THE NINTH YEAR Changbin got into his first fight.
It was something he hadn't even realised he had the capability of doing, a line he hadn't even thought of crossing until he registered that he was on the other side, knuckles bruised and body unable to avoid the blanket of shame that suffocated him within its embrace.
Now seated outside the principle's office, his head hung low as he stared at his shoes, suprised to find that their worn out front now touched the ground. While usually, such a simple fact would've bought pure joy, he found it to be only a momentary distraction before the guilt seeped back through and bought down his mood once more.
Hearing his name called followed by the word 'enter', Changbin's hands carefully pushed the door open yet were unable to avoid the creaking sound that seemed to further fuel the room's tension. Upon doing he was revealed to his mother, who's eyes were as worn as the rusting hinges and his father, who's glance was as emotionless as it was barren. It was the first time silence had been shared between them since the Summer, yet it felt far too enforced, it's burdenous presence causing Changbin to flicker his gaze down once more.
He wished he had never been sent to that camp.
Fits had been thrown, escalating to arguments with words he had never thought of using, desperation and the inability to understand his parent's ignorance to his happiness clawed at him during every waking moment. He had tried everything to convince them not to send him away but all his cries had been ignored, only listened to by the walls of his blankets which he clung to every night, tears begging for a better tomorrow.
Camp should have been fun, sunsets and swimming, campfires and canoeing, serene nature by his side and starry nights above, but all that hadn't mattered when his stomach hurt from a terrible longing for a home that no longer existed, and his heart had hurt for his best friend who deserved much more than his lack of presence.
"Changbin," the principle sighed, the gesture made to snap him out of his thoughts and bring awareness back to the inconvenience he had caused, "Please take a seat."
Slowly he sat down between his parents, the action so familiar yet now so different when it wasn't followed by glowing faces and warming conversations.
Before the principle could even talk, his mother placed on a dimpled smile, almost convincing if Changbin didn't know better, "I'm terribly sorry for our son's behaviour, I don't know what's gotten into him as of recently."
Shaking his head the principle returned the smile, "Do not apologise, if anything somebody else should be doing that."
Changbin could feel their eyes on him, waiting for his reply. "I'm sorry sir," he mumbled, more in oblgation rather than sincerity. He felt guilty for his actions of course, and even guiltier that some part of him wanted to blame the adults that were only trying to give him a life in this world.
Everything was confusingly futile, like a broken compass that lacked a direction but carried hope. Everything was an act of practised politeness to fit into the normal expectations. From the principle's manners that disguised his lack of care, to his mother's sympathy that was painted on to represent a deep concern that didn't even exist.
It lead nowhere and he hated every second of it.
"Changbin, you punched him first," the principle spoke, "If there's any explanation you have to speak now."
Changbin didn't dare look up.
The older man tapped his pen idly against the desk before sighing, "Look... I know you're a good kid but I think it's best if you have a few days off."
Changbin's eyes widened, "Y-You're suspending me?"
The principle shrugged, after all, it was not like the message was one he had never delivered before and what better of an opportunity than with a kid who hardly argued
As if the words had called for silence's name, it brought itself back, filling the young boy with its heaviness.
"i'm sorry Changbin," the principle smiled sympathetically, "But I am afraid that even our own actions will create their own consequences."
__
"Felix!" an energetic voice yelled across the courtyard. The older boy turned upon hearing the familiar voice, pairing the loud shout with his friend Kim Seungmin who's small frame was nightly determined to push through the crowd of after-school students and reach him as soon as possible.
"F-Felix," Seungmin panted, "Y-your...hyu...ng...got...in...a....fight."
Felix scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. Before he could even reply, the crowd broke once again to reveal an even smaller Han Jisung who was as equally out of breath.
"Y-you....know....t-the....really...cool...hyung," the brunette boy added and Felix's eyes widened as he grabbed the boy frantically.
"Hyung?! Which Hyung?!," questions fired from his mouth rapidly, "Oh god Seungmin why wasn't that the first thing you said?!" Felix tried to stay rational but it was nearly impossible, "I have a lot of cool hyungs... It can't be who I think it is because I—
And if chaos hadn't already had enough fun, it decided to bring along Hwang Hyunjin (who had always been unfairly taller than the rest) and his aura of calmness that was far too casual for the situation that Felix was desperately trying to understand the reality of.
"Changbin Hyung of course," Hyunjin piped in, proud to be the one sharing the information, "Heard he even got suspended — no offence Felix — it's just that Chan Hyung still cries and pretends that there's something in his eyes every time we go to the movies an—"
The statement was interrupted by Seungmin rolling his own pair, "As if you didn't cling onto me for life at the animal reserve because you thought the pandas were scary."
Hyunjin's ears turned pink, "I didn't know that stroking the baby one meant she was going to try telepathically kill me!
"Well she's not the only one," Suengmin muttered, glaring hard enough to cause Hyunjin's to take a step back.
As the reality of the situation set in Felix turned around anxiously. It was true that his coolest hyung, who he usually walked home with, hadn't appeared. Instead he was stuck walking home with his idiotic friends who were more likely to get run over by a car due to oblivion rather than actually reach the other side of the road.
"Why though?" Felix asked curiously, Changbin wasn't the type to usually get into a fight.
"I dunno," Jisung shrugged, "Maybe someone tried to steal something close to him. I know if someone stole my plushies I'd hope they go to hell," the small boy shuddered, "Apart from my cousin's bedroom, I'm pretty sure that's where the rest of the scary dolls are."
Hyunjin scoffed, "Cool people like us don't own stuffed animals, that's too babyish."
"Really because last time I was at yours, your mum told me not to sit there because that's where Jinyoung usually sits and you always get ups—"
Jisung clapped, "Aha I knew it! You kept that stuffed rabbit we found in the park and named it after the basketball captain!"
Hyunjin scoffed, "He was playing opposite us and was the first person I saw after I picked it up, it's called fate."
"More like stalking."
Smiling, the late afternoon sun listened on as the evening breeze began to sing, it's whistles gently stirring fallen leaves which began to dance across the pavement. Felix sighed, too lost in his own thoughts to pay attention to the squabbling taking place. They had reached the intersection, the place where he and Changbin usually departed from the other boys, and the slight disappointment of it not being the case today was inevitable.
"I-I just can't understand what would've made him punch someone," Felix sighed, kicking a pebble and watching as the small object skittered quickly onto the grass,"Even in the Summer — he wouldn't hurt a fly."
Seungmin, who had momentarily stepped away from the petty arguing, placed a comforting hand on the raven-head's shoulders, "I know Felix, but you did say he left for the Summer..."
The boy shook his head upon the painful memory, "But it's been months since he's come back and he's still the same."
"Maybe he's not telling you something — you know like how Hyunjin always lies."
"But Hyunjin's always been that way," Felix immediately disregarded the idea, "That's why it's always so funny when we find out the truth."
"There's got to—"
"—Minnie your mum's calling me! She says you're going to be late to your baseball lesson!"
Smiling sadly, the named boy patted Felix in reassurance, "There's got to be something bothering him Felix, he wouldn't act like that out of nowhere — but i'm sure you'll find it out. You're his best friend after all."
With that he ran off, catching up with the other two boys who had begun to run playfully, their shrieks of delight growing quieter as Felix continued to walk along the familiar path that lead him home.
Being alone, he tried hard to ponder on Seungmin's last words but the more he did the more reality stung. For if his smart friend was right, then Changbin had been hiding things from him, things that best friends should talk about and never keep a secret.
Slowing his pace as he reached his house, Felix's eyes immediately flickered over to the neighbouring one, surprised to find the older boy sitting outside on the hammock, staring blankly at the ground with a bandage enveloped around his hand.
"B-Binnie?" He called, slowly opening the gate. He couldn't help but notice that sadness had erased his friend's usual smile and drawn a harsh frown in its place.
Changbin looked up and upon seeing the younger hastily tried to tuck away his injured hand. However Felix had already seen and walked closer, "So you did get in a fight?"
The older slumped in his seat, "I wanted you to hear it from me first."
"Why?" Felix asked confused. "Is it because of rumours? Because they're not bad, in fact I'm pretty sure you'll be more popular because they all say you're cool."
"Yeah...Maybe i will be."
Felix smiled softly, "I knew you wouldn't be happy."
"You did?"
"You scolded me last time I stepped on an ant for fun," Felix looked down in shame at the memory, "I-I'm just trying to figure out why you did it."
Changbin remained silent before quietly mumbling, "I-I don't know."
Felix shook his head, "Seungmin said there's got to be a reason. Maybe it's something you haven't talked about, o-or...something that happened at ca—"
"Lix it's nothing like that don't worry," Changbin smiled assuringly, "Camp was amazing."
The moment those words left his mouth Changbin instantly regretted them, watching mortified as the younger boy's tone grew cold, "Oh."
"Lix you know I didn't want to go, I didn't mean to leave you."
"But still, you had more fun without me."
"My parents made me go," Changbin pleaded, gently reaching for the younger's hands to turn him back towards him, "I missed you and I was angry they made me go."
As much as he wanted to shout his frustrations and rip his hands away, Felix didn't dare to move for there was also a part of him that was grateful that Changbin was here with him rather than anywhere else.
"Then why didn't you call?"
"I..." Changbin blushed sheepishly,"I kinda forgot your house number."
Felix's anger melted as he giggled at the boy's sudden shyness, "I guess I don't know yours either."
"Looks like we're equal then."
That year Felix forgot to ask why Changbin didn't just call his own house and ask his parents for his number. He forgot that pain was born from a reason and that he never truly found out Changbin's. He even forgot the torture of a summer without a best friend to play in the sun with.
Looking back there was only one thing that Felix didn't forget to learn.
Changbin's number of course.
____
notes
I'm sorry for the wait but this story is back :)
since they're getting older the chapters will probably be longer as more things will happen, this one definitely took a while but I'm glad to slowly be writing again and I hope you enjoyed it ♥️