I literally found a hamilton bootleg of the full show on YT at 11 at night and proceeded to stay up until almost two this morning watching it and replaying parts. this is the product of me getting to 'stay alive (reprise)' and 'it's quiet uptown' (and replaying the 'forgiveness' part over and over bcuz hamliza ;w;)
pairing; alexander hamilton x elizabeth schuyler-hamilton
time; hamiltime
warnings; pip's death ;-;
type of oneshot; angst but not-so-sad ending
requested?; n o
---
There are moments that the words don't reach.
There is suffering too terrible to name...
Eliza's POV
"Un deux trois quatre cinq ("Un deux trois quatre)
six sept huit neuf." (cinq six sept huit neuf..")
"Good.."
"Un deux trois ("Un deux trois...")
quatre cinq six
sept huit neuf.."
Phillip's hand dropped from my face, as his eyes finally closed.
"Sept huit neuf-
Sept huit..."
You hold your child as tight as you can,
and push away the unimaginable.
The moments when you're in so deep,
it feels easier to just swim down.
An anguished scream escaped my throat as I collapsed onto Phillip's body. One of my hands held his cold one tightly while the other gripped his arm. I felt Alexander put his hand over mine but I jerked it away, letting out yet another cry.
He wasn't supposed to go... not like that. He was supposed to outlive us. But there I was, holding onto his lifeless body.
The Hamiltons move up town,
and learn to live with the unimaginable.
~ time skip ~
Alexander's POV
I was constantly spending hours in the garden. It was like a haven; the only place I could clear even half my hurricane of thoughts. Not one of us could still even begin to grip the fact that Phillip had passed.
I would always walk alone. Mostly to the store. But I walked the town too. A lot. I may as well have walked the lengths of a city, I walked that much. It all reminded me of Phillip.
"Phillip you would like it uptown, it's quiet uptown..."
It was a bit of a coping device for not only losing my son, but for my wife as well, who wouldn't even start to glance in my direction.
"You knock me out, I fall apart..."
I started taking our children to church every Sunday. The cross was a mere haunting gesture at me, hanging from the door. It only reminded me of everything that was falling apart. Then I had started to pray... I never used to do that before.
~
It was a rare occasion where Eliza and I were out together. She still never looked at me, but it was a start. We were in the park, long after dark. We just wanted to admire the city.
I found Eliza a couple feet away, taking a moment before hesitantly going over to her. As I approached her side, she still didn't look at me, even as I gazed at her.
"Look at where we are, look at where we started. I know I don't deserve you, Eliza, but hear me out, that would be enough." She still didn't even look at me, but I knew she was listening in a way.
"If I could spare his life, if I could trade his life for mine... he'd be standing here right now. And you would smile; and that would be enough."
I looked down a bit. "I don't pretend to know the challenges we're facing. I know there's no replacing what we've lost, and you need time. But I'm not afraid; I know who I married. Just let me stay here by your side... that would be enough."
Eliza's eyes closed a moment, and she looked down when they opened. She moved a bit, and I walked around to her other side. "Eliza, do you like it uptown? It's quiet uptown..."
After being met with the usual silence, I finally looked away from her, looking around the park. "Look around, look around, Eliza..!"
~
There are moments that the words don't reach.
There's a grace too powerful to name.
We push away what we can never understand;
We push away the unimaginable.
After we got home from the park, we found ourselves in the garden. It was silent, a type of silent I couldn't identify. But Eliza allowed me to stand by her side.
I didn't know how many moments it was in the silence, but then I felt Eliza take my hand, intertwining our fingers.
"It's quiet uptown..."
Forgiveness... can you imagine?
I didn't know what to feel, how to feel. I held Eliza's hand tightly as my eyes shut, tears streaming down my face. I felt Eliza's other hand grasp our laced hands as I opened my eyes. Her chin rested on my shoulder as I saw a few tears slipping down her face. I picked my head up, turning it so it rested against hers gently.
We stayed like that for who knows how long, standing under the stars in the garden. After a while, Eliza finally picked up her head and I turned toward her slightly, holding out my other arm to her. She looped her arm through mine, letting go of my hand.
With that, we turned and slowly walked back inside. There may have been a lot ahead of us, and a lot to build back up, but I was just feeling better knowing I had the best of wives and best of women.
---
wow. that was a lot of sad. but it was also nice to write... I forgot how much I loved hamliza. I hope you guys liked this too!
I also have been on a kick recently to write with Rafa... but he's not exactly in hamilton... But would you guys want to see something with Rafa? lemme know!
I'll cya next oneshot!
~ Galaxy