"So I.N.! How do you feel about the recent comeback your group made?" I hear Seungmin say in the seat behind me.
"It was okay" Jeongin replies blandly.
"Can you please at least pretend you're excited to be here?" Seungmin asks with desperation.
" HAHAHAHA nope." Jeonging says sarcastically
The two continue to bicker behind me, so I put earphones on to block the sound. We're all in the van on the way to practice and It's kind of noisy. There's a bit of traffic and everyone is having their own conversations, Minho and Jisung are at the far back fighting about something, Hyunjin and Changbin are trying to freestyle, everyone else are of in their own worlds while I sit alone in the front.
I honestly don't mind being alone, it gives me this small window within the day to gather my thoughts and relax. Don't get me wrong, I love the boys but sometimes I just need some quiet time to myself.
I put my playlist on shuffle and close my eyes then suddenly I feel someone sit beside. I take a look and see that it's Jeongin. I look at him and he stares at me blankly.
"Hello? How may I help you?" I ask him
"Seungmin keeps practicing his MC skills, can I please take a nap here?" He says.
I notice that Jeongin looks a little tired, it could be because he was playing all night and this morning it was insanely noisy. I open up my arms and he falls right in to them and falls asleep. Jeongin likes cuddling with me, he doesn't want to admit it though, so I keep quiet about it.
Maybe he thinks I'm soft or I have a warm body temperature but I feel honored that he trusts me enough to cuddle because I like cuddling too. We both fall asleep and in a few minutes we eventually get to the building.
I still feel a little groggy, so I wait for everyone to disembark before I stand and just when I'm about to step down the bus, I miss a step and I feel my whole body falling...
This is it.... This is how I'm gonna go...
It was nice knowing the boys.
Tell my mother I love her.
Just when I accept my fate, I fell someone catch me. I open my eyes and I'm face to face with Hyunjin.
I swear to god, his eyes sparkle brighter than the sun. His hair just falls perfectly on his forehead. He gives me this small smile and my heart flutters. He was perfect...
BUT I'M STILL TOO SLEEPY FOR THIS...
So I just release myself from his hold, give him a small bow and I see that he has this confused face.
"I owe you dinner" I tell him nonchalantly then I turn to walk towards the building.
I change quickly and enter the practice room to wait for the rest. I approach Jisung who I notice has this smug face on.
"I'm so proud of you" He says and I'm so confused
"what?"
"You totally disregarded him!" He whispers in my ear.
But I still feel too sleepy, I see Woojin-hyung pass by so I grab him and I fling myself on to him and I feel him laugh but he hugs me close and I fall asleep.
"Felix, Wake up!" I hear Woojin whisper in my ear and the light blinds me as I open my eyes
"Eeehh, I didn't get to nap!" I whine not letting go.
"...You've napped for 20 minutes, Felix" He says with a small giggle.
I whine more but I let go because practice is important. Woojin-hyung ruffles my hear and I hug him as a thank you for making sure I didn't fall as I slept.
"HEY! STOP HUGGING! WE NEED TO PRACTICE!" Changbin-hyung says
Since I got to nap I had enough energy to be a little playful. I hop towards Changbin-hyung and I put my arms around his waist.
"Anything for you, Changbinnie-hyung" I say then I give him a small kiss on the cheek and everyone stars complaining.
"EWW STOP"
"THAT'S GROSS"
"DO IT AGAIN!!!"
I don't even know who says what but the reaction was LIIITT!! Changbin-hyun just laughs at me because he knows I just do it for fun.
"Okay okay!! Real practice now!" Chan says and we eventually do start practicing.
We spent the whole day just practicing for our next comeback because we want it to be stronger and more unique. After the long day, we all get ready to go home. I shower in the locker room and as soon as I finish showering I change then head to the practice room to wait for the rest of the boys.
No one is in the practice room so I assume they are all still showering so I sit on the floor and lurk through twitter. I suddenly feel a tap on my shoulder and I'm looking at an angel......that smells HELLA good. My chest started hurting but I kind of missed this pain.
"You owe me dinner." He says and I'm confused... why do I owe him dinner..
"Huh.. Why?" I ask
"You said it yourself when I saved you from falling to your death" He says and I now understand what he meant.
"But I was sleepy when I said that!!!" I start whining but he's just laughing at me.
"Yeah! But you still said it" Hyunjin says with a small laugh
"UUGHHH! does it have to be nooowwww" I whine even more... I whined so much today...
"YES! TODAY! cuuuzz I'm huuungrryyy!" Hyunjin says mocking my winning voice.
I continue to whine but now he's pulling me to stand up but i relax my weight so that I become heavier and I'm hanging because Hyunjin is pulling me up from my arms. I whine so more until I suddenly don't feel Hyunjin's support and I fall to the floor. I hear him laughing but I'm a BIG BABY... so I whine more.
"It would've hurt more, if I didn't save you a while ago" He says in a serious tone and I give up.
"ugh... Fine, I'll pay for dinner" I say with defeat and Hyunjin cheers in victory.
He helps me up and we go to our manager to tell him we were going to eat before going home. He gives us a few reminders and then were off.
Instead of taking a cab we walk to the nearest convenience store and grab some instant noodles and a bunch of snacks. Of course, Hyunjin gets some really expensive snacks and my wallet starts crying as soon as we....I pay. There's a playground with the view of the city at night so we choose a table and eat there.
The whole time we were together, it didn't feel awkward, it was like we didn't stop talking. It felt so natural. We were making jokes here and there about the boys, about ourselves and our lives and eventually we got to talk about our future, what we feel now with the band and more, but there was one topic I wanted to talk about.
"So, why did you suddenly want to hang out?" I ask him after slurping a bit of noodles
"Because you owe me dinner" He says as he put a bunch of noodles in his mouth.
"You know what I mean, Hyunjin-hyung" I say seriously and he stops briefly before continuing eating his noodles.
"You don't have to call me hyung, we're friends" He says
"It didn't feel like it the past few months" I say as I slurp more noodles and I hear him sigh.
He looks up at me with a serious look on his face so I drop my chopsticks to give him my full attention. It was like I could hear his heartbeat going faster and faster just like mine. We were both nervous, I could tell, but it's time this conversation happened.
"I'm sorry for what I did"
"Bu-"
"Please let me finish" He asks and I nod
"I'm sorry for everything, for suddenly ditching and ignoring, to kissing you. I didn't mean it" He says and I stay quiet so that he continues.
"I mean.. I did mean it, but I just didn't want anyone, especially you, to be caught up in my confusing feelings because I don't know what I want exactly but seeing you being close with everyone today, it just made me miss when you'd come to me." He says, he slowly looks down but my eyes are still trained on him.
"So you're still confused about me" I ask very straight forward and his head quickly shoots up.
"What do you mean? I miss you, I'm no-"
"No what I mean is that, you're still confused for your feelings for me?" I ask and he looks so shocked and nervous
"You can't ask that, what about Jisung?" He asks trying to divert the topic but I won't have it.
"Leave Jisung out of this, are you still confused about your feelings for me?" I say
"But he's your soulmate"
"PLEASE! Leave Jisung out of this conversation. If all circumstances permitted, would it clear your mind of your feelings for me?" He looked a little confused so I simplify the question for him
"Do you still want me? and don't even say as a friend because I know that.... Do you still want me, Hyunjin?"
I don't know what it was in me but I don't want there to be tension between us anymore, I just want everything to be okay. I want to know where my place is in real life so that I know not to overstep my boundaries. It's been months, and I think it's time to make a decision.
He looks so lost and scared and I hate to put him through this but I feel like we both need this. So that we both know what to expect from each other. The moonlight hits both of us in a very soft way, it seems like such a romantic light. He's still so beautiful.
"This seems like a drama on tv" I say with a small smile and he laughs a bit.
He runs his hand through his hair and peeks a small look at me but he shys away when he realized I'm still focused on him.
"I know it's harsh, for you to decide suddenly but.....yeah" I couldn't think of a reason.
He still isn't looking at me and the pain in my chest is numb but I want him to be happy and I feel like one way he can be really happy is if I get this confusion of me out of his head.
"Remember when we would watch dramas late at night with so much snacks till like 2 am?" I asked and he chuckled softly and looked at me.
"Of course, you cry like a bitch" He says
"HEEYY! THIS IS SERIOUS MOMENT RIGHT HERE!!" I whine and he ends up laughing really hard.
I put a fake mad face and as soon as he stops laughing he mocks my angry face and we both end up laughing again. As soon as we end, the serious mood returns.
"Let's do it like in the movies!" I tell him
"What do you mean?" He asks
"I'll close my eyes, and if you're still here, I'm yours" I say.
OKAY I KNOW IT'S CHEESY BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY THIS OKAY!!
"That's gross" he says
"SHUT UP!!! LET ME DO THIS ONCE IN MY LIFE OKAY!" I rage at him and he's laughing once again but then he stops laughing like he realized something.
"What if I leave?" He asks quietly.
"Then we go back to being just friends, and we move on from whatever this was" I tell him
"So whether I leave or stay, you'll still be in my life" He states
"Yeah basically, but it just depends on what degree you want me in your life." I tell him
"around 150 degrees is enough" He says proceeds to laugh at his own joke
"UGHH HYUNJIN-AH WHYYY DO I LIKE YOU!!" I scream at the air and he laughs at my pain.
He releases all his laughter then silence covers us.
"Wouldn't you hate me if I left?" He asked and I smile at him
"I could never hate you, in fact I'd be glad that you made a decision" I tell him.
He nods understanding the situation, and he looks me in the eyes with all seriousness. I dawned on me that I could loose my chance with him with this, but if it gives both of us the closure we need, a few months of sadness can't be that bad. As long as he's happy.
"I'm going to close my eyes now" I tell him and he nods.
I close them and I hear ruffling on the ground, I count to ten and when I open them, I'm all alone in under the moonlight.
I smile, my chest hurts bad and I feel teardrops fall from my eyes. My chest hurting a thousand times more but I don't know why, but I think I'll be okay. I stand up and bow to the moon and make my way back to the dorm.
I take the long path through a public park to enjoy the scenery and I soon get home I slowly make my way up to my room but as soon as I get in my room I hear a knock on the door. Im confused... who would be awake at this time?
I open the door and suddenly Hyunjin pulls me in for a kiss. I pull away very confused but the look of want in his eyes gave me his answer.
So I grabbed his neck and kissed him. He puts his arms around my waist to pull me closer. The kiss was so hungry, like he's been waiting for this moment for a long time. We pull away to breathe only to get back in it and next thing I knew we were on my bed.
_____________________
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE TWO BEST SOULMATES EVER!!!
they deserve nothing but the best!! and I hope they spend their birthdays happily!!
MUCH LOVE