"Ugh, is the day over yet?" I groaned to myself. After mine and Spidey's battle with Doc Ock, I was more tired and hungry than ever. I can't even remember the last time I was this hungry. I decided it was time to get my food and go home ASAP.
"You know, this would be a LOT easier if I had my teleportation belt. Madame Author, why didn't you write it in for me?"
"Because you haven't had one in the comics for years, it's a Joe Kelly invention, and it would ruin the story."
"How would it ruin the story?
This story is non canon, so why do you care about continuity?"
"Because I like to have SOME order in my stories, and besides that, if you did have your teleportation belt, you could've avoided most, if not all of the situations the day as thrown at you so far.
Not to mention the situations you will run into before the story's over.
So for storytelling purposes, you don't have the belt, nor will you get it."
"So for the sake of entertainment, you are going to allow me to suffer instead of letting me take the easy way out? Is that right?"
"Pretty much."
I sighed glumly at the author's response.
"Well, you're not the first author to do this, and I know for sure you won't be the last. But because my current state has made me crabbier than Wolverine is everyday, I'm going to have to say, and don't take this personally, Fuck you."
"Right back at cha, buddy."
I chuckled a little bit at the author's sassy reply, when suddenly I heard another chuckle nearby that sort of sounded like a woman's chuckle.
"Author lady, was that you?" "Negative, ghost rider."
"Do you always have deep conversations with yourself?"
I was startled by a woman's voice coming from behind me.
I turned around and saw a beautiful woman standing in front of me. She had shoulder length brown hair with blonde highlights, bright green eyes, ruby red lips, and she was wearing black skinny jeans, black leather high heeled boots, and a tight black vinyl jacket.
I was so struck by her that all I could say to her was "Uhhhh...." She chuckled again, and replied "You shouldn't do that too much, otherwise people will think you're crazy. Thought based on what I've read about you, Mr. Wilson, that seems to already be the case."
I snapped out of my trance. Wait a minute. Did she just call me Mr. Wilson?
"How do you know my name?"
"Obviously I looked into your background before I approached you. Your full name is Wade Winston Wilson, correct?"
"Yeah, that's my name. Though when I'm wearing this mask I go by Deadpool." I said, pointing at my mask.
"Alright, then that's what I'll call you. Now come on, we need to go."
I was very confused at this point, so I was hesitant to go anywhere, even if the girl was pretty.
"Hold your horses, little lady.
Why would I just agree to follow you? I don't even know you!"
The girl stopped in her tracks and proceeded to explain herself.
"My name is Tabitha, and I work for a secret organization."
"And what, pray tell, is this organization called?" I asked with a skeptical tone in my voice.
"The Undercover Resistance Against Nefarious Underground Societies, or U.R.A.N.U.S. for short."
I snickered, not believing what I just heard.
"Did you just say Uranus?" She looked at me quizzically.
"Yes. Why?"
Once I got confirmation of the ridiculous name, I busted out laughing.
"Yes, yes, I know. Uranus. Ha ha ha. Trust me, we've heard it all before. But we are a very serious organization that deals with equally serious matters." Tabitha said with a sarcastic yet serious tone in her voice.
I stopped laughing for a moment. "Serious matters? And what would those be?"
"It's in the name. We deal with nefarious underground societies, or to simplify it, evil groups working in the shadows."
My eyes widened.
"You mean like the illuminati? Or scientology? Or even worse, Pizza Hut?!?"
"Don't be ridic- did you just say Pizza Hut? What could they have possibly done that was so evil?"
"Last time I ordered from them they were an hour late! 30 minutes my ass! And worst of all they messed up my order! I specifically asked for Canadian bacon on my pizza and what did they put on it?!? Ham! It's not the same thing damn it! And I should know, I'm Canadian!"
I was kind of worried that I spooked Tabitha with my pizza rant, but thankfully she wasn't fully weirded out, just puzzled at my thought process (join the club, sweetheart). "Oookaayyy, moving on. I require your assistance for a mission. That's why I'm here."
I gave her an odd look.
"Why me? What makes me so special (besides my obvious awesomeness!)?" "Because you have a bit of a history with my target and his gang.
Earlier today you were hired to take out a low level crime boss, right?"
I knew immediately what she was referring to.
Oh, how could I forget that little experience.
"Yeah, Mr. Chung. He was easy, it was his damn ninja bodyguards that were a pain in the ass! My body will probably be spitting out ninja stars for a week!"
Tabitha continued on.
"Yes, well, the man who hired you for that job just so happens to be my target. And once I shut him down, his whole evil gang with collapse."
Huh. Small world. Too bad I have some bad news to share.
"Well if you're wanting me to give you some information, I've got bad news for ya. He had an assistant call in the job on his behalf. He wouldn't even tell me who the boss was."
"Actually, I know who the boss is. His name is Bartholomew Stolski, but he is known in the criminal underworld as Black Bart."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Ha ha, seriously? Black Bart? Never heard of him! I was expecting Kingpin, or even Tombstone, but to find out the "big crime boss" that hired me was some unknown lame-o named Black Bart?
"What did he do, rob trains?"
Tabitha appeared surprised that I wasn't taking this seriously.
Obviously her intel on me wasn't very good.
"He's making ecstasy that has been ground down into powder and mixed with a secret radioactive chemical that he had some lackeys steal from a little company called Alchemax (Spider-Man 2099 shout out for the win!), and turning the concoction into capsules. Then he has his dealers sell it for 10 times the price of regular ecstasy."
She pulled out a picture of some capsules that were glowing a bright neon purple.
"He calls it Royal Flush, and it is the most dangerous, addictive substance on the black market."
"Just like video games and television, at least according to overbearing parent watchdog groups. Like seriously, don't those people have anything else better to do than trying to dictate what everyone else can play and watch? How about just focusing on your own brats instead of ruining everyone's fun!"
Tabitha had another confused look on her face once I finished my second rant.
"Uh, sorry, I got a little off topic. My point is why should I help you and your poorly named group interfere with people's choice to partake? If they want to ruin their lives with drugs, who are we to tell them no?"
"Because Mr. Wil- I mean Deadpool, this isn't like any other drug. When a person ingests Royal Flush, they gain super strength, flight, and start hallucinating-" "
So they're like Superman if he took some mushrooms and started tripping balls."
"Super who?" Tabitha asked in a puzzled voice.
"Never mind. Anyway, hallucinations plus super powers equals junkies doing some serious damage to the city."
"Precisely. But it gets worse.
Once a person has been exposed to the drug, they become permanently addicted. There's no rehab in the world that can cure them. And after 24 hours, they start to go through withdrawal, and it's pure hell. Severe tremors, high fever, migraines, and finally, a massive heart attack that kills them. All in the span of 6 hours."
Jesus, that sounds horrible. I've never heard of any drugs doing that. Not even spice.
"So what you're saying is, once someone's hooked they have to stay fucked up, or face a certain, unbearable death? Damn."
"Yes, it truly is a sad situation. So are you going to assist me or do I have to take you by force?"
Ha ha. Tabitha REALLY doesn't know me, otherwise she'd know that using force is one of my turn ons.
But on a serious note, I feel like I should help her.
Super Junkies sounds like a bad movie that I don't want to be in.
"No need for force, hot stuff, I'll help." Tabitha smiled as she said "Good. Now hold still, this will only hurt for a second."
"What will- Ow!" She pulled out a mini hand gun and shot me in the neck with what appeared to be a trank dart.
"Heeeey, whyyy isss evvverythinng alll raiiinboowww colllorrred annnd pooolkaaa dooottt???"
Scratch that. It WAS a trank dart. Annnnd everything just went black.
That concludes this chapter. I know it wasn't action packed, but I hope you all liked it nonetheless. Stay tuned for Part 8, it should have more action. Also, don't forget to comment and vote, and have a great day!