Roxanne
"Why are we here?" I ask him as we pull into the parking lot of my building. "Shouldn't we be going to the bar."
"I'm not bringing you there, love," He says, his words cold. "
"I could be of help, Jaxon."
"No."
"But-"
"I said no, Roxanne!" He growls, cutting me off. I pull away from him, feeling hurt by his words. I look down at the ground as I stand from his bike. "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm just stressing about this shit and-"
"Just go Jax," I tell him, forcing a smile before giving him a small peck on his cheek. I leave him and enter my building without even looking back - despite everything telling me that I should.
I should be with him. I know I would be useful. Even if I was just there to keep him calm, he could use my help. I know he could. I just know it.
Sighing, I enter the elevator and take the long ride up to my floor. My stomach is curdling as I think about what's happened. My father attacked again - even though we discussed waiting. Clearly, he doesn't need my permission, but I always thought he liked my input in matters. I don't understand what changed now.
The elevator dings and I wait impatiently for the doors to slide open. Stepping outside, I slowly walk toward the door of my apartment. It takes me a moment to find my key. For some reason, I can't stop shaking. My nerves are shot for some reason.
Once the door is open, I step inside and place my keys on the counter in the kitchen. The apartment is dark. The curtains are all closed and none of the lamps are on. It's quiet and eerie and I feel the need to have every single light on in the house.
Walking towards the large, patio door, I fling the heavy coverings open and let the light shine over me and the room. Sighing, I take in the warmth for a moment before turning around.
A figure on the couch makes me jump out of my skin and I almost scream, but then I realize who it is.
Dean is sitting on my couch, watching me closely. He's hunched forward with his elbows leaning on his knees and his chin resting in his hands. His shoulders are tense. His eyebrows are furrowed together as he glares at me.
And his usually light, blue eyes are dark and stormy and his mouth pressed into a thin line.
Dean is angry - red faced, steam coming from his flaring nostrils, angry.
"What the fuck are you doing, Dean?" I demand, finally finding my voice.
"I could ask you the same thing."
I narrow my eyes at him. "I have no idea what you are talking about," I say before walking towards the kitchen and grabbing a glass out of the cupboard.
I hear him follow after me. Even his footsteps are loud and furious. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Roxanne. Don't give me that bullshit." He states. "Now, I'm going to ask you this one time and you are going to be honest with me. How fucking long?"
"I have no idea what you-"
"Don't you fucking lie to me!" He roars, throwing a vase to the wall. It shatters into a million pieces and falls to the ground. "
"I don't know-"
"You know full well what I am referring to. Don't you fucking dare play dumb," He growls at me. "How long have you been fucking Jaxon Cruz."
My blood runs cold and my breath catches in my throat. "I-I'm n-not." I stutter as I begin to tremble.
He's around the counter in a second, grabbing my biceps tightly in both hands. Shaking me slightly, he begins to yell in my face. "Don't you dare fucking lie to me right now, Roxanne. We have been through too much shit for you to do that. I damn well know you are and you will not tell me otherwise. I was at his bar today. I saw Lucille there. I pray to fucking God that no one else saw it. And then I just saw him drop you off two minutes ago.
"So answer the question," He says lowly. "How fucking long?"
Tears begin to form in my eyes as a familiar pressure forms in my chest. "A few weeks."
He releases my arms, his hands dropping to his side as he steps away from me. Shock and disappointment are written all over his face and it sends a knife right to my heart.
"I swear that I didn't know who he was at first. I met him at that bar that Lacey and I went to. We hit it off there, but we left as soon as we realized who he was. Then I saw him the next day and things just escalated from there." I blurt out. "I swear I never meant to let it go this far."
He shakes his head. "Do you not understand the danger you have put yourself in? The danger you have put this club in?"
I nod my head feverishly. "I know," I say, my voice coming out as a cry. "I know, Dean."
"You need to end it."
A sob escapes my throat and the tears begin flowing freely down my cheeks. "I can't," I say between sobs. "I can't. Not now."
"And why the fuck can't you?" He demands angrily.
"I don't know."
"No, I need to know the fucking answer, Roxanne."
"I don't know," I repeat.
"That's not fucking good enough," He growls. "Give me one fucking good reason why I shouldn't go tell your father about you two right this second!"
"Oh God, please no! Dean, please don't do that!"
"Give me a reason not to, Roxanne! Because I'm having a hell of a time coming up with one."
I reach for him and he steps out of my reach. "Dean-"
"Tell me!" He yells. "For fuck's sake, tell me!"
"I can't!"
He lifts his hat off of his head and runs his hand through his hair before putting the cap back on. His jaw is clenched shut as he watches me carefully and his shoulders are rising and falling rapidly with each breath.
Wiping the tears away from my eyes, I take in a deep breath and release it slowly. "I love him, Dean."
His eyes widen at my admission and I watch as he stumbles backwards into my counter. "What?" He whispers in disbelief.
"I love him."
"You can't."
"I do."
"Jesus Christ, Roxanne. What the fuck have you gotten yourself into?"
I sniffle. "I-"
"Does he know who you are?" He asks. "Are you giving him information?"
I shake my head violently. "No, and fuck no. I would never betray my brothers."
"You already are."
I swallow. "I would never purposely get them killed."
He shakes his head, sighing. "Jesus Christ. I don't know what to say to you right now."
Dean leans against the counter, his head down as he thinks over the information he's just learned. I watch him carefully as I watch the tension in his body slowly dissipate. He's calming down, but his anger is turning into something more - something unrecognizable. I watch him cautiously as his breathing slows and his face returns to its normal colour.
"Is that why you came up with that plan to wait and attack?"
I nod my head. "Yeah."
"Fuckinh knew there was more to it." He mumbles under his breath.
"I couldn't let them hurt him," I whisper.
He chuckles darkly, making me shiver. "You've never done things the easy way, Roxanne." He says shaking his head. "Always had to walk on the wild side. Always had to do things the hard way. Never could just choose the easy option - the safe option.
"Couldn't pick the guy who has been standing in front of you with arms wide open, eh?" He asks, laughing humourlessly. "Fuck, I knew it never would be me. I knew I was chasing something that would never be mine, but I never thought I would lose to the fucking enemy."
"Dean-"
"Nah, just listen," He interjects, his eyes boring into my own. "For once in your fucking life, just listen."
"Okay," I whisper.
"I have been there for you. I stood by you. I've stood up for you. I've taken all of your bullshit. I've helped you through all of your bullshit and for what?" He asks rhetorically. "Absolutely nothing. I've been your punching bag, your shoulder to cry on and your fuck toy for years for absolutely nothing." He shakes his head, running his hand over his face as he sighs deeply. "It was never going to be me. No matter what I did, I was never going to be me."
"Dean-"
"I thought that one of these days you would settle down and see me for what I am - the man who has given you his heart. What a fucking joke." He states before pointing at me angrily. "I'm done with your shit. I've given you too much time and too much of me. I'm done."
"Dean, please-"
"No," He says raising his hand to stop me. "I can't anymore. I'll...I'll keep your secret." He shakes his head as if he's not believing his own words. "I'll keep your secret because I know your brother will fucking kill you if he were to find out and I cannot let that happen. I can't bury you. I can't.
"But I'm done. Whatever you consider this," He gestures between us. "Is done. I can't follow you blindly anymore, Roxanne."
He turns to leave, but I grab his hand to stop him. "Dean! I'm sorry! Please don't go." I beg, my tears falling yet again. "I can't lose you."
"I'm sorry, Roxanne," He says, pulling his arm from my hold. "But you already have."
And just like that, I watched him walk from my life forever.
~~~~~
Author's Note:
Short chapter, but holy moly was this one hell of a ride. It flowed so easily and I've been waiting for the perfect moment to write this in since chapter 1. I fucking love Dean and it hurt me to write his heartbreak, but...
We have now heard Roxanne's feelings for Jax. Thoughts? Do you think it's too soon? Do you think she just said it to Dean and didn't really mean? And what do you think of Dean's feelings for Roxanne?
Let me know in the comments below. I appreciate you reading this book and I hope you are enjoying it.