2018 Another old book cover, before the name change.
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C h a p t e r T w o
Regardless of how horrible I felt the day before, I wasn't quite ready to quit just yet.
Not even when the day started with a loud bang after accidentally dropping my bowl of soup, the contents splattering over Mum's freshly steamed carpet. I spent most of my breakfast time trying desperately to scrub it with warm soapy water as Mum breathed fire down my neck.
To my dismay, I had to leave the house with only an apple for breakfast in the car. Like yesterday, I was hitching a ride with Tom because he insisted on driving me the whole week. It was a nice gesture and saved me a lot more stress in the morning with taking the bus, but it meant that the majority of the ride was spent trying to not talk myself out of going to school and dodging Tom's questions.
When we arrived at school there were only two minutes until the bell. I could not afford to give another bad impression to my history teacher. Having Mrs. Yan yesterday was scary enough, there were no such things as excuses with her. To my relief, when I entered the classroom Mrs. Yan had gone to the office to grab the attendance roll which she had forgotten. I managed to escape scot-free, for now at least.
Sitting with Mandy at the bench at lunch today had been the only upside of my day so far. Though we'd only met the day before I felt at ease with her company. She was quite the cheerful chatter, often filling in the silence, and I quite enjoyed her sarcastic humor.
"Miss Rose Harper, your food is far too tempting. God, I wished my parents owned a restaurant," Mandy sighed. "On second thoughts, never mind. I'd never be able to lose the weight before the ball. But I'm sick of cold salads and stupid teas."
I gave her a stern look and was about to say something about how she didn't have to lose any weight but at that moment, Cassie, Melissa, and my replacement Samantha walked past our table.
"Oh my gosh, I guess you two are really friends now aye Chubbypuffs?" Melissa scoffed loudly.
"You're never going to fit into something good anyway with that ass, so don't bother. Oh, and also stop pretending to eat Rose. We all know you throw it up later, you should really be eating Mandy's share." Cassie added before the golden trio laughed hysterically.
"WHATEVER, MINGERS!" Mandy yelled after them.
I sat in my seat feeling defeated.
"Don't bother with them Rose, they're like that to everybody they think is below them – which is practically the entire population of the world. They're just jealous that you're naturally skinny."
Mandy began to mull over her salad dully, pushing it around the plate instead of into her mouth. If there's one thing I noticed about her, it is that she didn't care for others' opinions of her. I honestly didn't think she was sad because of what they said about her, but rather it was because she was having a measly salad for lunch.
"Oh no, it's alright. I'm fine."
While locked inside in a battle of inner monologue, I smiled gently at her while questioning myself if I was actually okay with it.
To think that I probably would have been like them if I had stayed. Engaging in putting people down meanwhile acting like divas who own the joint. What they said was certainly shocking and I couldn't help but feel taken aback at ex-best friend's comment, especially about my apparent lack of weight.
It was something that always bothered me because although I have my appetite back and am no longer so afraid of food, my body was still refusing to put on enough mass. I mean, part of this could just boil down to genes. Tom was also tall like a stick, and in that case, I guess I couldn't really help how I looked or the shape I came in, Mandy too. Only I wish they wouldn't use that against anyone.
Watching the golden girls disappear back to their group of jocks and cheerleaders made me thankful that I'd progressed beyond that. It was a scary thing to think that those words could've come out of my mouth.
The bell rang for last period and Mandy quickly repeated the directions to the English block. Despite her efforts, I couldn't remember if it was left or right before the stairs, then towards the dance studio or gym! Even with the embarrassing map in my hands, I still turned up at the wrong door!
About ten minutes later, when everybody had long cleared the halls, did I finally find the right door. And crap... I was late. All the happiness with Mandy had long worn off and had been replaced with frustration.
I really disliked the feeling of being lost and not being in control of situations. It was something that I'd already felt that way for far too long, and the whole point of coming back to this school was so that I could prove to myself that I could do what I had once thought would be impossible. But with the start that I was experiencing–of what was meant to be an uneventful, normalized high school life– not panning out the way I'd imagine, things were starting to get to me.
I walked into the room. Mind occupied, eyebrows knitted together in irritation.
"And I'll presume that you're Miss Harper?" A sudden booming voice started.
I snapped my head up and upon meeting what seemed to be a hundred pair eyes of my fellow classmates I froze, finally remembering where I was.
Shit.
I turned my head slowly to the blackboard and inhaled sharply. My teacher's eyebrows were raised, gaze steady as he drummed his fingers along his crossed arms.
It was then I realized this has to be him, Mr. Green... The teacher practically everyone was buzzing about.
True to Mandy's words, there was no way that this was an ordinary teacher. The man that stood before me was insanely tall, with dark mahogany brown hair as rich as leather. His broad shoulders were strong, following a suit was his powerful and confident stature. His skin was lightly tanned and smooth, playing along to his jawline which was cut like shards of ice.
It felt weird to analyze him, I mean just the way he looked at first glance already made me feel uncomfortable. I almost felt unsafe with how conventionally attractive he was. His appearance just commanded that much attention. I was staring, I knew it, but that wasn't what caught me off guard.
It was his eyes.
They were one of the most strikingly deep blue eyes and I felt paralyzed like I was suddenly being confronted by a vast icy ocean.
They were so beautiful.
"Well you're late, and I'd appreciate it if you'd knock having entered well into class time." He said sternly, forcing me to my senses.
I blushed immediately, and barely managed to get out my apology, "S-sorry! I-I'm new...Got lost." Looking down I hastily ran to take the only empty seat in class which was near the front. Cringing as my chair scraped loudly along the floor, I felt everyone's attention honing in on me.
"I see that you've got a map in your hand. Are you here for lessons on how to read it? I do teach English, not geography." He spoke whilst the room sniggered and the girls around me shot me looks, irked that I had the spotlight.
I let my hair fall in curtains in front of my face to cover the red that was now burning my cheeks. My fists were overcome with sweat as I fumed silently. Jesus, who invited the freaking king? He could cut me some slack, I said I got lost.
This stupid man was the dangerous kind, anyone could just tell. Confident at speaking and a hit with all the ladies. He was hot and knew how to work it to his advantage. Not to mention, he was also a major douche.
"I'm only pulling your leg," he smirked before breaking out into a slick smile.
"Don't worry, I'm new too. I went into the wrong classroom yesterday and taught for about ten minutes before I put on my glasses and saw that the students were in their sports gear. I mean I don't mind teaching Rugby, but that wasn't why I was hired!" He chuckled loudly and the other students laughed along with him. Though I didn't quite appreciate his humour.
"Yeah right, I don't get why you keep saying you're new Rose when you're not? Stop trying to get out of a late pass." Someone replied sharply causing the laughter to stop abruptly. I looked up to see Cassie who was sitting in front of me, glaring with accusation.
Oh great, I'd chosen the spot behind her by accident. And what was her obsession with letting others know that I wasn't "new"?
"Is something the matter girls?" Mr. Green asked, looking confused between Cassie and I. There was an unmistakable awkward feeling in the air.
"Not at all, sir." She battered her eyelids cheerfully and straightened herself before flashing a bright white pearly my way. "Right Rose?"
My eyes went wide. I could see her pink bra peeking out from the top of her uniform. Would the old me have done that too? I shivered at yet another possibility of what an alternate Rose Harper would have been like.
Mr. Green peered at us for a second longer before deciding to proceed with class. Clasping his hands together he began, "Anyway as I was saying, this is my first year at Larrington High School. It is a pleasure to meet you all, my wonderful year 12s. May we all get along well this year!"
"Oi, aren't you too young to be a teacher or something?" James Macker, a boy with messy wild hair called out. He was about one of the few only students I remembered from my previous time here. His hair was still the same explosion of ferocious red on the top of his head against his pale skin which often reminded very much of Ronald McDonald. I felt my tension relax slightly as he offered a small ounce of familiarity. It was more than I would find in my beloved ex-best friend.
"Or aren't you too hot to be one?" Another girl followed. Some loud hoots around the class ensued. I roll my eyes as people who have obviously done their background research on him began pouring in their input.
"Mr. Green, why did you quit modeling when you became a teacher? My sister saw you in a magazine before!"
"Mr. Green, my brother was in your Rugby team back in 2006. Do you remember him? His name was Scottie Black!"
"Mr. Green, my sister said you taught her how to do an algebra question in Uni. It was question 32 on –"
I rubbed my forehead in my seat. Oh god, sign me up for a lecture on chipping paint off an old car over this crap. I had a feeling that I would soon be hearing a lot more of these types of questions as it seemed people couldn't get enough of him. I on the other hand, already had enough despite meeting him only moments before.
"Now, now! Guys, let's settle down," our teacher lectured with his hands up. "I appreciate the questions, but one at a time please."
While Mr. Green gave a quick spiel about his life leading to becoming a teacher, I soon reluctantly found myself staring again.
I couldn't seem to take my eyes off Mr. Green–well his eyes for that matter. They were just too blue to be real. They reminded me of the impending crash of a tidal wave. They were also shiny like they were embalmed with shiny flecks of beetle wings. It was really strange and unnerving... I couldn't pinpoint my exact feelings toward them, and I found it strange how easily my eyes drifted toward him. It was so unlike me. Normally I would be cowering away, yet I couldn't help myself and watched on as his eyes scanned the room and as he stopped. Wherever his eyes went, my eyes followed his every move.
I continued to watch as he blinked, and I blinked after him.
I watched as he frowned and I soon found myself frowning too.
I watched as he... meets my eyes–
Oh crap!
I snapped out of my daze.
Continuing to address the class, he arced a perfectly amused eyebrow my way. Nothing tore my gaze away faster than that.
With my heart racing, I cursed under my breath for being late and having to be seated so close to the front. Actually, I was feeling a bit irritated at myself for staring into his eyes. So what if they were blue and beautiful?
Feeling his eyes still lingering on my face, I pulled my school skirt a little lower and shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I turned my head and stared out the window in annoyance, determined to keep my eyes to myself this time.
As their conversation drifted into my ears, I drew my nose up at his cockiness.
"Thanks for asking but I'm a grandpa at twenty-five, which is definitely too old for any of you. So don't any of you try– especially all you boys. No, I won't go out on a date with you, but come back to me maybe in another ten years when you own a multi-million dollar company, then maybe I'll consider a contract relationship." Mr. Green joked while the class broke out in laughter once again.
I rolled my eyes. Too old for any of us? Thats implying that he's had many advances before from other students. As I surveyed the room noticing some of the flirtatious expressions displayed on the faces of my fellow sex, my heart sank as I saw that it was probably very true. They were glued to him, ogling after every word he said, dreamily.
"Now, enough of the random shouting out, it's time for the obligatory classroom rules and protocols, and everybody's favourite awkward icebreaker games! Let's get your name tags on and introduce ourselves to everybody!"
This time, the whole class moaned. With what sounded like two dozen whales singing in a choir, Mr. Green's smile widened at our dampened enthusiasm, revealing faint imprints of dimples in the middle of his cheek. As much as I hate to admit it, his face was even more handsome when he smiled.
Sure, I'll give him that, but I bet he already knew it. He also knew how to wrap innocent girls around his finger at ease alright, I thought as I slowly dragged myself out of my chair. I better be careful.
The class was composed in a large group circle on the floor, taking turns to explain what we got up to over the year break.
I couldn't concentrate at all and was on the verge of a breakdown. I was caught, sandwiched between two boys which resulted in me needing to keep my knees lifted up to avoid our knees touching.
It was a struggle to keep myself distracted and it took everything in me to not scream.
Despite the trembling all over my body and the sweat down my back, thankfully the guys seemed too engaged in Mr. Green to notice my awkward position.
Honestly, everybody in the class seemed to love him – even the boys which surprised me the most. I turned and looked at the computer nerds and sport jocks; there were no annoying side conversations, snickering, or bullying each other as I'd witnessed in other classes we had together. Lost in my own sick mind, I found myself almost wishing that they would annoy Mr. Green. It would be interesting to see how he really was when forced to deal with them, and then maybe everyone would finally see that he wasn't such a calm and level-headed Mr. Perfect all the time. Was I the only one who saw through his guise?
Our 'hot' new teacher was in the middle of telling more about his life's story – which was more than his requirement of 'what we did over the year break' really. It was about his childhood spent growing up on a rural country farm after being raised by his Grandparents, despite no one asking.
The more he answered people's questions about his past, the more I started to notice a weird feeling growing. I couldn't quite understand where it was coming from.
Though his answers and facial expressions seemed cheerful–he was a typical outdoorsy boy who learned to drive the tractor at 5 and would wrestle with baby emus on the farm— his voice betrayed everything he was going for. There seemed to be a hint of bitterness underlying. Maybe it was all in my head, I couldn't be sure. But no one else picked up on it.
"Okay, before class ends, would anybody like to volunteer to hand out the course outline which we will be going through tomorrow?"
A dozen hands were raised.
"ME!"
"Pick me!"
"I'll do it, Mr. Green!"
Yet again I was forced to look away from him and his undeservingly beautiful eyes. Having to walk around the class while people watched? No thanks.
He looked around the classroom before finally settling on someone. "You," he says obviously pointing to someone while I took a sudden interest in the graffiti on my table.
The phrase "Callie S2 Jake" was carved onto the wooden surface and had been outlined multiple times with various colored pens, probably during their impending boredom, much like the nature of this entire lesson.
I'll admit it was pretty cute. On occasion, I did wonder what it would be like to have a boyfriend. Sometimes I found myself wishing for the company because it would be nice to not always be so alone all the time. However, the thought of getting physically close to any guy repulsed me, so the possibility of having a boyfriend is immediately redundant anyway. Okay, perhaps repulsed was too strong of a word, but really, I was still much too afraid of them. Heck, I haven't even talked to a guy in three years, not that it was the slightest bit important to me.
It took me a whole minute to realize that the whole class had gone quiet. Hearing someone clearing their throat, I looked up curiously, and much to my shock, everyone was looking at me. Including Mr. Green who was waiting patiently.
"You," he lifted his eyebrows, obviously entertained by my stunned facial expression. "I picked you Miss Harper."
"O-Oh... sorry what?" I replied dumbly.
"You are to hand out the course outline, punishment for not paying attention the entire day." He smirked whilst the girls drew their noses at me yet again.
Crap. He knew?
I plastered on a fake smile whilst scowling on the inside as I stood up and snatched a little too roughly, the pile of paper from his hands and cursed him out a million times in my mind. Out of everybody who had been so eager, why did you have to choose the one and only person who was not interested? How did he know I was not paying attention anyway?
I could feel my body going hot, this was my worst nightmare. I rushed around the front row flimsily passing out the sheets to each table trying to be done as quickly as possible. Walking past Cassie's desk, she flashed me a smile but I turned my face away. I hadn't forgotten what she'd said to me. I placed a sheet on her desk carefully to not give her anything to nit-pick on before starting to move on.
However, as I was going past, she stuck her foot out and my feet caught onto the edge.
Combined with my nerves and suddenness, I fell. All the sheets in my hand were now in the air like someone had thrown a handful of white confetti.
The whole class erupted into a fit of laughter as I landed on all fours. I hear Cassie beside me laughing the hardest.
"Good, god!" She scoffed after me in hysterics.
Seeing what she'd done intentionally and thinking back to how much time had passed since I'd first known her, definitely jabbed at my little heart. Back then class was nothing like this for me. Walking down hallways or just sitting at the cafeteria for lunch, was nothing like this. It was peaceful, not difficult. Just how much have things changed?
As the papers floated around me onto the floor the sound of laughter bounced harder off the walls. I sat there staring at the ground, unable to move. My face was heating up, and my nose welting almost as if I was –
Oh no. Don't you dare cry Rose! You seriously can't afford to cry now.
Suddenly an alarming bolt of electricity zapped through my body. Someone was touching me and lifting my arm up, drawing my attention away. I snapped my head immediately towards the source and saw with shock, Mr. Green trying to help me up while studying me thoughtfully through those thick and long, black eyelashes. His mouth was pressed into a thin line.
Lead filled my body.
I flinched away, yanking my arm back harshly while a dark expression flashed over his face.
"T-t-thanks." I muttered grimly, my voice wavering as my throat clammed.
"No problem Miss Harper, it wasn't entirely your fault." Mr. Green turned away from me to address the class. "This a reminder for everyone to keep their legs under the table as manners when someone is walking around. Miss Cassie, do wait for the person to pass before sticking your leg out next time, I won't say it again."
Everybody turned to Cassie who suddenly looked as though she was hesitating.
"Uh... Oh no, I'm sorry! I didn't realize you'd trip on my feet, Rose! I always sit like this you see, it's more comfortable for me and my long legs. Oh dear, you poor thing! I'm so sorry." Cassie looked at me pouting. "You forgive me right?"
She flashed me another of her 'innocent' smiles as if to beckon me, and I nod slowly in reply, wanting just this to be over. Way to make yourself look better in front of the class.
"Here, let me help you pick up the papers." Acting relieved, she comes over and bends down to collect the paper off the floor. Despite all the awkward stares from everybody else, I don't move at all. I couldn't, not even to run away. I was overwhelmed and my body un-computing.
I just stared as Cassie's hands worked busily. My face still burned savagely red, and my palms and knees throbbed from the fall.
Finally, the sirens rang, disrupting the scene and taking the attention off us for a moment as everybody got up from their desk ready to leave.
Mr. Green clapped his hands together above the commotion. "Alright class, I enjoy the rest of the day. Been good getting to know you, thank you all for making me feel very welcomed to your school. Don't worry about the handouts today, I'll make sure everyone receives one tomorrow morning. You may go!"
Everyone rushed out the door and Cassie, demonstrating how much of a hard worker she was, had gathered up the last bits of paper. Meanwhile, I had yet to move my spot.
As the last of the class left, I could hardly ignore the little sniggers that were still going on as people walked past us. Nor could I forget what I was about to hear next.
"You're such an attention hog," Cassie whispered low in my ear as she strutted towards Mr. Green's desk to return the papers. I felt my heart plummet. What was her problem? Why was she so out to get me?
She gave our teacher a flirty wave and said a lengthy goodbye to him, mentioning how much she enjoyed the first class.
I continued to stare after her in disbelief.
It was only a minute later when she left did I noticed what I'd gotten myself into. There was no one else in here but me and Mr. Green. I gulped while the nerves began to creep. I didn't like the idea of being alone with a stranger.
Sensing my impending danger, I quickly went over to my desk and packed up my belongings. I must get out of this room first, I'll deal with Cassie later.
"Rose."
His voice calls out into the room, sending chills down my back. For some odd reason even though I had only just met the guy, I'd started to feel really queasy.
I heared him approach my desk.
Oh god, what did he want now? I quickened my pace as genuine fear washed over me.
I turned around to face him carefully as he was now by my side.
Mr. Green had a troubled expression on his face as our eyes locked. I felt my throat constricting and I struggled to remember to breathe.
"Hey, are you alright?" He attempted to reach out to me but I moved back immediately. I wondered if he could read my face. I only hoped that it wouldn't reveal how terrified I was.
"I'm sorry I might be reading this wrong as we've just met, but I can't seem to have noticed that you've been looking troubled the whole time in class. Have I said something wrong? Was it my teaching? If it's about the joke at the beginning, I do apologize." His voice was deep and serious while he studied my character, waiting for my answer.
My face burned, and my heart started racing. Sweat was forming down my neck. My suspicion was correct: he was studying each and every one of us. Now he's trying to use it as leverage against me... But too bad he can't fool me! I thought to myself frantically.
I've been the biggest fool in the past but it won't happen again.
"I'm f-fine, just trying to adjust..."
I could feel my palms go sweaty behind my back, so I balled them into the tightest fists in the hopes that it would help with my nerves. It doesn't do a thing.
He paused for a moment before speaking again carefully. "Look, it'll get better I'm sure. I know coming to a new school for your last senior year is difficult, especially when everyone has known each other for a long time. Like you said, it's only your second day so don't worry too much, it will get easier. "
I was almost too tempted to cut him off. I did not need him to tell me that, nor did I need him to comfort me with empty words. I could see it was all an act to try and win my approval seeing as I was the only in the class who was unreceptive to his lame jokes. You can try buddy, but not on me.
I searched the room impatiently, the desire to leave was only getting stronger. "I have a bus to catch," I replied curtly, my voice trembling slightly. I could feel my knees on the verge of giving out.
"Well, I suppose I shouldn't keep you, but– Wait!" He called, however I'd already spun around and left before he could finish.
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