Total Drama All-Stars Re-Write
Episode 16: The Bold and the Booty-Ful
Re-written and Edited by Joey Turner and Tanya Furness
Chris: (Voiceover, recounting last episode's clips) last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the final 6 went on a slippery, saucy sundae-shopping spree with extra, "are you nuts?" speaking of slips, Courtney probably should've destroyed her incriminating chart BEFORE Mike got his hands on it; or is he Mal, now and forever? Either way, thanks to his latest dirty trick, Zoey and Owen won the challenge, and Courtney got the watery boot. (Cut to Chris at the end of the dock at night; the camera focused on him) Five players remain, but not for long. (A farting sound is heard, Chris chuckles awkwardly) okaaaay; who's going to the finale? (Another fart is heard; Chris glares angrily off-screen) and who's going to get a bacterial infection, if SOMEONE doesn't stop using the flush of shame!!! (Zoom out to reveal the yeti reading a newspaper while sitting on the Flush of Shame. The yeti growls and then looks back at its paper) Seriously, bro; we put PEOPLE in there! It's all or nothing time, right here on Total Drama All-Stars! (The yeti farts again) eeewwwwww!
(Opening credits)
(Fade into the campgrounds at night; Scott is sitting on the steps of the loser cabin, Mal standing right behind him, smirking evilly)
Scott: I can't believe Courtney's gone. I mean ok yeah she burned us all with that chart, but now who's gonna yell at me and make me do stuff I don't wanna do?
Mal: you two REALLY had a good thing going, until GWEN messed it all up.
Scott: (Sits up, looking angrier) yeah, she did, didn't she? (Mal just smirks again)
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: (Less enthusiastic) I'm the last original girl cast member left on the island- yay me. (Sighs sadly) yeah it's not working; maybe it's because I just found out Courtney lied to me, or I miss Duncan, or I just now realized I've been doing another season of Chris' crap. (Perks up a bit) still, since I'm already here, I might as well try to win it... again. But if I'm gonna make it to the finale, I'll need a few allies. Owen's a nice guy, Zoey's been like a stepsister to me, not really sure I can trust Mike, or whoever he says he is ...that leaves Scott.
(Confessional ends)
(Gwen walks up to Scott)
Gwen: Hey, Scott. How're you holding up?
Scott: pfft, what do you care?
Gwen: (Nervously) sorry, I...
Scott: (Bitterly) I don't want your pity, I want your head on a platter!
Gwen: but I just...
Scott: (Gets closer to her face) "you're just gonna pay," is what!
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: so much for making nice with Scott.
(Confessional: Scott)
Scott: (Still edgy) yelling at Gwen won't bring Courtney back, but it sure feels good! Plus, now that I'm the only REAL villain left on the island, I've got a duty to churn everyone else up until they're as whipped and stinky as... MAMA'S GOAT BUTTER!! (Smiles nostaligically) man, I miss her cookin'. I bet Owen would love to get a face full of the butter, at least HE appreciates good cookin'!
(Confessional: Owen)
Owen: WHOOOO-HOOOOO!!!! (Chuckles) the final five! I still can't believe it! I don't remember the last time I made it this far; feels like it was years ago... probably because it WAS years ago. (Giggles) still, this time I'm going all the way, baby; and I know exactly what I want to do with the million... first I'm gonna give a piece to my mom so we don't end up in debt again like what happened with the cheese cellar, (Mutters under breath) worth every penny, I thought; THEN I'm gonna split the money with my little buddy Noah; and finally, I'm going back to square one: throwing the awesomest, baddest, sickest yacht party ever, and everyone on the show is invited!!! Even Mike... if he can get rid of creepy Mal first. I haven't been directly around Mal for a few days, and I think the nightmares finally stopped! ...I just hope he isn't planning anything evil as we speak.
(Confessional: Mal)
Mal: (Confidently) the million dollars is in my grasp, and still, besides Owen, no one has a clue that I'm not really Mike! (Chuckles evilly) I'm gonna use the prize money to live like a REAL villain... in a tower, preferably overlooking a volcano.
(Confessional ends)
(Zoom into Mal's head, once again showing Mike, Chester, Svetlana, and Vito trudging through the field of brain matter. By now they're getting closer to the creepy tower seen in episode 10)
Vito: I hope we hit the club district soon.
Chester: nah, ya ninny! If this place has a club district, I'll eat my pants- WITHOUT any catsup, unless you got some on ya. (Points accusingly at Vito) quit holding out!
(The four keep walking until they approach a campfire; next to the campfire stands Mike's Australian personality, Manitoba Smith, holding a lasso and staring intensely at the sky)
Mike: (Stops right in front of Manitoba) Manitoba! Finally!
Manitoba: can't talk now, big quota to fill.
Mike: (Confused) what's Mal making you do?
Manitoba: (Points his head upwards) see them clouds? (Everyone looks up to see a bunch of floating clouds) them's your dreams. My job's to get rid of them so you can never enjoy them again. (He lassoes a cloud down and pulls it down between him and Mike. The cloud fades and shows what looks like Zoey and Mike kissing in the rain)
Mike: (Gasps) it's the dream I had about kissing Zoey in the rain! Aww, I loved that dream!
Svetlana: (Gushing) so romantical!
Chester: (Gags) that dream's cheesier than one of my mozzarella sandwiches!
(Manitoba tosses the dream cloud into the fire pit; Mike screams)
Mike: Don't do that!!
Manitoba: LOVE to, Mate; but Mal's the boss.
Mike: (Groans) as soon as I regain control, the first thing I'm gonna do is find Zoey and give her a REAL kiss! One that Mal won't be able to ruin! (Manitoba throws another dream cloud into the fire) augh, COME ON!!! Stop burning up my dreams!
Manitoba: ah well, we all gotta go sometime.
Mike: don't you wanna be free?
Manitoba: (Glares at Mike) but even if we COULD beat Mal, that'd just put YOU back in charge! So, how's that make ME free?
Vito: no way, he's right! (Points at Mike) why should YOU get all the control?
Mike: (Nervously) cus, I'M the first. The original.
Chester: (Rolls his one eye) pah! Where's the proof?
Mike: (Reaches into his pocket) right here. (Pulls out his wallet and opens it, showing it to his other personalities) see? (The other personalities scream. Mike looks at his wallet and gasps, seeing what they're screaming about... instead of his own ID, Mal's ID is there) Mal?! NOOOOOOOO!!!!
(Cut back to the real world; zoom in on the spa hotel girl's bedroom. Zoey notices a painting of Chris with shiny teeth... actually shining)
Zoey: (Suspicious) strange.
Chris: (From outside the door; whining) I AM SO BOOOOORED!!! (Forces his way into Zoey's room) I miss my cottage!
Zoey: (Annoyed) You mean mansion? Anyways, I was kinda...
Chris: did you know the soap here is made out of soap!? What am I, a peasant!? And 600 thread-count bed sheets!? It's like sleeping on ...SANDPAPER!!!
Zoey: uh, no offense, but why are you telling me all this? Isn't Owen your roommate?
Chris: yeah, and the guy says how he actually LIKES this place! (Scoffs) he even likes the orange juice! That mess has at least 2% pulp, IT'S PRACTICALLY CHUNKY!!!!
Zoey: (Nervously) ok? I'd love to chat more, but uh... (Starts shaking like she has to use the bathroom) I-I'm about to have a bathroom emergency! ...the explosive kind!
Chris: (Groans and turns his head in disgust) way to over-share! (Fumes out of the room)
Zoey: (Relieved) phew! (Turns back to the painting) ok, now where was I? (She slams her fist onto the painting. Suddenly, the "teeth" on Chris' painting slide downward, and a DVD slides from behind the painting. Zoey catches it) a DVD? oh! Alejandro DID say look in the art. Could THIS be what he meant?
(Cut to the control room. Zoey sneaks in and pops the DVD into the DVD player. On the screen, the collection of Mal clips plays; starting with Mal tripping Cameron during the moon challenge)
Zoey: (Gasps) so THIS is Mal?
(The following Mal clips play on the monitor: Mal attacking Owen during the moon challenge (Zoey gasps especially hard at this one), Mike tripping in the confessional and Mal taking over, Mal beating Izzy and Owen in the fight challenge, Mal sabotaging the boats, and finally Mal rigging the votes)
Zoey: oh no! Surely he hasn't been Mal this whole time!
(Confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: I-I can't believe how long Mike's been Mal! (Groans) I feel like such a fool! Why didn't I listen to Duncan?! And poor Owen and Cameron and... (Groans harder) I feel so stupid!
(Confessional ends)
Owen: (From outside the control room) Zoey, you in here? (Walks in) hey, I got you a mallomar... but it kinda ended up in my mouth somehow- (Notices Zoey and the monitors showing Mal clips and gasps in fright. There is an awkward silence)
Zoey: (Concern) ...Owen-
Owen: (Wails) ok, you broke me!! (Speaks quickly) Mike has an evil dude in his brain named Mal and he attacked me and threatened me and he got rid of Noah and Dawn there I said it! (Zoey just raises an eyebrow at Owen)
(Confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: wow, I am REALLY good at interrogating... I think?
(Confessional ends)
Owen: I'm sorry! (Inhales deeply and drops to his knees) do with me what you must!!!
Zoey: aww. (Pats Owen on the head comfortingly) I'm not mad, Owen. I just want to know, why didn't you tell anyone?
Owen: well I told Noah, and Dawn and Al kinda already knew. But I didn't 'cus I was scared; I was scared what he'd do to me, I was scared what he'd do to the people I told, and I was scared what he'd do that's "worse than a pink belly!" I dunno about you, but a belly this big getting pink'd, THAT'S PRETTY BAD AS IT IS!!!!
Zoey: (Shivers) I can only imagine. But don't worry, Owen; we're gonna take down that evil two-faced jerk Mal, and get my Mike back!!
Owen: (Slyly chuckles) YOUR Mike?
Zoey: (Awkwardly) ...I didn't say that! (Blushes furiously)
Owen: (Elbows Zoey gently) suuuuure you didn't. (Winks; Zoey just smiles embarrassed)
(Confessional: Owen)
Owen: (Wipes a tear from his eye) oh, those two are just... so... beautiful! (Reaches into his back pocket, pulls out the wood head of Izzy from season 1, and sighs) Izzy. I hope she's ok. Chris said that the monster could be running anywhere on the island after it took her with it. (Looks determined) and I've decided; next time I accidentally run into her, I'm taking a chance and begging her to take me back! There are times in life when a dude must realize that he has bizarre taste in women, and I'M IN LOVE WITH A COMPLETE PSYCHO!!!!!! (Beats on his chest and hollers like a gorilla, until a fly flies into his mouth and makes him choke)
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to the next morning)
Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) goooooood morning, Final Five! Gather on the dock, pronto-roo-nio! Iiiit's CRUNCH time! And by that I mean you're about to be crunched! (Chuckles)
(The final 5 walk along the dock of shame; Zoey reluctantly walks beside Mal)
Mal: (Smiling at Zoey) so, did you and Owen sleep well?
Zoey: Owen did; but me, not as well as you might think.
Mal: (Stops in front of Zoey, faking concern) look, I know it's been tough for you to trust me this year, but I really am back in the driver's seat now! Have been since the boat race. (Grabs Zoey's hand) and it's all thanks to you! I promise, I'm the same Mike who gave you that bracelet last year.
Zoey: (Blinks uncertainly, then smiles nervously) yeah, I wasn't sure who you were sometimes, (Puts her hand on top of Mal's hand) but now I know.
(Confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: (Angered) Mike gave me a NECKLACE, Mal! Not a bracelet, ya weasel!!
(Confessional ends)
(The contestants all line up at the edge of the dock, when the Boat of Losers pulls up, with Chris dressed as a pirate on board)
Chris: ahoy, mateys! (Chuckles) come to me, faithful bird! (Leaps out of the boat and onto the dock. Chef walks out of the boat cabin, wearing a giant bird costume. Everyone, including Chris, laughs at Chef; Chef just frowns) oh come on, stop frowning. You look great and you know it! Hey, if you don't wanna be here then- (The boat of losers drives off) that wasn't what I was gonna say!!! (Walks along the dock up to the contestants; sighs dejectedly) sorry, i-it's just life is so hard in the spa hotel. I'm sick of roughin' it!
Owen: Are you kidding? I LOVE roughing it! Last night was the best sleep I've had in days!
Chris: (Whining) well that's easy for you to say, Owen! You kids BELONG outdoors, you already smell like cavemen! (Owen and Scott sniff their armpits, and cringe) and since I'm craving the comforts of home, I've come up with a special challenge. Your mission, to retrieve 1 of 5 valuable pieces of pirate loot stashed somewhere on the island.
Scott: (Scoffs) pfft, as if there's anything valuable around here.
Chris: (Gives a fake offended gasp, then speaks like a pirate) there's PLENTY if you know what you're looking for!
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: Chris' idea of "valuable" is pretty skewed. He's such an egomaniac, that his most prized possession is himself.
(Confessional ends)
(Chris walks past the contestants)
Chris: to determine who searches for what, (Pan over to a table holding five small treasure chests on top at the edge of the dock. Chris walks up to said table) each player will choose one of these five treasure chests. AAARRRR-HA-HAAARRR!! (Looks over to Zoey and Owen) Zoey and Owen, as the winners of the last challenge, you both get to go first.
Owen: (Claps his hands and chuckles) sweet! Pirate booty! (He and Zoey walk up to the treasure chests)
Mal: (Shoots Zoey a thumbs up) good luck!
(Zoey and Owen approach the treasure chests. Zoey walks up to one of the chests, only to get painfully zapped. The chest opens up and a little stick with a note card pops up from inside the chest; the note card has a picture of a Bigfoot footprint)
Chris: excellent! Zoey, you must bring me the yeti. (Zoey rubs her hand nervously)
(Confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: (Determined) no way am I letting anyone else win this challenge, especially Mal! Sorry, Owen and Gwen, but I'm in it to win this one ...if that's ok with you two that is.
(Confessional ends)
(Owen opens his chest and nervously peeks inside; suddenly a cream pie springs out of the chest, and gets Owen right in the face)
Gwen: ... a pie? Seriously? What is this, a cartoon?
Owen: (Licks the cream off his face happily) mmmm, coconut cream! I LOVE this booby-trap!! (Suddenly, a note card with a picture of a familiar-looking psycho pops out of the chest; Owen gasps) Izzy!?
Chris: (Snickers) I was HOPING you'd get that one, Owen. Now I can tell you the good news, the bad news, and the HILARIOUS news!
Owen: (Nervously) what's the good news? Is she ok?
Chris: yes, Owen, Izzy's fine. AND we finally found her. The BAD news; she's all tied up and being held captive at the recently restored Mount Chrismore!
Owen: (Gasps) WHAT?!
Chris: and the HILARIOUS news... she's being guarded by the footloose and control-free animatronic monster! (All the contestants gasp)
Owen: What's hilarious about that!?
Chris: um, hellooooo, it's me?
(Confessional: Owen)
Owen: I should've known the monster would be back for Izzy! Once you get a taste of the crazy, you keep coming back for more.... And then you try to break up with the crazy but NOW YOU WANT IT BACK!!!!!
(Confessional ends)
(Gwen opens one of the chests next. She peeks inside it, when a dark cloud of pepper explodes in her face. A note card with a picture of Chris' face pops out)
Gwen: (Screams; her voice cracking) Pepper!? (Sneezes squeakily)
Chris: Gwen, you must go to the crumbling, life-threateningly dangerous wreck of my former cottage, and bring back an intact portrait of moi.
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: (Sneezes) did... did he say life-threateningly? (Sneezes again)
(Confessional ends)
(Scott nervously approaches his chest. He flips the lid open and steps back and cringes. Nothing happens, so he peeks inside the chest again; suddenly, a boxing glove springs up and clocks Scott right in the face. Scott falls backwards; on the glove is a note card with a picture of a diamond on it)
Chris: PAAAAAAR-FECT! You must bring me the McLean diamond, which can be found on or near the abandoned pirate ship set from season 2, (Scott rubs his head in pain while on the ground) which just happens to be guarded by your old pal, Fang.
Scott: (Eyes widen; he groans) I have to fight a shark, Owen has to fight a monster, and all Gwen has to do is find some art? How is that fair!?
Chris: hey, there's no "fair" in pirate. Besides, I DID use the term "life-threateningly."
Mal: (Approaches the last closed chest) so that leaves the last chest for me. What's in it?
Chris: nice try, but the choice isn't official until you see for yourself.
Mal: (Groans and rolls his eyes as he flips the chest open) fine. (He sticks his hand inside the chest and rummages around. A snap is heard and Mal screams in pain; he pulls out his hand, and a snapping turtle is biting down on it. Mal growls at the turtle; the turtle barks like a seal and lets go of Mal's hand and scurries off. The rest of the contestants look confused at each other)
Chris: ok, that's new. Never knew turtles could bark. (Pan back over to Mal's chest, where a note card with a picture of the Gilded Chris award from season 2 pops out) Mike, you must bring me the long-lost original Gilded Chris award.
Mal: (Annoyed) any clue where I might find it?
Chris: if I knew, it wouldn't be "long-lost" now, would it?
(Confessional: Mal)
Mal: If I'm losing Zoey's trust, I REEEAAALLY need to win this challenge! If I can't win fairly, (Smirks) I'll just have to win UN-fairly! (Chuckles evilly, which turns into a cackle)
(Confessional ends)
Chris: helpful hint: think fast, and work even faster because TWO of you are going home today. (The contestants all look shocked) oh, and the best part, tomorrow marks the day of the finale! (The contestants (Except Mal) gasp)
Gwen: wait, so THREE of us are going to the finale this time?
Chris: yep, more finalists means more injuries which means more ratings, and in some cases, more hilarity. (Chuckles) whoever comes back last, or worse, empty-handed goes directly to the flush of shame. Whoever brings back their loot first wins a guaranteed spot in the finale, AAAND gets to select which of the remaining three walks the plank into the big john tonight. (Speaking like a pirate again) all CLEEEAAAARRR!? ON YER MARK... (Groans; talks like himself again) ah just go. (Blows his air horn and the contestants run off)
(Cut to the abandoned pirate set from season 2 sitting in the middle of the lake. Scott is hopping across the rocks behind it)
Scott: (Whispering) heeeere, diamond, diamond, diamond.
(Scott hops across the rocks leading under the ship, and then pops up from the stairs leading down on the actual deck of the ship)
Chris: (Over the loudspeaker; obnoxiously loud) and Scott's first to reach his pirate loot zone!!! (Scott reacts in fear and nervousness) the heat is on!! I hope my loud voice isn't getting Fang's attention!!!
Scott: (Annoyed; glaring at the loudspeaker on the ship's mast, whispering) would you keep it down!?
Chris: they're called LOUDspeakers, Bro! Deal with it!!
(At that moment, Fang peeks his head out of one of the bathrooms, and sneers at Scott. Scott's eyes widen in fear)
Scott: (Shivering in fright) easy does it, sh-sh-sh-shark. (Trying to bargain) just show me where the diamond is, and I'll be on my way. Cool?
(Fang just smiles wickedly, revealing the diamond wedged between his teeth. Scott just squeaks in fear)
(Confessional: Scott)
Scott: (Terrified; freaking out) are you KIDDING ME!?!?!?!
(Confessional ends)
(Scott screams and rushes towards the exit of the ship, Fang chases after him. Cut to the edge of the woods, a series of yeti footprints lead into the woods. Zoey crouches down to get a closer look at the tracks)
Zoey: (Gasps) yeti tracks! Still warm; can't be too far.
Chris: (Over the loudspeaker. Zoey looks towards it in annoyance) Zoey is zeroing in on the yeti! But, bringing him back might be a bit harder; especially if he...
(A rock is thrown at the loudspeaker, causing it to fall off the pole)
Zoey: (Starts climbing up a tree) that'll keep him quiet for now.
(Cut to Owen running through the woods, out of breath)
Owen: I'm coming, Izzy!!! (Starts slowing down; sighs dejectedly; doesn't notice he is now climbing up a hill) aaawwww, who am I kidding?! I don't even know what this Mount Chrismore looks like! I'm just gonna lose her again and I'll never get to ask her for... (Stops and looks behind him; pan out to reveal he is right in front of the giant Chris head of Mount Chrismore) ...uh, I knew I'd make it. (Chuckles nervously)
Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) and Owen makes it to Mount Chrismore! (Sighs happily) isn't it just stunning, Owen my man?
Owen: (Nervously) uh... y-yeah; I'm really stunned, Chris.
Chris: I know. Next to myself in person, it has to be the most gorgeous face overlooking this whole island. And it cost me three interns to remodel it... (Yelling, causing Owen to shake like an earthquake) SO DON'T DO ANYTHING TO MESS WITH IT!!!! GOT IT!?!?
Owen: Yes sir! Got it! Negatory on the messing with! Roger that! (Starts looking around) Izzy? Izzy? Where are you?! (Shouts out) IZZYYYYY!!!!
Izzy: (Offscreen) Owen? Hey Owen!
Owen: (Gasps) Izzy?! Where are you?!
Izzy: (Offscreen) ooh! Ooh! Up here!! (Owen looks up at the Chris head; he keeps looking until he finally spots Izzy, all tied up and hanging from Mount Chrismore's eyes) hey you found me! (Cackles) hey, Owen!
Owen: (Gasps excitedly) Izzy!!!! ....how'd you get up there?
Izzy: loooong story, big guy! Ok, so after I escaped that creepy Mal guy –seriously what was up with him, ok- monster came up, and SWEPT me off my feet! ...Literally! (Cackles) so then he took me here to watch the sunrise cus he wanted to try and patch things up with me! (Chuckles again) seriously, could you just imagine someone trying to patch things up with me?
Owen: (Awkwardly) um... y-yeah. Weird, huh? (Chuckles awkwardly, then sighs sadly)
Izzy: (Notices Owen's sadness) Owen, something the matter? You look like you found a quarter and ate a dog tag! ...ooh, I accidentally ate my grandma's dog's collar once... I got it back 3 days later.
Owen: that happened to me once ...B-but that's not the point! I need to take you back to camp, Izzy! We need to talk!
Izzy: ooooh, are you trying to save me from the Libyans?!
Owen: (Confused) uh... sorta?
Izzy: (Cackles) Sweet! Izzy's going on ANOTHER adventure!!! Olé! (Looks worried) ooh, but, uh, you might wanna be careful though; monster's around here somewhere... and he can get pretty clingy.
Owen: (Confidently) I'm not afraid of that big lizard-robot-thingy! I took him out in season 2; I can take him again! (Doesn't notice the shadow right behind him) No one is gonna take you agaaa –and he's right behind me, isn't he? (Izzy nods; a large green claw taps on Owen's shoulder; Owen slowly turns around and, sure enough, the monster is kneeling right behind him, smiling devilishly) ...oh, mama.
(The monster roars in Owen's face. Immediately, Owen starts running around, screaming in fright, while the monster's dodge ball cannon pulls out of its mouth. The monster starts shooting dodge balls at Owen, but Owen keeps running and dodges all the balls)
Izzy: (Cheering) WHOO-HOOO!!! Go, Owen! Run, Owen!! KEEP RUNNING!!!!
(Confessional: Owen)
Owen: (Sighs) love makes us do crazy things... like try to go face-to-face with a giant monster... as an example.
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to the beach near the ruins of Playa Des Losers; Gwen is running towards it)
Gwen: One intact portrait, coming up. How hard can it be? (Gasps as she sees the ruins of the mansion; there is barely anything left) Why did I have to ask how hard it could be?
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: (Pouting angrily) Thanks again, Duncan! (Her glare softens a bit) sexy jerk.
(At that moment, the tiny screen pops out from the ceiling again, this time with Duncan's face on)
Duncan: (Smirks) aw come on, pasty; you know you love me!
Gwen: (looks shocked) What the- Duncan?
Chris: (Over the loudspeaker; bored) He told me to leave a video message for you for whatever... I don't really care but... whatever.
Gwen: (looks around for a moment, then grabs the screen with Duncan's face on it, and hugs it close to her and then presses it against her cheek) I miss you, babe. (A tear rolls down her cheek)
(Confessional ends)
(Gwen walks through the ruins of the mansion, looking around)
Chris: (Over loudspeaker; tearfully) And Gwen reaches my beloved cottage. Treat her gently, Gwen. Gently. (Right as he says that, a burnt board falls to the ground)
Gwen: (Bored) yeah, yeah (Stops as she spots a painting poking out of some rubble) Ooh, what's that? (She struggles trying to pull the painting out of the rubble; not noticing a pair of familiar, evil eyes glaring at her from the shadows of the door) come on!
(Suddenly Mal pops out of his hiding spot holding a pipe over his head, ready to hit Gwen with it. The screen pauses. Cut to Chris in the control room in the Spa hotel; Chris is looking at the screen, slightly freaked out)
Chris: Whoa! Where'd he come from? That guy is just spooky. What is Mal up to now? Will anyone survive? You stick around and find out, I'm going to the panic room, here on Total Drama All-Stars! (He runs out of the room quickly)
(Commercial Break)
(Cut back to the mansion; Gwen is still struggling to pull the painting free, still not seeing Mal preparing to strike her with the pipe)
Gwen: (Grunts) come on, let go! (The corner she is pulling on breaks off the painting. Turning around she accidentally hits Mal in the face, causing him to drop the pipe) Mike! What are you doing here?!
Mal: Uh I uh figured this ...This would be the best place to look for the original Gilded Chris Award.
Gwen: I thought Chris said the thing was "long lost."
Mal: In his basement, maybe, as if he'd ever really lose a golden-foiled award statue modeled after him.
Gwen: (Rolls her eyes) no argument there.
Mal: and now we can help each other look for the loot.
Gwen: (Looks at her ripped painting corner, unconvinced) Yeah, Great!
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: I used to think Mike was sweet, but lately it's like he's ...gone bad. And not in a hot/cool leather jacket and graffiti kind of way (she coughs) Duncan (she coughs again)! Whenever things get mean or painful, he seems to enjoy it. It's like he's turning into Chris.
(Confessional ends)
Gwen: (Throws her piece away) Okay. Well I'll keep an eye out for Gilded Chris', and if you see any Chris art-
Mal: I'm on it!
Gwen: Oh, but be careful! This place is on the verge of collapse! (Walks away)
Mal: thanks for the tip. (He smirks and kicks a loose support beam, and part of the roof collapses on top of Gwen, burying her in rubble. Gwen screams as it falls on her)
Mal: (in normal voice; faking innocent) Whoopsies (He clears his throat and imitates Mike, rushing to the rubble pile) Gwen! Oh my gosh are you okay?!
(All that can be heard from Gwen are muffled screams)
Mal: (groans) Don't worry, I'll go get help! (He whistles his tune as he walks away; Gwen's muffled screams can still be heard)
(Confessional: Mal)
Mal: If you can't beat 'em, (Punches his fist into his palm) beat 'em up!
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: (Covered in soot, angered beyond belief) If anyone tries burying me alive just ONE MORE TIME... (Grimly) they'll find THEMSELVES buried... 6 feet under!!
(Confessional ends)
(Cut back to Zoey, who is now crawling along a branch high up in the trees)
Zoey: (Notices something off-screen) yeesh, has he ALWAYS been that big?
(Pan downward to see that she is looking at the yeti. The yeti is wearing an apron and a chef hat, rummaging through a knot in one of the trees. He finally pulls out a nest full of eggs and looks at them hungrily)
Zoey: (Sighs) I wish I had a plan... but sometimes you just gotta go for it. (Grabs a hold of the vine next to her. The yeti prepares to chow down on his eggs; Zoey calls out) HIIII! (The yeti looks confused in Zoey's direction) sorry in advanced! (The yeti scratches his head in confusion; Zoey then swings in on the vine, and snatches his eggs. She lands safely on the ground) tag! I'm it! (Screams and runs off as the yeti chases after her)
(Cut back to the pirate ship; Scott is sitting on top of the ship's mast with a coil of rope made into a lasso, glaring down at Fang. Fang is wearing sunglasses while relaxing on a beach towel)
Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) and Zoey is the first to find her loot! Will she be the first one back to camp?
Scott: not if I have anything to say about it.
(Confessional: Scott)
Scott: (Holding his lasso) If I'm gonna get the diamond from F-F-F-Fang, I gotta subdue him before he can subdue me! (Looks at the rope) Pappy taught me how to hogtie pigs when I was a kid; (Getting nervous) sharks aren't any different. Same s-s-smooth hides, same beady eyes... they're basically the pigs of the sea.
(Confessional ends)
(Scott slowly lowers the rope down to Fang, and then hastily slips it onto Fang's nose, tugging tightly)
Scott: Gotcha!!! Now gimme that diamond!!! (Fang tugs hard at the rope, which pulls Scott down and making him crash straight through the floor. Fang then drops cannonballs and a treasure chest down the hole; a crash is heard, and Scott hollers in pain, Fang smiling at his misery) WHYYYYY?!?!
(Confessional: Scott)
Scott: (The treasure chest is over his head as he pouts angrily) Sharks are NOTHING like pigs!!!
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to below the deck; Scott groans in pain in the pile Fang dropped on top of him. Mal peeks in from the side, smirking at Scott's pain)
Mal: (Normal voice) perfect timing. (Clears throat, and imitates Mike; faking worry) Scott! Oh boy! (Helps Scott up) are you okay?
Scott: (Wiped out) oh, I can't stand that sh-sh-shark!
Mal: at least you know where your pirate loot is.
Scott: yeah, but I-I'll never get the diamond off him. (Mal just sneers maliciously)
Mal: maybe you should just get HIM; you know, bring the whole shark back to Chris!
Scott: By myself? A-as if!
Mal: (Rolls his eyes) How about THIS; I'll help you get Fang and win the challenge, iiif you swear to take me with you to the finale.
Scott: for real? (Mal holds his hand out and nods) brother, you got a deal! (Shakes Mal's hand)
(Confessional: Mal)
Mal: let me guess, he thinks I'm handing him the million on some sort of platter? (Chuckles, rubs his hands together menacingly) sometimes it's too easy.
(Confessional: Scott)
Scott: (Chuckles) guy's handing me the million dollars on a tin platter! He just doesn't know it yet! Though to be honest, I kinda wanted to bring Owen with me to the finale! At least with him I've got an ally I can toot with! (Starts pondering) hmm, I wonder how he's doing now.
(Confessional ends)
(Cut back to Owen; he is still running around, albeit very slowly by now, while the monster continues shooting dodge balls at him. Owen gasps for breath the slower he goes, until finally he stops and falls to his front; Izzy gives a worried gasp)
Owen: (Between breaths) can't! Run! Any! More! Legs! Feel! Like! Pudding! (The monster roar-laughs at Owen's expense, the cannon popping out of its mouth again) please! (Gasps again) do what you want with me; (Gasps again) just let Izzy go!
(Izzy's mouth hangs open. The monster ignores Owen, and prepares to fire another dodge ball; but before Owen can get hit, the cannon clicks... and nothing comes out. The monster reacts in confusion, and then tries to fire again.... STILL nothing happens)
Owen: (Stands up and chuckles) ha! Out of ammo!!! (Chuckles again) take that, giant... robo... lizard thingy!!
Izzy: whoo-hooo, Owen!! (Whoops like a dog)
(The monster notices Izzy's happiness and growls; it then raises both its tails, and swings down on Owen, whacking him in the stomach and sending him flying right off the mountain, and rolling down the slope)
Chris: (Over the intercom) ooooooooh!!! And it looks like Owen's down for the count! But that's what happens when you try to steal monster's girl!
Izzy: (Gasps in worry) Owen!! (Glares at the monster, who puckers its giant lips. Izzy wiggles one of her hands free and slaps the monster's cheek) NO! Bad monster! Back off!!! (The monster growls, but then notices Izzy's freed hand) huh? Oh, this? (Chuckles) oh yeah, I coulda broken out of this anytime I wanted. I just wanted to see if I liked what I saw. And so far, I DIDN'T like what I saw! You smacked away my big, cuddly, chubby buddy! (The monster pouts) hey! Don't you be a big grumpy-puss with ME! You know Owen is special to me! (Monster growls) do I still have feelings for him? ...eeyup, pretty much! (Monster growls sadly) look, I'm sorry, monster... but you're a giant mechanical wrecking machine... and I am but a crazed anarchy-type seeker! We're too different; I mean what would the kids look like?
(The monster just stares blankly at Izzy, and then shivers. Then, the sound of panting and grunting is heard; Izzy and the monster look in the direction of the sound, and both gasp as Owen slowly claws his way back up, looking very angered)
Owen: (Panting) that.... is... IT!!!! I've been beaten, blown up, humiliated, cooked, nearly eaten, bee-stung, and pink-belly'd; but now I'm for REAL putting my foot down!! (Raises fists) you wanna tussle, robo-lizard?! Then let's tussle it out!!!!
(The monster releases an island-shaking roar. The two then get into stance, mirroring each other's position; both silently stare each other down for a few minutes... until finally Owen dashes straight towards the monster's leg, hollering in victory. When he finally reaches the monster's leg, he proceeds to pitifully punch the leg multiple times. The monster, of course, doesn't react right away, but just raises an eyebrow in confusion towards Owen)
Owen: (Continuously punching the leg) YOU LIKE THAT?! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?! THIS'LL TEACH YOU TO KIDNAP... (Starts running out of breath) my... little... Izzy... again. (Gasps and falls onto his front) can't... punch... any... more. (The monster just rolls its eyes, roars, and then reaches its claw down to grab hold of Owen. Only instead of getting stuck, like in season 2, the monster is actually able to lift Owen close to his face. Owen is terrified) w-w-wait! You can lift me now!? Wow... either your getting stronger or I'm finally getting smaller! (Grunts as the monster starts squeezing; face starts turning blue as he can barely speak) ok... can't ...breath!
(Cut back to the mansion ruins. Gwen manages to dig herself out of the rubble, covered in soot and coughing)
Gwen: thanks for all the help, Mike! Or should I say Mal! (Growls) When I find that two-faced jerk, I'm gonna... (Just then, she spots something and gasps) what's that? No way! (She pulls out an intact painting of Chris, but it's smudged) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! (She growls and throws the ruined painting away) he has a million paintings in the spa hotel, and he sends me to find another one?! In this mess?! (She walks out of the rubble and continues to look around for another painting) ugh! Come on, there has to be something here! (She notices something against a broken beam; she walks up to it to get a closer look) oh wait, what's that?! (She finds a blank canvas and a frame) oh come on! It's blank! (Sighs) Face it, Gwen; there isn't anything salvageable here. So if I want Chris art, I'm going to have to paint his ugly mug myself! (She takes the frame and canvas and starts walking out, but then she stops) oh wait! All of my paints and art supplies are back at the cabin. And if Chris sees me, he's gonna disqualify me for having nothing! (Sighing, she then looks down at her boot and an idea pops into her head a smirk crosses her lips)
(Cut back to the woods; Zoey is still running with the eggs, the yeti not too far behind)
Zoey: (Trying not to sound scared) that's right, I got your dinner! Follow me!
(The screen splits into four different shots: Zoey running with the eggs, Gwen sneaking through the woods with her canvas, Owen being squeezed by the monster, and what looks like Mal and Scott laying a rope trap on the ship)
Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) Zoey is leading her loot to the camp! So, if you haven't found yours yet, you might wanna think about doing so... RIGHT NOW!!!! (His yelling causes the screen to shake, and the campers to cringe)
(Cut to the control room, where Chris turns off the monitor)
Chris: ok, I guess we should head back to camp to see who wins this!
(Cut back to the campsite; Chris enters)
Chris: Alright, now, who's gonna be first back to the cam- (A clang is heard, Chris looks as though he is in pain) ...Chrissy gots a boo-boo. (Falls over; behind him is one of Gwen's boots, which must have been thrown and hit him on the back of the head. Gwen stops next to Chris' unconscious body, and picks up her boot)
Gwen: Nighty-night, Chris! (Chuckles and walks into the cabin) now I can work on this painting in peace.
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: Okay, maybe I might have a bit of villain in me after all. Doesn't mean I want to be labeled as one forever! But can you blame me?! I mean, come on, its Chris!!!
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to Zoey high up in the tree, crawling towards the end of a branch. The yeti roars behind her, she looks back and screams as the Yeti has followed her up the tree. The yeti tries to grab for the eggs, but Zoey flinches)
Zoey: (Nervously) I give up! (Offers the nest) Take the eggs; just TAKE THEM! (The yeti reaches for the eggs again, but this time the branch starts to shiver and quake) oh no!
(Finally, the branch snaps and falls towards the ground, followed by the Yeti, Zoey, the nest, and the eggs. The branch lands at the top of a hill, and the yeti lands on top of the branch. The nest lands on top of the yeti's head and the eggs all land safe and soundly in the nest. The yeti reaches up to grab an egg ...when Zoey lands on her butt on top of the eggs, squishing them)
Zoey: eeewww, egg butt! (Notices the yeti glaring at her) ahhh... sorry.
(The yeti roars in anger, but then the branch starts sliding forward, taking both Zoey and the yeti sliding down the hill. Cut back to the pirate ship; up in the crow's nest, Mal is securing a rope tied around a peg in the mast; on one end of the rope is a wooden barrel for weight, down on the deck is the other side of the rope made into a rope trap. Scott stands next to the trap with a large bucket of fish standing in the middle of the trap. Mal gives Scott a thumb's up when he finishes securing the rope)
Scott: (Calling out) yoo-hoo! Come and get it! (Runs behind the mast. Fang runs up to the bucket and picks it up happily. Mal looks as though he is supposed to release the rope, but he doesn't; instead he just waits while Fang walks off with the fish bucket. Scott pops out, looking very annoyed) Dude, what did you do!? (Leaps from behind the mast, right in the middle of the rope trap) that should've worked!!
Mal: (Faking innocence) I have no idea what went wrong! (Lets go of the line, causing the barrel to start falling and pulling on the rope)
Scott: (Doesn't notice Mal letting go of the line) the line must be caught somewhere! (Suddenly, the rope trap snares onto Scott's foot and pulls him upwards, dangling him upside down; he wails in surprise)
Mal: (Fake sheepishly, in his normal voice) woopsiiiie.
(Fang walks back to where Scott is dangling, smirking)
Scott: (Glaring at Fang) I ain't done with you yet!
(Fang swiftly punches Scott's face. Pan up to Mal, who smiles as Scott gets repeatedly punched over and over)
Scott: (wailing) whyyyyyyyy.
(Finally when it sounds like it's done, Mal pulls out his knife, and cuts the rope. Scott lands on the deck floor with a thud; Mal slides down the mast, walks over to Scott, and picks him up by the arms)
Scott: (Dazed and derpy) time for my bath, Grand-ma-ma?
Mal: (Smirks and looks towards the shore) you could say that.
(Cut back to Owen with the monster; the monster turns its hand around so Owen's backside is towards its mouth)
Owen: (Regaining his breath) this is it! THE END, end! All those years of chewing on little gummi snacks, now I'm about to become a giant robot monster's human gummi snack!!! ...isn't life funny that way? (Chuckles a bit and then covers his eyes and screams) I'M GONNA DIE!!!!
(Suddenly there is a gurgling sound; the monster closes its mouth and looks at Owen in confusion to where the noise is coming from. Suddenly, a humongous fart explodes right out of Owen; the mist covers the monster's face, and its eye starts twitching. Suddenly, the monster's head skin just dissolves off, leaving a metal skeletal skull. The monster's remaining eye pops out of its head on a spring, before the lights in its eyes both go out. The monster now stands there motionless, the arm it's holding Owen with drops downward to its side; Owen then slips out of the hand's grip, and falls to the ground with a thud)
Owen: Ow! My squishy head and hollow leg!! (Notices the monster, stands up, and chuckles) My colon is a lifesaver!!! Whoo-hoo!!!! I've slain the mighty beast with my butt!! ...how cool is that?
Izzy: whoo-hoo!!! Alright, Owen!!!! (Slips out of her ropes with ease, then jumps off the surface of the mountain, then dive bombs straight into Owen's arms) ooh, can we go on that adventure you told me about, now? Izzy has the need for adventuring speed, and to just get out in the open, wild and free! I think that's what happens when you've been bound up in rope for so long, you just get the urge to get out wild and free! (Chuckles) think that's why magicians do all those rope tricks?
(Owen just smiles at Izzy's mumblings of randomness. Then he frowns sadly and looks back and forth. First he looks at towards the campground, then back at Izzy; then back at the campground, then back at a frowning Izzy; then back at the campground, then back at Izzy with a moustache... for some reason; then back at the campground, and stops at a worried-looking Izzy)
Izzy: (Concerned) Owen? You ok, Big-O?
Owen: (Wails loudly) I CAN'T DO IT!!! I can't bring you back to camp; you're too good to be brought back to Chris and put in a cage or.... Whatever evil Chris-like thing he could do! (Looks down) and... you're too good for a boob like me.
Izzy: (Gasps) what? Owen, I-
Owen: I wanted to find you today so I could tell you I still REALLY like you! I know you said you forgave me for the whole plane incident, but I can't help it! I miss you! I'd give up having my kiwis attached if it means still having you in my life! ...but I can't tell the Izzy what she wants, only the Izzy knows what the Izzy wants so... (Puts Izzy down, sniffs and turns around, looking sad) j-just go. (Sniffles) Just get out of here, you... glorious she-beast!!!
(Owen falls to his knees and starts crying hysterically. Izzy's mouth hangs open and her eyes look watery. After a while, she smiles, steps in front of the crying Owen... and then kicks his knee. Owen stands up and hollers in pain, but is silenced when Izzy places her lips over his, securing him in an awkward, but passionate kiss. Two squirrels are looking on; one makes a daaaw face, the other just gags like it's about to puke. After a few seconds, they break the kiss, and Owen has stopped crying)
Izzy: any other questions, Big-O?
Owen: (Smiling again) yeah. (Grabs Izzy's hand) will you be the nuts to my delicious sundae goodness?
Izzy: (Smiles widely) ...ah what the heck? (Hugs Owen tightly. They both lean in for another kiss, suddenly a bunch of lights start flashing from the top of Mount Chrismore)
Owen: (Nervous) uh.... Izzy... what'd you do?
Izzy: I didn't do anything! ...but Explosivo MAAAY have had a few of Chef's timer bombs in his back pocket... and then thought it'd be fun to plant them all on the giant Chris head when Monster wasn't looking. (Chuckles sheepishly)
Owen: (Smiles) I always knew you were loco for boom-boom.
Izzy: (Kisses Owen on the cheek, then salutes) well, gotta run!! (Summersaults out of Owen's arms, then takes off running) good luck, Owen!!!
Owen: (Sighs happily) Izzy.... (Eyes widen, snaps out of it) wait, bombs? (Looks at the bombs and screams; starts running away)
(Cut back to the campgrounds; Chris rubs the back of his head and groans)
Chris: (Stands back up) oye, what happened last night? (Eyes widen) oh, right! The challenge! So who's gonna be first to...
(Before he can finish, Zoey's screaming is heard. Chris looks in the direction of the screaming, coming from the hill, and Zoey and the Yeti come sliding in on the branch. Chris steps out of the way, and Zoey leaps off the yeti; the yeti finally stops as it crashes into a tree, knocking it over)
Chris: well, I can't say I care for how you did it, but you did do it. Zoey wins again!
Zoey: (Relieved) phew!
(Zoey and Chris notice Mal slowly trudging in, carrying Scott)
Chris: and HERE'S Mike and Scott... so many empty hands, (Mal drops Scott) what's a host to do?
Scott: (Disorientated) sorry, Pappy; I woulda caught the shiny rock, but the sea pig ate it.
Chris: ...uh huh, (Glares at Mike) what's YOUR excuse?
Mal: (Shrugs) ok, I didn't find the loot I was assigned, but I DID bring back another kind of treasure... an injured competitor; your favorite!
Chris: (Considering) its true, injured players ARE some of my favorite things! (Puts his hand on Mal's shoulder) Well played. (Smirks down at Scott) Scott, you better hope Owen or Gwen come back empty-handed, or you're gonzo.
(Gwen dashes out of the cabin and exhaustedly runs in, holding the frame)
Gwen: I'm here!! I'M HEEERE!!!
Chris: and, Gwen is second last to arrive; BUT, she comes baring loot, (Glares at Scott) UNLIKE Scott.
(Gwen turns the frame around revealing a finished painting of what looks like Chris' head on the mona lisa)
Chris: funny.... I don't remember this one.
Gwen: Uh...Yeah funny story; you see, I couldn't find any paintings cause they were all destroyed, so I made my own.
Zoey: (Amazed) Wow, Gwen! That's amazing!
Mal: (Not interested) yeah, really... creative, Gwen.
Scott: thaa's a fine-looking lady ya got there, pe-maw
Chris: (Awestruck) soo... beautiful. It is an otherwise flawless depiction of my otherwise flawless handsomosity. A delicate work of..... (Snaps out of it) WHAT IS THIS!?!?!?!?!
Gwen: (confused) What do you mean? What's wrong with it?
Chris: What's wrong with it!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?!?!!? How do you explain THIS!!!! (Points to the chin on the painting)
Gwen: You mean the chin?
Chris: YES!!!! Don't you see!? You made it a full half a size too big! IT'S PRACTICALLY A SECOND CHIN!!!! You've butchered it!!!!!!
Gwen: Well how is it my fault you have such a fat chin?!
Chris: HEY!!! My physician says my chin is PLEASANTLY plump! Maybe YOU need to go back to art school, Gwendolyn!
Gwen: (glares at Chris and growls) That's the reason I even came on the crappy show, TO PAY FOR ART SCHOOL! And DON'T call me Gwendolyn!
Chris: well... g-good! Maybe they can teach you how to capture one's handsomosity better!
Gwen: Are you kidding me?! How does such a big ego fit inside such a teeny-tiny brain?
Chris: Hey! You don't need brains to host reality TV!!! ...(Realizes what he said) ...wait.
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: Well at least he admits it. (giggles)
(Confessional ends)
(At this point even Zoey and Mal are laughing, while Chris is fuming with rage)
Chris: THAT IS IT!!!! You better hope Owen comes back empty-handed, or you are done-zo!!!! (Zoey gasps while Mal smirks)
Zoey: What?! But that's not fair! Scott and Ma... err, I mean Mike, didn't even bring anything back! (Mal notices this and raises an eyebrow)
Chris: yeah, but at least they didn't make me look like (Points to Gwen's painting) THAT!!!!!
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: (Partially sad) I rest my case. Chris is such an egocentric baby!! (Sighs) well, it was nice while it lasted.
(Confessional ends)
Chris: speaking of which, where's Ow-
(A loud explosion is heard, shaking Chris and the contestants up. Owen is heard screaming as he comes flying in, skidding to a stop on his butt; uninjured, but steaming)
Gwen: (Shocked/worried) Owen? What happened?
Owen: I didn't- the monster- and then Izzy- then the farting- and then beeping- and then...
(Chris looks through a binoculars and gasps; he is looking at the monster... which has been crushed under a pile of rocks... from the destroyed Mount Chrismore)
Chris: (Horrified) The monster!! (Gasps harder) MOUNT CHRISMOOOOORE!!!! (Wails loudly; glares accusingly at Owen) You!!! You did this!!!!
Owen: I didn't do it! It was an accident... that Izzy did for fun. (Giggles sheepishly)
Chris: First my nude painting, THEN my cottage...
Contestants: MANSION!!!!
Chris: (Scowling) MANSION, and now my monster and Mount Chrismore!! Why can't you kids let me have nice things!?!? (The contestants, except Scott, all whistle and look away awkwardly) For coming in last place, AND empty-handed, AAAAND for blowing up my mountain and my monster... Owen is done! Gone! Finito! You are getting flushed today, Big Guy!!! (Owen and the girls gasp, Mal smirks, Scott just groans groggily)
Owen: (Shocked) I'm... I'm out?
Gwen: (Saddened) oh no!
Zoey: (Saddened) oooh, I'm sorry, Owen.
(After a few minutes, Owen chuckles)
Owen: (Happy) WHOO-HOO!!! BABY!!!
Chris: um... what? Where's the tear-filled look of disappointment?!
Gwen: yeah, Owen... you're HAPPY you're getting the flush?
Owen: (Chuckles) Are you kidding? I just took on a giant roboy monster... AND WON! That already feels like winning! Besides, another day on this show, and I would have had to put my butt in a booty cast! (Smiles) besides, now that I'm free, I can do what I really wanted to do when I got back here.... (Hearts appear in his eyes) Reconnect with Izzy.
(Gwen and Zoey smile at this; Mal just rolls his eyes)
Zoey: aaaawwwww!
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: (Snickers) leave it to Owen to put a positive spin on this. (Sighs) well this is a bit bitter sweet; I hopefully don't get flushed, and the nicest guy left on the island does.
(Confessional: Mal)
Mal: (Snickers) and now the final piece falls into place, the only witness to my doings is gone, and soon the million dollars will be mine! (Chuckles evilly)
(Confessional ends)
(Zoom into his head again; Mike is STILL looking at the wallet, still in shocked)
Mike: Mal is the original personality?! I... I can't believe it!
Chester: me neither, why have I been listening to YOU this whole time?!
Svetlana: (Shouting) SCHTOP!!! Who cares who vas da first?! (Smiles) Mike iz ze best! He's more patient zan me; more generous zan Chester; less egotistical zan Manitoba; und, he's a better dancer than Vito!
Vito: (Eyes widen, looks offended) oh! Hey! Ayo! ...(Sighs, defeated) it's true.
Mike: (Smiles a bit) aww, thanks. But if I'm not the original-
Manitoba: ah go on, ya silly Dingo; think about it, we're trapped in a world Mal created, so where do you think that license came from?
(Mike takes another look at the wallet; it fades away into a wallet-shaped lump of brain matter)
Mike: (Grossed out) EEEWWWW! (Looks around, shouts up to the ceiling while squishing the brain matter) Nice try, Mal- but you haven't won yet!
(Mike molds the brain matter into the shape of a key, and uses the key to unlock the chain on Manitoba's leg)
Manitoba: Took ya long enough! Come on, I know a shortcut to Mal's guard tower!
Mike: guard tower?
Chester: you still haven't clued in? This whole place is a jail! The tower is the only way in or out!
(The other personalities start walking towards the tower, except Chester)
Chester: (Moans) I don't think I can deal with anymore walking, shortcut or not.
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) fine, I'll give you a piggyback.
(Chester jumps onto Mike's back; Mike starts carrying Chester towards the tower)
Chester: giddy up, slowpoke!
(Cut back to reality, at the Flush of Shame; all the contestants are gathered on the dock; Scott is back to normal. Owen hugs Zoey tightly)
Owen: I'll miss you, Zoey. Thanks for being an awesome friend.
Zoey: aww, thanks. And thank you for being one of the sweetest, and grossest guys I ever met. (Ruffles hair affectionately, Owen giggles)
(Owen walks up to Gwen next)
Owen: sorry we didn't get to be on the same team together again.
Gwen: yeah, that would've been great... though face it, you're too nice to be a villain, big guy. (Chuckles, then hugs Owen tightly) you take care of yourself, ok?
Owen: you got it! And once Duncan gets out, I'll say hi for you!
Gwen: (Lets go of Owen and squees a bit. Looks around) you all heard nothing. Got it? (Everyone just smiles mischievously)
Owen: (Walks up to Scott) good luck, Scott. Thanks for being a cool dude the past few days.
Scott: (Smirks sadly) every time I smell Mama's cookin', I'll think of you. (They both high five)
(Finally, Owen awkwardly approaches Mal)
Owen: good luck, "Mike;" I hope you get everything you deserve.
Mal: (Fake smiles) oh you know I will, "Pal!"
(Owen approaches the toilet)
Owen: I'll be rooting for you! Go Team Zoey! ...uh, and Team Gwen! ...uh, Team Gwoey?
Chris: before you head off, Owen my FORMER man, who to flush with you? (Turns to Zoey) it all comes down to who you want to battle in the finale; Scott, Gwen, or Mike... or any combination of the three.
(Confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: of course I wanna bring Gwen to the finale! She's like my big sister now; the least I can do is help the last original contestant try and win. But I also wanna bring Mike to the finale, not Mal. But if I ditch Mal now, Mike could be lost forever! (Groans) love, psst, seriously.
(Confessional ends)
Zoey: well first, I wanna bring Gwen with me.
Gwen: (Shocked) for real?
Chris: I'm with her on this one... FOR REAL?!!? But she completely ruined my face with her "art!!!"
Zoey: (Bitterly towards Chris) Yes, Chris, for real! (Softens) she's the last original contestant on the island; she deserves this!
Gwen: (Touched) aww, Zoey.
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: so... I actually made it to the finale again for real. ...yay? I didn't think I could make it the second time around... (Confident) but now that I'm here, I might as well win. And Mal better watch his back this time!!
(Confessional ends)
Zoey: second, I promised to have a friendship finale, but things have seriously changed since then. (Scott and Mal look confused, Chris just looks at his watch and yawns loudly) but, I'm a girl of my word, so... sorry Scott. (Scott looks shocked; Mal looks relieved)
Scott: (groans and climbs in the bowl along with Owen) you're making a mistake! Mike's a total scammer; you don't know what you're in for!
Owen: oh you have no idea how right you are. (Mal just sneers at the two of them)
Zoey: thanks, guys; but I know exactly what Gwen and me are up against, (Mal looks confused) and WHO! (Mal raises an eyebrow)
Chris: (Shoves Owen and Scott in) enough with the stalling, START FLUSHING!!!! (Presses the button)
Owen: I'M COMING, IZZY!!!! (He and Scott scream as they start swirling in the toilet; Scott goes down first, but Owen stops halfway) ...uh... uh oh... I think I'm stuck.
Scott: (From inside the toilet; screams) HIS BUTT IS TOUCHING MY FACE!!!!!
Owen: (Wiggles around a bit) I can't get loose! ...uh, hey Scott?
Scott: DON'T say you have to use the bathroom!!!
Owen: I don't!! ...but if we're stuck here for a while, what happens if I do? (Scott just screams)
(Chef walks up next to Chris)
Chris: (To Chef) I thought you said you were gonna fix that water pressure problem!!
(Chef just pulls out a comically oversized plunger and walks towards the flush of shame. While Chris talks to the audience, plunging sounds and Owen's screams are heard)
Chris: (Addressing the final 3) we have our finalists! Who will rule victorious in the toughest, roughest million dollar challenge EVER!? Tune in to find out next time, on the season finale of Total Drama All-Stars!! (The flush is heard again as Owen finally goes down the drain; Chris sighs) and, there it is.
(End Credits)