Chapter Eight: "I'm Fine, I Promise."
We pull up to a hotel, this time it being nicer than the previous one. Maybe that is why we have been avoiding hotels. Or ignoring Cooper everytime he said he has seen a nice hotel and we should all go take a rest. Yeah Coop, we knew how you played. Not gonna fool anyone this time. Though what sucked was Alexander was still here. Do not get me wrong he was not ugly or anything. Hot for that matter. It’s just he is a hot *sshole. But that is typical. When have you ever seen an insanely hot guy that was nice? Never. In books yes. But not in real life at least. Also Alex apparently thought I was fucking hot sh*t. That gave me chills just thinking about it.
“This one looks pretty normal.” Charlie muttered as I parked the car in the parking lot of the hotel. We all got out and grabbed our shit before making our way into the hotel. As we entered the building, I noticed that there was a bar on the level with the lobby. Halle-f*cking-lujah. I made a mental note to hit that place up later. I was beyond stressed out and was in need for some stress relief. And if alcohol was the solution, then so be it.
“Yeah, no more f*cking fake New Jersey accented men. I suppose this hotel seems a bit more high class.” I murmured, walking up to the front desk that was in the lobby.
“Hello, how may I help you?” The lady at the front desk questioned, giving me a big smile. Though I could tell it was pretty fake. It was late at night and she was probably irritated. Aren’t we all.
“Can we get a hotel room with two beds please.” I requested, getting out my purse to get my credit card.
“We have one room left. Room 323 on the third floor. Would you like it?” She asked, making me roll my eyes. Of course we would want the room. I did ask for it right? Maybe just everything and everyone is irritating the h*ll out of me.
“Of course we will take it.” I said, handing over my card.
“It will be ninety-five dollars.” She informed me, taking my card and punching something into the computer that was on the desk. After she was done doing whatever it was that I did not care about, I grabbed my card and the two room keys. Then the four of us proceeded our way up to the third floor.
“Yes, I can finally sleep in a f*cking bed.” Alex said, plopping down on one of the beds.
“Hate to break it to you f*ggot, but you are either sleeping in the same bed with Cooper or sleeping on the floor. Your choice.” Charlie said, smirking at Alex. Aha, I suppose it’s like punishment for Alex.
“I am not f*cking sleeping in the same bed with Alex.” Cooper muttered in disgust. I would not want to sleep in the same bed with Alex either.
“So we have it settled. Cooper can have his own bed, Charlie and I will share a bed, and Alex you can sleep on that pull-out couch over there.” I informed everyone pointing to the couch in the far corner beside the window. Haha, hope he has a fun time sleeping tonight.
“Charlie, couldn’t we share a bed together?” Alex queried, waggling his eyebrows at Charlie.
“In your f*cking dreams pretty boy.” Charlie retorted.
Everyone ended up getting settled into their ‘beds’ as I tried to come up with a way to ‘sneak’ out of this room. I wanted to get down to that bar, but by myself. Not with Charlie or anyone else. I needed time alone to think, and that was what I was going to do.
“Uh guys, I am going to go downstairs and check if there is any breakfast for tomorrow morning.” I lied, hoping they would buy my pathetic, lame excuse.
“Have fun!” Charlie enthusiastically said, waving her hand at me. I opened the door, and fled out of the room as quickly as I possibly could.
“Hello young lady what can I get you?” The bartender questioned, making me look at him in a confused way. Do I actually look like I am a twenty-one year old? Well hey hey that’s great. Plus I forgot my card to begin with.
“Uh can I get a shot of whisky?” I queried, taking a seat in one of the stool’s at the bar. I looked to my left to see this creepy old man sitting beside me. D*mn, what a perv he is. I mean he was literally gawking at me. He had this long scruffy white beard. Not to mention the red bandana tied around his head. In a way he did resemble santa claus. Minus the big red hat, reindeer, and the big fat stomach. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I turned back to find the shot of whiskey I ordered was placed in front of me. Thank the lord. I grabbed the shot glass, tilted my head back, and downed the entire glass of whiskey. Asides from the burning sensation that traveled down my throat, I was good to go.
After five more shots of whiskey, and two glasses of ‘vodka and sprite’, I was stilling sitting at the bar, talking it up with the perv beside me.
“You look like Santa.” I said, giggling at him.
“I get that a lot.” He replied, with a hearty laugh.
“Do you have a pet reindeer? And do you have a wife named ‘Mrs. Claus’? Oh, oh what about the little elves that make your toys?” I kept asking him question, after question.
“Yeah, would you like to come home with me and be my new Mrs. Claus?” The man questioned, smirking at me.
“No she does not want to be your new f*cking Mrs. Claus you old perv.” A familiar voice spoke, making me jump.
“Mickey, why the f*ck are you here?” Cooper demanded, but I ignored his question and began smiling at him.
“You know Cooper, you are so confusing.” I began, trailing my fingers up his shoulder. “One minute I think I like you and the next I do not know if I do or not. I mean when I was younger only Charlie knew that I had the biggest, no the most enormous crush on you. I use to gush about how cute you were like all the time, then it turned out you never liked me back and you were sent to that school and now were here.” I said, and called the bartender over.
“Mickey, you do not need another drink.” Cooper said, grabbing my hand and trying to pull me away from the bar.
“Just like I am still in love with you.” I said, giggling as I looked at Cooper. He was so cute. Aha.
“What? You are still in love with me?” Cooper asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Awe Cooper did you brush your teeth today?”
“What? Stop trying to change the subject Mic.”
“Awe, someone getting angry?”
“So you are still in love with me, or are you messing with me?”
Not paying any mind to what Cooper was saying, I closed my eyes and leaned closer to Cooper. I was about to place my lips on his lips, but he placed a hand on my shoulder, pushing me away. A flash of hurt went through me, but I shook it off, ignoring it. I looked up at Cooper, with innocent eyes.
“Mic, listen I know you are highly intoxicated right now, but you do not mean it when you say you are still in love with me. You will not even remember any of this when you wake up tomorrow.” He said, and the look in his eyes I knew he was… hurt? But why would he be? Aha.
“Cooper you are so funny.” I told him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Mickey I am being serious. I think we should go home.” He muttered, grabbing my hand and trying his best to get me out of the bar. But I wanted to be complicated, and refused to have him remove me from the bar.
“Awe Cooper just imagine how cute our babies would be.” “Or how amazing our first kiss is going to be.” “Wait until the day we get married.” “I knew I always loved you since I first laid my eyes on you.” “Your eyes are what captured my heart.” “Cooper..” I began blabbering all this ridiculous things to him. He just gave me a look that I could not describe at all.
“We should get you to sleep. Your morning is going to be rough.” Cooper tried again, trying to get me to leave.
“COOPER WEATHERS KISS ME RIGHT NOW.” I demanded, grabbing his shoulders and leaning closer to him. But yet again Cooper refused to kiss me and that feeling of hurt washed through me again.
“Are you trying to cause a scene?” Cooper questioned, looking at me intensely.
“I am just trying to express my love to you. I MICKAYLA LYNN ANDERSON LOVE THIS BOY RIGHT HERE. LOOK AT HIS CUTE LITTLE FACE!” I exclaimed, pinching his right cheek.
“Stop Mickey, you are just embarrassing yourself.”
“Oh right BECAUSE THIS BOY DOES NOT LOVE ME BACK!” I hollered, and that literally got everyone’s attention. They were all staring at Cooper with these ‘vicious’ looks. I could not stop laughing at him though.
“Come on Mic, let’s go.” Cooper said, giving me a glare as he tried to drag me out of the bar, but someone stopped us.
“So you think you can ignore and break this poor little girls heart?” A familiar voice spoke, making me giggle. The santa claus look alike stepped right in front of us, crossing his arms across his chest. He looked intently at Cooper. The guy stood a couple inches taller than Cooper. I actually could not stop laughing as I seen this man beginning to harass Cooper.
“You know this poor little girl is in love with you, and you did nothing to stop her heart from breaking.I mean look at this poor little girls face.” The man said, stepping closer to Cooper, and grabbing a fistful of his shirt. Cooper had panic written all over his face as the guy lifted up his fist. Before I knew it, the guy punched Cooper square in the jaw. I watched as Cooper landed on the ground grabbing onto his jaw. For a few seconds I just stood there, not fathoming the scene that just happened. Shaking my head, I walked over and as soon as I was about to help Cooper up, someone pushed me out of the way and began kicking Cooper in the sides. I got up and seen a swarm of people surrounding Cooper. Everyone was yelling hurtful things at him, I had no idea what to do. So I pushed through the crowd of people, grabbed Cooper’s hand and we walked back to the hotel room.
“Oh my gosh are you okay?” I asked, checking out his face. His lip was busted open, his jaw was all bruised up, and he had a black eye.
“Just leave me alone Mickey. You have done enough damage to me. Just-just f*ck off.” Cooper said, irritation written all over his face. I watched as he stalked off towards the elevator without me. What the h*ll was wrong with me? First my *sshole of a mother had to call me and say the most abusive things to me. Next I thought I could not handle any hatred from my mother, so I get the brilliant idea of going to a bar and getting wasted. Then I blabber all this truth about Cooper, that he probably thinks we’re lies, which led him to getting beat up by strangers in a bar. Now here I sit with him angry with me. What the f*ck is wrong with me?
I found a couch in the lobby, and took a seat on it. Not even knowing what to do about anything. I sat with my face in my hands, and thoughts swarming all throughout my head. Cooper was mad at me. The person who I might just be falling in love with all over again. I got him hurt. It was all my fault. I felt a tear or two shed. Not bothering to wipe them away, I leaned back in the chair. Minutes later I became a sobbing mess wishing I could take back ever being born. I was a mistake. I will always be a mistake. No matter what. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
My mother was always correct about me. I was basically just a f*ck up. An object that takes up so much space. No one was ever going to love me again. No one. I was just all alone. Why was I even here? What was the point of me even being allowed to live a life? Cooper was probably going to go up there and tell them what I did. Charlie was probably going to be pissed with me. All because I was a worthless piece of sh*t. Why can’t I have some spell that magically can go back in time. To fix all of the wrong choices I have made?
Not really having the energy to get up, I situated myself on the couch and dozed off.
---
I jolted up to an abrupt shake on my arm. My eyes opened up wide to find Charlie, Cooper, and Alex hovering over top of me. Memories from last night slowly flooded through my mind, and instantly I began to feel guilty for what happened to Cooper. I noticed that he had a band-aid over his lip, but the bruising on his innocent face was still there. He was never going to forgive me, that’s for d*mn sure.
“Mic, are you okay? Why are your eyes all puffy? You have been crying, what the h*ll happened?” Charlie demanded to know, making me feel even worse.
“I-I got drunk. I was saying stuff and then Cooper got beat up and I am so sorry.” I said, running away from them and going outside. I probably looked like I had not showered in days, but who gives a f*ck. I just want the playful, loveable Cooper back. I do not want him to even be angry with me anymore. What am I going to do?
I find the curb of a sidewalk and place my butt down on it. I shove my face in my hands and let the tears free fall from my eyes. I cannot stop crying for the life of me. Why is Cooper having this effect on me now? I thought I was over him. I thought that this little ‘crush’ phase with him was done. But no. He has to show up, causing memories and feelings to flood back to me. Things I have managed to throw in a closet and lock away. God, what did I do to deserve this mess? Please help me understand. This trip was just going to be Charlie and I. Not everyone else we knew.
I lift my face up, and wipe away any of the tears. I sniffle, almost wanting to cry again, but I restrain myself from doing any of the abnormal. You can be strong Mic, just believe in yourself. Do not make yourself look like a coward. Do not, do not.
I feel someone’s presence beside me. Not wanting to be bothered, I just sit there staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. Maybe this trip was a bad idea. Maybe the phone call from my crazy mother was a wake-up call. To let me realize I was making a mistake and needed to get my life back on track. I should be home, preparing for college. But instead here I am, having the time of my life on a crazy *ss trip. Maybe everything I do is wrong. Perhaps that is why my mother always chose my decisions and whatnot. Because I messed up with everything I did. Everything.
“Mickey, what’s wrong?” Someone questioned, and I did not even have to look over to notice who is was. The inevitable Cooper Weathers.
“N-nothing.” I stuttered, still feeling myself sob when I spoke. D*mmit, another sign of weakness.
“Mickey, I may be pretty dumb at some things, but I am not dumb enough to know that something is wrong and you are lying to me. Just tell me what it is. I hate to see you like this.” Cooper told me, making me think for a moment. Maybe he is not angry with me? But why wouldn’t he be. He has every right to be.
“Why are you even talking to me? I know I would be pretty p*ssed off at the person who basically got me beat up.” I said, placing my chin in my hands.
“Oh, so you think I am mad at you for last night? Awe Mic, look at me.” Cooper instructed, but I ignored him. So Cooper being the stubborn ass he is takes my chin in his hands, making me look up into his eyes. His face was still all bruised up and I still felt the tears threatening to spill through.
“I was p*ssed at you okay? I mean I would never have told you to f*ck off. But I just, you kept giving me mixed signals. It’s kind of hard to understand if a person is drunk saying they like you. Because all I knew was the alcohol was taking over your mind. Now please do not feel guilty or anything. I am not mad at you. H*ll, your face is just too likeable to stay angry with.” Cooper told me, poking my nose. For a brief second I managed to smile at him; it was a small, broken smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.
“You think I have a likeable face?” I questioned, mumbling in my hands as a slight blush took over face. God, all this f*cking blushing was starting to get on my nerves. Like, who else blushed at everything said to them? Just me.
Cooper nodded, then leaned in to give me a quick peck on the cheek. If I thought the light pink tint on my face as bad a few seconds ago, it was terribly horrible now. I was about to hyperventilate when he placed one of his large, tan hand on my face, and traced random patterns on my cheeks. “God, it’s crazy how easily you blush.”
“Crazy?” I repeated, getting lost in those dreamy blue eyes of his. I didn’t real know what I was doing in that moment. I was a puddle of mushy feelings and tears on the side of the road, and I didn’t think puddles had brains.
He smirked, “it’s the good kind of crazy.”
It took me a good five minutes after his hand dropped from my face to snap out of the trace he put had put me in. Then it had taken me another five minutes to realize how stupid all of this was. No matter how many old feelings and memories came back, it didn’t change the fact that they were old memories. What I felt about Cooper in the fifth grade had nothing to do about how I felt about him now. I was not the same old geeky Mic that I was in grade school just as Cooper wasn’t the same kid he was back then either. He was bigger and hotter and... manlier. I shook my head, I couldn’t think like this anymore, nothing good would come out of it. I mean, it wasn’t like Cooper liked me anyway. He was Cooper Weathers. He was the bad boy who f*cked millions of girls for sport. He was practically a sex god, for f*ck’s sake. He would never settle for me when he could have so much more. It was stupid for me to ever think that I could have even a slim chance with him. It was stupid to think I could have a chance with anyone, for a matter a fact. That was exactly what my mother had told me on the phone yesterday, anyway.
I thought back to the phone call, starting to believe her more and more...
It was my mother. After like a week of me being missing, she actually decided to pick up the phone and call me. Gosh, I thought she’d at least last another two weeks before she caved/care enough to see how I was doing. I decided to answer, I mean, even after years of receiving abuse from her, I still had a bit of hope that she’d change and start to love me like I thought I deserved.
Not that I deserved love anymore, I knew that now.
“Mother.” I said into the phone, already regretting answering.
“Mickayla.”
I rolled my eyes at her cold tone and brief sentence. Leave it to her to call someone and expect them to do all the talking. “What do you need, or all you going to do is going to say my name in that voice of yours?”
Since my mother was indeed my mother, she never liked to stay on topics that didn’t concern her interests. I knew my feelings didn’t interest her right now, which was why she ignored my comment and continued. “You’re such a disappointment to the family, Mickayla.” She sighed dramatically into the phone. “I mean, you’ve disgraced me and your father many times before, but this is the worst thing you’ve ever done.”
“I’m sorry you don’t accept this, but I’m not coming home.”
She ignored me again. “Do you have any idea how this looks, Mickayla? Your father is running for reelection, think about that for a minute. How do you think he looks when his whole family isn’t with him at award ceremonies and other social events?”
“I doubt I’ll be missed at any of father’s precious parties.” I retorted. I usually hung out in the kitchen or in the back of the room when I was dragged to one of those events. Yeah, I’ was sure the party would crash and burn without my hanging out with the waiters in the break room.
“How can you just sit there and say those things when your father is suffering?”
I snorted - I mean, a full out pig-sounding, tummy clenching laugh. “How can you just sit there and tell me how I ruined everything when you don’t even know where I’ve been all week? Something terrible could’ve happened to me and you don’t even care.”
She didn’t know what to say to that, so there was a pause on the line for a couple minutes. I glanced to the entrance of the crack house, and saw Cooper, Charlie, and Alex walking towards me. I was about to hang out when my mother’s voice cut sharply through the speaker. “I didn’t ask you about your well-being because it didn’t concern what I have going on right now. You’re not important to me enough to ask about. You’ll never be good enough for me. You’ll never be good enough for anyone, don’t you understand that?”
The b*tch was right. F*ck, I hated when she was right.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I claimed as Cooper started walking over to me with a worried look on his face. Charlie had a similar expression, and Alex just looked bored.
She giggle her girly fake laugh. “I also know who’s with you. The Weathers came over to our house very concerned about not just Charlie but both of their children. I know how you used to be in ‘love’ with Cooper, or whatever the f*ck your thought it was.” She paused. “I hope you’ve haven’t spread your legs already. I always knew you were a slut.”
I gasped at that. No matter what my mother had ever yelled about, she had never called me easy. I was p*ssed off to say the least. How dare she say that about me? I was still a virgin, for god’s sake!
“Well, guess what mother!” I exclaimed into the phone, not giving her time to respond. “I just bought a fake ID, showed a group of hookers and pimps my tits, and yeah, I f*cked Cooper. I f*cked him and you know what? It was f*cking great!”
So maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but I was really p*ssed off.
“Mickayla Lynn Anderson, I swear to--” She started, but I cut her off.
“I really don’t give a f*ck, mother.” I said loudly into the phone before hanging up.
So yeah, I had to bury these feelings I had for Cooper fast. They had to go away as quick as they came, or someone would end up getting hurt. Probably me. I got up from the curb, lending my hand down to help Cooper up. He took and we started to walk back to the hotel.
“You’re quiet,” he stated before pulling me off to the side of the road and forcing me to look at him.
I joked it off and acted as if nothing was wrong. “How would you be acting if you had a killer hangover and it felt as if you hadn’t slept in days?”
He laughed, “not very cheery. But seriously, I know you Mic. You can tell me if you’re still upset.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine, I promise.”
But the thing was, I wasn’t fine, and that was a broken promise.
---
“THIS IS SO COOL!” Charlie exclaimed as all three of us jumped over the tall fence and onto the hard ground of the other side. For Charlie and the others this was going to be the best night of their lives, but for me tonight was just getting worse and worse. I was already in a bad mood, and I didn’t feel like doing something rebellious and slightly dangerous.
Cooper slung an arm around my shoulders as we all walked towards the largest structure that was closest to us, smiling up at the towering thing in front of us. “Cheer up, grumpy.”
I threw him off my shoulders and crossed my arms around my chest. “I’m not grumpy.”
He rolled his eyes, clearly not believing me. “Well hold on tight grumpypants, it’s going to be a wild ride.”
And it was, but we’ll get to that later.