Maliah placed the star on top of the Christmas tree. I had a nice view of her ass while making sure the stool didn't collapse on her. She's such a wuss, it's cute.
"I got it!" She shouted.
"Awesome girls!" Jane replied. "The tree looks so good. Santa will be pleased."
I scoffed, "We're still playing the whole Santa thing seventeen years later? Almost eighteen?"
Maliah stepped down and said, "Better stop talking crap or Santa's gonna put you on his naughty list."
I mumbled a sly remark, "I'm already there."
Maliah winked at me and stepped back a bit to see the tree. I took a spot next to the two women in awe. The tree is covered in green and red ornament balls and rainbow colored lights. The bright star at the top is just a little crooked but that's probably cause the fake stems are old now. We've had this tree since I can remember.
"Wonder when these presents are gonna start popping up." I said.
Mom laughed, "Me too."
Maliah folded her arms, "Santa already dropped some by for me. Hah."
"Well your Santa is super rich."
Maliah stuck her tongue out at me. I smirked. Me and her have definitely sparked the spark again. Everything is smooth between us. We're finally hitting Christmas break so school has slowed down a lot, for now. Everyone can relax for a bit.
Jane clicked her tongue, "I don't think you ever told Santa what you wanted."
I clapped my hands, "Well shit lets get that list going I got a few things I'd love."
"Language, Jax." Jane said dryly.
"Yeah, Jax. Language," Maliah mocked. "Santa doesn't appreciate potty mouthed teenagers."
I rolled my eyes, "Don't you have a home to go to?"
She laughed, "Oh hush you love when I'm here."
My Mom walked back to the kitchen smiling, "Young love at its finest."
"Young love?" I repeated and sank down into the couch by the tree. "More like young irritation."
Maliah followed after me, sitting down and curling up next to me. The fireplace is lit up for once. I remember the fireplace being our old family's place to sit in front of and just watch a movie or even talk sometimes. The fireplace was something special ... at least to me. It hurts to stare into the flames feeling like half of my family was tossed in there. To burn.
Maliah's hair tickles my neck. She moves into me more, picking up her legs.
Maliah whispered, "It's been a while ..."
Maliah was around when the fireplace was used. She knows herself how much this little area means to me ... and my Mom.
"Yeah." I responded.
Maliah looked up at me. I looked back into her eyes. I already know what they're asking - the questions behind them. Are you okay? How do you feel about this? It's okay if you feel upset and angry. You don't have to act like none of this bothers you. I love you.
"I love you." I said quietly.
Her lips pecked the side of my mouth. I wish my Mom wasn't ten feet away behind us so I could give her a real kiss without feeling awkward.
She smiled afterward, "I love you too. You okay?"
I replied back quietly, "I'm not really sure how I feel, I guess. This feels new ... mostly cuz' it is and it isn't at the same time."
Maliah didn't say anything back. She just sat with me. It was easy to just do that - listen to the fire crackle and pop with the occasional meshing together of pots, pans and the food sizzling on the stove. After everything we've been through, we deserve to just sit in a weird comforting silence, together.
When school officially closed for winter break Maliah came over almost everyday. Whether it was to spend time with me or keep my Mom company, she's always welcome and things are always better when she's around anyway.
My Mom and I found a house a little further down by the school. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't think I want to be anywhere near that school when I graduate. I know how high school kids are and this generation is only gonna get worse.
"Did you open up the mail?" I asked Maliah, whose sitting on my bed.
I throw more old clothes of mine into a black bag. Lately she's been getting some mail from the school's she's applied too. Staring at every envelope makes my chest hurt, but I don't say anything negative anymore. At least I try not too.
"I'm nervous," She said. "One is also for the test scores so I'm not worried about that."
I dusted off my hands and turned to her, "Don't be. I don't think colleges mail you that you're not accepted, right? If so that's a dick move."
"Screw it. Stirling Uni first," She ripped the envelope and pulled out a white folded paper.
I folded my arms across my chest and waited for the result. Of course I know she's gonna get accepted to any school she applies too. I don't doubt her for a second. This is her life goal right here. I'll be damned if she doesn't get accepted into all of those stupid schools.
She was mostly mumbling to herself, "Maliah Coewitz .... the executive committee would like to inform you ..."
Her eyes moved quick, suddenly widening in I don't know what emotion.
"I got accepted!" She shouted.
I grinned and sat next to her. I grabbed the paper from her hands to read it myself since I'll probably never get one of these. I feel Maliah's soft lips on my cheek.
"Sweet," I said reading the letter. "Now what? You're not finished with high school yet ..."
She wrapped her arms around me and smushed her cheek against mine, "Well I have to maintain my grades and GPA of course. When we graduate I have to send over transcripts. Orientation, setting up classes and tuition. Hopefully I can score a nice scholarship."
The familiar bittersweet taste formed in my mouth. She's really leaving - soon.
"Ah ... how far is this campus again?"
"An hour." She answered.
I placed the paper down beside me and sighed, "Proud of you."
"Don't be sad ..."
"I'm not." I lied.
She gripped my chin and turned my face to hers. She kissed me softly. Maliah's first line of defense is always kissing me and I'd be lying if I said it didn't work, but this time it really didn't. It just made me feel worse because soon enough I won't be able to get these kisses so often anymore. Who am I supposed to run too when I feel bad about the world? She'll be so far away.
I purposely continued the kiss, pushing into her mouth more and pulling her down onto my bed with me. Her leg flew over my hip and cradled my side. Every time we're together it feels like we're in our own pocket of time.
I'm so beyond happy we worked past that really shitty stage we were in. Not like any of it was my fault anyway.
I felt Maliah's fingernails dig into the back of neck. I tried to swallow a groan, but I couldn't. She knows I love feeling her nails scratch and dig around my skin. Especially in my scalp or somewhere near it.
She chuckled into our kiss, "You're so easy to turn on."
I rolled my eyes, "I never said I was turned on. You're just full of yourself."
Her hand slid under my tank top and stopped between my boobs, "Oh no?"
I smirked, ignoring the blood rushing straight to my vagina, "Nope."
She sucked her teeth and took her hand back, "That's too bad. I am."
I frowned. Goddammit, "I hate you."
She grinned, "I thought you weren't turned on."
"You're such a fucking tease." I grumbled.
She kissed my cheek and nuzzled under my ear laughing, "Mmm ..."
I held her close to me and relaxed. She smiled at me, obviously excited about her good news. I can see the glow in her eyes. I really am proud of her. I think I'll always be proud of everything she does.
"I don't want you to go ..." I whispered.
She cupped my cheek and exhaled through her nose.
I spoke again, "I know you have too, it's just not sitting right in my stomach."
She kissed my nose, "Everything will be fine. I promise."
I shook my head and moved her hand off of my face, "Easy for you to say. This entire thing is just easy for you."
"Jax that's not true. I'm as equally fucking terrified and sick to my stomach about it. All of this is new. We're still new too in a sense. I'm just trying my best to secure a future."
"And I want to secure one with you."
"Are you saying you want to spend the rest of your life with me?" She asked plaintively.
"I'm saying you're the only person I give a shit about. Besides the obvious."
Her facial expression got serious. Her eyes got slightly wider and harder. Her jaw tightened. I've come to learn about this expression over the past few weeks. Shit just got serious.
She spoke, "Okay, but answer the question. I'm genuinely curious. Do you think we'll be together for the rest of our lives? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Without ever getting a chance to live the single life and exploring different women and opportunities? You want just me?"
I don't know how to answer that question. I've always thought about it that far, but I haven't at the same time. I don't believe in forever just because of the things I've seen when I was younger. My parents ultimately falling apart also had some sort of an effect on me I was just being a stubborn cunt and couldn't admit it to myself until recently.
Is there really a way to tell if you're meant for somebody? Especially at this age where nothing is constant and everything is always changing? Would it be even smart to tell somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with them? Even when they're going to college where they meet a bunch of people and have a bunch of different experiences?
There's always a possibility that I may fall out of love with Maliah. Do I honestly think that's ever going to happen? Not really. I guess I just feel stupid saying it out loud. I don't want to eat my words later with a broken heart.
"Exactly." She said.
"What? You didn't let me answer asshole."
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, but it's taking you forever to think about cause the reality of it is hitting you."
"Fine. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Guess I should put you on the spot too then."
"I don't know." She replied. "I just know that right now I want to make this work. In time I'll be able to answer that."
I started to get real irritated. What the fuck does that even mean? Why does she have to be so cryptic all the time?
"Then what the fuck was the point of asking me?"
She gave me a face before saying, "Because I feel like you don't think about these things, Jax."
"Oh my God, shut up. Forget it. Just have fun at college."
She turned around and snatched my pillow over to her side of the bed. I grumbled to myself and got up. If she wants to be like that then fine. I still have shit to pack anyway.
**
Christmas morning.
I'm making breakfast for the first time in ... well I think this is the first time ever actually. Jane is still asleep in bed. She had a long night last night so I'm not expecting her to get up anytime soon. There's a presents under the tree that didn't pop up until this morning.
Guess Santa came through the chimney last minute.
It's funny having Christmas in a half packed up house. Most of everything is in boxes. All the house decor is gone except for the seven foot tree with lights in the corner of the living room.
I watch the bacon fry on the pan. The eggs are already made. I have to take some bread out to toast.
I wonder what gifts Maliah is getting today. She has more family than I do. They usually go to her house for Christmas dinner and exchange even more gifts.
I bought a promise ring for her. Thanks to my Mom for helping me out with that one cause Satan knows I don't have any fucking money. I spent a few days figuring out what to promise Maliah. I would hate to make promises I can't keep.
After our little bickering match ... her question really didn't leave my mind. It's been the only thing I could really think about. When she told me that she wanted to make us work my first thought was that it would be no point. I feel like people should date for long-term purposes and already have these kinds of things in mind. But I have to remember that we're young and right now we should be on the same page with making things work.
Promise rings to me are hit or misses because of the dumb shit people promise. Like I'll be with you forever and always be there for you. You can't promise that. Those promises blow back up in your face.
Just look at my parents.
I have the perfect promises in mind. I think she'll really like this. She's not one for flashy jewelry or anything, but I kinda didn't know what else to buy. She never hinted at anything to me this time around. I'm also positive she's not expecting a gift. Neither am I to be honest. I pretty much got what I wished for. Kinda.
Jane woke up a few hours later while I ate and watched a few Christmas cartoons from my childhood. This Christmas is definitely the weirdest one. The holidays when Harry was the worst was just terrible. Nobody celebrated anything. No one could muster up any emotion or care to try and celebrate.
Jane bought me a lot of clothes that I really needed. Even a new pair of sneakers and boots. I also got a newer phone and a nice winter jacket. Everything I got I was just in dire need of, which made me laugh.
"Thanks Mom," I said holding up my new jacket. "You're not too bad at picking stuff out."
She sipped some more of her coffee, "I tried my hardest believe me. When are you going to see Maliah?"
I placed the jacket down and leaned back on my elbows, "Whenever she texts me."
She hummed to herself, "I would say to invite her over for dinner, but I know her parents probably have something planned. They always do."
"Yeah. If I get invited to their dinner should I go? I don't wanna leave you here by yourself."
She smiled sadly, "If you get invited, go. Spend time with her and her family."
I frowned, "That wasn't very convincing."
"How about we celebrate then?" She suggested. "Have dinner together. We can go out tonight. Your favorite old diner is open tonight too."
"Mandy's?! Yes!" I shouted suddenly remembering that entire phase of my life when all I wanted was waffles and cheese steak sandwiches. How could I forget. Now I wonder how many other things I've forgotten.
She got up and laughed, "Put all your new stuff away and start getting ready around six. I'm going to go take a very hot shower. My bones hurt in this cold."
I did as I was told. Soon enough I got the text from Maliah that she was on her way. I put on my new black jeans and my new maroon colored sweatshirt. I actually fixed my hair into a decent bun and got the ring case ready.
It's a really nice ring. It's silver with tiny diamonds in them. Now that I look at it a little harder, it does look like it's one diamond away from being an engagement ring. Hopefully this proves to her that I'm serious as I'll ever be.
**
I was instantly greeted with a kiss. Maliah purposely held a mistletoe over my head which made me laugh because I was gonna kiss her regardless of the stupid thing. She even brought me a gift herself.
She placed the box down on the kitchen table and pushed it toward me.
"You look ... cleaned up." She said staring at me.
I smiled, "What do you mean? I just put my hair in a bun."
She shrugged and got closer to me, "I don't know, it looks better. Your hair isn't in your face for once. Your acne free face, must I mention."
"Just wanted to try something different. I didn't know I didn't look cleaned up before. Whatever that's supposed to mean."
She sighed, "It's just a new look I like you dork. Take a compliment."
I folded my arms across my chest, "Learn how to give one."
"I think you look adorable with a bun and that tank top hugs you quite nice. Fuck me when you get the chance. Better?" She teased.
"Now that's the truth I wanted to hear." I said smugly.
She smiled shyly and bit her lip. I think she's being serious.
"How much time do we have?" I asked.
She looked up at me, "Um ... enough I guess. If they don't make me help decorate."
"Okay ..." I said looking at the small gift. "Is that for me?"
"It is. I hope you like it. I know you didn't ask for anything, but ..." She shrugged.
I start to rip the paper off slowly. It's a wheat colored box. I carefully take the top off to see a nice brand new black beanie.
I picked it up to feel the tight cotton fabric, "I love this."
"I didn't know what else to get since I knew what your Mom was getting you. You don't like accessories so it was kinda hard." She chuckled.
"I love it. My favorite color too." I smirked.
She rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Oh yes because the color black is so exotic."
"It fits me nice, don't you think?" I teased.
"Sure."
"Well, I got you something too," I announced. "I, uh, hope you like it. My Mom helped me pick it out."
She looked happy and confused at the same time. Probably because she hasn't seen me with anything in my hands.
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the black suede case. I carefully hand it to her and watch her eyes widen a little. She takes it into her palm and looks up at me, unsure.
I spoke, "I didn't know what to get you either and I didn't want to settle on something boring and basic. Thought this would be better instead."
She opened slowly and and gasped, "Oh Jax it's beautiful ..."
I took a small breath to calm my nerves. I don't want to fuck this up.
"I know we're not in a official relationship. We never were for that matter, but I've been thinking about everything you said and you're right. There's really no telling what the hell is gonna happen in the future, but I'm serious about you. I thought a good way to show that to you was to get you a promise ring."
Maliah looked completely dumbfounded. I guess this is more of a surprise for her due to the fact that I'm not the best romantic or the best for words for that matter. It took me forever to admit my feelings to her.
"I promise that I'm gonna try harder to be the best person I can be. To you and to Jane. I promise that I'm not gonna give up when things get hard or weird. I promise to love you unconditionally for as long as I can. I also promise to work on the rough sides of me even though I'm really not sure where to start or how."
I watched her eyes waver. She sighed and smiled, "I don't even know what to say. For once."
I shrugged, feeling pretty damn good about myself, "You don't have to say anything."
She took the ring out the casing and looked up at me, "You know ... I hope you didn't feel obligated to get me this or to prove anything to me. I know your feelings are strong. I know I've been such a meanie lately and all over the place. I don't want you to feel like you owe this to me."
I shook my head, "I know I'm not obligated, but I wanted too. Just so you can have something to remind you of me and ... us."
Tears fell from her eyes. She kept flipping the ring around. I don't know if she likes it or not. I'm getting the vibe that's it's throwing her off.
"Are you okay? You don't have to wear -"
She cut me off and sniffled, "No. I want too. I just feel undeserving. That's all."
I took the ring from her hands and held it out. She gave me her right hand and her ring finger. I slipped it on and it fit her slender finger perfectly. I remember her telling me her ring size years ago. It's a nice surprise that her fingers haven't gotten fatter. Thank fuck.
It would've been a pain in the ass to get this exchanged.
She extended her hand out and smiled even bigger, "You remembered."
"I did."
She frowned and pushed her chest against mine, "Ugh. You totally outshined my present. You win this year Jax Keen."
I laughed and cupped her face, pulling her into a deep kiss. I feel the dampness of her cheeks against my thumbs. After a few more kisses she pulled away.
She placed her hands on my chest and said, "I love you."
"I love you too freckles. Nothing will probably ever change that."
She placed her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her and we stood there for a bit, enjoying the closeness of it all. I've never felt better about a gift before. Her and the ring.