"He won't talk to me Zo. He has ignored me in the halls, avoids coming to the lockers when I am there. He hates me and it's my fault." I exclaim and stuff my mouth with a pizza roll. Zoe has changed around some classes and we have free period together. We are at the football stadium of the school, sat on the bleachers.
" He doesn't hate you, he is just hurt is all" she reassures and sips her water. I have taken a few days off of my healthy food regimen due to intense stress, heartbreak, and guilt.
"He won't talk to me and he denies all of my calls. When I go to his house, he has Francesca lie and say he isn't there."
Zoe pouts and looks down. "I really am sorry about all this. You don't deserve this Bay."
"Maybe I do. Nothing gold ever stays, right?"
"Yup. Everything gold turns silver, then bronze, and then-"
"Okay you lost me." I tell her and shake my head.
"How about you and Asher?"
"What about me and Asher?"
"Zoe give him a chance. I know why you shouldn't, but it would break you if you gave up this chance. You would regret it and I know he really likes you. Vice versa."
"There is a lot with me and Asher that I just can't get into and you don't know about. Good times and then bad times." she says nostalgically.
"Give me a pizza roll" she says and throws away her fruit salad.
I chuckle and pass her a pizza roll. She bites into it and looks out into the distance.
I feel so discombobulated. I feel so out of routine. So, confused and lost. With Issac, I had a whole routine, but at the same time, no routine.
That makes no sense, I know.
Every morning at 7 am, Issac would call me and tell me good morning and that I am beautiful. We would reach to school and he would do the same thing all over again, but he would kiss me before either walking me to class or walking off to his class. We would hang out every free period and then he would drive me home after school.
I say that there is no routine because with Issac, nothing is predictable beside what we do at school. Outside of school, you are in for a big surprise basically. He would take me places in the town that I didn't even know existed, introduce me to new things, new foods. He made me expand myself and step out my box that I insisted on staying in. Without him, here with me, I am just back to being just...Bay. Still Beautiful and Bold Bay, but the best part of me was when I was with Issac, when it was Bay and Issac. I was my best self with him and I walked away from that.
And now he hates me. He hasn't talked to me 3 days.
And to be honest, I hate myself.
The bell rings, indicating that the period is over. I groan and dust the crumbs off my shirt.
"I think I am just going to head home. I am not feeling in the mood for AP Bio." I say and walk out the bleacher aisle and back into the building.
"OK. I can buy us some Thai food after school, okay?"
"Yeah." I murmur and walk to my locker. Issac is standing at the locker talking to Armani. I walk over to the two and when Issac sees me, he stops talking and the slight upturn in his lips drops. My heart clenches in pain looking at him stare at me like the way he is now, full of sadness and hurt. Armani turns around and looks at me. He smiles slightly and pats Issac on the back before walking in my direction. He embraces me in a small side hug and ruffles my hair.
"Good luck lightweight." He whispers and then walks away. I turn back around to look at him, but he is gone in a flash.
"Issac?" I ask when I am standing in front of him.
He looks around everywhere, except me, and I hate it. He would always look at me, and I mean look at me with his intense gray eyes and now he isn't and I hate it.
"Do you hate me?"
He finally looks down into my hazel eyes. His normal light gray eyes are now a dark grey, stormy like.
"I don't hate you Bay. I could never hate you."
"Then please talk to me." I plead, feeling tears well up in my eyes.
"Isn't that what we are doing now?" He asks, his voice devoid of emotion.
"Issac. Please. Tell me how to fix this. I-I need to fix this. I need to fix us. Issac, I miss you."
"If Armani didn't come to your house to convince you that the rumors were a lie and you didn't get those documents proving that I was indeed NOT a father, would you be talking to me right now?" He asks, his jaw set and his eyes ablaze with anger.
"Issac-"
"Answer the question Bay." He says slowly and in a deep, angry voice that he has never used.
I release a deep sigh and look down at my feet.
I can't lie to him. He would know.
"No." I whisper out.
"Alright then." He says and walks away. A lone tear sides down my cheek and the emptiness grows inside me and despite being surrounded by hundreds of kids, I feel completely alone.
And it is the worst feeling ever.
Well, other than hurting the guy who you love.
I open up my locker and put in my books and close it. I walk out the school building and start on my trek home, by foot.
....
"Go away!" I groan and blow my nose in the Kleenex and throw it on the floor among the other thousand of snotty tissues on the floor. I cover my face with my blanket and let the tears flow down my face, knowing that if I build this up, I will explode.
"Bay?" A familiar voice asks and the door knob twists and in walks Armani with a bag of what smells like Chinese food.
"What are you doing here?" I mumble and turn away from him and look at the framed picture on my nightstand next to me of Issac and I when we went to his cousin's birthday party and Issac smudged birthday cake on my face.
"I brought food. Cartier says food is always a winner. She wishes she was here, but you know she is in Manhattan."
"Why. are. you. here?" I say again, pronouncing every word.
"To offer comfort to my favorite lightweight."
"Oh, so you thought it was a good idea that my ex-boyfriend's best friend come here to offer me 'comfort'? Boys really are stupid." I lash out at him and close my eyes.
"Issac didn't break up with you Bay."
"Really? Because ignoring me for 3 days, not talking to me, refusing to see me, yeah he broke up with me." I croak out and fresh tears roll down my face, causing me to sniffle more.
"Issac is hurt, but he will get over it. He is a big boy. He just needs a minute. It happens to the best of us."
"This is different Mani" I tell him, using my nickname for him.
"I think not. Issac loves you. Love can't be thrown away. You guys will be fine. Relationships include fights Bay."
"Only if you actually are in a relationship. I am not." I mumble.
"It will get better. I promise." He says and looks down at his watch. "I would love to stay and chat, but I have a flight to catch." He says and gets up.
"A flight? It's the middle of the school week."
"Yup. I am heading to New York to surprise Cartier and be there as support for her big dance at M A D M. Don't tell her though." He says and winks.
That is absolutely adorable.
*insert the longest depressing sigh ever*
"It will be better. I promise. I would know. I have been in a 2 and a half year relationship with Cartier. We have fought A LOT. She ignored me for 2 weeks one time. I ignored her for 5 days. Listen, Issac can barely breathe without you. He feels like he is drowning right now and eventually he will need to come up for air. You are his oxygen. Remember that?" He says and walks to the door. He turns the knob, but then stops and looks back.
"That was deep." He says looking gobsmacked. He has the biggest grin on his face as he walks out the door, leaving me in the room with a bag of Chinese on the table.
I look down at my phone and then back up at the bag of delicious Chinese food awaiting me.
I need to speak to him.
I dial Issac's number and wait while it rings. It goes to voicemail and it says to leave a message.
I take in a deep breath. I can do this.
"Hey Issac, it's Bay..."