I would’ve liked to say that I didn’t kiss Alexei back. That I didn’t feel as though my legs might give out from under me and that the only thing holding me up wasn’t the wall he had me pressed against.
But then, I’d be lying.
At first, as his lips met mine, I stood frozen, paralyzed by shock. I felt as though I’d been struck by lightning –or at least, I felt like what I imagined being struck by lightning felt like.
But when Alexei bit my lower lip, I came back to my senses, which were completely overwhelmed by him at the moment.
I momentarily forgot where I was and what I was supposed to be doing –namely working. My arms found their way around his neck and I was reminded just how good of a kisser he was.
Kissing Alexei didn’t make me see fireworks on the backs of my closed eyelids. It didn’t make butterflies bat their wings in my stomach. Instead, it made heat gather at the bottom of my belly and it made goose bumps break out all over my skin. It made me want to rip his clothes off and run my fingers over every single inch of his skin. I barely managed to gather enough restraint not to do so, since we were in a very public library after all. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to –desperately.
There was something about Alexei Romanov that made me lose all coherent thoughts and all sense of decency. And while a part of me was shaking its head in silent disapproval, the biggest part of me was too lost in our passionate make-out to mind.
Meanwhile, Alexei’s mouth left mine to slide down my neck and I gulped for air before I brought his face back to mine. The memories I had of him didn’t do him justice –his lips were softer than I remembered and his hands more adventurous than in my dreams. His mouth tasted like mint and he smelled like heaven –a trace of cologne over his scent, a unique melange that made me almost dizzy.
I was a complete mess of hormones when he pulled away and we were both breathing heavily as he rested his forehead against mine, his hands framing my face. I opened my eyes only when I regained a bit of countenance, which took me a considerable while. He was watching me; our gazes met and the current of attraction that shot down my spine made my breath catch in my throat. His eyes were completely disarming –it truly wasn’t fair. His irises were thin rings of gold-ish green around his dilated pupils and I felt as though if I stared into them long enough, I would be able to see straight into his mind. As though he could read my thoughts, he closed his eyes for a second precisely as that reflection flitted through my mind. He let out a shaky breath and I was glad that I wasn’t the only one who felt completely shaken.
And then, my suspicions assaulted me all at once, as I remembered the note stuck in the box of Pokémon cards, with that one letter which had seemed to mock me.
He took one step back before opening his eyes, which were now glinting mischievously –he still wasn’t smiling though. “Now that that’s out of the way, we can talk.” His voice was lower than before and it had a rough edge, just like when he –
I interrupted my thoughts before they ventured into a dangerous territory. After a heavy sigh and after rubbing my temples in an attempt to clear my head of the haze of desire that still clung to my thoughts, I looked up at him. “Talk about what?”
“About what happened two weeks ago.”
My gaze dropped to the ground almost instinctively as my cheeks warmed up. “What about it?” I muttered as my foot batted a nervous rhythm against the carpeted floor.
“Well, I’d like to address the fact that you lost your virginity that night.”
I almost choked on my own breath. “W-was it th-that obvious?” I still couldn’t look up at him.
“Kind of.” I could tell he was smiling –I could hear it in his voice.
I couldn’t think of an adequate reply so I just clenched my jaw shut, feeling mortified. I’d often felt the urge to disappear –when being as shy as me, that’s not a feeling you can avoid –but I’d never felt this compelled to let the floor beneath my feet swallow me whole and spit me out on another continent, preferably with a different identity.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I whispered finally and took a step to the side, intending to leave. Before I could do so, he stepped into my way and moved a tad closer.
“Fuck. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude.”
“You always sound rude.” The words escaped my mouth before I could think it through and I looked up at him with wide eyes, shocked at my own nerve.
He was grinning –one of his half smiles that made me all kinds of flustered. “Do I? Well, that’s unfortunate.” And then his face sobered up and he looked serious, which kind of scared me.
“I’m sorry about what happened. I just wanted to let you know that that’s not how I usually behave.”
I snorted quietly, my gaze dropping to my feet. “That’s not what everybody’s saying.”
“What everybody’s saying doesn’t matter. What matters is that I don’t usually do what I did that night. I don’t sleep with just anyone.”
My head snapped up. “That came out all wrong,” he backtracked and ran a hand through his hair. It was only then that I noticed that it was covered in scribbles, just like the last time I’d seen him. “What I meant was that I usually make sure that my –uh –partners are in for the same thing I am. It’s a onetime deal, the no strings attached kind, you feel? But I didn’t actually know that that’s what you were expecting from that night.”
I didn’t say anything. My eyebrows pulled together in a frown and I just stared at him, trying to guess where he was going with this.
“And then when I realized that it was your first time… I should’ve stopped. But I didn’t. I don’t want you to think that I didn’t care… I just –I wasn’t thinking straight. I really am sorry.”
And then I got it. “Don’t worry, Alexei. I won’t go around spreading rumors about you.” My voice was hard and for once it didn’t waver –there was no trace of my habitual hesitation. “Your reputation is safe. I won’t undermine your dreams of becoming the future president or whatever.”
This time, when I made a move to sidestep him, he didn’t block my way. Without glancing his way again, I took the stack of books from where he’d left them. I noticed that my hands were shaking only when I reached out to pick them up, but I concentrated to tame the tremors. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing just how much I felt… What exactly? That was the problem. I couldn’t even put in word the complicated melange of emotions that were boiling inside of me.
“Isis, that’s not what I meant.” He grabbed my arm and his touch –even through the sleeve of the pullover I was wearing –made the little hairs on my arms stand up. But for once, I didn’t want to listen to any excuses or pretexts. I didn’t want to let him use what Tina called my “hopeless naiveté” against me. I looked over my shoulder at him, ready to tell him what I thought about all of this, but when I saw the expression he wore, my hostility melted away.
His eyes were pleading with me and all the mischievousness and arrogant entitlement that somehow always stuck to guys like him had vanished entirely, leaving him almost vulnerable. He looked like a little boy and everything inside me softened, as if dictated by some backwards maternal instinct I didn’t even know I possessed.
“I don’t want you to remember losing your virginity like this. If not anything else, can’t we be friends?”
Friends.
I let the word sink in and rolled it around on my tongue, trying it on. I wasn’t sure the term “friends” could even begin to describe the strange tangle of a relationship that we’d come to build in the following months, but at the moment, it seemed worth a try.
“Friends,” I repeated slowly, skeptical.
“Yeah. Friends.” He smiled at me then, almost shyly. The tentativeness of his grin reminded me of a child and once again, I melted. Did he even know what that smile could do to people?
By then, my doubts about Gabriel’s claims had vanished almost entirely. I was starting to see Alexei in the way Gabe had described him –why would someone as rich, someone who could have anything he could ever want waste his time stealing cocaine of all things? Now that I thought about it, it did seem absurd.
“You really don’t have to do this, you know? I’m fine. I don’t… I don’t regret what happened between us.” I couldn’t look him in the eye.
“That’s good to know. Still, I’d like to get to know you better. How about a date? I know a decent restaurant downtown.”
“I –” I was at a loss of words. Didn’t he just say he wanted to be friends? Did friends go on dates?
“I’ll call you.” He gave me another half-smile before turning on his heel and leaving me completely confused.
I just stood there for a second, staring after him in utter disbelief. I wasn’t sure what had just happened except that I was now apparently going on a date with Alexei Romanov and that I didn’t have much of a say in the matter, which was rather annoying.
After another moment of standing as still as though he’d turned me into stone, I slowly started replacing books on their shelves, still feeling shell-shocked and wishing that my life could go back to the way it’d been three weeks ago –uncomplicated and unexciting.
~♠~
I’d ended up going home later than I would’ve liked. After my shift at the library, I’d stumbled onto Ro and Jenna and they convinced me to go drink a coffee at Starbucks. They told me excitedly that Alexei had asked them for my phone number and –of course –that they’d given it to him, no questions asked.
Then, they proceeded to quiz me about what was “the deal with me and Romanov”, a subject that made me squirm in my seat uncomfortably. I only gave evasive answers and half-truths, not wanting to downright tell them that I’d slept with him on a whim, losing my virginity along the road. I wasn’t sure I could ever bring myself to tell that tale to anyone –not even T&T.
They had obviously been unsatisfied with my responses, but they didn’t press the matter, and for that, I liked them even more. Instead, they steered the conversation onto a less touchy subject, and I spent over two hours listening to their hilarious recounts of the juiciest bits of gossip on campus. By the end, I knew who’d slept with whom over the winter break, why Angelica Maslow had broken up with James Lowe and why Garret Heathrow was viscerally scared of spiders.
It had done me good to let my mind concentrate on something different than the mess I’d gotten myself into and when I finally left the Starbucks I felt more relaxed than I had all day.
I took a bus to get home and the bus stop closest to my neighbourhood still was far enough that I had a half-hour walk ahead of me. I did feel rather tired and when I checked my ancient cellphone, I noticed that it was already well past eleven. I thought about the class I had to attend in the morning –history of art –and sighed heavily. It was hard enough to stay awake during that class with a full night of sleep.
I was walking leisurely, staring at the lit windows of the apartment blocks I passed, when I heard the soft whining. I tried to locate it, staring around, until I saw the small, pale shape of a dog behind the chicken wire fence that surrounded the backyard of the house at the corner of the street. It was a sketchy-looking bungalow, with sheets of questionable cleanness acting as curtains.
From where I was, the dog looked like a Siberian husky, barely more than a puppy, with the strange darker spots of fur still surrounding its eyes. It was straining against its leash and I scanned its surroundings to see what might elicit such a reaction, when I saw the bowl filled with water that stood just out of its reach.
My heart squeezed as I neared the fence. After casting a quick look around to make sure that the street was still deserted, I climbed the fence and landed on the other side. I’d obviously startled the dog, and it cowered away, its tail between its hind legs.
“Hey buddy,” I whispered softly, my voice gentle and coaxing. “No worries, I’m here to help.”
I pushed the bowl of water in its direction with the toe of my boot and after staring at it and then up at me, the small dog took a tentative step in its direction.
After looking at the dog for another moment, I decided that it was probably a “he” (even though I had no evidence to support my claim) and decided to call him Bae, for lack of a better idea.
I remembered the half eaten sandwich I still had in my bag and pulled it out as Bae lapped up the water greedily. I proceeded to tear the bread into smaller bits. He immediately smelled it and although he was still obviously wary of me, he stretched his neck to sniff my hands from a safe distance. He let out another soft whine and I left the bits of bread and ham next to his bowl before I stepped away once again so he’d feel safe. I made sure he was eating before I climbed the fence again and set on my way. By then, it was already almost midnight.
The beep of my cellphone made me jump, signaling an incoming text. I checked it, expecting a worried text from my father, but what I read made my blood run cold.
Stealing cocaine by daylight and rescuing dogs by moonlight? You definitely are something else, Isis Greene.
My footsteps stopped as I stared at the small screen of my phone in disbelief.
Someone was actually watching me.
It was nearly midnight, I was alone on a deserted street and someone had been following me.
I felt like the heroine of a slasher movie –which was far from being a pleasant feeling. I tried not to panic, but it wasn’t easy, especially when I was certain that someone had actually followed me for God knows how long.
My father and I didn’t live in the safest neighborhood in Boston –in fact, it was probably near the bottom in that department, but I’d never felt more menaced than I felt then.
With shaking fingers, I scrolled down my contacts list until I found Gabriel’s number. He was the only person who knew about everything, thus he was the only person I could call. I started walking again, at a brisker pace, and the shudder that ran down my spine had nothing to do with the chill of the night air.
Gabe’s phone rang eight times before it directed me to his voice mail. By then, I felt like crying.
“Hey, I obviously can’t pick up at the moment, leave a message and I’ll get back to you later… maybe.”
His pre-recorded message didn’t make me feel any better.
“Gabriel, someone is following me. Like, legit trailing me. This A person texted me and he knows what I’d been doing just seconds ago. I’m scared, Gabe. Please, please, please just call me back as soon as you can, okay?”
I didn’t care that my voice was shaky and that I sounded pathetic. I was half running by then, and my phone rang again, but I didn’t take the time to check it this time. I was so very achingly close to home that I felt the pull of its safety like a magnet. I’ve never longed to be in my broom closet of a bedroom more than in that very moment.
When I turned the familiar corner of my street, I almost fainted with relief. A group of guys stood near the entrance to the apartment block neighbor to mine and they were talking loudly and listening to rap that blared from one of their cars, parked alongside the sidewalk. I felt like running up to them and kissing them all one by one.
As I drew nearer one of them nodded at me in a silent greeting and I recognized him as Stacey Jones’ older brother. I waved back, probably looking too enthusiastic, but I didn’t care. Stacey Jones was another volunteer at the local Salvation Army. I didn’t know her brother very well, but I’ve never been happier to see him.
I climbed the stairs leading to the front door of my building two by two and sprinted up the four flights of stairs that led to out apartment. By the end of my run against the clock, I was breathless and my thighs ached, but my relief overshadowed my discomforts. My hands shook so hard that it took me a few tries to manage to stick the key into the lock, but I managed it on my fourth attempt. I leaned against the front door heavily and that’s how my father found me when he exited the bathroom.
“Everything alright, Niña?”
I smiled at him weakly and nodded. He paused, observing me for another moment, worry shadowing his usually neutral expression, but then he seemed to brush it off. “Goodnight, then. Sleep tight.” He kissed my forehead before he went to his bedroom.
Not for the first time, I felt grateful for how completely trusting my father was. At the same time, I felt absolutely disgusted with myself for betraying that trust. If only he knew what kind of trouble I’d gotten myself into…
I forced myself to stand up straight and took off my coat and boots, feeling weary and more than a little bit overwhelmed. Everything that had happened today was swirling in my brain, making an explosive mix that only lacked a lit match to explode.
I was exhausted, but I dragged myself to the shower before I went to bed and even once I was wrapped up in my sheets, relishing the comforting, familiar smell of my room, I still felt unsettled. I leaned over the side of my bed and grabbed the bag I’d carelessly discarded next to it, pulling out my cellphone and opening it, my hands shaking in anticipation.
I could breathe normally only when I was done reading the second text.
Just checking I have the right # -Alexei
I stared at it for a moment, my thoughts waging a war, two opposite sides pitted against each other. On one hand, I had a hard time believing Alexei was the type of guy to play these kinds of games… and on the other, I wasn’t convinced of his innocence. Was it just a coincidence that he’d texted me just moments after my anonymous stalker? Was he playing some sort of mind game with me, which only he could understand? Of course, the two cellphone numbers didn’t match –but that didn’t mean anything.
I was incredibly tired and yet I couldn’t fall asleep. I felt agitated and I kept reading the two texts over and over again, until the words blurred together and until I could no longer distinguish them. I shut my eyes, and before I fell asleep, the only thing I could imagine, projected on the backs of my closed eyelids, was Alexei’s face.
~♠~
Gabriel never called back.
I felt resentful –somehow, I’d came to consider him as an ally, as my sole partner in this whole mess, but he’d let me down monumentally.
And even though I received no more mysterious texts, there was not a minute that I let my guard down. I felt paranoid everywhere I went –even my own home had lost its security. This feeling of being watched constantly drove me insane. It was exhausting, always glancing over my shoulder to see if anyone had been walking behind me, trying to guess if that guy in line at Mario Mart was just smiling at me or if he was smiling at me knowingly, as if to communicate that he knew everything about me.
I grew irritable and Tina and Tyler noticed. They didn’t press the matter but they did walk on eggshells whenever they were around me –Tina even tried to tone down her sarcasm and her taunting remarks, which was a first.
Saturday was my first day of reprieve –I didn’t have to get out of the house. I wasn’t working and I wasn’t planning on leaving the apartment no matter what –being outside was ten thousand times worse than staying in, even though I was pretty sure that whoever it was that had stalked me knew exactly where I lived.
I was still curled up in bed when the doorbell rang.
I hesitated, reminiscing what had happened the last time someone –namely Gabriel –had rung my doorbell this early in the morning.
I kicked my covers away and tiptoed to the door, and this time, I took my time to look into the peephole and think through my decision.
I opened the door and Tina breezed past me, entering the apartment as though she owned the place. Tyler followed at a notably slower pace, kissing my cheek as he went in.
“Did you forget?” Tina said accusingly, after taking off her winter gear, her hands on her hips.
“Forget what?” I asked, trying to rub the last bits of sleep from my eyes.
“Give her a break, this obviously hasn’t been her week,” Tyler said from behind me patronizingly, and I felt his hands rest on my shoulders, massaging them. They sagged, releasing tension I didn’t even know they held and I sighed appreciatively.
Tina ignored him and lifted the grocery bag she’d been holding. “It’s chocolate chip cookie Saturday, duh,” she reminded me, eyes narrowed.
I slapped my forehead. “Ugh, sorry guys, I totally forgot.”
Chocolate chip cookie Saturday was a monthly tradition, instilled back when we were six and “helped” my mother make chocolate chip cookies on the first Saturday of every month. Our “help” consisted mostly of eating half the chocolate chips and throwing flour at each other, but it was a tradition we’d stuck to, even after what had happened five years ago –or maybe because of it.
“We came prepared for that eventuality,” Tyler said and grabbed the bag from Tina’s hands. He started unpacking its contents onto the counter while I gathered the necessary tools and the ingredients they hadn’t brought over.
“Mind telling me what your sulking around all week was about?” Tina asked as she cracked two eggs into the bowl that already contained brown sugar mixed with butter.
I bit my lower lip, debating just how much I could tell her. “Nothing much, really. I just… I guess it was just back to school blues.”
The two twins gave me matching dubious looks and I flushed dark red.
“Back to school blues?” Tina asked, air quoting the words. “You sound like my mom.”
Tyler didn’t say anything, but he was staring at me intently, obviously not buying my weak explanation.
“My theory,” he said slowly. “Is that whatever is going on right now has something to do with that party Tina forced you to go to.”
I looked down at the dough I was stirring, but didn’t say anything.
“Hey! I didn’t force her to go anywhere! She agreed to go!”
“What happened, Isis? Did someone… did someone hurt you?” I saw Tyler’s fingers clench on the wooden spoon he was holding.
Oh yes. Alexei had done something alright… just not in the way you mean it.
I gulped, trying to find an appropriate answer, but I was saved by the doorbell, as it rang again.
Grateful for the distraction, I jumped up and walked to the door, ready to kiss whoever stood on the other side. My elation vanished when I looked into the peephole, but I opened the door nonetheless.
Seeing him standing there reminded me of all the things I’d tried to forget for at least one day and I made a face. “This is the worst possible time, Gabe. Can you come back later?” I whispered, hoping that I could convince him to leave before Tina decided to check out whatever was taking me so long.
Gabriel just stared at me, and then he sighed. “Please, please, please, just call me back as soon as you can, okay?” His high-pitched, whiny imitation of my voice was way too loud and if I’d hoped to avoid arousing Tina and Tyler’s suspicions, that hope was shattered now. “Well, this was the soonest I could manage,” he continued, his voice back to its usual lower pitch.
I placed both my hands on his chest, trying to push him back, intending to slam the door in his face, but he didn’t even budge. In fact, he looked amused by my futile efforts as he grabbed both my wrists and forced them down to my sides before leaning in closer.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Tina’s shrill voice rang out like a gunshot through the silence and I froze. Gabe pulled away and looked at Tina over the top of my head, one eyebrow raised, letting go of my wrists.
I whirled around to look at her, my mind going blank as panic seized me.
Tina was staring at the both of us, looking incredulous, as though she thought that she might be dreaming.
Just then, I felt Gabriel’s chest pressing up against my back and before I could step away or even do anything, his arms snaked around my waist and he pulled me even closer.
“I was just stopping by to check on my pregnant girlfriend,” he announced, his voice completely carefree.
And in that moment, I swear I could’ve killed him in cold blood.
~A/N~
gabe and alexei are so fun to write about tbh. and so is isis.
let me know what you thought, u know i love to hear your opinions! thank you all for reading!