Total Drama All-Stars Re-Write
Episode 8: No One Eggspects the Spanish Opposition
Re-written and Edited by Joey Turner and Tanya Furness
Chris: (Voiceover, recounting last episode's clips) Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the island was bathed in a rare blue harvest moon that turns normally sweet creatures into pure evil. Totally unsafe to be out after dark in THAT; so, I made it a night challenge! As they raced, Heather pretended to be affected by the moon, while Cam and his broken specs got ditched by Mike... or WAS it Mike? And Dawn lost her connection with the wild creatures, and then had to be rescued by know-it-all turned lover-boy, Noah; and then they kissed.... AGAIN! In the end, the villains won again; and Brick, who brought back a wounded and traumatized Owen, took an honorable discharge down a dishonorable toilet. And Cameron volunteered to be the other homebound hero for reasons unknown. (Cough) Sierra. (Cough) But, in a final twist, Cameron became the newest member of the Villainous Vultures.
(Cut to Chris at the docks)
Chris: But that was then, and this is now. And we can't stop it, so we gotta top it, right here on Total Drama All-Stars!
(Opening credits)
(Cut to the spa hotel; Cameron is trying to fix his broken glasses)
Courtney: (walks by with a glass of orange juice in hand) Don't bother. You won't be around long enough for it to matter.
(Cameron ignores her and continues working, but the glasses fall apart further. Cameron sighs)
(Confessional: Courtney)
Courtney: With Cameron on our team, the newbie target's off my back. Next time we lose, (Smirks) Four-eyes goes home. (Pauses) Unless he can't fix his glasses, then he'll be two-eyes. Still, he's out.
(Confessional ends)
(Gwen walks up to Cameron with a twist tie)
Gwen: Here, maybe a twist tie would help.
(Cameron works with the twist tie and smiles as his glasses are now fixed)
Cameron: It worked! Thanks! (He puts the glasses back on)
Gwen: The villain team isn't entirely made up out of evil people.
Heather: (Standing right behind Cameron, smirking evilly) You look nerdier than before. I know it sounds impossible, but here you are doing it, so...
Alejandro: (Sitting at the table) Heather, please. I think that he pulls off a nerdy look with a generous measure of dignified flare.
Gwen: (She and Cameron walk away) ...It's mostly made up of evil people.
(Confessional: Cameron)
Cameron: I was really nervous about meeting Gwen. My mom kept telling me that anyone who dyes her hair color is either a hooligan, psychologically unstable, or a woodland pixie.... that last one I didn't know how to respond to. But Gwen was very nice to me on my first day as a villain. Plus it's just nice to be away from Sierra.
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: I HAD to look out for Cameron; Zoey told me about the whole bubble thing, and having been stuck in tight spaces before, I know what it's like. Besides, he's cool; he's like another little brother to me. If you're seeing this, Daren -I miss you, bro. Take care of mom while I'm stuck out here... again!
(Confessional ends)
Heather: (Annoyed; walks up to Alejandro) Great, they've already bonded. I hate to say it, but maybe we should form a temporary alliance to avoid being voted off. (Extends a hand to Alejandro) Allies?
Alejandro: (Takes her hand happily) Agreed. (He kisses her hand)
Heather: (Recoils) Ugh, gross! (Shakes her hand)
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: She trusts me. Ha! Soon I will have my revenge for the dishonor she brought upon my family name! (Grips his hair) Once this gorgeous face (Points outside) is rid of that gorgeous face, I will win it all.
(Confessional: Heather)
Heather: He thinks I trust him. Ha, that's his one-way ticket to (Points her thumb down) flush-town!
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to Duncan looking out over the cabin patio)
Zoey: (Right behind him; holds up a green apple happily) Apple?
Duncan: Don't mind if I do. (Smiles, takes the apple and starts eating it)
Zoey: Glad you're starting to trust people! A few days ago, there'd be no way you'd have taken that from me.
(Duncan suddenly stops, his eyes widen, and he gulps down his apple)
(Confessional: Duncan)
Duncan: (Clutching himself and looking around) I'm surrounded by so much heroic kindness! (Fakes a barf noise) I think it's starting to rub off. I mean ok I've done good-ish things before, but never this much! (Gasps) wait, Gwen likes bad boys. You don't think she'd... well Alejandro WAS flirting with her a while ago and she didn't exactly look away! (Shakes his head) No way, Gwen's too good for La Cucaracha! (Pulls out his knife) and I'm still bad, just watch! (He stabs his knife into the wall, only to have the blade fall off) Oh, come on!
(Confessional: Mal)
(Once again Mal is in control of Mike)
Mal: (Smirking) Oh dear. What happened to Duncan's knife?
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to earlier in the boys' cabin; Duncan is still asleep. Mal sneaks his hand under Duncan's pillow and rummages until he finds the knife. Mal, (In the shadows) switches open the knife, grinning maliciously. Cut to outside; Mal takes a rock and smashes Duncan's knife with it; cut again to him stuffing the knife back in place)
(Confessional: Mal)
Mal: Tough break. (Chuckles evilly)
(Confessional ends)
(Noah walks out of the boys cabin, yawns, and stretches)
Noah: (Looks around) huh... that's weird.
Zoey: What's weird?
Noah: For some reason I don't feel miserable and cynical this morning. It's like some little golden ball of hope is building up in my chest. ....It's gotta be pneumonia. This show is finally starting to kill me.
Zoey: (Cheerfully) aww, or maybe SOMEONE'S just happy 'cus they got a new GIIRLFRIIEEEEEEND.
Noah: (Deadpan) ...your perkiness is no longer cute.
(Dawn enters the scene riding on the back of a deer, petting it affectionately. She then waves at Noah and summersaults off the deer, landing right next to Noah)
Noah: now THAT, that is pretty cute.
Dawn: greetings, my fellow heroes, (Duncan clears his throat) and Duncan, of course.
(Duncan smirks approvingly; Dawn scoots closer to Noah. They both blush furiously)
Duncan: sooo, are you two "officially" dating?
Dawn: (Looks at Noah understandingly) Noah does not feel comfortable discussing our romantic situation with anyone.
Zoey: aww, but you guys look so cute together.
Noah: great! As if watching you and Mike go at it wasn't "cute" enough.
Dawn: (Giggles) well fear not, Noah. I can assure you there will be no pressure, nothing to cause any discomfort-
Noah: no cutesy nicknames right? Because jungle girl and sister of the wild are really where I draw the line.
Dawn: (giggles) But of course, fair soul. (Cuddles close then kisses Noah on the cheek)
Noah: (Blushes harder) Daaawn, not in front of Punk Rock. (Duncan raises an eyebrow)
(Confessional: Noah)
Noah: man I hate it when that girl reads my aura. (Smiles a bit) though I would've asked her to stop by now, wouldn't I? Sooo, yeah; to all the ravenous, blood-thirsty fan girls probably clawing on the fan blogs by now, looks like I'm off the market.
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to inside the boys' cabin, cushions brick one of the bottom bunks up; Noah and Duncan stand in front of it, looking curious)
Duncan: (Knocks on the cushions) uh... Owen?
Owen: (Hiding behind the cushions) what's the password?
Duncan/Noah: (Rolling their eyes) Mallomar?
(Owen lowers one of the cusions, revealing his scared face; he has healed since the last episode)
Noah: What's with the cask there, Fortunato? You've been bricking yourself up all night since the last challenge. Where'd you even get the cushions?
Owen: Duncan got them from the hotel.
(Noah looks questioningly at Duncan)
Duncan: what? They're cool, we don't have any, and those beds are like concrete!
Owen: And anyways, it's a shelter! Brick taught me how to make one before he left. It's for protection!
Duncan: what, you got another junk food stash in there? What do you need protection from?
(At that moment, Mike walks back in [back in control])
Mike: hey guys, what's up?
(Owen shrieks in terror and runs right through the cushion barricade, and even right through the wall)
(Confessional: Noah)
Noah: yeah, Owens hiding something from us. He's been scared stiff since the moon challenge. And he STILL won't tell us what went on that night!
(Confessional: Duncan)
Duncan: Owen seems to freak out whenever MIKE'S around. I'm telling you I know Mike from somewhere and I can tell it's not good!
(Confessional: Owen)
Owen: (Looks around in fright, heavy bags are under his eyes) I didn't sleep too well last night. One of Mike's personalities beat the fudge out of me! Do you know how much it takes to make a belly like this pink?!!? (Sighs) well, at least Mike's back... I hope; I just hope next time that creepy guy comes out he doesn't start that spoooooky whistling agai-
(Just at that moment, Mal's eerie whistling from the last challenge is heard outside. Owen shakes in fear)
(Confessional ends)
(Owen runs out of the confessional shrieking in fear. A gasp is heard and Mike peeks out from behind the confessional)
Mike: (Confused) Owen? Wait! ...What's wrong with him lately?
(Cut to inside the girl's cabin; Sierra is sobbing loudly on the bed, while Zoey tries to comfort her)
Zoey: Sierra, are you ok?
Sierra: Oh Zoey! (Breathes deeply) I miss Cody-Cam!
Zoey: (blinks in confusion) D-do you mean Cameron?
Sierra: (Snaps) That's what I said!
Zoey: Ahh... no, you didn't.
Sierra: (Leans up) Well... your ears are wrong...and-and so is your face! (She runs out of the cabin sobbing)
Zoey: (Runs after Sierra) Wait, I didn't mean it- (Stops and yelps in fright as Mike pops in from the door)
Mike: (Awkwardly) Sorry. So... you ok?
Zoey: (Nervous) Yeah, yes, fine. Totally.
Mike: (The camera focuses on his hands) Cool! (Holds up an apple slice impaled on a knife) Apple? (Zoey screams in shock)
(Confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: Oh I can't believe it. I'm scared of Mike! After what he did to Cam ...But he's not himself, the Mike I love is still in there, isn't he? (Eyes widen in fear) wait, he didn't hurt Owen on the night of the moon challenge, did he? Well I can't just abandon him... can I? Oh, what I wouldn't give for Dawn's deck of tarot cards right now!
(Confessional: Mike)
Mike: Owen's scared of me, and worse: Zoey's pulling away ...Maybe it's for the best; if I can't control who's in charge of me ...Then she might be safer to stay away. But I reaally don't want her to.
(Mike gasps, turning back into Mal)
Mal: (Gleefully) Oh, but I do.
(Confessional ends)
(A small seagull nests in the loudspeaker. The loudspeaker blares, sending the seagull out of the nest)
Chris: Get your butts to the dock, campers! It's challenge time!
(Cut to the docks, the campers (Except Scott of course) are all lined up. Owen is hunched over slightly)
Chris: Welcome all! Today's challenge involves a trip to the Fun-zone! (He chuckles and blows a kazoo. Confetti rains down on the contestants)
Sierra: Yay! (Giggles and laughs; everyone else is wary)
Noah: Perfect, another day of McLean-brained "fun." I'm just bursting with fruit flavor.
Heather: (Suspicious) What's the catch? Is the Fun-zone just a building that's on fire?
Chris: Nope!
Duncan: Is it a pit full of intestines?
Chris: (Smiling deviously) Would that be fun?
Gwen: (Snickers to Duncan) Seriously? WOW, you must be a riot at parties.
Duncan: don't know, never been invited. Mostly just crash. (Glares at Alejandro) YOU ever crash a party, Al?
Alejandro: no need, for I am ALWAYS invited.
Chris: back to me! You've had it kind of rough lately, so, I figured- (Pauses and looks away) Ok; the lawyers figured you deserve a treat. (Smirks) But if you'd rather do something else...
Everyone: NO!
Chris: (Walks towards the end of the dock) Fun-zone it is! Ooh, here's our ride.
(The boat of losers scoots up, Scott standing on it, obviously exhausted and scuffed up)
Scott: I'm back from exile- (Chris shoves him back in)
Chris: All aboard!
(Zoom in on Boney Island)
Duncan: The Fun-zone is in Boney Island?
Chris: Yep, it works better as a SURPRISE that way.
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: (Groans) I hate it when he puts emphasis on "surprise." His "surprises" always end in someone getting maimed, beaten, or ALLERGIC REACTION'D!! Would be nice to see it happen to HIM for once.
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to on Boney Island, where everyone is walking down the path)
Heather: Ugh, I'd forgotten what a dump this island is!
Chris: C'mon now, maybe someone will finally find the invincibility statue.
Scott: (Back hunched over in exhaustion, moaning) I searched all night... There is no statue; (His eye twitches) say it!
Chris: Yes, there is. But it's hidden IN the Fun-zone! And, whoever finds it gets to keep it.
(Everyone cheers. Zoey walks beside Owen and pats his shoulder)
Zoey: hey, Owen. How're you feeling?
Owen: a bit better. The bruises healed up and I'm BACK ON MY FEET!!! (Chuckles) Except for the sleepiness and the nightmares.
Zoey: (Concerned) What kind of nightmares?
(Owen glances at Mike [Who smiles and waves innocently] and looks nervous)
Owen: uh... n-nothing important! (Chuckles nervously)
(Noah notices this and looks concerned)
Noah: Listen, Dawn; I know it's like some written rule or something that the new couple works together on the next challenge or something, but...
Dawn: You wish to work with Owen for this challenge to provide him support in his time of need?
(Noah's eyes widen as Dawn smiles sheepishly)
Noah: ok we've GOT to work on the whole aura-reading thing, and ...yeah kind of. What can I say? Since season 3, I've had a soft spot for the big smelly goofball.
Dawn: and that is yet another admirable trait I find in you, Dear Noah. Fear not; you may certainly pair with Owen for this challenge, and bring balance back into his frightened aura.
Noah: ...huh, good first argument. (Dawn giggles)
(Confessional: Noah)
Noah: maybe it's just because I've been around Courtney or Heather for too long, but I'm still getting used to the whole.... Girls on this show being agreeable thing.
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to a castle wall with log barricades and a high tech door; balloons hang everywhere and the contestants all gather in front of it)
Chris: Welcome to the outside of the fabulous Fun-zone, patent pending! (The contestants have worried expressions, except for Sierra, who is holding her breath in anticipation. Chris holds a remote control) Alright; let's move it, people; keep a steady pace! (He presses the button and the door opens)
(Everyone walks inside, revealing the Fun-zone: a near copy of the mutated forest from Season 4)
Cameron: whoa! ANOTHER mutant forest?!
(Chris smiles and waves outside the entrance. The door slams shut and everyone turns worriedly to the door)
Noah: aaand here's where the "fun" starts.
Owen: (Shrieks and starts banging on the door) LET US OUT!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!! WE'RE NOT READY TO BE MUTANT POOP!!!!
(Chris appears on the screen above the door)
Chris: You are now in the Fun-zone! AKA, the most dangerous place you've ever been! Your challenge is easy. (Holds up a small speckled egg) Put eggs in a basket. (The screen shows silhouettes of all the mutant creatures) Eggs found here in the Fun-zone belong to all of the terrifying mutants from Season four, who will try to smash your bodies and eat you.
Mike: What is fun about that?!
Chris: Um, it's fun to WATCH?
Courtney: you mean it's fun for YOU to watch.
Chris: (Chuckles) duh.
Alejandro: (Suspiciously) All we have to do is collect the eggs?
Chris: You'll be fine ...they're just wild mutated beasts trying to protect their unborn babies, how bad can it get? First team with seven eggs in their basket wins.
Duncan: What if an egg hatches?
Chris: As long as you keep whatever hatches in your basket, it counts. And, as a special bonus, whoever collects the most eggs for the winning team gets a special reward. So, egg-cited? Ah? (Frowns. Scott is seen snoring. Chris pulls out a megaphone) SCOTT! (Scott screams himself awake and falls over)
Duncan: (Laughs, forcedly) I found that funny because I'm not a nice person. That's why I laughed. (He walks away from a confused Sierra) Cause I'm not nice. (Duncan walks over to Scott and helps him up)
Scott: Thanks, man. (Duncan groans, realizing he just did something nice)
(Confessional: Duncan)
Duncan: (Annoyed) Ah goshygosh poopyface fuzzy slipper! (Grips his head, worried) Ooh, what is wrong with me? Even my swears are lame!
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: wow, he's REALLY trying to cement that he's a bad boy. ...Is he trying to prove something?
(Confessional: Dawn)
Dawn: (Her eyes look watery as she clearly looks angered) this challenge is beyond INHUMANE! Just the thought of ripping all those poor defenseless eggs from their homes, separating those babies from their mothers... (Goes into lotus positions, breathes deeply, trying to calm herself down)
(Confessional ends)
Dawn: (Glares at the screen) of course you WILL be returning those poor eggs to their homes after this challenge, right?
Chris: (Falsely innocent) whaaat? Of course I'll put all the eggs back; I'm not some kind of devilishly handsome monster, aren't I? (Smiles smugly, Dawn only glares harder at him. Chris flinches then groans) FINE! I vow with my hand on McLean Brand Hair-Gel that I... or mostly Chef, will return ALL the eggs home after the challenge, savvy?
Noah: (Chuckles, smiles at Dawn) has anyone ever told you you're cute when you scowl? (Dawn smiles and blushes)
Chris: (Addressing the oversized bowls with the team's insignia on both) The red basket belongs to the villains. The gold one is for Duncan and the rest of the Do-gooders. (Smirks as Duncan growls at him, Gwen not looking pleased either) I'd wish you all good luck, but it's bad for ratings. So, I hope some of you get really hurt. (Pulls out an air horn and blows it) Begin!
(The contestants run off, Scott running very slowly. Sierra grabs Cameron's arm)
Sierra: We should look for eggs together!
Cameron: (Pulls away) Uh, we're on different teams now.
Sierra: (Speaks quickly and defensively) That doesn't matter! Why would that matter? No, it even doesn't! (Grabs onto Cameron's hoodie and pulls him up to her, panting like a dog. Gwen grabs Cameron and pulls him away. Sierra falls to her knees) CAMOOOODY!
(Pan to outside the Fun-zone where Chris and Chef are watching)
Chris: Is there a psychiatrist on the island, you know, in case of EMERGENCIES? (Chef shakes his head no) This... will get ugly.
(Cut back inside the Fun-zone where Cameron and Gwen run alongside each other)
Cameron: (Relieved) thanks for saving me, Gwen.
Gwen: no worries. Believe me, we found out the hard way how scary crazy she can be. Couldn't let her get you before all these mutants do. (They both chuckle, Cameron looks a little nervous)
(Owen runs alone towards the woods. Mike runs beside him and waves in a friendly fashion, but Owen speeds up nervously. Finally Noah starts running right beside him)
Noah: how you holding up, big boy?
Owen: Not so great. I'm an egg EATER, not an egg FINDER.
Noah: THAT I believe. Well, why not you and I go egg safari-ing together.
Owen: (Perks up a bit) really? You'd really want to go egg hunting with me?
Noah: why not? You and I took down Freaky-Zeke together... sort of.
Owen: (Chuckles) you're right, little buddy! We will DOMINATE this game!! Besides, just how bad could these mutant thingies be? (He stops in front of a beaver in the bushes) Aww, see? All I see is a CUTE little beaver!
(The beaver then floats out of the bushes, revealing the mutant angler fish from last season)
Noah: (Glares at Owen) you just HAD to say it, didn't you?
Owen: (Shrugs sheepishly) well, no one else was gonna.
Noah: touché.
(Noah and Owen scream and run away; the mutant fish chases after them. Cut to Scott sleeping against the trunk of a large tree; Courtney runs up next to him and grabs his shoulder)
Courtney: (Concerned) Scott, are you- (Scott wakes up and viciously waves his arms around, growling) Wha-no, it's me, stop! (Courtney wraps her arms around him, and he calms down) C'mon, let's find some eggs.
(Cut to Zoey walking alone in the woods; she pushes a bunch of leaves out of her way to see Mike with an evil glare in the shadows. She screams, and falls to the ground, only to have Mike cough and help her up)
Mike: Sorry, didn't mean to spook you. I know I've been weird lately, but I feel less... Scared of myself when I'm with you.
Zoey: (Smiles and chuckles slightly) I feel better when I'm around you too! You know, when you're... you.
Mike: Being around you makes me feel more like the me I wanna be, when I'm around you, being me.
(They awkwardly smile and laugh. Suddenly Zoey stops laughing and gasps, pulling Mike into a bush as one of the mutant crabs crawls by, snapping its pincers. When it's gone, they pop back out of the bushes.)
Zoey/Mike: Would you like to pair up together-
Mike: Sure!
Zoey: yeah! (They both run off)
(Cut to Alejandro sitting down in the dirt, tossing a rock at an egg on a ledge. Finally it starts to fall. Alejandro gasps happily and prepares to catch it, only for Heather to grab it out of the air)
Heather: Egg-celent work, Alejandro.
(Cut to the villains' basket, Heather puts the egg in)
Chris: (Over loudspeaker) First egg goes to the vultures!
(Gwen and Cameron cheer in the woods after hearing this)
Chris: You better get your butts in gear, hamsters!
Alejandro: (Stops just as he and Heather are about to leave) Hang on! (Turns to Chris on the big screen) What's to stop the other team from taking eggs from our basket?
Chris: Integrity?
Heather: So nothing.
Chris: I didn't make it a rule that they can't, so... I guess they can.
Heather: You stay; guard the nest. (Runs off)
Alejandro: (Calls out to Heather) You're the boss! (Mutters to self) For now...
(Cut to Owen and Noah creeping through the woods)
Noah: sooo, you're not even gonna tell me what happened the night of the moon challenge?
Owen: (Nervously) uh... nothing TO say, buddy! Just... uh, got attacked by a killer bunny!
Noah: (Suspicious) uh-huh, funny, last time you said it was a beaver. (Owen starts sweating; Noah sees this) Dude, seriously, what's going on?
(Before Owen can say anything, Owen sees something and ducks in the bushes; then he pulls Noah into the bushes as well. Then they both pop their heads out from the bushes)
Owen: Sweet! Look! (Points out the big egg in the nest on top of the dirt mound) sweet! Our first egg!!
Noah: (Smirks) I'll never doubt your sniffer again, big boy. Ok, what abomination of Chris' are we dealing with this time?
(Zoom out to reveal that a 3-eyed bear is sitting on the egg, reading a book)
Noah/Owen: A BEAR?!!?
Owen: wait; do bears lay eggs?
Noah: they don't; they're mammals. (Squints his eyes then looks freaked out) and that's a BOY bear!
(They both look freaked out)
Owen/Noah: toxic waste.
Noah: well, now that Chris has spat in the eye of science again, how do we get the egg?
Owen: ooh! We could be like hyenas and take the egg at night while he sleeps.
Noah: good idea in theory, but we don't have that kind of time. One of us could probably distract him while the other grabs the egg. But how do we distract him without getting mauled?
(Just at that moment, the two notice one of the mutant beavers walking by with the muddy female beaver sculpture from last season. The "hair" falls off; Owen and Noah see this and smile mischievously at each other. Cut to Mike and Zoey popping out from behind a tree)
Zoey: (Shushes Mike) Look, it's Larry! (She points to the familiar enormous flytrap sitting in the dirt; it's tongue sticking out with the flower still attached to it. Larry clutches a seedpod) And he's got an egg! (Confused) Which means Larry's actually a Lorri? Wait here, when I get the flower, Larry'll chase me. You grab the egg, and head back to the basket. (She starts climbing the tree)
Mike: But what about-
Zoey: I'll be fine! Meet you at the basket! (She yells as she swings across Larry's mouth and grabs the flower) Sorry!
(Larry snaps its jaw shut, and rises out of the ground to chase Zoey. Mike nervously pulls the seedpod from its roots and run. Larry roars as it chases Zoey; Zoey spots a bat-winged moose and tosses the flower up to it. Larry grabs the moose in its tentacles)
Zoey: Phew, (Calls back to the moose) sorry again!
(Cut to Duncan at a swamp, looking under a rock)
Sierra: (Standing at the other end of the swamp) Duncan! You wanna work together? And let me call you Cody?
Duncan: (Looks around nervously then points in the distance) uh, hey look! It's Cam-er, Cody! And I think he said something about an "extra sloppy make-out session?"
Sierra: (Looks in the direction Duncan pointed) HUBBA-HUBBA!! Warm those lips up! I'M COMING, CODY-KINS!!!!!
Duncan: (Chuckles) still got it! I dunno what I was thinking, (Doesn't notices a tentacle rising from the swamp) there ain't no way I lost my touch! I mean- (The tentacle grabs onto his ankle, pulling him in the swamp. He screams and gets tossed out of the swamp, hitting a tree and collapsing onto the ground. An egg falls out of the knot in the tree into his hands) Sweet! And (Groans in pain).
(Cut back to Owen and Noah. Owen is now covered up to his neck in mud [two round mud balls sculpted on his chest], and the wood-shavings wig rests on his head, giving him the appearance of a female bear)
Noah: aaaaand creepily done. (Falsely kisses his fingers) Fantastique. Now are you REALLY sure that.... (Addresses Owen's appearance) THIS is what you want to go with?
Owen: (Chuckles) are you kidding? I saw this done a million times! No big fuzzy creature can resist the alluring call of bear woman! (Adjusts his fake boobs) except, these keep getting all wonky and in the way; how do girls put up with these things?
Noah: that is a mystery we men will never understand, my large, cross-dressed compadre. Alright, Juliet, you get big fuzzy Romeo's attention, I'm going for the egg. (Runs towards the bushes)
(Owen clears his throat and steps into the clearing. He gives a wolf whistle, which makes the bear put down the book and stare in awe)
Owen: (Girly voice) well HELLOOOO there, big, tall, and fuzzy. (Gives a girlish giggle, and bats his eyelashes)
(Hearts appear in all three of the bear's eyes, as it mindlessly rises off its egg and walks towards Owen, panting like a dog)
Owen: hey there, big boy. What's a big ole' fuzzy hunky like you doing in a place like thiiis? (Giggles. The bear gives a tiger growl and starts kissing Owen's hand, Owen gets freaked out. Meanwhile Noah sneaks up to the nest, looking freaked out at Owen's little show himself)
Noah: if this show weren't already a deathtrap, this'd terrify me. (Quietly grabs the egg)
Owen: (Faking being swoon) uh... oooh my, Dear Sir. This, this isn't right! I am not yet ready for this! We're too different, what'll the kids look like!?
Noah: (Whispering through his teeth) pull it back, Casanova.
Owen: the other bears'll start talking! (The bear pulls Owen into a romantic hug) what will I say to my mother?!
(The bear puckers it's lips and prepares to kiss Owen; suddenly one of Owen's fake boobs and the wig fall off, revealing Owen. The bear sees this and growls angrily)
Owen: (Giggles sheepishly) so, can we still be friends? (Glances at Noah nervously, the bear notices Noah and growls)
Noah: (Frightened) sooo.... Obviously you guys need counseling, so I'm just gonna take the child into custody. Cool? Cool. RUN!!! (He and Owen start running straight into the woods, the bear runs after them)
Owen: This is the price I pay for being so beautiful!!!
Noah: I wonder if it's too late to start seeing my therapist again!!
(Cut to the baskets, where Zoey and Mike arrive on the scene)
Zoey: Hurry, put it in the basket!
(Mike is about to put the seedpod in the basket when it starts jiggling)
Mike: Uh oh.
(The pod explodes, covering Mike in goo and sending the little seedlings running. Alejandro watches as one of the seedlings ran by, having Chris's face. Chris whistles innocently)
(Confessional: Chef)
Chef: (Shivers) Chris has a lot of explaining to do.
(Confessional ends)
(Duncan runs up to the basket and puts his egg in)
Chris: And the score is one-all!
(Mike and Zoey high five)
Duncan: Yeah, one for the good guys! ...uh, and one bad guy!
Zoey: (To Duncan) Can you stay and guard our basket? Otherwise... (Points to the smirking Alejandro)
Duncan: Hmm... Good point.
Zoey: (She and Mike run off) Thanks, Duncan!
Duncan: (walks over to Alejandro) Makes sense that the two biggest villains are the ones guarding the eggs!
Alejandro: Yes, we are like two mother hens.
(Duncan groans. Cut to the giant alligator with tentacles stomping along; Scott and Courtney are hiding behind a rock nervously. Heather comes running up to them)
Heather: Glad I found you. Alejandro is convincing everyone to vote for Scott at the next elimination.
Courtney: (Worried) What?
Heather: (Rushes off) Don't worry ...my votes for Alejandro.
(Cut back to the baskets; Dawn comes in caressing an egg, looking sad)
Dawn: (Sadly) oh I am so sorry, little one. I promise you, Chris will not forget to bring you back to your mama... (Glares at Chris through the screen) I won't let him! (Puts the egg in the basket)
Chris: that's TWO for the heroes!
(Dawn rubs her eyes sadly. Then a familiar pair of screams is heard as Owen and Noah come charging in carrying their egg, the bear closing in on them)
Noah: Dawn! Head's up!!
(Noah tosses the egg to Dawn, who catches it, as he and Owen run off-screen. The bear follows them off-screen and several punching sounds are heard; Dawn, Alejandro, and Duncan cringe at the sight. The egg hatches; a baby 3-eyed bear lies in Dawn's arms, gurgling)
Dawn: aww. (Rubs the baby bear's tummy, causing it to giggle) welcome to the world, little one. Your coming was truly a blessing.
(The bear marches on-screen, and grabs the baby bear. The bear smiles at the baby, waves at Dawn, and walks back to the woods, Dawn waves back)
Dawn: that was beautiful.
(Noah and Owen limp back in battered, bruised, and shirts ripped)
Noah: oh I'm SOOO HAPPY for them! YAY FOR FAMILY REUNIONS!!! (He and Owen fall flat on their faces) I can't feel anything ever!
Dawn: oh do not despair, my dear Noah. You brought upon their tearful reunion, and I am proud of you. (Kisses Noah on the cheek again; he perks up) Do not worry, you two; (Runs towards the forest) I will be back with nature's healing ingredients!
(Sierra then runs in with a quickly hatching egg. She puts it in the basket before it cracks open to reveal a two-headed rat, which growls at Sierra)
Chris: I mean THREE eggs for the heroes.
(Duncan, Owen, and Noah cringe in disgust)
Sierra: (Picks up the rat and smiles) Awww, it thinks I'm its mommy! It's adorable.
Noah: please! I'm already hurting without more "CUTE!"
Duncan: (Nervously) Yeah, maybe you should stay with Noah and Owen while I go find some more eggs.
Noah/Owen: WHAT!?
Sierra: Sure! (One of the rat heads hisses at her) A mother has to take care of her newborn. (The bottom head barfs)
(The screen pauses; zoom out to Chris and Chef)
Chris: Its hardboiled down to three eggs for the heroes, and one for the villains. But the challenge is far from over-easy. Who will win? (Pulls out his script, faltering) Your QUICHE is as good as mine... (Chef giggles. Chris throws away the script) Stay tuned to Total Drama All-Stars! Yeah, I'm gonna fire whoever wrote that.
(Commercial break)
(Cut to Gwen and Cameron; Gwen is standing at the bottom of a tree, holding Cameron up as he reaches for an abandoned bird's nest on a branch)
Cameron: (Grunts) I think I almost got it! ...I'm not too heavy, am I?
Gwen: ...actually, you're kinda light, like a...
Cameron: -doll, so I've heard. (Flails a bit, but then manages to grab hold of the nest) I got it- (Screams as he loses balance. He nearly falls to the ground but Gwen grabs a hold of his hoodie, AND the egg from the nest) Wow, I really AM uncoordinated. Sorry, Gwen.
Gwen: (Just smiles warmly) worry not. One of my best friends is a klutz, but she still stays strong. (Puts Cameron down, and they start jogging back towards the gate) so, how was Duncan on the Heroes team?
Cameron: He was ok, he and I didn't really interact that much. But he talked about you a lot.
Gwen: He did?
Cameron: yes, mostly about how he misses his "Pasty Babe."
Gwen: (Snickers, but blushes) yeah, that sounds like Duncan.
(Cut back to the mutant forest, Scott and Courtney walking along together)
Courtney: I don't know how you guys put up with a whole season of these weird monsters.
Scott: H-hey, whatever doesn't horribly maim and devour you only makes you stronger. (Flexes) Stay close; I got your back. (Grabs Courtney's hand before letting go as he realizes what he is doing. Courtney smiles and blushes heavily) Sorry, uh-I, uh-Woah!
(One of the giant mutant gophers pops out from underground and grabs Scott's legs; both he and Courtney scream. Courtney quickly grabs a stick to pummel the gopher, but does not look as she slams it down onto Scott instead)
Courtney: Let go of my teammate! (She finally hits the gopher on the nose. The gopher squeals and digs away, tossing one of its eggs out in its panic, landing in Courtney's hands) Yes! Weirdo gopher egg! C'mon! (She runs off leaving Scott behind)
Scott: (In pain) Right behind you...
(Cut to Mike and Zoey fishing in a giant chicken's nest for eggs. Mike has his hands in the straw)
Zoey: Easy, easy...
(The chicken opens its reptilian eye, only for several more to open up all over its face. Both Mike and Zoey scream and run for it as the chicken gets up and a mouth on its chest opens up, its wormlike tongue waving. Cut to the Villains' basket, where Cameron, Gwen and Heather all put their eggs in)
Chris: And the villains are up, 4 to 3!
Heather: (Fakes wiping her brow) Phew! I need a break. I'll guard the basket for a while.
Alejandro: As you wish! (Hand-runs off)
Heather: (Turns to Gwen and Cameron) Don't get too close! Alejandro has everyone else convinced to vote off Cameron next, which is tempting...
Cameron: Um, I'm right here!
Heather: But my vote is for Alejandro.
Cameron: And why should we trust you?
Noah: (Now sitting against his bowl, Owen right next to him) yeah because trusting a broomstick is WAAAY better than trusting an eel.
Heather: (Defensively) hey! Which would you rather trust in an alleyway, predictable ME, or UN-predictable Alejandro? (Noah raises his finger to protest, then says nothing. Heather starts walking away, calling back to Cameron) Do what you want, little man; it's your funeral!
Gwen: UGH, I thought you were gonna watch the eggs!
Cameron: I can guard the eggs if you want, Gwen.
Gwen: ...well at least ONE teammate is easy to work with. (Runs back into the woods)
(Cut to the giant mutant chicken running through the woods, past a cave. Mike and Zoey emerge from the cave)
Mike: (Laughs) Sucker. (The giant chicken chases after them again)
(Cut to Alejandro hiding behind some rocks, watching Heather fend off one of the fire breathing mountain goats)
Heather: Shoo! Go bug a hero!
Alejandro: (Smirks deviously) Hmmm... No need to rush to her aid...
(The goat rushes at her and sends her falling to the ground, her egg cracking open to reveal the invincibility statue)
Heather: (Picks it up, smiling devilishly) Hello, what have we here?
Alejandro: (Gasps, put his hand to his face) Ohnonononono!
(Heather sticks the statue behind the rocks to hide it, causing him to smile)
(Confessional: Heather)
Heather: I can't hold onto the idol. Someone will see it for sure! Plus it's too big for my pockets and I will NOT hide it in my bra! (Crosses her arms) I have SOME dignity left on this show! I'll stash it away for now, and go back for it later.
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: (Chuckles) pathetic.
(Confessional ends)
(Heather grabs the egg from the nest)
Alejandro: (Calls up to her) There you are! Find any eggs, (Flirtingly) partner?
(Heather jumps down, smiling smugly)
Heather: Actually, I found something very valuable and interesting.
Alejandro: (Feigning innocence) Don't suppose you'll tell me what it is?
Heather: (Rolls her eyes) Ha! Don't you worry your pretty little head; maybe you'll see it tonight.
Alejandro: (Smugly) Ok, I won't worry my PRETTY head.
Heather: (Annoyed) It's an expression. And I didn't mean it! (Storms off)
Alejandro: (Mockingly, hand-walking after her) Ooh, wait for me and my pretty head!
Heather: (Off-screen, annoyed) ZIP IT!
(Cut to Gwen walking through the woods, annoyed)
Gwen: (Sighs) typical Heather. Offers you the high road, slaps you with the low road. Why do I keep letting her? (Notices Dawn picking berries) huh? Oh hey ...uh, Dawn is it?
Dawn: hmm? (Notices Gwen) oh, greetings, Gwen. Do not mind me, I am fetching berries to help aid Owen and my dear Noah's aches.
Gwen: (Snickers a bit) so, Dawn, Zoey and Cameron say you read auras.
Dawn: (Nods) indeed. I can see deep into the passions of whomever I read.
Gwen: whoa. That actually sounds pretty cool. Think you could read MY aura?
Dawn: certainly. Ooh, your aura is an exceptional shade of Midnight Blue; oh it suits you though. Your sensitivity about being labeled a villain even after all you've done for others, your wanting to use your artistic gifts to aid your mother. Oh, your guilt for what happened to Courtney in season 3; it must've been dreadful.
Gwen: ...dang. Got me right where it hurts. ...(Smirks) I'm impressed.
Dawn: thank you. And do not fear; your mother will appreciate you no matter what you do. I fear it is Duncan that needs your help most now.
Gwen: (Worried) Duncan? Why, what's wrong?
Dawn: oh, I fear his aura has gotten a sickly green shade in it. He holds his title of the bad boy very near and dear to his heart. He fears that without this title to hold onto, he will lose you.
Gwen: ...he ...really thinks he'll lose me?
Dawn: yes, as it appears his relationship with Courtney left more of an imprint than he knows. He is satisfied knowing he could not stay with her, but deep down he fears he will lose you in a similar fashion. He cares deeply for you, Gwen; and his passion for you is most admirable.
(Gwen looks down saddened, then looks back up confidently)
Gwen: 'scuse me, Dawn, gotta go! I've got a sad boyfriend to slap some sense into.
(Confessional: Gwen)
Gwen: ok, I'm a LITTLE ticked off that he thinks I'm shallow enough to dump him for being nice. But I don't care! He was there for me when I was obsessed with being a villain, the least I can do is help him out of his slump about being a hero!
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to the Heroes' basket; Duncan drops a tiny egg into the basket. The two-headed rat tries to claw Sierra's eyes out)
Chris: and the score is now 4-all!
Duncan: Check it, I had to fight a crazy monster to get this egg! It was half lion, half bear, half poison!
Owen: (Gushes) oooh! Sounds like an AWESOME mutant!!!
Noah: (Rolls his eyes) yeah, except no amount of toxic waste will make half poison a possibility, Punk Rock Piercings.
Chris: (On screen, talking condescendingly) Oh, if only there was some way to go back in time to see this epic battle, that'd be fun! Oh, what do I have here? (Pulls out a button)
Duncan: (Eyes widen) Oh man...
(The screen shows Duncan sitting on a branch, talking softly to a large mutant budgie with three eyes)
Duncan: I'm only borrowing this egg. I promise I'll bring it back! (The budgie starts crying. Duncan tries to calm it) Oh no, please don't... (Duncan starts crying a bit too) Oh great, now you got me crying too. (Wipes a tear from his eyes)
(The screen cuts back to Chris)
Chris: When do you punch the budgie in the face? (Duncan starts walking away shamefully) I'm bringing you back for the next All-Star season! It'll be Total Sweethearts, versus Total Bigger Sweethearts!
(Confessional: Duncan)
Duncan: Sweetheart, maybe; but BIGGER sweetheart? No way! (Sighs defeated) MAN I hope Gwen didn't see that.
(Confessional: Noah)
(Noah says nothing. Then starts snickering, then he is full-on laughing)
Noah: (Clutches his ribs in pain) ow! It hurts when I laugh.... But it was SO WORTH IT!!! ...what? He pants'd me!
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to Mike and Zoey still walking through the woods)
Zoey: So, if getting hit in the head made you lose contact with your other personalities, ...would another hit in the head bring them back?
Mike: (Smiles) Like a reset button! Worth a try! (Reaches down and grabs a rock, handing it to Zoey, and then bending forward) Do it!
Zoey: I can't hit you in the head with a rock! (Drops the rock on the ground) Maybe Cameron will have a better idea...
Mike: Ok...
(They keep walking until they come across a giant nest)
Zoey: What is that?
(They peek inside the nest and see the large amount of eggs, gasping and smiling. Cut to Duncan who is sitting on a rock by the water, moping. Gwen finds him and sits beside him)
Gwen: Duncan! There you are, I've been looking all over for you! (Sighs) Babe, we need to talk...
Duncan: (Looks terrified) oh no, please don't ell me what I think this is!
Gwen: What?! No! Of course not!
Duncan: (sighs with relief) oh that's a relief! ...Wait, so what are we talking about?
(Gwen lightly punches his arm)
Duncan: what was that for?
Gwen: THAT was for thinking I'd be shallow enough to dump you because you're nice! (She then hugs him) and THIS is because I'm worried about you. Now what's wrong?
Duncan: (Sighs) ok fine. Might as well get this outta the way; you don't.... you know, LIKE Ale-hanous, do you?
Gwen: okay, first of all, (makes gagging face and noises)!! And second of all, no way! The guy is a million on the evil scale, he's way too obsessed with Heather anyway ...Though he'll never admit, it and really he doesn't look hot in black leather like you.
Duncan: (Smirks) well it DOES take a special skill. (They both giggle) Just wanted to know since lately HE'S getting more play as a bad boy than I am... and I'm the OG bad boy!
Gwen: (annoyed) Okay, I get you're a bad boy and all, but why is it so important that you need to keep up the whole mantra?
Duncan: because being bad is cool! It's what helped me make it through juvie! Trust me, babe, you do NOT wanna end up in juvie; it is NOT fun unless you've got street-smarts! ...Plus I like spray painting things.... and burning things.... and carving things.
Gwen: Well, you're a master at all three of those things. But maybe people wouldn't try to kill you if you were a nice guy?
Duncan: (Fake pouts) where's the fun in that? (They both chuckle) Besides the only one who wants to kill me is Courtney, what kind of nice thing can you do for THAT?!
Gwen: Maybe if you apologized about the whole Season 3 fiasco, maybe she wouldn't try to kill you?
Duncan: ....seriously?! You STILL want me to apologize to Courtney?! I thought we talked about this, there is NO WAY I'm ever gonna- (Sees a look of sadness and desperation in Gwen's eyes, cringes a bit) oh no. Nonononononono that is NOT fair!
Gwen: I'm telling you! If you apologize to her and I agree to vote with her tonight, it'll be one step towards getting her off our backs; but I need your help!
Duncan: (Faltering) n-no way. I-I don't think I can... (He notices Gwen now looking more desperate and finally sighs) fine, I'll apologize. (Gwen perks up a bit) BUT, you gotta promise me after this, you'll stop caring about what Courtney has to say! I'm not gonna let her bring you down all season, ok?
(Gwen thinks for a moment, sees the concern in Duncan's eyes, then smiles warmly)
Gwen: you've got yourself a deal. (She kisses Duncan on the cheek)
Duncan: (Taken aback) w-w-wait, that's MY thing!! You can't steal MY thing!!
Gwen: (giggles and runs off) Later, got a challenge to win!
Duncan: (Smirks) man I love that woman.
(Cut to Zoey and Mike carrying the giant nest)
Chris: The score is still 4-all! But, I see a lot of eggs approaching; it's gonna be a close one!
(Cut to the baskets, Courtney puts her egg in the basket and cheers)
Chris: Make that 5 to 4 for the villains!
Sierra: (Comforting the angered heads) It's ok Cody 1... It's ok Cody 2! Boojiboojibooji, (Cody 2 bites her finger) Ow!
(Zoom out to Chris and Chef)
Chris: You know, we should only bring back the SANE contestants. ....course that'd probably be a pretty short list. (Chef nods)
(Cut back to the baskets)
Courtney: (Points off-screen) What. Is. That?
(Pan over to Mike and Zoey with their giant nest of eggs)
Owen: Great Onsen tamago that's a lot of eggs!!!
Zoey: nearly there, c'mon, faster!
Sierra: (Cheering) Yeah! O-o-oh-whoohoo!
(Mike and Zoey begin to run faster; Heather close behind with another egg)
Courtney: Heather, throw the egg, hurry! (Cameron waves his hands showing he is open) It's our only chance!
(Heather sends the egg hurtling towards the basket, only to have it conk Cameron in the face and hatch into a baby flying mountain goat. The goat grabs onto Cameron's underwear and gives him a wedgie)
Courtney: Oh come on!
Heather: (Falls to her knees) No!
Chris: Ooh, tough break for team villain. (Mike and Zoey tip their nest over and send the eggs tumbling into the basket) 18 to 5, the heroes win!
(The heroes cheer as the others return; Dawn is carrying arms-full of berries)
Owen: (Notices the berries) oooh! Berries! Sweet, I'm starving!
Dawn: not so fast, Owen. These berries are not for eating; I can use them to make a remedy for all of your scratches and aches.
Noah: (Impressed) huh, wonder why Chef hasn't thought of that? (Chef just pouts)
Dawn: (Giggles) now, where does it hurt the most?
(Owen and Noah just look at each other awkwardly)
Noah: uh... we MAY have to do this off-camera.
Chris: Now, before we head home, (Notices Dawn's glare) uh I mean while CHEF puts all the eggs back, did anyone leave anything behind that they'd like to go get?
(Heather smirks and walks off to the rock where she hid the statue. She reaches in and starts feeling around for it)
Heather: Come to mama! C'mon, (Looks into the rocks) why can't I- (Gasps as she realizes it's gone)
(Cut to Chris waiting on the beach, Heather storms up to him)
Heather: (Growls and points at Chris) You took it! I know you did!
Chris: (Flatly) I have no idea to what you are referring. (Calls to the others) All aboard!
(Confessional: Heather)
Heather: Of course Chris took my invincibility statue, who else?! (Points at the confessional camera) You with your see-all cameras everywhere! Well WHATEVER! I am not the one going home tonight, that I promise you! (Gasps) wait... could it have been... no, no it couldn't be! He can pretend to hate me all he wants but he STILL needs me! He wouldn't try to get rid of me like this... would he?
(Confessional: Mike)
(Creepy music starts playing as Mike struggles to hold a large boulder over his head)
Mike: I have to protect Zoey... At all costs... (But before he can do anything, he drops the boulder to the floor away from his head) what am I thinking?! I can't do this! Zoey wouldn't want me to drop a rock on my head! We're not even sure if it'll help or just make it worse! ...I gotta talk to Cam, NOW!!
(Mike stands up but suddenly trips and falls to the floor. A loud gasp is heard and Mal [now in control] pops in front of the camera, cackling)
Mal: (Sits back in the seat) Bravo, Mike. That should keep him quiet for a while. (He grabs a nearby can of hairspray starts whistling 'In the Hall of the Mountain King' again, spraying his hair up. he derps his eyes and fakes Mike's voice) Durr- I'm Mike! (He cackles as himself again)
(Zoom in on his head; fade to inside Mike's subconscious. Mike rubs his head)
Mike: Oww... Where am I-AH! (He takes a few steps but falls over and finds himself chained to a rock shaped like Mal's head. He becomes terrified) Oh no... Oh no, ohnononononoNOOOOO!
(Cut to the elimination ceremony, the villains walk in. Courtney walks by a bush, and then is suddenly pulled into the bush, where Gwen and Duncan are waiting)
Gwen: Courtney!
Courtney: (Groans) What do YOU TWO want?!
(Gwen elbows Duncan)
Duncan: uh... look, Courtney. Even though you KINDA started it... (Gwen elbows Duncan even harder) I'm REALLY sorry about what went down in season 3. And if you can find it in your heart to stop bugging Gwen... (Gwen elbows Duncan EVEN HARDER) I'd really like it if we could maybe start over as friend-ish?
Courtney: (Is actually amazed, looks to Gwen) you.... got him to apologize?
Gwen: I had to. Look, I like Duncan, A LOT! Like a WHOLE LOT! But I'm not gonna be one of those girls that puts relationships above friendships!
Courtney: (Smiles) wow...thank you, Gwen. (Glares at Duncan) but YOU I still can't stand!
Duncan: (Drops to his knees, relieved) OH-HO! THAT'S A LOAD OFF!!!
Gwen: (Snickers. Turns to Courtney) and listen, tell me who you want out tonight, and I'll vote with you! (Courtney looks around, and then whispers in Gwen's ear. Gwen's eyes widen and then she smiles) done and done. (Courtney walks away, Gwen kneels down to Duncan) see? That wasn't so bad, was it?
Duncan: yes! Yes it was! And you owe me some lip-action later, babe!
Gwen: sure. ...if I don't get eliminated that is. (Walks away snickering)
(Confessional: Duncan)
Duncan: man I hate it when she does that! ...aw who am I kidding I LOVE it when she does that!
(Confessional ends)
(Focus on the peanut gallery; Owen and Noah are bandaged up and Owen has blue stains around his mouth)
Chris: Congrats on the victory, heroes! Zoey, since you tipped over a dozen eggs into your team's basket, you win a special prize that'll come in handy in the next challenge; but I'm keeping it a secret till then, I mean, why spoil the surprise?
Zoey: aww. (Sniffs) uh... Owen? Noah? Hope this doesn't sound mean, but you guys smell fruity.
Owen: (Chuckles) you say that like it's a bad thing. (Licks the berry juice off his lips)
Noah: just a little something from our nurse of the wild. (He and Dawn's eyes meet and they both smile and blush)
Chris: (Speaks into the bullhorn right next to Noah's ear) ENOUGH WITH THE SICKENINGLY SWEET ROMANCE, NOAH-IT-ALL!!! (Noah falls over in pain from the bullhorn. Chris puts the bullhorn down) Tonight, a villain goes home. (He turns to the villains) Time to vote.
(Confessional: Heather)
Heather: (Scribbles with her marker on one of the pictures) And this is only because I can't vote for Chris.
(Confessional: Gwen)
(Gwen fills out her vote without comment)
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: (Eyeing and caressing the photo) She is beautiful, isn't she.
(Confessional ends)
Chris: I've tallied the votes, and, tonight's flushee is... (Reveals Alejandro's picture with a big red X on it) Alejandro.
Heather: (Throws up her hands in triumph) Ha!
Alejandro: (Smirking) Oh, I do not think I'm leaving.
Heather: (Mockingly) Oh yeah, reeally? Why is that?
(Just then, Alejandro stands up, revealing that his legs work again. Everyone gasps, Noah just shrugs)
Owen: Great Gorgonzola! Al's legs work again?!
Alejandro: and that is not all; (Walks up to Heather and pulls out the invincibility statue. Heather looks shocked) I've got diplomatic immunity! (Everyone (Even Noah this time) gasps again)
Chris: Just immunity, Alejandro.
Heather: (Stands up, angered) You! YOU! YOOUUUU!
Chris: (Leans in) Hate to interrupt during such a well thought out argument, but the only vote that wasn't for Alejandro was for (Pulls out Heather's 8' by 10') you, you, you! So, YOU are getting flushed.
Heather: (Drops to her knees) NOOOOOO!
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: (Turns the photo he was looking at around, revealing Heather) Such beauty a toilet has never seen.
(Confessional: Noah)
Noah: soooo.... It took him TWO YEARS and being jammed in a toaster; but he FINALLY one-upped the only girl as evil as he is. (Smirks) well played, Eel-ejandro; well played.
(Confessional ends)
Chris: And who's headed to Boney Island?
Mal: (Trying to sound like a brave Mike, stands up) I'll go!
(He starts whistling the tune again as he walks off to the boat, getting on it. Duncan takes another look at Mal, and Owen starts shivering in fear again)
Zoey: (Notices Owen's fear) Owen? You ok?
Duncan: (Stands up and gasps) I KNOW that tune! (He now looks extremely worried)
(Confessional: Duncan)
Duncan: Oh man... I knew Mike seemed familiar! When I was still in Juvie he was RUNNING the place. But back then his name was Mal. And that guy was PSYCHO scary! W-wait, Owen keeps freaking out around him... does he KNOW about Mal!?
(Confessional: Owen)
Owen: (Curled up in a fetal position, shivering) mama, (Chuckles weakly) I don't wanna go to school. The mean kid, Mal, wants to get me. (Chuckles weakly which turns into screaming)
(Confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: (Suspicious) when did Mike learn to whistle THAT tune? That tune sounds a little too... un-Mike like don't you think? And what's wrong with Owen? It's like he's terrified of Mike!
(Confessional ends)
(Cut to the flush of shame. Heather is in the bowl and Alejandro sits beside her on the toilet seat, Heather scowls)
Alejandro: Now that I have avenged the shame you once caused me, the slate is clean; we can start fresh. After all, we are a perfect couple-
(Heather grabs Alejandro and pulls him into a angered kiss, and then pushes him off, sending him into the water)
Heather: Let's do this.
(Heather screams as she is flushed down the drain, showering Chris' umbrella in water)
Chris: Seven heroes and five villains remain! Who's next to be thrown home from the throne? Find out when we return with more Total Drama All-Stars!
(End Credits)