Warning: mentions of rape, suicide, and damn I don't even know anymore
John's POV
I gave what I came for one final look but I know deep inside me that this will not be the last time I'll stare at him. I quickly turned and made my way to my car, parked beneath a tree. Laf grabbed me by the shoulder just as I was about to leave. "John you can always talk about it with us" I looked at Laf and gave a bitter smile. He won't understand. No one can ever understand.
"I have to go Laf" that's all i said to him as I took off on my black corvette. I drove as fast as I could not minding about any shitty speed limits. I need to drive away from my thoughts. I need to drive away from this nightmare. I need to go back to 505; my happy place, our happy place. I'm going back to 505 if it's a seven hour flight or a fourty five minute drive, I'll go back there no matter what or how long it takes.
I smiled while imagining Alex waiting for me lying on his side. Soft, creamy skin illuminated by the gentle moonlight, his auburn hair breaking the peaceful spell of the moon with its fervent beauty, and his eyes. Oh his eyes! His eyes can create the most wonderful of feelings, the most sensual of dreams, his eyes is like a beautiful art; it can make you feel things no one else can see. his eyes is literally like the last breath of sunlight before the night consumes its light.
I remembered the night when I came home with that exact sight, free for my eyes to behold.
"Lex! I'm home where are you?" I checked in the kitchen but he's not there then decided to check at our bedroom and saw him laying on his side with his hands between his thighs. Gorgeous. I approached him quietly seeing that he's reading a book entitled 'Carnal Innocence'. He is such a nerd sometimes.
"Don't tell me you're masturbating" I said with my hands resting on my waist while holding back a smile. He looked at me kinda shocked probably because he is too absorbed by his book that he didn't notice my presence. Fuck it. I immediately smiled because he is too cute for god's sake. His eyes stared at me a bit wide then softened when he smiled "maybe I am John, you know Tucker Longstreet is kinda hot" I frowned a bit at that
"I can be hotter than him and you know it, now get rid of that book and let me prove it to you" I saw him smirked at my remark. Damn he really enjoys teasing me!
"Geez John Laurens I was only kidding. Everyone withing a 12 mile radius knows you are too hot to be compared hahaha" he said but made his way into my lap nonetheless. I brushed his hair behind his ears because god knows no matter how gorgeous that fiery locks are it can never hold a candle to the perfectly sculpted face behind it. Alex always makes my heart flutter with the intensity of my love for him but at the same time he gives me fear of him someday finding a better pair. Alex is such a paradox heck! Even his looks is a paradox! Calm, blue violet eyes paired with the intense glare of his hair, god must be in a good mood while making him. He made me believe there is a god because how else can such a perfect being be created?
"Laurens if you're going to stare at my face the whole night you might as well just take a picture and let me get back to bed but I don't feel like sleeping yet so kiss me" I smiled at how impatient he is and quickly took him up on his offer. I nibbled his soft pink lips and held him closer because for some reason I just can't seem to kiss him enough. I feel so deprived whenever we part and every second my lips are apart from his body it feels so agonising it's almost unbearable. I kissed him with much passion that it showed on his skin and will remain shown for days to come.
Everything was perfect when Alexander was in it......or so I thought.
I stopped my recollection once I reached the room I've been looking for. I take one long look at the number at the door '505' I touched it lightly until my hands wondered to the knob. I turned it and carefully entered the room.
"Lex! I'm home where are you?" I screamed? I take a look at every part of the apartment and finally stopped at the ajar door of our bedroom, I quietly opened it my mind screaming no but my heart is hopeful. I opened it to see nothing just an empty room. Tears streamed down my face. What the hell am I even expecting? I know the truth but somehow denying it seems like an easier choice
I touched the bed hoping to relive the beautiful memory I have with Alexander. The bed was just as soft but never as warm as before but it felt more distressing than comforting with the absence of the person that used to lay on this bed with me. It feels colder even with the heater turned on unlike that steamy night where I litter his body with red and purple marks of my hunger and deep devotion to him. It was all my fault I shouldn't have acted so stupidly.
I sped through the high way to get to where Alexander was. I probably violated all rules in the highway but that is the least of my concern right now, my Alexander is in a hospital and I have no idea what happened to him.
"Where is he? Where is my fiance? Where the fuck is my Alexander?!" The nurses at the station jumped in surprise but knowingly looked at one another with sadness in their eyes. One of them break apart from the group to talk to me.
"Sir you must calm down I'll take you to his room" I want to shout at her because how the fuck am I supposed to calm down when my fiance is in a hospital and when I asked the nurses they looked at me as if I arrived five seconds late to my loved one's last breath but decided against it, Alex would've wanted me to calm down. When we reached the door and the doctor came out to talk to me is when I lost my shit to satan.
"He was...raped?" I asked well whispered the last word not believing it or afraid that if I say it aloud my mind would recognise it and breakdown. I kept denying what the doctor said. That is the only time I noticed some policemen outside his room. "Who did that to my Alex?" I asked, venum dripping with my every word. "Sir, calm down we are on the process of solving—-"
"WHO THE FUCK HURT MY ALEXANDER?!" I shouted. This idiots can't tell me to fucking calm down knowing that a nasty, and undescribably evil person did the most horrible deed to my pure Alexander. They don't know how I feel and they won't feel it until it happens to them as well. They have no fucking right to calm me down.
The police sighed and looked at me understandingly "We suspect a man Mr. Hamilton managed to put to jail in one of his cases paid people outside to do Mr. Hamilton harm." That is the vaguest fucking thing I've ever heard because my Hamilton won a lot of cases and managed to put a lot of dirty criminals to where they belong but whoever that motherfucker that touched him is, I hope he rots in jail.
"Can I see him?" I managed to say as calm as my troubled self could manage. They let me in seeing that I'll just force myself in anyway.
What I saw broke my heart. Alexander was sitting on his hospital bed, the light of the moon shining on his fallen face. His eyes is still the same color but now it looks just like a vast and empty ocean. Scary and mysterious. I have absolutely no idea what he was thinking and that scared me.
"Alexander?" I said as softly as I could so as to not startle him. He did not look and only continued to look at nowhere in particular. I wanted to hug him but I decided against it. It was better not to touch someone who's been..........who's been through the same thing as him, they must've craved detachment from any affection. I only stared at him. He is still an art but an art that tells a tragic story.
After 2weeks of examining and tests on Alex, I now get to go home with him. I took his bag from him and went inside room 505, our apartment, our home. I tried to make things as comfortable as possible for Alex, I never touch him without consent and if I do so I do it very carefully.
One time while on the couch Alex came to me and sat at my lap and kissed me, of course I obliged it's not like I can deny myself of the great pleasure of being one with Alexander. We got to the point of overwhelming passion that I accidentally grabbed his wrist a bit forcefully and that caused him to panic and grab my neck choking me.
"No no I won't let you! Not again!" He said as I grab his wrist to detach it from my neck before I loose consciousness. He must've thought I was the bastard who touched him. I almost gave up, feeling the air leave my body until Alexander let go of me and stared in shock. I took a desperate gulp of air to regain oxygen and look at Alex. He looked so scared and hurt and just broken. Tears started to flow from his eyes, he quickly distanced himself from me in a manner that says he is afraid he'll hurt me again.
"Alex, honey it's not your fault c'mere" I told him with a bit of difficulty because of the lack of air from my lungs just seconds ago
"No, I almost killed you. I'm a horrible person I almost killed you over something so stupid. I almost killed the one person that I love" he said, tears still streaming down his face. He stood up about to leave
"No Alex it wasn't your fault baby, it was an accident" I said because hell! I know my Alex wouldn't hurt me on purpose I'll probably still adore him with his hands around my neck and I actually did last time I check. Besides I understand why he did that but I was too late he was already running away from me. I tried to follow him but fell because of the lack of oxygen. Stupid body!
The days after that we tried to avoid sex or anything that involves too much affection. Alex must've thought that I was no longer satisfied with him because one evening when I came home, I came home not to my sweet, warm, beautiful Alexander but to a lifeless body in a pool of blood. My alexander's skin is as pale as death, crimson lines lining his thighs and wrists, his fiery hair no longer has its glare, and his eyes.....oh his eyes is now just a lifeless dim orb that no longer windows a soul and it broke my heart. Everything in there broke my heart. My Alexander is dead, he killed himself. The world made him kill himself.
I came back to 505 in a desperate attempt to relive beautiful moments I had with my Alexander but everything is not the same.
I came back to 505 but he wasn't laying there on his side like he used to.
I shouldn't have came back to 505, I should've returned to him and that's what I'm gonna do.
I picked up a gun and aimed it at my head. My Alexander, I'll see you on the other side.
~~~~~
A/N: if you guys want to suggest anything just lay it all down to me