Egypt settled into his apartment Mason insisted on paying for and so far his classes were all great. He made a few acquaintances and joined a few groups on campus. His favorite was Big Brothers With Guitars. But basically it was a bunch of them that gave music lessons to younger kids.
Egypt missed Joshua something awful but Joshua wanted him here and that's what he's doing. Going to classes and learning all that he can. Maybe a bit of wishful thinking that Joshua would show up in his leather jacket with his piercings in and a smirk. He'd tell Egypt how he started seeing a therapist and he wanted to try a relationship again.
Egypt knew though that it might never happen. It's all about trying to accept that. Accept that Joshua may be the love of his life but not in his life. It's been four months already.
***
Joshua sat at the bar and waited. Bethany or Mason would be by soon enough. Good Lord, Mason and Bethany just wouldn't leave him alone. Always dragging him behind them like some perpetual third wheel. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. They even took him to some of their dates that ended in Mason kissing Bethany sweetly and Joshua acted like Mason's permanent cock block.
Joshua knew it would only work for a short while. Mason always found him wherever he went. Most times it was at the pub or some hole in the wall bar and before he finished his second beer Mason would walk through the doors. At one point Joshua thought Mason paid some kind of zakat to the bar owners in their area to let him know if Joshua came to their bar.
Mason would appear like some ugly version of a fairy god mother and usher Joshua out before he even got a buzz. Four months gone without Egypt and he was doing fairly well thanks to Mason and Bethany anyway.
"You know you're scaring Mason right?" Joshua turned to the voice and rolled his eyes when he saw Bethany.
Joshua didn't respond. He just continued to nurse his drink. Bethany didn't say anything after that. They listened to the rap blasting in the club and drank their cups.
"How..." Bethany turned to face Joshua when he spoke.
Joshua promised himself that he won't ask but man, he really needed to know.
"How is he?" Bethany smiled wryly and shrugged.
"As good as can be expected." She replied a bit cryptically.
"Beth..." Joshua trailed off. Why would he even ask? He had no right to know anymore.
"He's fine, Joshua. Feeling his way around campus and finding things to do that he likes. He joined a Big Brother group and gives guitar lessons to kids." Bethany said throwing Joshua a life line.
Joshua swallowed hard and nodded in thanks. His eye-sight suspiciously blurry.
"He misses you." Bethany said lowly. Joshua cleared his throat and ordered another drink.
"Getting plastered on the regular won't make you forget him Joshua. It won't make anything easier or better. You'd still be in love with him and he'd still be in love with you." Joshua's chest ached from Bethany's words, his breathing labored.
Joshua had no come back. He just swallowed down the lump in his throat and finished off his drink. He got off his stool and walked out the club with Bethany hot on his heels.
"Really Joshua?" she yelled, her arms opened wide. "This is what you want?" she gestured to his body as he tried to keep his balance.
"He's in college learning and growing. He's trying to do something with his life." Joshua had no doubt who the 'he' Bethany was referring to.
"He's becoming a better man and what are you doing Joshua? Nothing. You're doing nothing with your life. You're just here drinking yourself silly." Bethany spat and Joshua frowned once he got his balance somewhat.
"It's been four months already Joshua. Egypt never makes promises he can't keep and when the sixth month passes he won't wait for you." Bethany walked away leaving Joshua stone fucking sober and aware that neither he nor Mason or Bethany ever spoke of Egypt when he was present.
Joshua tried his best to not think of the boy too. Of the ultimatum Egypt left him with. He wished the remainder of the six months would pass him by in an oblivious blur.
That's why he drank so much. The less he'd think about and dream about and wish about. The less he'd be able to convince himself to go see a fucking shrink and race to Egypt in a heartbeat.
He couldn't though. He won't. Egypt deserved better than him Joshua thought.
Joshua ambled his way home and fell into bed. All of Bethany's words circled his head until he fell asleep.
***
Mason let himself into the apartment that he could see Joshua tried to upkeep after Egypt left. He found Joshua face down on the bed Egypt vacated for college.
Mason just shook his head and went back out to the kitchen and started to brew coffee and hoped the aroma would lure Joshua out. And that it did.
"How you feeling today?" Mason asked as usual and Joshua shrugged and went into the bathroom with a pair of boxer briefs and his towel. Mason smiled; at least he was bathing and brushing his teeth.
When Joshua came out he dropped into a seat and accepted the cup of coffee from Mason with a blank stare.
"Listen, Beth told me what she said to you last night." Mason began and Joshua sighed.
"She's got your best interest at heart but I told her to lay off you for a while okay." Mason said and Joshua nodded and looked into the black abyss of the cup in his hands.
"Thanks." Joshua rasped and Mason nodded while he sipped his own cup.
"How..." Mason stilled and waited. Joshua did his thing in his own time.
"How's he doing?" Joshua's voice was barely above a whisper and Mason smiled slightly knowing full well he asked Bethany the same thing the night before.
"He's okay. He made some friends I've Skyped with and he's doing well in his classes. Got asked out a lot but he's... waiting." Mason said the last part lowly and slowly.
Joshua nodded. Bethany didn't tell him that though, Mason would bet. But maybe Joshua needed a reality check.
Egypt's got a serious line up of blokes waiting to swoop in on him when he gives the okay. Mason just hoped Joshua wouldn't remain such a dense mother fucker till then.
"He misses you. He asks about you and I lie. I know he knows I'm lying." Mason continued and watched as Joshua's jaw flexed.
"I can't tell him you're swimming in liquor every night. I can't tell him you're still as angry as the day you left prison. I can't tell him you won't save yourself." Mason didn't give a flying fuck how fast Joshua's jaw was ticking or how tightly he gripped the cup in his hands.
Mason could see the words hurt Joshua but he needed to stop hiding and start feeling.
"But hey, Egypt will move on eventually. He'll find another guy, Lord knows he ain't hurting in that department." Mason shrugged. Joshua didn't say a word. Just ground his teeth together until Mason went down to open up the store.
Joshua changed and went to work. Car after car he serviced and did a good job of keeping his mind off Egypt. Then he high tailed it to the nearest bar and drowned himself in alcohol to stop thinking of somebody else holding and kissing Egypt. Someone else loving him emotionally and physically.
Shot after shot Joshua downed them all until it was closing time. He cussed loudly and stumbled as the bouncer tossed him and two other guys out. Fixing his hat Joshua happened to overhear them talking about hitting a party and sauntered towards them when he heard 'free drinks'.
"Hey, can I come with?" Joshua asked and took stock of the two men.
"Sure." The one with the goatee and glasses drawled. The second one giggled and nodded. Joshua smiled and off they were when their ride came ten minutes later.
Joshua drank everything that came his way, he even paid some stoner guy for a few puffs of his blunt and couldn't remember where he left his wallet. He stumbled out of the house party a few hours later drunk and high as hell and right out onto the road and into oncoming traffic.
He didn't feel the impact. He just heard it. The loud bang and his body hurtled a few feet.
He blinked up at the stars in the night sky covered in a tint of red and when he closed his eyes when they felt full and he could no longer see from them. All he could see was Egypt when he squeezed them shut. All he could hear was Egypt over the shouting and blood roaring in his ears.
**********************************************************************************************
A/N
Don't kill me!
I love you alllllll!