- October 19, 2017
Leaving me hours ago, to worry and hate myself
Tears in the bathroom, blood on the shelf.
Wishing I was dead but knowing I'll never go,
I love you too much for that.
Even if you hate me and break me,
Even if you cut my heart and soul,
I'll never go.
I'll never leave.
I'll dry these tears, I'll cover my cuts.
I'll leave this life of pain and I won't grieve.
We promised we'd stay safe, but that's a promise we both broke.
But not anymore, I was living a nightmare
But then I awoke
and found that this life doesn't have to be bad
It doesn't have to be sad
I'll be waiting for you, I'll be staying for you
I'll still worry for you
but I've stopped crying for you
I've stopped bleeding for you
I've stopped bleeding for me.
I've stopped hurting inside
and as to why?
I haven't got a clue
But maybe it's cause I've finally realized
You're still here, and you'll always be here.
You may hate me in the morning,
You might break me at night,
but tell me that you love me still
tell me that you'll always care
And I know I'll be alright.
My pain has stopped, I've kicked it away
I know it's been foolish, I've been afraid.
I've been jealous and sad
Feeling down and betrayed
But I see now there's a better way
So months ago I finally put those razors away
I've been tempted to use them
And I've had to pray
That I can stay clean another day
But I've stayed strong,
Cause you were always there.
I stayed clear cause I knew that you’d care.
But these weeks I've wondered if I really mattered
Wondered if these words were really true.
It feels like my body's battered,
like my heart's been torn and scattered.
I didn't really know
if you meant what I did
When we said "I love you".
But now I know
I've been a fool
who just couldn't be satisfied.
You gave me everything
What else could I ask for?
What proof do I need?
How could I think of suicide?
when you were always there right outside.
You were always waiting.
You were always caring.
But I never saw it,
I never trusted,
Always thought it was too good to be true.
But now with eyes black and blue,
Both my arms bleeding too,
I'm trusting you.
I know we could go through a million fights
And we'd still stay true.
So I'm staying for you,
I'll dry these tears for you,
I'll stay strong for you ,
Even when you're broken down
I'll carry you to higher grounds
I'll give you love when life's been hell,
I'll stick around forever still.
I'll keep these dark thoughts
behind my window sill.
Close the glass and turn the key,
Throw away the brandy.
I'll keep my life clean,
I'll keep it safe,
I'll keep it strong,
I'll keep it for you.