> The girl is broke but can afford a Gucci purse, an iPhone six gold and her own pet tiger.
...And we have a new evil bank robbing mastermind here.
> The girl is deathly afraid of motorcycles.
Can we just have an ordinary girl who isn't screaming bloody murder or burying her face into someone's shoulder, holding them tight enough to cut the blood circulation waist down. (The Art Of Mending A Broken Heart defies this)
> Close to no one makes poop jokes.
Come on, those things are amazing. Who doesn't like a poop joke? Or a fart joke? Why are they considered rude?
> The author puts her whole life story in the author's note.
Geez, if we wanted to know how long you spend in the shower and why the water was 0.34567 degrees too hot we could have added you on Snapchat or Twitter.
> I was Happy :)
I was Sad :(
I was crying :'(
I pooped 💩
Because we don't know what any of the above emotions (or actions) look like. Also, the author puts these emotions between two connected sentences.
Eg: He smiled :) at me and I winked back ;).
> Everyone eats, drinks, breathes and thinks Starbucks.
I believe that there are other coffee stores in this world.
> One Direction or Justin Bieber fall smack dab into the middle of the story.
You should have put up a 'FANFIC' sign before letting the story out to the world.
> I'll update next week, I promise.
Doesn't update for another half a millennium. Of course, we'll take Wattpad to our graves just to see how your book ends.