Sadly, this chapter is a bit of a filler.
The next one should be good. ;)
xoar
I woke up a couple weeks later to Harry running into my room, yelling.
Harry and I talked only a little about everything that had gone on. We both came to the conclusion that we had feelings for each other, but it wasn’t exactly time to take things to a different level.
We said that to each other, although we had been acting a lot like a couple…
Snuggling up on the couch and watching movies.
Using a lot less acting while we were out in public making “appearances”.
It was nice. It didn’t feel like there was any pressure to be something that I wasn’t.
We were both just enjoying what we were doing.
As for my entire… disorder.
It was getting better. I hadn’t purged since that night. That’s not to say that I haven’t seriously thought about it, or I haven’t skipped a few meals, but it was a step in the right direction.
It always killed me to see the sour look in Harry’s eyes as he’d stare at my plate, only picked at, or the look he’d give me which felt like he just knew what was going on in my mind.
He always made me feel so guilty without even knowing it.
It wasn’t a bad kind of guilt.
Well… it was, but he made me not want to do it.
No matter how badly I wanted to empty my stomach, I always just looked at him and saw the look in his eyes and stopped.
I had even forced down quite a few meals just to save him from worrying.
I slowly started to realize what exactly I was doing to him and it killed me inside.
“Ainslie! Get up!” He screamed, jumping on my bed and wrapping himself around me outside of my blankets.
“No.” I groaned, trying to pull the covers up over my eyes and failing miserably.
He laughed and squeezed me tighter. “I have special plans today!”
I groaned again and rolled over. “No.”
Harry rested his head on mine, his soft curls falling into my face.
“Why do you hate me?” I groaned.
“I don’t hate you.” He laughed, nuzzling his face into mine. “Are you gonna get up soon?” He whispered.
“If you get your big butt off of me.” I grumbled.
He got off of me, laughing again and walked out of my room.
I stood up, groaning and mumbling under my breath and walked over to my door and closed it.
“Wear your bathing suit!” Harry called from the living room.
My bathing suit? I rubbed my eyes just imagining what Harry had in store for me.
I showered, getting ready for the day and partially blow dried my hair, only to pull it back into a pony tail.
I pulled the black two-piece out of my dresser and put it on, only to examine myself in the full length mirror.
I didn’t look fat.
But I looked fatter than I did.
The lines between my ribs were starting to fill in and my breasts looked slightly larger.
I turned to the side to notice that my stomach was no longer concave, but just a usual flat.
I felt disgusting. I knew that I had put on at least five pounds just by eating normally.
It felt like I had a huge parasite that was wrapped all around me and I wanted to get rid of it, I NEEDED to get rid of it.
“No.” I said, turning around and walking back towards my closet. I wasn’t going to do this today.
I slipped on a pair of neon shorts, followed by a black tank top.
I walked out of my room to where Harry was sat on the couch, typing away at his Blackberry. He had a white pair of swim trunks on that led up to his Ramones t-shirt and he sent me a big grin, pulling himself up and toward me.
“You look stunning.” He smiled, planting a light kiss on the top of my head.
“Where are we going?” I inquired.
“No questions.” He said grinning evilly. “Just get in the car.”
We both piled into his Range Rover and ended up going on what was an extremely long car ride.
We were going down twisted roads, lined with trees while The Temper Trap blared through the stereo and Harry sung along.
“We’re here.” He smiled through his sunglasses as he parked in a isolated area, surrounded by trees.
I raised an eyebrow at him and laughed. “Are you sure?”
“Positive” He said shooting a smile at me and opening his door. He unloaded a couple bags out of the back and then met me at the front of the car, where I could hear the sound of water. “This way.”
I followed him down a path that was barely visible through the trees. Once it all cleared out, there was a small secluded beach in front of us.
There was sand instead of the usual rocky surface beneath our feet and the waves crashed almost calmly onto the shore.
“Harry, this is amazing!” I gasped.
Harry smiled smugly to himself. “The lads and I did a photo shoot here a while ago and I thought you’d like it.”
I nodded and smiled. Harry set up a tent sort of thing. It was more of a lean-to, but it still kept a majority of the sun and the wind out.
It was nice to see clear skies and feel the heat in London. It wasn’t a usual occurrence.
Harry stripped off his shirt and grabbed a beer out of a cooler he had made a second trip to get.
“Come swimming with me.” He beamed, motioning toward the ocean.
I tilted my head and looked at him and he stuck his bottom lip out at me and it was too adorable for me to say no.
I stood up, slipping my tank top and shorts off, feeling self-conscious since I could feel Harry’s eyes on me.
I walked out into the sun and Harry placed his hand on the small of my back protectively.
“You know,” he started, “You look a lot better.” He smiled, making references to what I saw as fat.
The smaller spaces between my ribs, the wells by my hip bones a little less deep.
I just laughed and put my arm over my stomach self-consciously and followed him into the ocean.
“It’s cold!” I screamed as a wave splashed up onto my legs.
“Shh, you’ll get used to it!” He said reaching for my hand.
“No!” I yelled turning and running away back for the area we had set up. “I don’t want to get used to it!”
Harry started laughing me, chasing me back into the sand.
I tripped over my own feet and fell into the sand, doing a sort of Matrix duck and roll, ending up on the blanket, laughing hysterically.
Harry stood over me laughing and shaking his head. “Are you okay?”
I keeled over still laughing as I nodded.
Harry laughed again and sat down. “You’re mental, you know that?”
I laughed and took a sip out of a bottle of water.
“Yes.” I smiled, “But you’re the one who’s with me all of the time, therefore you can’t be too sane yourself.”
“Shut up.” He smiled, pinning me down for a kiss.
On the ride home, I sat with my head against the window as I watched the same trees rush by me in the dark.
For the first time in around 9 hours, I thought about food.
I sat there, amazed with myself that I went for a whole 9 hours without worrying about any calories, or thinking about purging.
“Harry?” I asked over the radio.
“Yeah?” He called, turning the stereo all of the way down so the only things that you could hear were crickets and the tires on the pavement.
“Thank you.”
For the first time in these past few weeks, I felt like I was winning the battle that I had with food.
And it felt glorious all around.