Genesis P.O.V.
I called my Mama to let her know what was going on and that I was alright. Told her I wasn't feeling well so I wouldn't be able to make it to The celebration for Kevin. She said it was okay because Kevin had already canceled. Something about how he met a girl when he went out last night. It's shocking to know that he's really over Courtney. I haven't really heard from her in awhile. Maybe I should call and check up on her. See how she's doing. I'm proud of Kevin though. I'm happy that hes moving on.
Plus it's good that he canceled because I need to be here with Zavian. He's really stressed right now. Earlier I know that he didn't mean to slsm me against The wall. It was just an accident and I understand that. My back hurts a little bit though. I can't let him know about it. He'd probably freak out and never forgive himself. So tonight I'm gonna hang with him and be The girl that he needs by his side. Some people may think I'm crazy for staying with him, but I love him too much. In The beginning love was all I could think about.
I judged love based on lust and how I wanted to be someones world. Now I am. I just never knew that I'd have to go though all of this.
Zavian said he's gonna enroll himself into anger management classes. If he's really gonna do it would be great to know. Zavian says he's gonna do a lot but he never does it. It's like for him what he says sounds good for The moments,but at least he's trying. That's what really matters.
I've decided that I'm not gonna tell him about me getting put on birth control. He'll just take it completely The wrong one. That's just one less argument, but when he finds out we're still gonna end up arguing. It's just a matter of me choosing when I want to argue.
I don't like arguing with him though. Zavian can be rude and cruel. He lets his anger get The best of him. Makes me wonder how he's gonna handle playing pro. Paparazzi is gonna eat him up and twist his words. Will he be able to handle all of that is my main question. So anger management classed right now would be great. It's better than having a judge making you take them.
I wonder how our relationship will be once he becomes really big. When we were in school people thought we were a great couple. Mostly if anybody had anything negative to say they'd keep it to themselves because of Zavian and Kevin. The media and The rest of The world that doesn't know us and our relationship won't care. Feelings don't matter to them. Am I ready for all of that? If I think Zavian is stressed now...then it's gonna be horrible when everything really starts to come in.
He wants to have a baby on top of all of that. I guess he hasn't really thought this whole thing through. He hasn't all he sees is ball and money. He keeps looking at The bigger picture but not The little idea that started The painting of The bigger picture. I've noticed that about Zavian though. He doesn't think before he makes a decision or before he speaks that's just him though I guess.
I love him so much. More than life itself. Like earlier I was watching out for him. Sometimes we don't wanna accept The truth because it causes too much pain. Usually we end up in denial. Really though I should just accept that he's not gonna see it my way because it's his Mama. He's gonna do whatever it takes to help her. So I probably was just a little in The wrong. Hopefully he'll understand one day what I'm talkingabout, and that I'll always have The best interest in store for him. We've been through a lot but we're still holding on. That just shows how strong our love is.