Roxanne
Watching him leave, guilt consumes me as the unspoken words sit at the end of my tongue. I need to tell him who I am, but I know that once I do, whatever this thing we have will end and I'm too selfish to let that happen.
He looks back at me one more time before disappearing for good in the trees that hide my secret place from prying eyes and I release the breath I have been holding this entire time.
Hopping off of the rock we sat on together, I begin making my way to my bike. I don't want to, but it's time to head back home - well at least back to my apartment.
So that's what I do.
The drive is long and cold. I don't have a jacket and the evening air is nipping at my bare arms and legs. It's surprisingly cold for an August night.
However, in no time, I see the familiar building that holds my tiny apartment and excitement builds within me. I'm tired - there's no denying the exhaustion that's settling into my bones. I am ready to collapse in my warm bed for the night.
I park my bike in my spot and climb off. Pain radiates between my legs from the long ride, making me kind of waddle to the building entrance. I swing the door open and enter the elevator, riding it to the top floor where my apartment resides.
I was eighteen when I got this apartment. I was determined to be an independent adult who was capable of living on my own without my father and brother. I wanted to have my own space where I could be who I wanted to be without bugging anyone or having someone there watching me. I wanted to be alone.
What I didn't know is how lonely being alone is and I soon found myself in my bed at my father's again. It was where I belonged. I am meant to be with family.
Yet, I kept this apartment. It's kind of my sanctuary - decorated heavily with things only I appreciate and love. Posters of my favourite bands are plastered to the walls and black furniture fill every room.
It's perfectly me.
I place Jaxon's helmet on the kitchen counter and grab a beer out of the fridge. Cracking it open, I bring the cool liquid to my lips and chug back as much as I can. Sadness fills me to the core as I look around the empty apartment. Normally, I would at least be on the phone with Lacey or sharing a game of Zombies with my brother, but that's not an option right now and I don't know what to do.
A soft knock on the door grabs my attention and I feel hope fill my heart as I run to it. Swinging it open, the smile on my face falters when I see Dean.
Now I know that sounds mean, but I was hoping for my brother or my father or even Lacey.
Unfortunately, it's just Dean standing awkwardly in the doorway with a container of what looks to be my favourite wonton soup in his hand.
I give him a small smile and step aside, allowing him to come inside my apartment. It's not the first time he's been here. We've certainly christened every single room in this place. However, this time it doesn't feel right. He's not the man I want here right now.
Not at all.
"You missed church," He says after a few moments, setting the soup onto the counter so he can grab a bowl. "To say that Prez was pissed would be an understatement."
"He'll get over it," I whisper, accepting the bowl of hot soup that he slides my way.
"You okay?" He asks, raising a brow. "You kinda look like a mess, Roxy."
I let out a small laugh, smiling up at him. "I will be," I tell him honestly. "Just a rough day."
He nods his head. "So I've heard. I had a rough night too. Sons of Silence messed with one of our deliveries, so your dad had a handful of us deliver a message."
My blood runs cold as I look at him in shock. "What?"
"No one got hurt, don't worry." He smiles. "Well, at least no one on our side."
"I don't understand."
He furrows his brows. "What do you mean?" He asks.
"I don't understand why we are attacking them. How do we know they messed with the shipments?"
"Are you questioning your father?"
"I don't know, maybe I am."
"Roxy-"
"Not right now, Dean. I gotta go." I say as I grab Jaxon's helmet and head towards the door. "You still got your key? Can you lock up?"
"Yeah, but-"
"I will see you later," I yell over my shoulder as I leave my lonely apartment and head to a place I know while never leave me alone.
My heart races as I enter the bar. I expect it to be wrecked, but this is worse than I ever imagined. Glass and debris are spread throughout the entire bar. It quite literally looks like a bomb went off in here. I'm speechless looking around the place where I was just dancing carefree last night.
What if my father attacked last night when Lacey and I were here? We could have been hurt or killed. Sadness and anger mix together in my stomach and all I want to do is find Jaxon and make everything alright.
"We're closed, hun," A middle-aged woman with greying, blond hair says from behind the bar.
"I'm actually looking for someone," I say as I step closer to her. "His name is Jaxon?"
Her lips curl up into warm, smile. "Why didn't you say so?" She says, gesturing for me to follow her. "Come with me. He's in his office hatching up some scheme to deal with this mess, I'm sure. That son of mine is always working. It's all he knows! Ever since Jackson died-"
"Jackson?"
"His father," She says solemnly as she holds a door open and ushers me inside. "My husband. All the men in this family share the name, but I just spelt Jaxon's name differently as kind of a big FU to my mother in law.
"By the way, I'm Helen."
"Roxanne," I say, offering her my hand and she takes it in hers firmly.
"Oh! Just like the Police song! How lovely," She says with a big smile. "Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day."
I laugh at the woman. She's so cheerful despite the circumstances and I can't help but envy her.
"We're here," She states as she flings open the door. "Jax, there's a pretty girl here for ya."
"Mom, I don't have time to entertain any club whores today." He says bitterly as I enter the office. For some reason, his words put a stake right to the heart and I wince in response. He's looking down at some papers on my desk, not even acknowledging us at all.
"Jaxon Gregory Cruz. You do not talk about a woman that way, you hear?"
"Yes, mother," He says sarcastically before lifting his head from his work. I watch as his eyes widen when they land on me. "Roxanne?"
"I'll leave you two alone," Helen states as she closes the door behind her.
"What are you doing here?" Jaxon asks and I notice how tired he is.
Walking towards him, I round his desk and he watches every movement I make. "I had to see you," I whisper before wrapping my arms around his neck. He lifts me onto his lap and I hug him tightly. He was there for me when I needed his comfort, now I will be here for him. "I'm so sorry this happened."
He puts his nose to my neck and breathes in deeply, his arms holding me tightly against him. "You don't need to be sorry, Roxanne." He mumbles into my neck. "You had nothing to do with this."
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod my head in response, unable to say the words burning my tongue.
"I'm so glad you're here." He says before pulling away from me so he can look in my eyes. "Are you okay? You said you had to see me."
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I tell him, offering him a smile.
"I can't help but worry about you, love." He whispers as he caresses my cheek with one of his hands.
His words make my heart flutter and I grin a ridiculous grin, making him smile in return.
"Is there anything I can do?" I ask him and he shakes his head. "Are you sure? I want to help. I can do anything, Jaxon. Well, I can do anything after you show me how to do it."
He chuckles. "You being here is enough, Roxanne."
And I laugh. "That was ridiculously cheesy."
"I know, I made myself cringe. But I mean it."
I place a small kiss to his lips and then stand from his lap. "Come on. I will help you clean up. There is glass everywhere in there and someone could get hurt." I tell him as I take his hand and drag him back into the main room of the bar.
We stand there for a moment. I watch Jaxon carefully as he looks around at the damage. Anger and Sadness dance in his eyes, creating a dangerously dark look on his face that I have never seen in the short time I've known him.
Following my gut, I stand on my tip toes and place a soft kiss to his cheek. I let it sit there for a moment or two, then I let go of him and begin stacking the chairs together against the back wall of the bar. I know he needs a moment. I can tell he hasn't truly comprehended everything yet. He's in shock, still processing, and I know that all he needs is just a moment to himself.
As I bring the last chair to the back of the room, I hear him clear his throat from behind me. "You don't have to do this," He says so quietly, I almost miss it.
I turn to look at him. Giving him a small smile, I say, "I want to."
He shakes his head. "But you don't have to." He states, this time more firmly. "I have men who-"
"Consider it free labour," I interrupt with a wink and turn to put the chair on the stack. "Where's your broom?"
"In the storeroom," He says in defeat, pointing at a door by the bar.
"Great. Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty good at this. I've had to do it from time to time."
"You've had to clean shot up bars before?" He questions and realization of what I said washes over me.
"Yeah, um..." I trail off as I quickly try to come up with a lie. "I used to work for a place in a bad area of town." Not entirely untrue.
"But your not there anymore?" He asks as I reach the door.
Flinging it open, I reach inside and grab a broom. "Not since recently." Again, not entirely a lie.
"Good." He sighs a breath of relief.
I begin sweeping while Jaxon removes the larger debris, throwing it outside the main door in a growing pile. We work in a comfortable silence, sneaking looks and passing comforting smiles to one another. Each time we pass, our arms lightly brush against one another, igniting the spark between the two of us.
And with each passing second, I can feel the start of something new here. Something exciting and captivating, yet dangerous and terrifying. There's a connection building between us and it's nothing I have ever felt before. It's strong and overwhelming, taking my breath away with each smile he gives me.
Deep down, I know it's only a matter of time before he finds out who I am and where I come from. I know that it will tear us apart and rip my heart to shreds. I know everything we have is built on a lie. And I know that once the truth is revealed, he will hate me - maybe even kill me.
Yet, I choose to walk on the wild side. I want this man. I don't know why and I know it will never work, but he's mine. I will succumb to the feelings he gives me until the day that he discovers everything.
And when that day comes, all I can hope is that all of the good times we spend together will be worth more than the bad and he forgives me for my deceit.
Hopefully.