A couple more days had passed without anything to report with Mike's situation. I hadn't heard from Clara about anything new, or the fact that Lauren was still missing her family more and more each day. She had a shorter fuse in which made it easier to piss her off if she didn't get what she wanted. I was beginning to become worried with this situation because in my mind, she was beginning to resent me because I was keeping her away from her own family. Lauren wasn't as playful as she once was, and she didn't seem like the happy, innocent girl I knew her to be. The thought saddened me, and I didn't want her to feel this way. I also just didn't want to show up at the Jauregui's house knowing what they were going through and how they wanted to handle everything.
It had gotten to the point where I no longer tried to speak to the younger girl unless it was absolutely necessary. I had to bring her with me to work where she would corner herself off and keep herself entertained. Work had been even more stressful than before, with my nurses trying to get my attention in completely opposite ways in which I ignored both. Normani had tried to talk to me about the situation with my patient while Dinah was trying too hit on me as much as she possibly could. After every patient, I would resort to my silent office where I would do my own thing until the next patient showed up. That had become my routine at work while at home, I kept myself in the living room as Lauren went off and did whatever in my room. We had usually slept together in my bed but I no longer tried to cuddle the emerald eyed beauty in case she would go off on me.
My days had dragged on and left me completely exhausted by the end, and I never really had human interaction besides Camila and the patients with their families that came in. So by the time it came to leave for home, I dreaded every moment of telling Lauren that we had to go. I began to gather my belongings from my desk before pushing my bag onto my shoulder where my coat was already on. "Ready to leave, Lauren?" I asked quietly to the younger girl who had kept herself closed off in the corner of my office. Without speaking, Lauren grabbed her stuff and followed me out of the office and to my car where an awkward silence settled over us. I sighed at the notion until I drove us to my house with the silence still eating away at me. The drive seemed to take longer than usual but once we arrived at my house, Lauren got out of the car without waiting and went to wait at the front door until I was able to unlock it.
The shorter girl pushed past me with her belongings clutched at her chest. I sighed at the action and stepped in behind her, closing the door and locking it so that no intruders could get inside. I set my belongings down by the door as Lauren made her way right upstairs and as far away from me as she could get. A subconscious frown formed on my face but in the end, I let her go since I didn't want to bother her anymore to create problems between us. Well, more problems than there already was. I slumped onto the couch without bothering to turn the TV on. I leaned my head against the back of the couch while closing my eyes, trying to keep my mind off the point where I went wrong to make Lauren act like this.
In the end, I knew this was going to happen but I was in no way prepared to experience it so quickly. I didn't know what I was expecting in agreeing with Clara to allow Lauren to stay here without being able to see her family. I guess I wasn't thinking about what could possibly happen; I was just blinded by my overwhelming feelings and happiness that the emerald eyed beauty would be staying with me for a prolonged amount of time. I tried to explain this predicament to Clara several times but there still wasn't anything being done to make Lauren happier. I felt bad to be the one keeping her away from her family because I knew it was hurting her. Whatever happened, I never wanted to be the one that would be the source of Lauren's sadness. I laced my hands together and placed them on the back of head as I continued to allow my thoughts to run free.
Who knows how long I stayed in that position until I realized that We had to eat dinner before retiring to bed. With another sigh, I stood up from the couch and sauntered over to my bag where I had left my phone so that I could quickly order a pizza online. I didn't really want to talk to anyone much so that was my first choice, plus I knew Lauren loved pizza. After sending off the order, I placed myself back in my previous position, except I had turned on the TV so that I could have some background noise. My eyes were locked on the screen, but I was in no way paying attention to the mindless adult cartoon that was playing off of my Netflix. Since I hadn't bothered to choose anything, Netflix decided to start playing the cartoon itself but I was glad in the end that I didn't have to do anything.
Several minutes later, the doorbell had rung causing me to stand without a second thought. It seemed that my body was moving on its own accord; I wasn't thinking about anything that I was doing. I made sure my wallet was in my back pocket before I opened the door to a high school teenager seemingly uninterested. I grabbed the pizza out of his hands and set it on the small desk laying in the hallway to the living room. I handed him the money and as I signed the receipt, I heard his voice for the first time. "Oh, Big Mouth, I love that show." He commented as he looked in the direction of my TV. I turned around in my spot to see that was the name of the cartoon playing before I faced the teenager once more. I gave him a tight-lipped smile with a nod of my head as I handed him the receipt back, quickly closing the door after thanking him to avoid more conversation.
That was the last thing I wanted, and I wasn't going to torture myself anymore than I had o so that we could talk about some bullshit TV show that I didn't even know what was going on with. I grabbed the pizza from the desk and made my way into the kitchen so that I could get out two plates and some drinks for Lauren and I. Without thinking about the motions, I served the two of us before slowly heading upstairs to find Lauren. When I reached my room, I saw the younger girl on the bed as she colored, music softly playing off my laptop that she managed to steal when she first began staying here. Usually the sight of her raven hair and green eyes would send my heart into a frenzy, but now it only made my chest feel like it was closing in on itself from the constriction. Lauren's sadness correlated with my own, and I knew she deserved so much better than I could ever give her.
"Lauren, dinner is ready." I called out in order to stop myself from dwelling on what I wasn't able to provide for Lauren. The shorter girl didn't even flinch at my voice. Instead, she kept on coloring as if nothing else was transpiring around her. "It's pizza." I spoke as if that would really make a huge difference in getting her to eat. When she still hadn't moved, I sighed to myself. "Lauren, you have to eat." My voice came out stronger than before, indicting that I was serious. I hadn't ever rose my voice at Lauren and she seemed to take notice as she finally looked up to meet my eyes, her hand stilling on the paper she was coloring on. It seemed like this had been the first time Lauren had looked into my eyes in years, but which only had been a couple of days if that. I missed the sight of her eyes looking into my own.
"I'm coloring." Lauren stated as if it was the most simple thing in the world. After that, she had looked back down at the sheet so that she could continue coloring. My jaw clenched subconsciously when she didn't listen to me. I stepped out of the doorway and into the room so that I could make my way to the bed. Once I was close enough, I grabbed the paper from underneath Lauren, holding it up in the air when the shorter girl tried to reach for it. "Hey! Give it- Give it back!" She yelled out while trying to grab the paper from my hand. I easily kept it out of her grasp by holding it behind my back. "I'm- I'm coloring!" I shook my head in frustration as the raven haired girl continued to take her page back.
"You have to eat first." I scolded so that she would eat. Lauren didn't comment on my command, instead she continued trying to take her page. I stepped away and went to make my way downstairs, but a loud cry caught my attention. I turned back around to see that Lauren had thrown herself back on the bed, loud cries ringing throughout her small body as her back faced me. I sighed at the sight, the sound also breaking my heart. I never wanted to be the reason she cried but I had no choice. "Lauren, you can come back and color as soon as you're done eating, I promise. But you have to eat first." I tried to reason but she wasn't taking the bait. "Please!" My voice came out exasperated.
The shorter girl's cries only sounded even louder throughout the room, but now she started flailing her limbs to hit the bed in the process. I left the room, not able to hear her cries for much longer; it hurt me too much physically and emotionally to subject myself to hearing more of that. I set the piece of paper down on the coffee table before grabbing a plate and a drink for Lauren to put on counter where we would eat. After that was set up, I went back to the room where Lauren was still throwing her fit. I managed to dodge her arms and legs so that I wouldn't find myself getting hit before I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting the shorter girl above my shoulder so that I could carry her down towards the dining room.
The whole way down, Lauren punched my back and continued throwing her fit in order for me to put her down. It was a struggle but eventually, I managed to get Lauren to sit down on the stool at the counter; but she quickly swiped the plate and the glass off of the counter to where it spilt on the floor. At the loud sound, Lauren stopped crying and trying to escape as the two of us looked down that broken plate and all of the food and drink that had spilt. The pizza was no big deal, but the soda covered. mass amount of space since Lauren had swiped it off the counter with all her strength. I clenched my jaw in hopes of holding my anger in; I didn't want tp blow up and scare Lauren in the end. She didn't deserve to see me like that.
"I-I'm sorry Y-Y/N." Lauren whispered so quietly I almost couldn't hear her. Without a word, I went to get Lauren another plate of pizza before sliding it in front of her on a paper plate this time. Lauren looked up at me with her green, watery eyes but I forced myself to look away so that I could clean up the mess she had made. At this point, I didn't know if Lauren had been eating or not, but I focused my attention on cleaning the minuscule pieces of broken glass off the floor so no one would end up hurt. I cleaned the soda and, thankfully, the plastic cup until the floor was spotless; where I finished putting away the cleaning supplies I had used.
By the time I had finished with everything, I saw that Lauren had in fact eaten what was on her plate without complaining anymore than she already had. "Do you want more?" I tried to converse despite what just went down between the two of us, hoping that the smaller girl could look past it just as I was willing to do. Lauren shook her head without looking at me; instead, her eyes were trained on her hands that were resting in her lap. I took the plate with a sigh so that I could throw it away since she was done. Unbeknownst to me, Lauren had stood up from her chair where I couldn't see until I had turned back around, the raven haired girl already running back up the stairs. I was going to let her go, until I had seen that she turned to face me once she reached the top of the stairs.
"St-Stupid Y/N! I h-hate you! I never- I never want to stay here- stay here anymore! I want to- I want to go home!" I watched in vain as Lauren's eyes became glossy once more as she willed herself not to cry. All I could do in that moment was stand there and take it as the girl I was in love with, told me that she hated me and never wanted to be around me anymore. My chest constricted at the sight of Lauren breaking down once more because of me. Without destroying me even further, Lauren turned on her heels quickly as sobs escaped her lips but she disappeared before I could even think about anything.
My eyes began to burn with unshed tears as my feet rooted me to the same spot in the kitchen, my body not allowing me to move. Everything to me felt numb; I couldn't comprehend what was going on and it physically hurt me to come to the realization that Lauren no longer wants to spend her time with me. I don't know how long I stayed in the same spot, but what felt like an eternity later, I found myself slowly milling back to the couch, leaving the kitchen as it was since I was too tired to clean once more. As soon as I felt myself sitting on the couch again, I lowered my head into my awaiting hands due to the dread coursing through my body as a result of the previous realizations.
There had to be a day where this was coming and the two of us knew that. I couldn't keep Lauren here forever even though I wanted nothing more than for that to be possible. With everything that was going on, I knew that I would eventually have to talk to Clara and demand some answers from her that could possibly be used. I didn't know what would happen in the end but I knew I wasn't going to like it. My head was beginning to hurt with all the thoughts running around and the endless possibilities that could arise from the current problem. I didn't know how to handle Lauren anymore; I might've bit off more than I could chew and it was biting me in the ass. This was hurting me beyond repair; I just didn't know what I had to do. I couldn't keep Lauren here if she was feeling like a prisoner.
The more I thought about it, the more it continued to make my head hurt. I laid back on the couch and threw my arm over my eyes to block out the constant changing of lighting from the TV that was still on yet muted. I also realized I hadn't eaten the pizza myself but I was too lazy and mentally incapable to get back up in order to eat. Even then, my body just wasn't feeling hungry all that much so it was the least of my worries right about now. I closed my eyes out of exhaustion from the past couple of days, wanting all of this to be over. I didn't want to deal with this anymore, yet I knew I had to. I had to man up and deal with the problems I had created myself in order to make sure Lauren was still taken care of. Even if she hated me, she was still my number one priority over anything else because she was still someone I loved very deeply in such a short amount of time.
In order to leave the smaller girl alone, I figured I would sleep on the couch tonight so that I wouldn't bother her. I didn't want to keep pushing more problems on top of one another because it was quickly becoming too much for me to be able to handle by myself. I didn't even have my best friend to talk through it with because neither one of them could help. Normani was one story, but I couldn't tell Camila because I could still get in a shit ton of trouble. Normani wasn't even supposed to know yet somehow she managed to weasel her way into my love life where she was now trying to dictate who I see and who I shouldn't. This was all too much for me; I had to go to sleep otherwise my brain would literally explode within my head and that was in all seriousness.
Eventually I found myself stripping off my pants as I laid on the couch without a blanket or any form of pillow. Somehow, I knew I didn't need either. Lauren probably felt like she had so much less than I did even though I would give her the world had she asked me for it. I loved her yet at the same time I was knowingly hurting her which was something I had promised to myself I would never do to the younger girl. She didn't deserve any of this, and it was now my mission to get her out of here and into a place where she would comfortable once more. I couldn't handle her hating me any longer, because all I wanted was her love. It may have been all I wanted, but I knew I would never receive it in the end. She explicitly told me she hated me and never wanted to be here again. As much as I didn't want it to be true, her wish had to become my command whether I liked it or not. That was the sad truth to it all, as I found myself falling asleep to the changing lights of the cartoon still playing on the TV with no sound; mimicking my heartbreak in this moment.
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