A love story.
An alternate universe.
**********
"Oh my god, he's done it again!" Bailey exclaimed, planting the university school paper forcefully in front of her best friend.
The group of friends howled rowdily, nudging each other as they threw the petite girl teases that were enough to make her ears red.
Kaycee rolled her eyes, honestly annoyed, at the same time amused with her friends' teases. This has been going on for almost a year now, and although she had read every single article written about her, she never really cared and thought about it.
What could she gain from an anonymous writer anyway? Should she be flattered?
She would be lying if she wasn't, but if the writer would remain anonymous in the long run, clearly he or she – he must be a he, though – didn't want to be found out.
But then again, like many times before, she allowed herself to get lost in the words that had always touched her soul.
To the girl with the eyes like that of a molten gold,
You might have not noticed, but my heart – no, the world – stopped around me the moment you stepped into that stage that had only showcased how radiant you are, as if God had carefully took his time intricately weaving every part of you, and maybe He then thought, "Ah, you are meant for the stage."
Your beauty shouldn't be wasted hidden behind your books, or your smiles limited to the people close to you. The whole world should see this – they should see how your curls flow like a rippling river over your shoulder, see how your smile lights up like a lighthouse would in a darkened ocean, see how your golden eyes can capture just by one gaze like how it drew me in the first time, and I was trapped ever since.
Not that I'm complaining.
And then you moved like a graceful deer around the stage, falling on your toes like a falling leaf, moving your body with the emotions brought by the music. I felt like I was watching a moving painting. I'd say beautiful, just how every part of you is.
People were on their feet, clapping and cheering, clearly amazed by your dancing, and I could see how your cheeks pinked in wonder, as if you're thinking how in the world the crowd loved that.
And how in the world they won't?
You're beautiful.
If only I could...
Kaycee didn't realize she was holding her breath. She couldn't deny it, she wanted to read more; this was shorter than the writer's usual, it was as if he had written this just to compliment her with her recent performance.
Why can't he just approach her and talk to her in person?
She sighed as she looked over to his words again. And it was then she realized how Bailey and Chloe's faces were pressed on her cheeks, also peering over the article. Bailey was in tears, while Chloe's mouth was agape.
"Oh my god..." Bailey whispered, wiping her eyes and she looked at her with puppy eyes. "We have to know who he is."
This wasn't the first time Bailey proposed something like this; she had suggested this since the very first time they discovered that the writer was writing about Kaycee Rice. And everytime, Kaycee would turn the idea down. For her, it was not worth it to waste time and effort to find someone who clearly doesn't want to be known.
However, she wasn't too sure. This has been going on for too long.
"Or better yet," Josh piped up behind them. "We have to find you a boyfriend, Bails, so you'll stop crying over every goddamn love story you read or watch," and all of their friends laughed at this.
"Shut up!"
"Ugh. That guy is so sweet. It's giving me toothache," Chloe complained as she returned to her boyfriend, Julian's side.
"But I'm sweeter, right?" Julian asked with a smirk, resting his arm over her shoulders.
"Of course."
And they shamelessly made-out in front of their friends, not even bothering to keep it rated 15.
"Gross, you two!"
"Get a fucking room!"
But Kaycee was still lost in her thoughts. Sure, she was now more than curious, but in all honesty she did not know where to begin. Or why she had to find out.
"Stop it, you guys," Will threw a banana peel to the kissing couple to show his disgust which landed on Julian's head. "Time for class!"
The friends bid their goodbyes to each other, agreeing to meet after school. Bailey was waiting for Kaycee to gather her things, rambling on plans of finding who the writer is.
"We could go to the school paper office and just, you know, flirt with the editor so he could tell us who your admirer is –"
"You'll do the flirting, I'll be there for moral support," Kaycee deadpanned.
The younger gasped. "So you wanted to know who he is!"
Kaycee kept silent, blocking her senses from hearing Bailey's teases.
Their attention was only caught when feet from them, a boy was peacefully walking when a group of guys pass by him, pulling the earplugs from his ears harshly and punching the box he was carrying in his hands. Kaycee and Bailey stopped in their tracks in horror, not knowing what to do with the situation. The boy only silently gathered the fallen box and its contents, but the guys kept on mocking and insulting him, egging him to retaliate. What surprised them however, was the boy seemed not to mind; he continued gathering his things, not making eye contact and when he stood up, one of the guys knocked off the cap from his head, probably pissed at his non-response.
It was as if nothing happened when he picked his cap from the ground, but when he turned and saw the girls standing a few feet away, his eyes widened, seemingly embarrassed of his encounter. He turned away and walked quickly.
"Oh my god. What is their problem? What is this, high school?!" Bailey muttered. "We should've helped him, Kayc."
"Doesn't matter," Kaycee said absently, eyes still fixed on the quickly retreating form of the guy. "We'll get into trouble too if we interfere. We know Noah doesn't care whether we're girls."
"Sadly, yeah."
*****
"How's the search going?" Josh asked as soon as Bailey and Kaycee came in their usual hang-out place.
"The editor-in-chief won't tell us who writes in that section!" Bailey grumbled, throwing her hands in the air in distress, very red in the face. Kaycee stifled a laugh behind her, shaking her head.
"Why are you so angry?" Chloe asked, quirking up a brow.
"I'm not!!!"
"Her plan backfired. Thought of flirting with the editor to get the writer's name but the editor flirted back. Like, he was really flirty," Kaycee quipped, earning a frustrated glare from her friend. "Actually, he never really answered her question but kept on asking her stuff."
"Urgh! The nerve of that guy!" Bailey exclaimed in exasperation.
"Hm? I think Kenneth San Jose is charming," Kaycee said, smiling, teasing her best friend.
"Charming?" Bailey laughed out sarcastically. "You call him charming? Charming is the last thing I'll call him. He's just fucking sexy, I hate him!"
"Whoa there!" Josh exclaimed as the whole group laughed.
"There you go!" Will whooped.
Julian wolf-whistled, arms slung over Chloe's shoulders.
"This is not about me!" Bailey said wildly. "Ugh, let's stop this. Come on, Kayc. We have to get to the meeting," she said, completely maneuvering the topic away and stalked off.
Kaycee laughed and waved to her friends good bye.
"I think we should end the search," Kaycee suggested. "The university's huge, there could be a lot of possibilities out here."
But her friend won't have it. "No. What if this person is the one you're waiting for?"
Kaycee snorted. "I'm not waiting for anyone, Bails."
"You know what I mean," the girl rolled her eyes, and suddenly gasped. "Maybe...maybe it's someone you know! And they're just too shy to tell you!"
Kaycee shrugged. "Last time I checked, I'm not popular with guys –"
"You, Kaycee Rice?" Bailey's eyebrows shot up, throwing her an are-you-kidding-me look.
"You know what I mean! This is not my stuff. I never had a boyfriend, no one ever asked me out on a date! Not even during prom in high school –"
"It's because the boys in our school are cowards, and they ain't ready for a perfection that is Kaycee Rice," Bailey said fiercely.
"Gee, thanks. Still, this isn't an excuse for this guy to not just speak to me in person," Kaycee shrugged.
"Maybe he has a small dick, that's why –"
"Bailey!" Kaycee couldn't help but laugh, a little scandalized. "I don't care about that, you know!"
"Just sayin', girl," Bailey shrugged, smirking. "So let's do the process of elimination. Let's start with Jay."
"Jay Hancock? Well, he's my friend since kindergarten. I guess he would tell me if he has feelings for me, right? And he isn't the shy type, Bails."
"Gabe? I know he has the hots for you since high school –"
"But then again didn't make a single move ever since. Why would he do that now?"
"How about –"
"Kaycee!"
Both girls turned around and watched someone jogging his way to them. With his high cheekbones, strikingly handsome features and blue eyes, his appearance alone could make Kaycee's face heat up.
"Hi, Josh B!" Bailey greeted enthusiastically.
"Hey, Bailey," he smiled, and faced the petite girl. "Hey, Kayc. Listen, concept for the show's up and I'm choreographing a whole number for the show, and uhm, I remembered you all of a sudden. Being a fellow Dance student and all," he weakly chuckled and shyly looked at her. "Would you like to help me with the choreo?"
Kaycee then felt a hard nudge on her side as Bailey shamelessly elbowed her.
She smiled up at him awkwardly. "Uh...I honestly would love to, but...I can't commit with anything as of the moment. I'm gonna have an extra org this year, so..."
Bailey's mouth hung open as if telling her 'Are you crazy?!'
"Really? That's too bad..." the guy trailed off, but he smiled at her anyway. "I'll call you next time. I hope you'll be available by then."
The girl nodded. "Sure."
"See ya. Bye, Bailey," he smiled and waved as he jogged away.
When she was sure they were out of earshot, Bailey pushed Kaycee away playfully. "What's the matter with you?! That is Josh Beauchamp for Pete's sake!"
Kaycee shrugged. "What's with him?"
"Your long-time crush!"
"It's just a crush, Bails. I'm not that crazy about him –"
"And the blush that you came up just now?"
"Shut up," Kaycee said flatly, turning away to walk again. "I was just surprised that's all."
"And there's a possibility that he 'might' be the guy!" Bailey exclaimed.
Kaycee thought about what her friend said again. "Maybe. Let's see."
"I don't know what to do with you. Here I am, your best friend, fully supportive of your love life more than my own and yet –" Bailey was muttering so low under her breath that Kaycee couldn't understand anymore of what she's saying, making her giggle.
They entered the admin building again and this time Bailey ducked, covering her face with her binder as if she was hiding.
"What are you doing?" Kaycee asked, embarrassed by her best friend's behaviour.
"Hiding. In case I'll come across Kenneth San Jose again," she said and when they reached the floor that they were searching for, she let out an exasperated breath. "Oh my god! The office's literally in front of the school paper office!" Kaycee could only laugh.
And she almost jumped in her place and was ready to run away when the school paper office door opened and out came two boys. One was Kenneth and the other was someone familiar – the bullied guy they saw days ago.
The boy was in the same get up when they had seen him: a big hoodie and a cap covering almost half of his face. They were surprisingly very quiet but it looked like they were conversing, before the guy waved at Ken goodbye. Ken smiled at him and tapped his back.
Oblivious to the girls' presence, both of the boys returned to their respective offices –with Ken to the school paper office and the boy, to the office they are supposed to be headed.
The girls' exchanged glances and shrugged, and headed for the door with a logo and a heading Hear Us Speak. Kaycee knocked on the door and when in a few seconds there was no answer, they entered the office.
Inside was the same boy, his back on them, silently stacking folders on the table. He had earphones on, and even when Bailey cleared her throat loudly, he seemed oblivious to the intruders. Having no choice, Kaycee stepped forward and tapped his back, making him jump in surprise and turn to them frantically, his earphones spilling out of his ear. And they could see how his eyes widen.
"Uhm, hi? We're the new volunteers for the org. And I believe the orientation will be held at this time?"
But the boy was only staring at her, seemingly not hearing what she just said, and her brows mashed as she stared back at him, waiting for his answer.
He was taller than her, and she had to admit, he was quite attractive, too, with his intense, but dark brown eyes and pink, attractive lips. Realizing her ridiculous thoughts, she blinked rapidly and looked at him again.
The boy, realizing he was not responding and retrieved his phone from his pocket and urgently typed.
I'm one of the members here. I only know sign language but typing on the phone is okay, too :)
"Oh," Kaycee said, embarrassed, and turned to Bailey. She looked up at the boy again and felt a certain kind of wonder and a little bit of sorry. She cleared her throat, smiled at him and began doing sign language.
We're both new volunteers and we're here for the orientation.
The boy widely smiled, realizing they knew how to do sign language, too and Kaycee did not miss the big dimple plastered on his cheek.
That's good to hear! I mean, I can't really hear, but – this way. The others are inside, his gestures were very animated now and Bailey couldn't help but giggle at the cuteness and excitement evident in his words as he led them to another door.
Thank you, Kaycee signed, smiling and the boy just smiled back at her softly.
The orientation was surprisingly fun for Kaycee and Bailey especially in a room with only other ten speaking people and the rest were the organization's members. The university had finally launched a program for the deaf and mute a year prior and in their second year, the founding organization decided to create a tutorial program to help its students. It was no problem for the girls, as Bailey grew up with a deaf and mute brother and Kaycee had been childhood friends with them. And because of that, they had taken part of different organizations and charities while growing up. They didn't even think twice in joining the org when they first heard of it.
"Thank you so much for taking part of this!" Alexa Hartford, the president, clasped her hands together, looking excited. Her assistant, was doing the sign language beside her. "So, you'll know who your student is in a minute."
Soon, Alexa was calling out pairs of names of volunteers and their students. Kaycee patiently looked around, and even smiled at Bailey who was with her partner, when she sat straight when her name was called.
"Kaycee Rice..." Alexa called. "And Sean Lew."
Kaycee looked around, trying to find out who the person is when the assistant pointed at the familiar boy.
Sean Lew then smiled at her.
*****
"Oh my god t-that was so funny..." the girl heaved out huge gasps of air as she laughed heartily, wiping the sides of her eyes as beside her, Sean's mouth was open in silent laughter, and maybe he doesn't know it, but sounds were actually coming out of his lips which the girl found cute.
Kaycee still couldn't get over his joke, and she didn't care when all around them, the other customers were looking at her because of her loud laugh while beside her was a boy with almost soundless laughter. She didn't care one bit; she never thought she would enjoy his company that much.
It was four months since they started their tutorial sessions and it was as if she had met a new friend in him, even with the limitation and all. He was easy-going and he made her laugh all the time by pretending that he understood what everyone was talking about when he makes up stories when they are people-watching.
He was pretty smart, too; she honestly made minimal effort in teaching him stuff because he picks up things easily. What she did mind, though, is that she can't even let him hear the music she dances to. She would like to hear his opinion about it, but the reality that he couldn't just makes her sad.
Let's go home? He signed.
But I still want to order another cup of matcha ice cream, she pouted and the boy let out another soundless laughter.
And the girl squealed when the street in front of them illuminated with lightning.
See? It's going to rain soon, the boy signed. We can come back here tomorrow after our session if you want?
Kaycee sighed and nodded. They gathered all their things and put it in their bags when the boy patted her.
Can I walk you home? he asked, nervously looking at her.
She smiled softly. You don't have to, Sean. Besides, I'm just three blocks away from here. I'll be fine.
Please? He pleaded with his eyes that melted like a child. It's late, and I won't forgive myself if something happens to you. Kaycee laughed how he exaggerated his gestures. She couldn't help but let him.
In the few steps in that quiet street, Kaycee watched as the boy retrieve his earphones and plugged one in his left ear. Her eyebrows mashed in confusion; she remembered in the very first time she saw him, him wearing the exact earphones. And now it boggles her mind on why he had to, he couldn't hear any from it.
Why are you using your earphones? She signed.
The boy grinned at her, taking a deep breath. In this way, people won't talk to me –ask me questions or directions, anything, he shrugged. And...I want to appear normal. Like I'm just some ordinary guy listening to music. He then offered the other plug to her, and she let him put it in her ear.
Her heart clenched at this confession, and she watched him for a moment. She took a deep breath, shaking away the sadness, and focused on the music she was hearing.
Sean looked at her and she smiled up at him. At first, she thought that the smile he was giving her was out of gratefulness, but when his gaze lingered a little longer than usual, the feeling of unease crept in. The good kind of unease.
Do you know that what you're listening to is kind of vulgar? She grinned, and giggled at his shocked expression.
No kidding?
No kid. She grinned. For a few moments they shared that warm gaze again, not realizing that they had completely stopped in the middle of the street.
A flash of lighting and thunder rumbled by and within seconds, raindrops started falling from the sky. They both looked up into the heavens, and Kaycee quickly retrieved her umbrella and put it over their heads.
She smiled weakly at him, realizing that her umbrella barely covered the both of them, and so she had to step closer, unknowingly tiptoeing to reach his height. And realizing this, Sean smiled at her and immediately held on to her hand which was holding the umbrella. His touch was warm, so warm that it she almost tore her hand away liked it had been burned.
The boy looked torn, he was reluctant for a second before he decided to wrap his free arm around her and pull her close, so that she could fit in the umbrella. Her cheeks heated and she furtively glance up at him, and he gave her a smile. She noticed that his shoulder was getting wet but he didn't seem to mind and so they just walked quietly to her house.
They arrived at her home and quietly they looked at each other. Somehow, she likes this, the both of them in this proximity with the sound of rain around them.
Thanks for walking me home, Kaycee signed. I'm sorry your shoulder got wet.
It's no problem, the boy smiled. Good night. Here's your umbrella –
Oh no, have it. Good night, Sean.
The girl turned towards the door, and for a moment, she turned to look back and saw the boy still standing there. A smile grew on his face the moment she met his eyes again, and he gestured for her to enter the house and signed that he will be going. And she chuckled at this, countering that he should go now and they went on for about a minute bantering on who should go first when the girl finally yielded and went.
She smiled to herself as she pressed herself to the door.
*****
Those eyes that burns so bright
Are stars in my darkest nights
Your touches that lingers in a slight
Are gears that launch my heart in flight
The sight of you, everything about you
Makes me want to shout out what I feel for you
But,
How can I tell you that I love you?
How can I hear you say you love me, too?
I want to, I have to, but I have no power to
My heart bursts from keeping it from you
I'm sorry but I can't tell you
That I love you, Kaycee, I really do
"Fuck, I can't," Chloe cursed under her breath, controlling a deep breath and pushing with all her power not to cry as she slammed the newspaper in front of her friend.
Bailey slumped beside Kaycee who was silent all throughout, staring at nothing in particular. The girl was silent ever since her friend let her read the latest issue of their school paper, and as usual, they went straight to that small section of the anonymous admirer of hers.
"Are you okay?" Bailey asked softly. It was surprising that she wasn't so worked up as usual when it came to her best friend's mystery admirer.
Briefly, Kaycee only looked at her and nodded, sighing.
"You know what? You're not," Bailey concluded, rubbing her back.
The petite girl could only sigh loudly at this as she fiddled with her fingers. Chloe sat on the table in front of her, silently patting her shoulder.
"It's just that..." Kaycee started. "Why can't he just come up and...and tell me?" she blurted out, distress lacing her voice. She looked up at both of her friends and drew a deep frustrated breath. "This is stupid. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I don't even know what to feel. All I know that he's a coward."
She couldn't wipe the frown of her face. This person couldn't just write stuff to her, publishing it to their school paper where everyone could read it and confess his love for her! Heck, it wasn't even a confession! It was just him telling her that he's sorry he can't confess face-to-face. Why couldn't he just man up and approach her?
Kaycee blew out a breath. She must admit as much as she was still curious as to who is writing this stuff now, it seemed doesn't matter as much to her anymore. If the guy chose to remain anonymous all his life, he wouldn't expect anything from her. Not that she would try to reciprocate a love from someone she doesn't know or even see; it was just that everything was pushed back now especially when she started to get busy with...
She looked at her watch. It was almost an hour after her last subject and she was to meet with Sean for their session but he was still nowhere to be found. She had to find him now.
"Let's just forget about this guys. I don't care about this confession, I don't care about this guy. This confession is pure bullshit," Kaycee said as she stuffed her books in her bag. "I have to find Sean now."
"Okay I'm totally on board of you not caring about this coward of a guy, but I'm gonna squeeze this out of you," Chloe spoke with brows shot up. "What's going on with you and Sean?"
Without even realizing it, her cheeks flamed as well as her ears. She was not entirely sure why –if it was because of the question or the answer.
"W-We're f-friends," she stuttered. Shoot.
Bailey crossed her arms. "There's no use lying to us you know? Good thing the guys aren't here so you can spill the beans now."
"I-It's true. We're friends –"
"But you like him. You're in-love with him," Chloe interrupted and the abrupt silence on Kaycee's part was so evident that her friends could feel it.
Hearing it from her friends just caused the big block in her chest tighten inside of her. Now confirming it to herself was harder because she was so confused on what to do with her feelings. They were in a jumble because of the confusion brought about the mystery writer and his growing feelings for the boy she came to befriend. Drawing a shaky breath, she looked up to her friends with glossy eyes.
"I –I didn't mean to," she said, her voice breaking.
"Oh, honey," Chloe jumped off the table and offered her friend an embrace, and Bailey just silently wrapped her arms around them.
"What's wrong?" Bailey asked softly, somehow having an idea on what's going on with her friend.
"It's just that I –I'm confused. I don't know what to do," Kaycee said in a broken tone.
Bailey sighed as she and Chloe let go of the small girl. She held her by her shoulders, searching her teary eyes and smiled up at her sadly. "You're afraid aren't you?"
And her best friend only voiced out that nagging feeling in her chest. Tears spilled at the side of her eyes as she nodded.
"Oh, Kayc," Bailey engulfed her again in her arms, rubbing her back up and down. "Remember when we were six and Andre was still learning how to do sign language? And I was crying, very frustrated at how I couldn't understand him at all, how it was so difficult to take care of a brother who couldn't hear or speak. Do you remember what you told me?"
Kaycee shook her head.
Bailey smiled. "You asked me if I love my brother and I answered, fortunately, yes. You told me, 'and that's what matters'," she took a deep breath. "You told me that my love for my brother was enough. And that if you care for and love someone, no matter how hard it is to deal with him, no matter how hard the situation is, you would stick by him because you love him. And that love is the greatest power there is in the world."
Kaycee stared at her and she was still speechless at the whole thing. She couldn't believe she had said that at age six, and couldn't believe it's helping her now.
"So cheer up, sister," Bailey whispered.
"You can do this, Kayc," Chloe encouraged from beside them.
Kaycee nodded and took a deep breath.
It turned out that Sean was getting all his exam results from all his courses, that was why he was initially nowhere to be found. Kaycee agreed to wait for him and see the fruit of their labor and was actually grateful of the extra time she had to think about her situation. But even then, anxiety was eating her, especially now that she would see him after she had just confirmed what her feelings are to herself.
She was getting restless at the wait, conjuring up conversation scenarios between them in which she would finally confess to him. Yes, she was considering that, and she didn't care if he doesn't feel the same way.
In her peripheral view, she could make out his form, approaching her in his usual get up of a cap, and hoodie but he had a big smile on his face that made him look like a kid. Kaycee stood up on her feet and was about to meet him half way when he held up five test papers, a big red A+ mark so clear from far away.
Kaycee could only scream in joy as she ran up to him and circled her arms around his neck, and automatically, his arms wrapped around her waist as he lifted her petite body from the ground and twirled her around. She was laughing with joy, sharing his happiness, and she knew he was too, as she could hear the noise that he usually makes when they share a laugh. For a minute, they didn't care that some students were looking at them and continued celebrating in their own little way.
Slowly, they came to a stop and Kaycee pulled back to look at his face, and that was when she became aware of how close they were, how their bodies were pressed together, how he was holding her so gently, how dark his eyes are and how beautiful the dimple on his cheek is when he smiles. They stared at each other's eyes that could last hours, and if the girl didn't look away to desperately hide the blush that crept her cheeks, he wouldn't have put her down.
Congratulations! Kaycee signed.
All thanks to you, Kaycee, Sean smiled. And because of this, I'm going to treat you matcha ice cream. The girl laughed.
Their conversations were never a boring one despite the silence, and somehow, Kaycee contented herself of their current friendship that the idea of confessing to him will probably just ruin what they have now. Still, there was this familiar tug in her heart, but she caught herself and willed to listen to his story about how his little sister was learning sign language just to talk to him.
She's so smart, Kaycee! For a five year old, she sure knows a lot already, he was recounting and she could see the affection that he has for his sister. And she learned something yesterday that she says that described who I am. She called me her prince. Imagine the protectiveness I felt when she said that!
Little tears were brimming at the side of his eyes and he was quick to wipe it off with a smile. That's sweet, Kaycee signed, and she totally agreed with his sister.
The boy sighed and they were quiet for a while before Sean turned to her again.
Then her breath hitched when Sean wrapped her in a tight embrace, his warmth soothing her. They stayed that way for seconds, before the boy pulled back again and smiled softly at her.
Thank you so much for everything, Kaycee.
She let her gaze rest on his, and for a moment, she did consider telling him everything she felt. But she didn't, and just continued to search his eyes. He was the first one to break away and looked out the window where the night had fallen into the city and the sky was dark with grey clouds.
Let's get you home, I think it's going to rain, Sean signed. The girl could only nod.
The walk was silent and slow, with her sharing his load of folders and books he had to bring home. There were no conversations shared, as their hands wouldn't allow them to, but occasionally, they would look at each other and share a laugh without any reason. It was just how they are.
A block away from Kaycee's house, Sean gestured her to hand him the folders she was carrying. She tried to balance the load, however, the top clearbook slid to the ground, spilling its contents.
"Sorry!" Kaycee muttered and immediately sank to the ground, unaware of the panic that rose on the boy's face as he too dived to the ground and tried to beat Kaycee from collecting his documents. But it was too late.
The girl's hands froze as she stared at the paper at the top. She felt cold water poured over her head as she read, in his neat handwriting, the poem she just read from the school paper that afternoon. Quickly, she skimmed through the other papers and the familiar lines and words registered in her mind.
Sean was panting as he snatched the papers away beside her. His face was grim as he gathered everything clumsily, and with one last look at her, she realized the fear in his eyes as he stood up and walked away briskly.
"Sean!" she called, and called again, but she realized he couldn't hear her. Desperately, she ran up to him and grabbed him by the elbow, spinning him around, causing the folders to fall off from his hands. But the boy only stooped down again to gather his things hastily, not looking at her anymore.
"Sean look at me!" she cried, tugging him up. "Talk to me!" she pulled him by the arm to face her, and there she saw the desperate look in his eyes.
"Y-You're the one...writing to me?" she choked out, but the boy continued looking at her with a mixture of confusion and fear in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I'm sorry! Sean signed wildly as it was the only thing he could come up with. He couldn't understand what she was saying.
"Why did you hide it from me?" Kaycee cried desperately, not knowing she was still speaking, but shock has overwhelmed her that she couldn't find the power to sign.
I'm sorry but I can't tell you...that I love you, Kaycee, I really do.
Those are the words he wrote.
I can't understand you, Kaycee! Sean signed wildly, frustration marring his expression as the girl continued to speak in words, and he could only wipe the tears from his eyes. He looked at her, wanting to step away, but he knew he owed her an explanation, a reason.
This is...this is the reason why I don't have the face to approach you from the beginning, he started, his fingers shaking. I was just contented of watching you from afar, but who am I to argue with fate when it decided to bring you to me? I thought I was okay being your friend, and I willed myself to just stay as that, but I just...I just fell in love with you. Tears spilled out of his eyes as he took a deep breath. I knew then I have to tell you who I am, but I can't. I decided I won't. And I thought you need at least to know what I feel, even if you don't know it was me.
Why? Kaycee gestured weakly. Sean was shaking his head, more frustration evident in his gestures, in his eyes.
I can't talk! I can't hear! I don't want to be a burden to you! Who would want a person like me? You deserve someone perfect, Kaycee! Someone who can listen to you, who can encourage you. I want to whisper sweet nothings in your ears, I want to listen to your voice, help you with your dances, listen to music with you and I want to sing you to sleep. I want to laugh out loud with you and I want to shout to the world that I love you! His gestures faltered as his arms hung limply at his sides. For a few seconds, he let his tears fall as his head hung low. But I can't do that. I'm useless, Kaycee. I'm useless!
And her heart dropped when he started hitting himself, pounding his fist hard against his head. She cried as she tried to stop him and it took her a lot of her strength to pull his hands away from himself. She let him cry then, and she swallowed as slowly, she reached up his face and wiped his tears with her thumbs. Gently, she made him look at her and her breath shook, seeing his wet eyes.
It doesn't matter, Sean, she signed, and the boy started to shake his head.
"Sshh," she said and held his face in place again. She searched his eyes and chose to show him what words can't convey.
She tiptoed and captured his lips in a sweet kiss, and the boy pushed down the sob as he responded back in a desperate one, his hands resting around her waist. Tears of joy rolled down her cheek and a sigh of contentment came out of her lips as she felt a kiss on her forehead.
"I love you, Sean Lew," she whispered as she rested her hand on his chest. She looked up at him again and smiled. I love you, too, she gestured with her fingers and she witnessed how his eyes teared again.
*****
"Shit, I can't do this, they're so sweet. I can't," Bailey complained.
"Oh god, I hate them so much," Chloe muttered, agreeing, as they watched Kaycee and Sean in their own little world.
His lips were drawn into her ear, as if he was whispering, when in fact he was just blowing air to tickle the girl that made the latter slap his arms playfully. Then Sean went into a full blown, animated sign language as he conversed with her girlfriend that was making her laugh.
Julian groaned as he placed his arm along Chloe's shoulder. "Hey, Kayc. Can you tell your boyfriend to tone it down? He's so loud!"
The group of friends blurted into snorts and laughter with Bailey and Chloe complaining how he's so mean and Julian defended that he was clearly joking.
But Kaycee heard this and excused herself. Without any preamble, she flicked her guy friends' foreheads hard, earning her groans.
"No talking rude things behind my boyfriend's back," she demanded and went back to Sean who was looking at them inquiringly.
What was that about? Sean asked.
Kaycee just smiled at him, shaking her head. Nothing, she signed and planted a kiss on his lips.
"Get a room!!!"