•••Cora•••
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They screamed Annihilation.
I've come to understand that human emotions is one of, if not the most, dangerous weapons of all time. Knives can draw blood. Bullets can cause holes. But the damage to the soul that can be caused by human emotion is irreparable. Emotion is and always has been the secret evil behind the tragedies of the world. Every war that has ever been raged, every body that has ever been buried, every break down that has ever taken place - it all stems from the human ability to emote, to express our feelings in such complex fashions that allow us to even be humans. Emotions are the language of the soul. But in that, they are unruly; they are us in our purest forms. They are beasts that must be contained, for if they are not, the carnage can be great.
Personally, for quite some time now, I've had no control over my emotions. Walking chaos. I've let them take over my blood and infect every inch of my being. I've acted on impulse, on hurt, on love. And too this day, I've regretted almost every decision I've ever made since then. But that doesn't seem to stop me. Instead the regret just hangs on to me, clinging to me with its claws as it slowly builds, warping my very being.
I hated it. I do. I guess that's why I chose to drown myself in ecstasy and blind myself with lights. It stopped the feelings from coming to the surface. It kept the tears behind my eyes and the blood underneath my skin. After all, ignorance is bliss; that is if you're willing to believe in it. I didn't. Deep down inside I still heard every scream. I felt every bruise, and I remembered every kiss. It was all there, itching to get out, to infect me all over again when it had the chance.
Seeing Calum in Ashton's eyes had only increased my inner turmoil. I didn't like the sobriety. I thought I had. The real. But now it was all coming undone; I was coming undone. I could feel the flood gates beginning to open, and I could feel myself craving the lost feeling again. As much as I hated to admit it to myself; I liked being lost. I liked the lights. I liked the glitter. I liked the deafening sound of the music, the talking, the laughter. Oblivious.
I am weak. I had just preached to Ashton about the misery I felt coming down from those highs, exiting wonderland, but here I was craving it all over again - pathetically crawling back into its open arms of illusion. Maybe it was that split second of seeing Calum's face, but now it was a domino effect. Slowly it was all creeping back in, and I was losing confidence about my ability to live in a world I couldn't control. Maybe I was just meant to live in misery.
"You're awfully quiet, sleeping beauty. Don't tell me you've nodded off again?" Luke's voice pierced the depths of my thoughts, pulling me from my dark subconscious.
It was night again. This was the second time now I'd slept through the day only to wake up up to the false light of the neon streets. It felt almost vampire-esque not seeing the sun for so long. After Luke had informed Ashton about whoever this Max Ronan character was, Ashton had changed. He had grown visibly angry and had ordered Luke to drive us to some different location. Wasn't safe, he said. They're always watching, he said.
So that was the current state of things. I sat in the passenger seat of the car as Luke drove us towards god knows where, the colors mixing together outside of us, the cold begging to get in.
"Your friends name was Michael?" I don't know why, but it just came to me. I wanted to know more about this missing Michael. After all, isn't he who I was searching for?
Luke didn't answer immediately; I'm guessing my question had caught him off guard. "Yeah. Yeah his name was Michael." The repetition of my words told me that perhaps he didn't want to talk about him, but I found that unsatisfactory, so I kept pushing.
"What was he like, then? To have two people so dedicated to finding him, to be so worried about him, he must've been quite a man."
"He was." Like replied darkly. "Michael was like a brother to Ashton and me. For him to disappear without so much as a word ... it's not something he would've done. Besides, Ashton and I have so many enemies in this city now that it's not incomprehensible to believe that someone did this to him as a means of retaliation."
"Retaliation." It was a word that immediately piqued my interest. "What do you mean by that?"
"I'm sure Ashton has explained exactly what it is he and I do."
"Not quite. I don't think I'm being told the truth, atleast not fully."
Silence again. I could feel Like weighing exactly how he was going to respond to my accusation. "What do you mean by that, Cora?"
"I don't know." This was the truth. I didn't know. But if there's anything I do know about secrets, it's when they're being kept from me. After all, it is quite difficult to convincingly lie to a liar. I've found very few in my life that could beat me at my own craft. Calum had been one of them. "There just feels like this story has a lot of holes in it."
"Michael isn't a fucking story, Cora." Luke's words came out harsh, indicating that I'd accidentally struck a nerve. "This is real life. Something dangerous is going on, and if you're going to come with us you've got to understand that maybe you're not the only one with questions. I understand that maybe we're not the two most trustworthy people, and I understand that you're confused, but don't for one fucking second believe that Ashton and I owe you anything. You chose to come with us Cora. You made that decision. And if this is too much for you, then by all means walk the fuck away. I won't stop you."
I let his words sink in. I couldn't say I liked them, but I also couldn't say he was wrong. Technically Ashton didn't owe me any information about who he was or what exactly it is that he does, a topic that he has danced around quite carefully. Didn't stop me from wondering, though. People who protect secrets this carefully must have something worth hiding.
"Why was Ashton so upset at you mentioning Max Ronan? Who exactly is he?" I quickly jumped to another topic, deciding the best tactic to figure out information would be to gather it in bits and then to slowly piece it together.
I could see Luke's hands tighten on the steering wheel. The lights streamed by outside the car, forming a perfect multicolor blur. "Max and Ashton go way back. Max was a bit of a father sort of figure to Ashton. He essentially taught him everything he knows."
I couldn't exactly wrap my head around it. "So why the hatred? Ashton mentioned something about Max trying to kill him? Killing someone else? What the fuck is going on with that?" I meant that question. I have seemingly stumbled into the territory of taking lives, one that equally terrified me and intrigued me. If I was dealing with men that gambled with each others souls, then there really was more going on than I realized. And I wanted to know exactly what that was.
Luke gripped the steering wheel again, and I felt like with each question I asked, the car picked up speed. His frustration was clearly evident. "That one is complicated. I'm not sure it's my place to explain it."
"Well then can you atleast tell me where we're going? What did Ashton mean by dangerous? How dangerous could this one man be that-"
"Cora, you're gonna have to fucking slow down." Like voice rose in irritation.
"I honestly feel like I'm only asking for the bare minimum here seeing as I am in the fucking car with you!" My voice rose as well, growing frustrated with his heated attitude.
Luke's head turned toward mine, his blue eyes catching the neon light. Anger shone within them. "I'll explain more when we fucking get there!"
"Why can't you tell me now?"
"It's fucking complicated!" His eyes flashed with rage.
"Bullshit, asshole!" I spat back at him.
His lips parted as to respond, but before he could, my eyes made a quick glance out the window.
"LUKE STOP THE CAR!"
It was so sudden.
"FUCK!"
She'd come out of nowhere.
But it was too late. The slick metal of the car collided with the flesh of the woman, and I watched her body roll violently across the windshield, shattering it with the impact. The car skidded to a halt. Neither Luke or I said anything. I raised my shaking hands to temples, feeling the panic beginning to flow through my veins.
"I didn't see her." He whispered.
"I didn't
fucking
see her ."
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Yay for a quick update! I spent a lot of time thinking this one through, so I hope it was worth reading! Thank you to everybody that has continued to read and leave comments! Make sure to tell me what you think of the story so far in the comments! Thank you all and I hoe you're enjoying the story!