AUTHORS NOTE: I'm sure you've noticed the youtube link for this chapter. I find this to be the theme song of Sam and Olivia. If you think that it should be a different song, why don't you tell me in the comments below and tell me what song would be good. Thanks for reading! Don't forget to vote and comment! <3
As Sam continues to scream, Dean drags me upstairs. I start thrashing and kicking, trying as best as I can to hurt Dean in some way. "How could you do this?!" I scream through my sobs. "You knew he didn't want this! He has told you time and time again that he didn't want his soul! Angels and demons have told you that this is a bad idea!"
Dean lets go of me and I continue to punch him then he grabs my hands. "That's not Sam down there, you can't stand up for him. He's lied to you to make you believe that he actually cares for you, but in reality, he doesn't. All he cares about is staying that way," he says to me calmly. He doesn't seem angry at all, his eyes are warm and his expression is soft. He can see how much pain I'm really in.
"None of you get it, maybe it's not such a bad thing. Sam makes me feel good, he makes me feel better than I have felt in a long time. I don't wanna lose that. The moment he goes back to normal, all of that would've been for nothing!"
"It would've already been for nothing! All he wanted was someone who would sleep with him, he knew how broken you were and he took advantage of that. Looking at you like this, it makes me wonder who really needs help. Cause it seems to me that you're more broken than Sam is." There's nothing but truth in his words, and it hurts a lot to hear someone actually say it. I refused to believe it, but now I've got someone who has realized the truth and is trying to make me realize it too, but I can't let Dean win. I go quiet and all you can hear is my sobs, Sam has finally stopped screaming.
Death and my dad come from the basement, the first thing that I do is head upstairs to grab a pillow and a blanket. Back downstairs, Death has disappeared and Dean and my dad stand in the kitchen. "Where are you going?" Dean asks.
"Downstairs. I'm staying with Sam," I reply.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Dean says.
"None of this is. You're allowed to do whatever, so why can't I?" I reply angrily. I walk down the steps, closing the basement door behind me. I can see the blood trail on the floor still, but it's all dried up. The door to the panic room is shut, I open the slot and see Sam unconscious on the bed again.
I open the door, being careful just in case he wakes up. I pull up a chair next to the bed, lay the blanket across him, lift his head carefully, and put down the pillow. His hand lays at his side, I lace my fingers in his, and I feel a small squeeze on my hand. I look and see him still fast asleep.
I move Sam's hair out of his face from where he was squirming around while Death put his soul back in him, I press my lips to his forehead gently. I lay my head on my arm that I've draped on the edge of the bed, I fall asleep soon after. I'm awakened by Castiel standing over the side of the bed. "Good morning to you too," I croak.
"Good morning," he replies. I take my blanket and move the chair out of the way. I look at Castiel, he's pulling up his coat sleeve and I know exactly what he's doing. I meet Dean outside the panic room.
"Sleep well?" he asks.
"Like a rock," I reply. I stand next to Dean and watch as Castiel checks Sam's soul. Sam starts to scream again and this time it's just as hard to listen to him, knowing that Sam is really there. This whole thing feels like a dream, like I'll blink and I'll end up in that motel room, finding out that Dean ditched me, that all of this was a dream of my future and I'll have to live it again.
Castiel comes out of the panic room, fixing his sleeve. "His soul is intact," he says.
"Is he ever gonna wake up?" Dean asks. I'm scared of Castiel's answer, I hold my breath.
"Most likely, no," Castiel replies. I feel my heart shatter, and my stomach drops. I knew that this wouldn't be good -- now Sam is probably never gonna wake up, and to think that this was just because Dean wanted his little brother back.
"Oh, well don't sugar coat it, Cas," Dean says with a tone of annoyance.
"I'm sorry, Dean. I warned you not to put his soul back inside him."
"Then what was I supposed to do? Let the robot walk around and hope he doesn't kill anyone?!" Dean yells.
"When I touched his soul, it felt like it had been skinned alive. Dean, if you wanted to kill your brother, you should've done it outright," Castiel growls. He disappears without another word. Dean rubs a hand to his temple, and leaves me downstairs. I decide to take my seat next to Sam's bed after closing the door to the panic room behind me.
I take hold of Sam's hand again and I start crying. "Hey, Sam," I start, "I'm not sure if you can hear me -- I really doubt that you can, considering you're still asleep and all -- but I'm gonna talk anyway, so you don't really have to listen to me either way," I take a deep breath and collect myself before I continue talking, "You're not gonna remember any of this, you probably still think that I'm mad at you, and you probably think that I hate you. I don't. I love you, I love you so much that it hurts. I was stupid to just take you for granted, you were like putty in my hands and I let you go. Things will never be the same again, there's no way that I want you to remember, it'll break down that wall and I can't let that happen to you. I tried as hard as I could to stop them from doing this, but they were stronger, they were more prepared. I'm sorry," I start crying again," I am sorry for everything I've done," I say through sobs. I clutch his hand tightly and he starts to stir, and I feel him squeeze my hand back. I look up and Sam's eyes are open, I'm the first person he gets to see and I look like a hot mess.
He sits up, he's confused as to why I'm crying, but I just stare at him in disbelief. "Olivia," it brings butterflies to my stomach, the first thing that he says is my name. The tears keep streaming down my face, but these are tears of happiness. I wrap my arms around Sam and I hold him close, he brings his arms around my waist and he buries his head into my shoulder.
I sit there with Sam holding me, "I missed you so much," I say to him through my muffled sobs. We pull away from each other, he wipes the tears off of my face, and he smiles at me. I smile back, this moment is so much more perfect than I imagined it to be.
"I missed you too...I think," Sam replies. A small chuckle escapes me. At that moment, we don't say anything, we just look at each other. I want to kiss Sam, but I'm afraid that it might trigger flashbacks, somehow it might tear down the wall.
Sam looks down at our hands, my fingers still laced in his. My cheeks flush and I quickly pull away, I can feel Sam looking at me while I look down at the floor. "I'm so glad you're okay," he says. If only he really knew...
He grabs hold of my hand and presses his lips to my cheek, and we decide to head back upstairs. Sam sees Dean and he lets go of my hand, "Dean," he calls out softly. Dean turns around and him and my dad both widen their eyes in surprise as they see Sam standing in the kitchen next to me. Sam walks toward Dean and wraps his arms around Dean, and he does the same thing to my dad.
"It's good to see you," dad says.
"Wait! I- I saw you, I felt Lucifer snap your neck!" Sam replies breathlessly.
Dad hesitates, "Well, Cas kind of--" he starts.
"Cas is alive?!" Sam asks.
"Yeah, Cas is fine. Sam, are you okay?" Dean replies. Sam turns to face him, and he has a look of surprise on his face.
"I'm actually...starving," Sam replies. Sam heads to the kitchen to make something to eat while Dean pulls me into the hallway.
"What happened?" he asks.
"I don't know, I was just sitting there with him and he woke up. I didn't do anything to him, as far as he knows, I'm still with Cas. I mean, if he remembers nothing but the graveyard, then he won't remember anything that's happened in the past couple of months," I reply. Dean looks down at the ground, he doesn't say anything. "What?" I ask.
"I hope you realize that this is for the best. We can all just forget what's happened," Dean replies.
"That's a lot easier said than done," I remind him. I walk into the kitchen and take a seat next to Sam at the table. He sits there, stuffing a sandwich in his mouth. I'm still not entirely used to this, it's going to take a while I guess.
"So, Sam, what's the last thing that you remember?" Dean asks.
Through a mouthful of food, Sam replies, "I was in the field, and then I fell. Then I woke up in the panic room, I could hear Olivia talking and I opened my eyes. There she was." All eyes but Sam's turn to me, my face goes red, I'm sure I'm going to be asked about that but they have no reason to know. What I said was really meant for Sam to hear, I honestly didn't expect him to hear me though.
"That's it? You can't even remember--" dad starts.
"Let's be glad," Dean interrupts. The room goes silent then Dean turns to face Sam with a smile plastered on his face. "Who wants to remember all that hell?" Dean says cheerfully.
"Wait, how long was I gone?" Sam asks.
"A year and a half," I reply. Sam's eyes widen as he looks at me.
"I was downstairs... How did I get back? Did Cas help?" he asks.
"Not exactly," Dean chuckles and replies.
"Dean, what did you do?" Sam asks, his face turns serious.
"I had a deal with Death--" Dean starts.
"Death?! The horseman?!" Sam yells.
"I had leverage! Listen, it's done. It's a clean slate now. Nothing to worry about," Dean assures him.
"There isn't anything else that I need to know?" Sam asks. Dean looks from Bobby to me, he locks eyes with me, and I shake my head no with a fake smile plastered on my face.
"No," Dean replies. Later, Dean and my dad head out to the car lot while Sam and I stay inside. I sit on the couch and Sam finishes up his maybe third or fourth sandwich. After he finishes eating, he goes to take a seat on the couch next to me.
"Do you mind, or is Cas gonna show up and blast me to bits?" Sam asks jokingly. I smile a fake smile and I shake my head. He sits down next to me, and silence fills the room.
"You mentioned you heard me talking. What did you hear?" I ask, it's best I find out now while there's just us in the house.
"Um, well, I heard you say that you were sorry. What you're sorry for, I'm not sure, but that's pretty much all I heard."
"You're sure? There wasn't anything else?"
He chuckles softly, "I'm sure. You seem nervous about it though. What all did you say?"
"It doesn't matter," I reply.
Sam just starts laughing, "There is something you're keeping from me. I can tell that you're not mad at me anymore, I know that considering how you acted right before I fell in the cage. Why won't you tell me?"
Because you're like a ticking time bomb, I say the wrong thing and everything goes wrong. I know the second that I tell you the truth, you're going to ask more questions. With more of the truth that I tell, little by little that wall inside your head is going to crumble. Then the perfect thing comes to my mind, I know a way to tell the truth without saying too much. I hesitate, "So many reasons."
"Please tell me, we're still friends. We agreed on that much."
I take a deep breath and look Sam into the eyes, "You've been gone for a while -- I'm sure you realize that by now -- and with all of this time, it's made me think about some things. Soon after you fell into the pit, my life went downhill," I start, then I tell him all about my life the year before people came back into my life. "Needless to say, things didn't work with Castiel, and I wish I would've realized this sooner, but I...I love you, Sam," I finish. Sam's expression goes soft, there's a hint of sadness there too. Sam holds my face in his hands and a lump forms in my throat, I wish that something would happen but I can't let it, not with such a big risk.
"You play it too safe. You gotta learn to take a few risks every now and then," Sam's voice echoes through my mind. That wasn't Sam, I have to keep reminding myself that, but his words were true. I play it too safe, but when Sam's well-being is the risk, I can't just go for it. I take Sam's hands and hold them in my lap.
He leans in to kiss me, I turn my head to the side, and his lips land on my cheek. He looks at me with confusion, "I can't," I whisper. "I wish that I could, but I just can't." I bring his head down and gently kiss his forehead.
"You need to rest," I tell him.
"Then rest with me," he replies. I get up off the couch, give him my hand, and lead him upstairs. We walk in my room and he takes in the changes, I forget that he still hasn't seen my room. "When did this happen?"
"Soon after I left my dad's I'm guessing." I point to the bed and Sam lies down, scooting over to make room for me. I pull the blanket over me and I feel Sam wrap his arm around my waist, he presses his lips against my neck. I turn around to face him, our lips are centimeters apart.
"Say you forgive me," I tell him.
He laughs, "What?"
"Just say it. That's all I want you to do, say you forgive me."
"I forgive you," Sam says just like I ask him to, it sounds somewhat genuine; it's best that he doesn't know the reason for it. I turn around, my back facing him again. "If you say that you love me, then why can't I kiss you?"
I face him again, "Reasons. Don't ask anymore questions, you need to rest."
"Fine, kiss me and I'll rest." The door opens and I hear the sound of firm footsteps, Dean is downstairs. I shoot up and practically jump out of bed. "Where are you going?" Sam asks.
"Don't worry about it, just go to sleep," I instruct him. I hurry down the steps and see Dean sitting on the couch having a beer. "Dean," I say breathlessly.
"What's up with you?" he asks. I walk into the living room and sit down on the couch next to him. He looks at me, he seems to be a bit scared of me considering the fact I just ran down the steps and I'm acting so frantic.
"What would happen if I were to kiss Sam?" I ask. I guess just go ahead and get my question across, no need for the small talk.
"You didn't, did you?"
"No, but Sam has come close to it a few times. I've been avoiding most of his questions, I'm scared that if I say or do the wrong thing, everything is going to just go wrong."
"I guess you could try, I'm not sure if it's really a good idea though." I sigh, get up from the couch, and start for the stairs.
"Considering what you've done in the past couple of days, when have we ignored that kind of warning," I say. I walk up the stairs and enter my room to see Sam laying back in bed, he seems to have been waiting for me.
"What? You go gossip with Dean about me?" he says sarcastically. I ignore his question and I take a seat on the bed. Sam sits up and I do something spontaneous, I straddle his lap. He stares at me in disbelief, "What are you doing?!" he asks in surprise.
"Kiss me, Sam," I tell him. He wraps his hands around my waist and closes the gap between us by bringing his lips to mine. When we break apart, Sam just stares at me. "Sam, are you okay?" I ask nervously.
He smiles, "Yeah, I just really missed that," he replies. I laugh.
"I didn't mean to seem so eager, I just--" I'm interrupted by Sam smashing his lips onto mine, the feeling of knowing that we could pick up from where we left off, and him not knowing what really happened with Castiel, it sort of feels like this weight has been lifted. Just to think that a couple of days before, I was here with soulless Sam and we were doing a lot worse than what Sam and I are doing now. I push Sam back so he can lay down. "You still need to rest," I tell him with a smirk on my face.
I lay beside him, my head on his chest, and his arms holding me close to him. I fall asleep with him by my side, and knowing that this is actually Sam makes me feel at ease. When I wake up, Sam is still asleep, he's snoring too. I notice the stubble that's on his chin, and I run my finger across his jawline where the stubble is more noticeable.
His eyes flutter open and my eyes meet his hazel ones, the familiarity of the warmth of his eyes brings a smile to my face. He caresses my face, and I kiss him softly. "Let's go, I hear we got a job to do," I say to him. I get out of bed and Sam twirls me around, he towers over me and it reminds me of the first time that something like this happened.
He reaches his hand up and I flinch out of instinct, soulless Sam was never gentle in his movements. Sam takes notice of my fear, "I didn't mean to scare you. Did you think that I was gonna hit you?"
I sigh, "No. Sorry, I just...we need to go," I reply hesitantly. I head downstairs and Sam meets me in the kitchen, so we head out to the car lot where Dean and dad are while holding hands.
"Is Sam still asleep?" I hear dad ask.
"Yeah, he's with Olivia. Let's let them rest, I'm sure they'll have plenty to talk about. We'll call him later," Dean replies.
"Call me from where?" Sam says. It startles both Dean and my dad and the two turn to see us standing there, hand in hand.
"Oh, there's this thing in Oregon," Dean replies hesitantly.
"Great, I'm in. Let's go," Sam says cheerfully.
"Okay, you, me, Olivia, and Bobby. We'll all go."
"Um, you three go on ahead. I promised Rufus that I would work the phones so...you three enjoy on catching up," Bobby says.
"You sure?" Dean asks.
"Yeah," dad replies. He puts a duffle bag over his shoulder and heads back towards the house, Sam watches my dad start to walk off then he turns back around to face Dean.
"What was that?" Sam asks in confusion.
"It was nothing. Let's just go," Dean replies with a smile. We get in the car and my phone starts going off, I look at it and it's a text from Sam. A smile spreads across my face, the text reads, "Does something seem off about Dean?"
I look at Sam who is turned around facing me, "No, he's toned down a bit since then," I text back. Dean sees what's happening and says, "You know, if you're gonna talk about me, you could at least say the stuff out loud."
"Who says we were talking about you? You realize you're not the center of the universe, right, Dean?" I reply.
"Oh! That's such a great comeback," Dean says sarcastically.
"I haven't been back that long and you two are already arguing," Sam says, and he starts to laugh.
---
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After a long drive, we show up at the home of a family member of the most recent victim. Penny Waterlesset, she was a young girl who disappeared from a plane crash after going up to fly in a two-seater with her boyfriend. The boyfriend was the pilot, he was found seventeen feet away from the plane and he was burnt to a crisp. We have my dad to thank for finding this.
"Listen the cops already came by. I already answered questions for them, I told them everything I know. I don't really feel like talking to more police, I'm tired," Penny's sister says when we greet her at the door of hers and Penny's home.
"I understand, believe me, I do. But this is really important and it would mean a lot if you would talk to us," Sam says sympathetically. Dean and I would be more used to soulless Sam being assertive with people, basically threatening them if they don't talk.
She sighs, "Fine." She leads us inside, it's a nice apartment, and Penny's room is something I didn't expect for a twenty-two year old woman. The paint on the wall is a pale shade of pink, you would expect it to be the bedroom of maybe a ten year old girl. Even the decorations don't seem to match up with how old she is, there are stuffed animals everywhere -- I'm pretty sure we have the wrong bedroom.
"Her and her boyfriend were starting get really serious," her sister says as we enter her bedroom.
"Serious enough to go up in a plane?" Dean replies.
"She only did it for Stan, she wouldn't have done it with just anyone. She's terrified of planes," she stops and I can see tears fill her eyes, "Now we don't even have a body to bury." Looking around at her room, everything is spotless. A picture frame sits on her bed stand, it's the picture of a guy who I take it to be Stan. "I wish I would've told her to stay home."
We finish up there and Dean drops Sam and I off at the motel so he can go grab some lunch and so we can do research at the motel. I take off my coat and change into some jeans in front of Sam, he seems taken by surprise because of what I'm doing. I turn around to face him and his face has gone beet red. I walk toward him, "You don't need to be so embarrassed. Wouldn't be the first time you've seen me in my underwear."
He clears his throat, "Right, but you wouldn't just do that in front of me."
"But Dean isn't here. There's no need to worry about it." I grab hold of his tie and pull him closer to me, bringing his mouth down to mine. I smile back at him and he just stares at me. "Is everything alright?" I ask him.
"What's gotten into you?" he replies.
"I've missed you. I guess that's all." Sam goes to take off his tie and unbutton his shirt, but I stop him after he gets his tie off. "Let me help," I say. I unbutton his shirt just enough so you can see some of his chest, "You look sexy that way," then I wink at him and grab his laptop off of the table.
"I don't know if I should be turned on by this change in you or if I should be scared."
"Why should you be scared?" I ask while laughing.
"It makes me wonder what happened while I was gone for a year and a half."
"Let's just say I have a lot more experience now," I flash him a smirk. Sam rolls his eyes and takes the laptop from me. Dean shows up about twenty minutes later carrying a tray of drinks and three grease-stained bags.
"Hey, what do you got?" Dean says.
"Well, we found out that these girls all baked cookies for The Lord," Sam replies.
"What?" Dean asks.
"They went to bake sales, choir meetings, church gatherings," I reply.
"But the thing is, Penny wasn't even a Christian. So, I--" Sam adds.
"Hold on, I've got a theory. What if it doesn't have to do with faith, but with purity?" Dean interrupts and he pulls out a small book from his jacket pocket. "Penny's diary."
"Did you take that from her room?!" Sam asks in disbelief. Dean and I laugh.
"I can't believe you would ask that," Dean replies.
"Why wouldn't I?!"
"No reason," Dean says, then he opens the book up and takes a seat at the table across from Sam. "'I've decided that tonight I'm going to give Stan my most precious gift,'" Dean reads out of the diary. I cringe at how wrong it sounds.
"That sounds so wrong coming out of your mouth," I say to Dean. He shrugs his shoulders.
"I thought I delivered it pretty well," Dean tries to defend himself.
"So, my theory was right, it's virgins," I say.
"But Penny was twenty-two," Sam replies.
"Didn't you see her room? No twenty-two year old has a room with stuffed animals and pink walls," I say. I let out a sigh and dig in to my food. That night, as Sam and Dean are fast asleep, I slip outside. "Hey, Cas. If you get a chance, or no...if you can hear me, give me uh, a sign or whatever," I call out.
My phone buzzes, as if on cue, and thankfully it's Castiel. "Cas," I answer.
"You prayed to me," he replies.
"Come see me. I think we should talk." There's a gust of wind and I turn to see Castiel standing behind me. I hang up my phone and I look down at the ground before either one of us say anything.
"How is Sam?" he asks.
"Good. He hasn't broken down yet, but who knows how long it'll take," I reply. Castiel nods his head slowly and silence grows between us. "Cas," he looks back up at me, "You don't hate me, do you?"
"Of course I don't. I wish you would realize that, but you think that just because you've screwed up, I'm just automatically going to treat you like dirt." I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
"But, you don't get it, things are way too messed up for things to be normal. Sam doesn't know about any of it, and that's what makes it so much worse."
"That's only what you think. I love you no matter what, never forget that. I must go, I hope this cleared some things up," he says and then he zaps off. I head back in and Dean is still asleep, Sam sits in bed and notices that I stepped out.
"Who were you talking to outside?" Sam asks. His voice is raspy, I must've woken him up when I went outside.
"It was...Cas. I just had some things I wanted to talk to him about," I reply. I'm not lying to him, I'll just try to keep the details of the conversation to myself. I look the clock that sits on the bed stand, it's a quarter after midnight.
"Well, come back to bed, I'm not the only one who needs rest," Sam tells me. I slip off my shoes and climb into bed next to Sam. He kisses my forehead and I can see his hazel eyes as they're illuminated by the moonlight that shines through the window curtain. He moves the hair out of my face and a smile spreads on his face.
"What?" I ask.
"You are so beautiful," he replies. The way that he says that makes me think of a couple of months ago when I was having sex with soulless Sam in that motel. He said the exact same thing, and the only reason he said it was so he could get in my pants. I let him get what he wanted when I shouldn't have, maybe if I would've stood my ground then maybe things would still be normal.
My smile fades and turns into a frown, "What? Did I do something?" Sam asks.
"No," I hesitate, "It's nothing. Let's just go to sleep." I turn around so my back is facing Sam, and instead of wrapping his arms around me like he usually does, he faces the opposite direction of me. I'm awakened the next morning by Sam getting out of bed. I lay there for a minute, just watching him, waiting for him to notice that I'm awake too.
He sits at the table, doing research like he always would. So, I groan and I get out of bed. The first thing I do is head to the bathroom to fix my hair and brush my teeth, I'm not kissing him while I've got morning breath. I come back out and he's still sitting at the table.
I wrap my arms around him and place a kiss on his head, "Morning," I say to him. He sighs, shuts the laptop, and turns to face me. He stands up and kisses my forehead in reply, Dean still snores as he sleeps away.
"I wish I could say that I missed you, but I can't remember anything," Sam says. Dean's phone starts going off, so being the nosy person I am, I go to see who it is. It's the deputy, I decide to answer it. A girl in the hospital has been attacked and it might have a connection with the disappearances.
I look over at the clock and it's only seven thirty. I grab Sam's hand and pull him back to bed, "If that girl is in the hospital, I doubt she's going anywhere," I say.
"But we should get ready," Sam replies.
"Just lay down with me, please," I plead and pout at him until he gives in. I lay there next to Sam, and I can feel something eating away at me. "Did I make you mad by going to talk to Cas last night?" I ask.
Sam sighs, "I mean, I don't appreciate that you went behind my back and did it, but if it was really that important, I'll let it slide. This time," he replies. "Am I allowed to ask what it was?"
"No, you're not," I say while chuckling softly. Sam pouts at me, those have never worked on me with anyone. "Oh, you think you're gonna get to me with the lower lip."
"I might," he replies and he smirks at me. He kisses me softly and I kiss him back. I have to remember that this isn't soulless Sam and that every time we kiss, it isn't going to go that far. I decide to stop and I get out of bed.
"You know, you're right. We should definitely get going," I say. Sam just stares at me in confusion while I grab clothes and things to change into before I get in the shower. I stand in the hot water and it washes over my tense muscles, and I stand in the shower so long that by the time I'm finished, the hot water is practically gone. I step out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror, I can see a red mark on my neck.
That red mark is all too familiar to me, and the thought of how I got it brings tears to my eyes. "All he's doing is hurting you, I don't know why you can't see that." "He's lied to you to make you believe that he actually cares for you, but in reality, he doesn't." "Looking at you like this, it makes me wonder who really needs help. Cause it seems to me that you're more broken than Sam is." The words of my dad and Dean echo through my mind as the memory of soulless Sam comes to me. There's a knock on the door, "You almost finished in there?" Dean asks.
I wipe the tears away and reply, "Yeah, just a few more minutes." I quickly change into my clothes and exit the bathroom before fixing my hair, and I realize how big of a mistake that is considering the fact that the red mark on my neck is the first place that Sam looks. He rushes over to me and runs his fingers over it, a sad look in his eyes.
"Who did this to you?" he asks. Dean stands behind him and he looks to me while I look back at him.
"It was um, on a hunt. I got hurt a little bit, it's fine," I reply and take his hands off of me. We leave about fifteen minutes later and we head straight to the hospital after picking up some quick breakfast. We find the girl's hospital room, and she looks to be at least fifteen or sixteen, with brown hair, and she's covered in bandages. She lays on her side, and her cheeks are stained with tears.
"Why don't you tell us what you saw, Melissa," Sam says sympathetically.
"Why? So you can tell me that I'm crazy?" she replies sadly. She won't make eye contact with any of us, she just stares at the floor. "I've told those other guys what I saw and that's what they thought, they thought I was insane."
"Well, the thing is, we're not those other guys," Sam says. Melissa looks up and makes eye contact with Sam and I can see that her eyes are shining with tears.
"It was...a...giant bat," she replies. "It came at me and that's all I can remember before I passed out and woke up here. That's how I got this anyway," she turns around and moves her hospital gown to reveal two large scratches that go all the way down her back.
"Is there anything else you can tell us? Even if you don't think it's that important," Dean says.
She looks down at her hand, "Well, my ring was gone. That thing could've taken it, if that makes any sense."
"What kind of ring was it?" Dean asks.
"Gold," she replies quickly. "It was a promise ring."
"Like from a church? Like a...a purity ring?" I ask.
She gives me a quizzical look. "Yeah, why?" she replies hesitantly.
I shrug my shoulders, "Have to ask."
Dean smiles, "You know, let's be honest here. Should you really be wearing that ring?" he asks. Her eyes widen in surprise.
"Of course! I- I am..." she starts, but Dean shoots her a look that shows he really means what he's saying, "Matt Barne didn't count!" she exclaims and her voice starts to break. After finding out the entire truth, we leave. Sam grabs my hand as we walk through the parking lot, he seems worried about me and I guess he has a good reason to.
"We're not gonna have to worry about you disappearing, right?" Sam asks.
I laugh, "I don't understand why you have to ask me that, you know better than anyone that I'm not a virgin," I reply.
"We only did it one time though," Sam says.
"It doesn't matter, I'm not going anywhere," I reply and kiss him on the cheek. Dean looks like he's going to throw up, "You alright?" I ask.
"Can you guys not talk about that in front of me?" he replies. We head back to the motel and do more research, seeing if we can find an explanation for all of this. As Sam works on his laptop, I can hear this music coming from the speakers and it seems like he keeps going to the same website every time he searches something.
"I can't believe this," he exclaims.
"What?" I reply.
"I search something that likes gold and stealing virgins, something with wings and claws, and it keeps leading me to World of Warcraft fansites," Sam says. I get up from the table and look at the website over Sam's shoulder.
"What do you mean?" Dean asks.
"Dragons, dude," Sam replies.
I start shaking my head and laughing, "There's no way that's possible," I say.
"Well, it can be," Dean replies. Sam and I look back at him in surprise, "Maybe you haven't done a case like this in the past year, but maybe I have. It's been a very strange year."
"How can you say that though? You've been with Lisa and Ben for the last year! If anyone should've gone on a hunt, it should've been me!" I exclaim.
"Yeah, but you decided you were gonna go drown your sorrows in alcohol."
"That's only because you left me!" I yell.
"You could've been with your dad, and you know that's the truth so don't blame the fact that you're considered an alcoholic now on me! I'm sure you only did it so you had a reason to go cheat on Cas and go be a slut!" Dean yells back. Sam just stares at me, and I don't understand why Dean would say something like that. That's low, to bring that up.
"Is that true?" Sam asks quietly, I can hear the hurt in his voice.
"If you understood the situation, it wouldn't seem so bad," I reply. Sam sighs and he sits back down at the table.
"Why don't we get a second opinion on this dragon thing," Dean suggests. He decides to pull out his cell phone while Sam and I continue to work, going through this World of Warcraft site and reading through books. I keep looking at Sam, and he takes no acknowledgement of me looking at him. I wish that I could tell him that I cheated on Castiel with him, but again, it's too big of a risk.
Dean gets off the phone with my dad and he just stares at his phone, "Everything okay?" Sam asks.
Dean looks up from his phone and nods his head, "Yeah."
Twenty minutes later, Sam looks through his dad's journal, Dean looks through books, and I attempt to find a different website to look at. "Did we hunt a skinwalker lately?" Sam asks. I look at Dean and his face goes pale.
"Um, doesn't ring a bell. Why?" he replies.
"I don't know, I just feel like I'm having deja vu or something," Sam replies, "Are you sure?"
"We're sure. I would've remembered if we hunted a skinwalker," I answer for Dean. Dean's cell phone starts ringing, it's my dad and apparently he's got something that would help us.
"Alright. I'm off to San Francisco, you two stay here and find out where the things are," Dean says. He gets up from the table and grabs his things that sit in the corner of the room.
"Did Bobby say where they like to park?" Sam asks.
"Nope. They like big cities, right?" Dean replies.
"Caves," Sam corrects him and chuckles.
"You're such a nerd," Dean mutters and walks out. The room grows silent, and not the good kind of silence. I hear Sam shut his dad's journal and he starts to pace around the room. I turn around to look at Sam, he doesn't look angry, he only looks confused.
"So, Dean said you cheated on Castiel," Sam says to break the silence. I sigh and get up from the table, I stand with my arms crossed.
"You don't understand," I reply hesitantly, "I wish that I could explain it to you, but I can't. Let's just say that he made the first move on me and I didn't deny him. He...he tricked me. He told me what I wanted to hear so he could get what he wanted out of me. If I was given the chance to make that choice over again, I would've stayed away from him."
"So, you're saying he manipulated you?"
I nod my head and stare down at the ground. I'm so stupid, so unbelievably stupid for letting myself fall for someone who didn't actually care about me. "Even though I wish Dean would've selected different words to describe me, he spoke the truth. Some of it might have been exaggerated, but you get the point," there's a small pause as Sam just looks at me, "Can we forget about this and get back to work?" Sam shakes his head and walks over to me, he kisses me and in that moment, Dean could walk in and I could care less.
"I'm not going to drop this until you know that I love you. I want to take care of you, and have you know that there is nothing else more important to me than your safety."
Tears threaten to spill over, "I never meant for you to find out this way, Sam," my voice breaks as I say this. "I wanted to be able to tell you at the right time. I mean, come on! You just got back, you don't need to be hearing about this now!"
"But you can tell me anything, you know that, right?"
"Of course I know that. I was scared that if I told you, I would lose you. You wouldn't trust me. You would think that I would do the same thing to you. I--" I'm interrupted by Sam planting his lips on mine.
"Don't say anything else. You've said everything you need to. None of that matters now, that was in the past and we've got the future to worry about. I'm here now, and I will be here in the future. Do you hear me?" he says. I nod my head and tears start falling down my cheeks, I can see the small spots in the floor where the tears dropped off of my face. Sam presses his lips to my forehead and holds me close to him. "I love you," he whispers to me, it makes me shiver as his low voice vibrates in my ear.
"I love you too," I whisper back. I take a break from research and I doze off. When I open my eyes, Sam still sits at the table.
"You gonna stop laying around and help me? I hate when you do that," Sam says. I sit up and rub my eyes. Something seems off about him. "Hello! Ugh," he gets up from the table and pulls me up from the bed.
I can't get any words to come out of my mouth, it's like I've forgotten how to speak entirely. I stare at Sam, "Why do you even try to hunt? You're completely useless, you just sit around while others do the work for you." There's a pause as Sam types away on his laptop, "You should've listened to them, you know. I don't care about you, I just wanted to get in your pants. I had some fun with you, and I really wish that I could've stayed around longer, but it's your fault. It's your fault that Sam is going to crash and burn, you're not gonna like what happens to him when that wall inside his head breaks down. You could've saved Sam, you could've saved me." My eyes fly open and Sam stands over me, his face full of worry.
I sit up and wrap my arms around him as I begin to sob. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I say in more like a chant.
"Shhh, you don't need to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? You're alright. I'm alright. Everybody is alright," Sam assures. I pull away from him and he has a sympathetic smile on his face as he tries to calm me down. I take a deep breath and wipe the tears off of my face, "You kept tossing and turning, and you started crying in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?"
"I could've saved you," I blurt out breathlessly. Sam gives me a quizzical look.
"What do you mean?"
My face goes pale, I've broken out in sweat, and I feel nauseous. Sam puts his hand to my forehead, "You do feel a little warm. Hold on." He walks to the bathroom and returns with a cool washcloth. He has me lay back down and he places the washcloth on my forehead, I feel like my heart will pound out of my chest.
My eyes flutter closed again and I go back to sleep. I sleep somewhat peacefully now, no nightmares or anything. When I wake up, Sam is talking to my dad on the phone trying to find out more about this past year and what he's missed. I sneak into the bathroom while he's not looking and I lock the door behind me.
I put my back up against the door and slide down to the cold, tile floor. Sam knocks on the door once off the phone, but I don't let him. "Castiel, um," he begins to pray, "I'm back. So, if you got a minute..." then he stops talking. I decide to slowly open the door, my face flushes when I see Castiel standing in front of the table.
Their eyes look to me, "Cas," I say.
"Olivia," Castiel replies then he looks to Sam, "Sam," he greets us. "It's so good to see you alive." Castiel goes in for a hug, but Sam sits down.
"Look, I would hug you but..." Sam starts.
"It would be awkward," Castiel finishes.
Sam chuckles softly, "It's um, it's been a crazy year. I just got off the phone with Bobby. He just told me everything," Sam lies. There's no way my dad would be that stupid, to tell him literally everything. We're supposed to be protecting Sam, making sure that the wall stays intact.
"It's remarkable that you survived. A miracle."
"A miracle, right."
"How does it feel? I mean, you just got your soul back and everything." A lump forms in my throat as Sam turns to face me. His face has gone pale and he's very taken by surprise from what he just heard.
"Right, cause I was walking around with no soul. I feel...I feel great," Sam replies and he smiles. "You know, Cas, I'm kinda hazy on some of the details. Would you mind filling me in?"
"Cas," I cut in. Sam turns to face me, the look he has is serious but still kind. That is nothing that soulless Sam would've had. Castiel goes ahead and says literally everything, not leaving out a single detail -- including the whole thing that I had with soulless Sam.
I don't want Castiel to leave because I know the second that he does, I'm going to be hammered with questions. Sam is going to be mad I'm sure that I've kept all of this from him, but I have a good reason. Castiel zaps out, Sam stays quiet, but the silence scares me more than anything. He gets up from the table and starts to pace around the room with his hands above his head.
"I had no soul, huh?" he asks. He looks at me with this smile plastered on his face.
"Sam, I--" I start. He starts walking toward and I move backwards until I hit the wall. He comes closer to me and I flinch. He stares at me, then his eyes widen as pieces start to click together.
"What did I do to you?" he asks, the worry evident in his voice. I stare down at the ground, Sam picks my head up and holds my face in his hands. "Please don't lie to me, if I hurt you, I need you to tell me."
"You...you were so...scary. You were so rough with me, Sam. You did hurt me." Sam leads me over to the bed where he has me tell him everything that happened, the rough moments and the more passionate ones. His reaction during the whole thing breaks my heart.
"Olivia--" he starts.
"You don't need to apologize. It wasn't you, you have no idea how many times Dean told me that. It's my fault I got hurt. I should've listened, but I was blinded by the things that you -- or well, not you -- did to me." I lean in to kiss him, but he backs
away.
"No. I- I shouldn't. Are you sure you even know how you really feel about me? Cause I'm sure you made yourself believe that out of fear." Sam gets up from the bed and starts pacing around the room again.
"Sam! That wasn't out of fear, that was the truth! I do love you!"
"I'm sure you do. You love me so much that you decided to keep this from me!"
"Woah, okay, you don't need to go there. I did this to protect you, I tried to stop them from putting that wall up in your mind. They kept telling us that it was a bad idea, but no one would listen."
"You were only against it because of me, you couldn't deal with the fact that you wouldn't have someone to sleep with. Do you want someone who makes you feel good?" Sam smashes his lips on mine, lifts me up, and throws me on the bed. "Then fine, I'll make you feel good." Sam's lips connect with my neck, and that same feeling of pleasure rushes through me.
I moan and Sam looks at me, his eyes are wild. I sit up and I surprise him with what I do next. I know exactly what to do, the spot right under his chin is the spot that gets him every time. He starts breathingly heavily and I can feel his breath hot on my skin, I can also feel his heart as it starts to pound.
We both snap out of our trance when Sam's phone starts to ring. Dean calls to say that he's on his way back, and he might've been able to find something to help us. He comes back with a broken sword, and he goes to explain the lengths he took to get it. Something about blowing up a rock and finding that the sword was blown in half.
So, we decide on a place to look for this dragon, in the middle of town in the sewer. Sam stares at the map being extra quiet. "Are you okay, dude?" Dean asks.
Sam hesitates before he answers, "Yeah, let's go." Dean looks to me, and I just shrug my shoulders. Nothing much has changed I guess, Sam and I continue to keep secrets from Dean, but hopefully Sam won't go all psychotic if he finds out.
---
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We search through level after level of the sewers, encountering new sights and smells, and not finding a single thing that might lead us to the missing girls and the dragon. Then as we descend into yet another level, we just about give up when I shine my flashlight and find a pile of gold objects. Dean digs through them, finding necklaces, bracelets, and rings. "Okay, maybe there are dragons here," he says looking up at Sam and I.
"Hold on, Dean, you need to see this," Sam says. We walk carefully down the hallway and at the end, we see a sort of altar set up. Candles, a book, different little trinkets, you name it.
"Hello! Is someone there?" a girl cries out. Her voice echoes through the sewer system and we run to the source of the girl's voice. We run through twists and turns of more sewage to find a walkway, and then at the end there's a grate where at least ten to fifteen girls are locked inside. Their eyes are full of fear, cuts and bruises are up and down their bodies, and blood stains the rags that they wear, "Hurry! He's coming!" the girl exclaims.
Sam grabs a crowbar and starts to pull up on the grate, attempting to rescue the girls. Sam is picked up and thrown across the small area. "Sam!" I scream. A bald man with a bushy beard, claws, and very hairy arms, looks at me in disgust.
"You're pretty, but not what I'm looking for," he says to me in this thick accent. I'm thrown across the walkway, and Dean stands there with the broken sword out, ready to swing. "Where are you gonna poke that thing?" he asks Dean to provoke him. Dean swings and it slashes the dragon's arm, he cringes and starts to scream in pain as I see the blood drip down his arm.
I see his hand illuminate, and I can feel the heat from where I am. I get up off the ground and grab a metal pipe that is lying around and whack him in the head. This time Dean flies across the room and he drops the sword that he holds, it ends up inside one of the grates barely out of arm's reach. The dragon that Dean attacked comes toward me and Sam takes a turn and swings at him.
Another dragon appears and fights with Dean after he is able to get the sword back. I hear a crashing sound and Sam's crowbar is thrown to the floor. I help Dean fight off the second dragon, and before we get a chance to attack the first, he flies off. So we help the girls that are trapped, Dean grabs everything from the pile of gold that sits two hallways away from where we are, and we head back to my dad's.
Dean sits at a table inside the garage while I stand there with Sam by the Impala. "I think you two should talk," I say.
"Are you sure?" he replies.
"Yeah. You can tell him I know, he'll find out soon enough anyway. He probably needed a reason to yell at me anyway."
"Has he apologized to you yet?"
"Apologized for what?"
"You know, all those things that he said to you earlier. Calling you all those bad names and everything."
I roll my eyes, "Do you honestly expect him to apologize for that? Go talk to him." I flash him a small smile and push him in that direction.
"I'm gonna make him apologize," he replies. I laugh softly then walk back to the house a couple hundred meters away. Dad sits on the porch, looking through the book that sat on the altar when we were down in the sewer.
"I'm guessing you've made up with Sam then?" he asks.
"Yeah, and well...he knows everything now," I reply. Dad looks up from the book with a hint of anger in his eyes. "Blame Castiel for that one. There was nothing I could do to keep him from talking."
"You could've said, 'Shut up, you idjit!'"
"He's Cas, and besides Sam would've questioned me about everything anyway if I tried to stop Cas from talking. Either way he was going to find out."
"You better hope that the wall stays up."
"I'm praying that it does." Dad continues to look through the book then he has me lead him to where Sam and Dean are.
"Sorry, boys, but I think you might wanna see this," dad interrupts their conversation. Dean's eyes are like daggers as he makes eye contact with me. I should probably prepare for the yelling now. Dad takes us all inside to the living room where we gather around his desk.
He opens up the book that he was studying outside and hands it over to Sam and Dean. "I would say this book is from the early fourteenth century," he says.
"Do you know what language?" Dean asks.
"It's really obscure latinate," dad replies. "It's gonna take me all of my golden years to translate all of it." Sam pulls up a chair and has me sit on his knee right in front of the desk. "By the way, that's not paper."
"Then what is it?" I ask.
"It's human flesh." Sam and Dean stop flipping through the pages and start to cringe, I don't blame them. "I've been reading through it and I've got a place that it talks about. It has many different names, most of which I can't pronounce, but I think you might know one. Purgatory."
"Purgatory? Man, I know one demon who would love to know about that," Dean says then he takes a drink out of his small glass of whiskey. "So, monsters sit around and read poetry about Purgatory all day?"
"Not exactly. It's an instruction manual. It talks about how to open up a door to let something in here," dad continues.
"What?" Sam asks worriedly.
"Yeah, you just read through the instructions if you're brave enough to open up the door to such a place. It holds the souls of everything scary, monsters."
"Do you know what they're trying to let in?" Dean asks.
"I've got one name that is repeated a few times through this book. 'Mother.'"
"Mother? Mother of what?" Sam asks.
"Mother of all. Whatever that means." We all exchange glances with each other, instead of the anger that I once saw in Dean's eyes, I see fear.
End of Episode 12