Why didn't I know that the shadow that has casted over my face
Was created from the light called, you
People smile with an effort, hiding the truth
As if they're happy while hiding the lie
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Antonio's POV.
I messed up.
I really messed up.
I remembered vividly of what happen that night. How I send Gil and Alfred flying across the room. How I pushed Lovino. How scared Y/N was underneath me. Her trembling figure and this hands of mine that tried to choke her. All of it.
Lovi came to my room, a tray of fresh toast and a glass of water in his hand. He didn't say a word, just placing the tray on the table gently.
"Lovi—" He sighed and crossed his arm, a scowl featuring his face. "Save it. You remember what you did right? If you want to apologize, go apologize to Y/N. She through a lot and you—"I grabbed the glass of water and drink it. It washed away all the bitterness I felt in my mouth. I sigh and looked around the room. There is no sign of her.
"Where's the chica?" I asked, though I don't know how to face her.
"She went home this morning. She said she'll go to school tomorrow. We better don't disturb the ragazza since she's going to be doing a lot of review for the lesson and such." Ragazza, not an idiota anymore. I thought, frowning slightly.
So Lovi and Y/N are finaly—
"You listening bastard?" I snapped out of my thought and looked at Lovi's pissed face. I laughed and rubbed the back of neck. "Lo siento, I'm listening.."
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"Lovi~ teach me this part!" I was in the living room when I heard the chica on the front door. She came in and jumping slighlty at the presence of me.
"Toni! You suprised me! How's your head? You drunk a lot that night haha.." She exclaimed like nothing happen before. That got me dumbfounded. Does she really forget or she just don't mind it? Really, stuff like that—
"H-hola chica! Yes, I'm perfectly fine now! Are you here for Lovi, I can teach you some of what I understand.." Y/N beamed and took a seat in front of me.
"Thanks! You're a life saver!" I scanned her notes, her handwriting is really cute. Then I came across one page that had a doodle of a stickman. You could tell from the curl that this is Lovi.
"What the fuck are you doing here ragazza?" Lovi came and scowled at us.
"Whaat? I can't even hang around here? You so cruel child!"
"Who's a fucking child you— I thought you're gonna be busy dammit." They kept bickering back and forth, leaving me behind. I looked down, If only I didn't drunk that night. If only, I didn't do that hideous thing. If only—
"You two have made up huh?" I widden my eyes and looked at the chica. She was silent for awhile and then grinned, grabbing me by my shoulder. "Of course! Right Toni?"
"S-si.."
Ah, I get it..
I get it now...
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"Geez, you didn't have to walk me home Toni.." Y/N walked ahead of me, her back that is in front of me seems so fragile while her (H/C) locks swayed by the wind.
"Why did you say we have made up chica? I haven't say anything though.." I mumbled, I haven't apologize. I really have no mean in her life huh?
"Why you ask.. Aren't we already made up? Beside, I don't see anything wrong in the first place.." Her words are so straight foward. It left bitter taste on mouth.
"Really? Do I really that transparant in your eyes? All I said that night—" warm fingers pinched my nose. Y/N was smiling, the same smile I used to utter, a smile of a lie.
"All you said that night were true Toni, I.. I'm hurting you and I act ignorant about it, I'll never look your way because you know to whom I directed my vision is. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..I'm giving you hope and always leave you hanging. I am a cruel person just like you said Toni. You're a nice person, someone who can bring sunshine to shame. So please, you should be happy without me. And of course I hope we can still be friends. No string attached." She held her pinky fingers to me and grinned.
It was as if she mentioning me to ask no further. To just stay as we are. For the three of us to remain the same. Well, how can I stay the same when the two of you each time becoming closer? How am I supposed to feel?
I want to feel guitly but, I can't help but to feel dissapointed that my action all this time have no meaning for her.
Please don't apologize chica,
You're making me more pitiful then I already are...
"Si... I'll try.." the feeling of her pinky finger on mine, I'll make sure to remember it.
Can I really let you go?
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I laid on my back on my bed, arms covering my eyes. All I could think of was that cruel little chica. I should stop myself from thinking her. There's no point in staying in the spot that have no future nor present. There is no point in feeling guilty about it if she didn't mind it right?
"If only she's troubled by it.. If only she's frustrated about that night.. If only she was angry..." Y/N was composed. She's calm and collected, like there is no need for her to mind me.
Is that really it?
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"Morning you two~!" The next morning, Y/N was on our porch waving excitedly. Lovi headchopped her head gently, "Rare to see you here first, maybe there's gonna be storm or horrible accident waiting for us." Lovi smirked while the chica just pouted and kicked Lovi's leg.
"You need to learn to calm your hormones in the morning Vargas," Y/N walked ahead, followed by Lovi.
"What are you doing you moronic tomato bastard? Lets go!" I gripped the starps of my bag tightly and smiled.
"Coming~!"
The arrow in my heart would not budge. No matter how hard I tried pulling it out. The harder I pulled, the more pain I would feel at the wound. It's been hurting more and more, to the extent that I really don't know what to do about it.
Don't fight too hard,
It's not like you're getting anywhere,
What's the point of my struggle all this time?
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To be Continued..