To have everlasting sorrows and open seams,
But also you,
How happy I would be to smile and say,
"It was for the best"...
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Your POV.
"Me, and you like this.. I mean, isn't it enough, why should we ask for more? We both enjoyed each other company si? I know it sounds fucking disgusting coming from me but.. You're my only friend, you are always there for me.. both of you. I can count on you without the need to let my guard up. You two are fucking precious to me so I—"
Stop that! I don't want to hear that...
"I don't want to lose you.."
You're the worst you know that Lovino Vargas. What do you expect me to do if you put it that way? Really... It was like my breath stopped, my hands felt cold.
"I understand Lovi.. Geez what are you saying making me flustered! You so cheesy."
Understand my ass, my head felt empty as I couldn't comprehen what he's saying. I'm at loss of words but my feelings were overwhelming.
"A-ahh.. just a minute.. sorry Lovi, I am sure it'll stop.. aww damnn how annoying hehe.. I'll be fineee.."
What will be fine? Me? Are you joking right now?
"How long do I have to stay as a bystander? It's more than that for me chica. But you—"
"You never look my way. You know my feelings for you and yet you act ignorant about it. Fusososo, such a cruel little chica you are. You're hurting me! Stop that— I bet you have fun huh giving me hope, having me hanging!"
Is it my fault now? All of this happen because my ignorance? Is it my fault now? That I caused you this much of pain Toni?
"All you said that night were true Toni, I.. I'm hurting you and I act ignorant about it, I'll never look your way because you know to whom I directed my vision is. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..I'm giving you hope and always leave you hanging. I am a cruel person just like you said Toni. You're a nice person, someone who can bring sunshine to shame. So please, you should be happy without me. And of course I hope we can still be friends. No string attached."
That's right, I'm going to hurt you again. But this is for the last. Then, there is no need to add any more victim of my feelings anymore.
Toni shouldn't be troubled by me anymore.
I too,shouldn't troubled Lovi, He has a lot in his mind.
All I have to do is keeping this facade up.
I want to throw up.
I'm sick of it.
Nothing is more painful than always looking at someone with yearning and having them never notice you. Ah wait, Lovi did notice my feelings. He just decided whats more important to him, love or the little friendship he has. God, is this some sort of karma? Because I have neglected Toni's feelings is that it?
This what Lovi choosed, I should respect that. Because we're childhood friends, this isn't a big deal right? I get to be closer than other people get to. I should just consider myself lucky. Yeah, stay positive.
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"Hello you two~ miss me?" I approached Natalya seat. There were already her and Lili. Suprised, they quickly stood from their seat. "Y/N! How have you been??" Lili asked while hugging my side, I laughed and ruffled her soft blond locks.
"I'm fine Lili, aww you cute as ever! I missed you!" I looked at Natalya and smirked, "Don't you have something to say for me wife?" She just scoffed and crossed her arms.
"Welcome back."
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Natalya POV.
After three days off, recovering. Y/N was now back to school. Though she was healthy and all with her usually annoying self, there something unsettling about her, and that wimpy italian. Y/N was the usuall Y/N. She hang with me and Lili. She bickering with that Lovino. She spoiled Feliciano.
The usual Y/N.
When the classes end, I dragged her to the ladies restroom. I don't get it and it really pissed me off.
"Nat, please.. you're a grown lady. I'm sure you can take your bussiness alone." She laughed, I punched her shoulder and scowled.
"Something happened right?" At first she was suprised and then she smiled, scratching the back of her neck.
"I can't really trick you huh? But this isn't really a comfortable place to chat—" We looked at the stalls, face palming ourselves.
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"Oi, Y/N lets go home!" Lovino aproached Y/N like always. I observed the two quietly. Those two just— seem off.
"Sorry Lovi, I'm going to the nearby coffe shop with Natalya and Lili or.. do you want to come too?" She grinned, Lovino blushed.
That douche blushed, even though there's nothing to be flustered about.
"I-I'll just go with that tomato-bastard then.." he quickly rushed out of the class, leaving Y/N who just sighed.
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"I think I got rejected." Me and Lili looked at Y/N, suprised. She played of her (favorite drink) in dazed state.
"Eh? Lovino reject you? How? Oh my god Y/N when did you confess??" Lili put her hands on Y/N shoulder, an attempt to comfort.
"I-... don't know, maybe I unconsciously confessed or he just noticed my feelings. Either way, I got rejected." Y/N looked down, I could see her trembling fingers.
"How did he reject you?" I asked, it's not because I curious or anything. I just want to confirm things.
Lili looked at me quickly, a look of concern on her face. "Natalya!" Y/n stopped Lili and think for a moment.
She then told us everything that happened the past three days she recovering. How Lovino acting different and how she think that Lovino indirectly reject her. How drunken Antonio told her that she's been hurting him.
So foolish.
"I want to say that the three of you are so fucking stupid." I coldly stated. It really irritated me to the core.
"Your feelings for that asshole aren't something that could just get over in a day or two, and you're even been told off by the guy that likes you. But even so, you're still hanging out with those two. Considering your feelings, that's plenty. It's hard isn't it?"
Y/N smiled bitterly, bitting her lips and started to break down. "It is. I want to stop but I can't. I can't leave him alone. I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. With them." She balled her fists.
"Y/N...." Lili tried to soothed Y/n who was now on the verge of crying.
"Don't cry, you'll make me look like I was bullying you."
Y/N was trying her best to stay the same, so that she can grant what that boy wished. An ever-lasting friendship. Closing her eyes from her own feelings.
So foolish,
And so messed up.
She tried not to change, I want to say that it's just a futile attempt.
Since it's that boy who changed.
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Your POV.
"Ah, how long has it been since I breakdown like that?" I talked to myself on my way home. Thank godness it's getting darker. Or else, my swolen eyes would be noticeable.
"Hard eh?" I chuckled.
"You really are an idiota you know that? Is it a habit of yours to come home so late?"
This must be a dream, a cruel one at that. Because there, standing in front of my house was Lovino. His nose slightly red means he's been here for quite awhile in cold. Ah-ah.. I guess I really am tired.
I didn't utter a single word. I just walked to where he's standing and startled him by resting my forehead on his chest.
His heartbeat was racing a bit.
Warm..
It's comforting.
"W-w-w-w-w-what the fuck are—"
"Shhh— just a little bit Lovi... let me rest, I'm really tired."
I felt Lovi put his hands on my back, hugging me. It was really painful, because if it continue like this.
I can't bring myself to stop loving you.
I really need to end this..
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To be continued...