter what I look like. I don't think she takes me too seriously as Grace, I just want to show her how much I love her son."
"Then, I will send you positive vibes when the time comes." She encourages me with her gorgeous smile and kisses my forehead. I appreciate a lot her friendship.
"Thank you, for everything."
"No worries, girl. Now, I'll go back to work and call your boyfriend's office to tell him you're waiting for him downstairs. OK?"
I nod and we get off the counter. I pull her into yet another hug and let her leave the restroom. I look around and take Mace's cardigan to wrap around my shoulders. I roll the sleeves of my shirt to my elbows and give a last look at myself in the mirror. I look like myself, a lost and pathetic version of myself. London gave me a chance to be who I truly am and who I have always to be. Have I succeeded? Or do I still hide myself behind everyone I have around me? What truly defines me?
I take my wig and fold it to slide it in my pocket. I almost forget Mace's shoes before I walk to the door. I hold them in my hand and turn the knob with the other. I get back in the lobby and I see him waiting for me already. He is at Sophie's desk. He joins me the second our sight crosses. I lead him out of the building and to his car without saying a word. Even if I would want to, I don't even know what I would say to him. How do I begin to question him about her?
"Are you OK?" He asks me as he drives us the few streets away from his flat.
"Yes." I only respond, looking outside of my window at the mass of people walking the City's streets.
"Why did you leave?"
"I needed to think."
"About what?"
"This whole situation."
"OK." Since I don't seem to want to say more on the subject, he closes the conversation and doesn't question me in anyway. He settles for less. It annoys me and pleases me at the same time.
He parks at his flat and I follow him upstairs to his flat. I wave to Michelangelo as I walk by him. Mace throws his keys on the coffee table and takes off his shoes. I put mine next to his. I didn't even bother to put them on in the first place when we left the office.
I'm lost in my head again and I don't really know what I am doing apart from the same thing he is. I only realise that he has brought me to sit on his couch in the living room when he starts to talk to me.
"What's wrong, Grace?" He wonders, leaning his head on his hand on the back of the couch as he looks at me with thorough attention.
It takes a second before I can look at him, and then a few more seconds of intense gazing into his eyes to finally gather the will I need to bring her up in our conversation.
"Kate." I let out, but he doesn't flinch. He still looks at me with his entire attention. He frowns his brows a bit, his sight so deeply sunken into my eyes.
"What about her?"
"I know she's the woman you were a submissive to for years."
"And why do you worry about that?" He retorts with a bit more arrogance than I would have liked. It annoys me instantly.
"Because she is still part of your life, Marcel. And if I hadn't told you that I love you last night, you would have chosen her over me this morning."
"It's not a question of choosing who over who, Grace. I spend all week working with you, we go on dates on weekends. There's so much of my routine I stopped doing to fit you in more often, I think I can have extracurricular activities outside of you."
"You can, Mace! Of course! I am not trying to trap you into anything. But what bothers me is the purpose of your meeting. If I hadn't told you that I love you, last night, you would have met with her to discuss how you would have fucked her! You see how this is disturbing for me?!"
"But I didn't. I chose you."
"But what would you have done if I wouldn't have agreed to go with you tonight. Would you have gone with her still?"
"Grace, stop all this insanity. How many times do I have to tell you that I want you? I chose you. I want to do these things with you. I don't care about anyone else. I never have. I have never opened myself to anyone else before. Can't you see everything I am doing for you?"
"And I appreciate that, Mace. I do and I love you more every time you do. It's her."
"What about her? You want me to stop seeing her, is that it?"
"That's not what I ask. I know she is your friend and I know you don't sleep with her anymore. It's just because I don't know who she is, what you've been through. I just know that you were obsessively in love with her and that Eddy called her the Wicked Witch. Plus, I didn't have the greatest impression of her when I met her in your office. She knew all these personal things about me, about us. She said I wasn't your type. She said she thought I would have been sexier, that I wasn't at all what you'd described. She questioned my character. She even said I was dumb. That's why I was crying when we met in the lift that day. That's why I wanted to end my contract with you."
I look down and sigh. I hate her and there's no other way to describe what I feel for her. The silence weighs on us a long moment. I sigh again, not knowing where to look, so I look at his hand resting on his lap. I love his hands. He has very long agile fingers.
"That was one of the hardest days of my life." I look at him as he speaks and I don't say anything. His tone is so pure and tender, my heart aches immediately. I try my best to hold myself together and to not cry again. "I was losing everything I esteemed most. My job... and you."
"You liked me then?"
"That's when I realised I couldn't lose you."
I close my eyes, sighing away all the weight in my heart. I take a few seconds to control my tears, but they fall anyway. I feel him immediately reaching for my cheeks. He pulls me and I feel his lips on mine. He kisses me, but my lips can't return his love. He is making so much efforts for me. He opens up so much, he is being so vulnerable, but I still feel as if the love he has for me will never compare to how deeply and fooly he loved her. She got him to do all these things for her. He lost himself for her. How can I compete with her ghost?
"Kiss me, Grace." He pulls my face harder on his lips, his tremolo crying desperation. His lips mould mine with so much effort to make mine do the same. "Believe me, my love."
"I love you so much... and yet I don't even know you. I learned today that your father's name was Andrew."
"You know I want you, it's not a secret I try to hide. Isn't that enough?"
"Mace..."
"You're the colour in everything I see, Love, but stop pushing me. You know it's not easy for me to talk about these things."
"You think it's easy for me to push you to tell me those things? I know you don't like to open up and I respect that. But I hate that I need to learn about your life from rumours going around the office." I open my eyes and try to control how heavy I am breathing. I slide both of my hands on his cheeks and look directly into his pupils. "We can be just you and me within these walls. You're mine and the world is ours in our minds. But our reality is a lie. I don't want to mistake the two together."
"Nobody gets to say what we have to be. I want to fall with you. I want to make mistakes with you. I want to learn with you. I don't know how much more you want me to pour my soul out there for you. I always have to tell you my every thoughts as you keep everything for yourself."
"I'll work on it. I promise you I will. I just want you to know that when you feel like the time is right, you can tell me about everything you went through. I'm not here to judge you, you know that... I love you more with everything I know about you." I caress his cheek and lean in closer for my lips to mould his.
His response is immediate. He wraps both of his arms around my waist to pull me tighter to him. He opened up so much to me emotionally that it makes my heart burst with love. He's changed so much. Before, he would have run from this situation and wouldn't have wanted to answer me. Now, he does. I am asking a lot from him, I know.
He leans on me and it makes me fall back on the couch as he lays us comfortably to continue his assault on my lips. True. I didn't remember that. He didn't come yet. It's becoming pretty evident as his hand tries to unbutton his shirt on me. His hand then flies directly on my bare breast. My body reacts automatically to him, to his touch. And I realise how good I feel. Not only physically. I feel good with him. I know that he has my best interest at heart. I know that he loves me, I feel it undeniably. But I know, with all my heart, that I can trust him. It gets me suddenly very excited for tonight. He closed the chapter of his past with Kate and he brings me. He stops being what everyone else wants him to be to become a fully grown man, to become a Dominant. My Dominant. He knows what he wants, and that is me.
"Do you want to play, Sir?" I murmur to his ear as his lips are now kissing my neck.
He smirks once he hovers over me to look into my eyes. I see how proud he is, and loving.
"Topping from the bottom?" He eyes me seductively, it makes me bite my lip to contain the excitement he brings me. "I think I can live with that."
.