[ chapter thirteen ] → truthfully
I act like I don't fucking care, cause i'm so fucking scared.
Listen to Still Into You by Hannah Trigwell for this chapter
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Mike walked next to Eleven, hands looped through hers, it was Saturday afternoon, and instead of going to the arcade, like they usually would have done they decided to go the Starcourt mall which had just recently opened. Mike took a glance at El, she was exactly how he had remembered, he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she was here, in front of him, the El he fell in love with, his El.
But somewhere hidden in the deepest part of him, a place where the darkness overruled the light, he could feel a slight crack in his armor, he had plunged into the darkness, and El had helped him get back on his feet, but he saw a distant glow, almost like a ray of light, and he felt compelled to go towards, he knew he needed to, hell he wanted to, but it felt like if he did everything he had ever remembered would fall away in to fragments, leaving him vulnerable and alone, and he wasn't ready to face that.
Not yet.
So he held on, in fact, he held on so hard, he sometimes forgot what it was that terrified him so much, but then, that smile. That smile would fill his vision, the one he rarely got to see, but that filled him with so much warmth, he swore he had never felt more loved and cherished by just a simple gesture, and that smile was her's. But it wasn't El's smile that had caused even the loneliest parts of him to feel content, it was her's. It was the girl sitting in the ice cream parlor, a small smile pulling at her lips, her untied red vans peeking out underneath the table.
It was Maxine Mayfield's.
Mike told himself one thing - it wasn't love or even remotely close to it. It was simply infatuation, driven by interest and fueled by human desire. He did not have the capacity to care so deeply for someone else, let alone the one girl he promised he wouldn't.
El brought him out his thoughts, her hand lightly tugging on his sweater, "Are you okay?"
Her voice held no menace, but one look at her face told him she knew exactly what he was looking at, more specifically, who he was looking it. He debated shrugging it off and making a prude comment about Max, but he just didn't have the heart to, he was too tired to pull off the facade of being an asshole, besides El would just see through it, she always did, she was wise beyond her years.
Instead, he stood quietly, not saying anything, eyes planted on the ground, the silence spoke louder than his words ever could.
"Mike" El once again spoke, her voice soft and endearing.
He looked up at her, and instantly wished he didn't, he saw the way her demeanor had shifted, the look in her eyes, he knew what was coming, he was going to be plunged back into the darkness, but this time alone.
Before the words had even left her mouth, he was pleading with her, "Please, El, don't do this. I need you. I love you."
El grasped his hand in her's and he felt himself sink into the feeling of familiarity, comfortability. When she spoke again, her voice sounded gentle, almost like she was telling him the about the wonders of the world, but this wasn't wonderful, in fact, it seemed more like a nightmare.
"You don't need me" She admitted her, Mike shook his head ready to protest but El held her hand up stopping him -
"Please, don't make this harder."
Mike said nothing.
El continued, "You don't need me anymore. You don't need me because you've found you're sunlight, I was the flashlight helping guide you in the dark, but I'm not forever, the sun, however, well that's a different story. She's you're sunlight, you won't admit it now, but one day you will, and when that day comes you'll come knocking at my door, and thank me."
Mike's voice was now hoarse, "How can you be so sure?"
"I can see the light in people, just as well as I can see the dark. Just because someone has a dark past doesn't mean they don't hold light within them. She's got it. It's all bundled up, trapped, waiting to break loose."
Neither of them said anything for a while and then Mike finally broke the silence,
"I love you."
El smiled, "I love you too."
They both walked out of the mall side by side, although Mike felt sick to his stomach, he knew there was no going back. El had done it. She had finally cut the last string that romantically connected them together, and now the only thing left to do was move forward.
Monday morning rolled around before Max knew it, and she fell back into her usual routine, only this time she had to make space for one more extra things. Talking to Mike. She had decided to confide in him about the weird things that had been happening to her recently, about how she felt like she was being followed. She figured he was the best person to go to, since he was the head of the party - not that she was even it, and also because he had been with her on the day she started to notice the van that left an unwanted feeling in her stomach every time she even so much as thought about it.
She had gotten to school early that day in hopes to catch him before class, but to no avail, of course, she wouldn't see him on the day she was actively searching for him. That's just how her luck worked. After about ten minutes of hovering near his locker, the warning bell rang, and Max let out a sigh, getting more anxious by the second.
Walking into class, she hoped for once in her life, that Mike Wheeler was actually seated at his desk, waiting to see her so he could make rude offhand comments about her. But he wasn't there, and he wasn't in there next shared class either. By the time lunchtime had come around, Max had given up hope on seeing him altogether. She chewed on her nail, her eyebrows scrunched as she thought about telling Aanika about what was happening; without seeming like a crazy lunatic.
Max had finally decided to quit being a baby and tell Aanika, but Max stopped short, her gaze followed Aanika's and the girl let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding, he was here.
She could see his retreating form, leaving the other side of the lunchroom, it was now or never. Max stood up, casting Aanika a quick glance, "I gotta go, see you later."
Without waiting for a reply Max walked swiftly out of the lunchroom, feeling someones gaze on her back.
Max walked several steps behind him slowly, she knew he had seen her, for she had met his glance for merely a second, but that was enough, he got the message.
He let them towards the schools back courtyard, Max noted, somewhere more deserted than the rest of the school, especially with most of the kids at lunch.
The grass dipped underneath their feet as they walked through the empty courtyard, finally, Mike stopped, coming to rest at a small cement table.
It was only when she laid a hand on his shoulder that he turned to look at her,
"What Mayfield?" He spoke harshly, ripping her hand away from him.
Max recoiled back, her expression falling, but she didn't say anything about it.
"I have to tell you something. It's really important."
Mike urged her his arms crossed, demeanor cold, "Go on then, tell me."
Max took a breath before speaking, this time she spoke quieter almost like she was afraid of being heard, "I think someones after me. I'm being followed, and I swear it feels like there's someone always nearby, listening, watching, keeping tabs."
Mike didn't say anything at first, but when he did, Max felt her water rush to her eyes, and her stomach twirl in the most painful ways, he laughed at her. His laughter reverberated off the walls of the courtyard, and swirled into the air, his laughter was void of emotion, this wasn't Mike, this wasn't the Mike she knew, sure he could be an asshole sometimes, but the Mike she knew would never try to intentionally hurt somebody, nor would he mock someone for feeling unsafe. Whoever this was, it wasn't her Mike.
She was stupid. So utterly dumb. Because she knew from the start Mike Wheeler was someone that would break her heart and yet something inside wouldn't let her give up on him. But now as he sneered down at her, she was beginning to think maybe giving up wasn't such a bad idea.
The next words he spoke to her, hit her harder then she ever thought they could, "I don't care. I don't care that you're being followed, or if you're safe. I don't even care about you. Hawkins would be better of without you."
The second the words tumbled past Mike's lips he regretted saying it. The looks on Max's face the mere moment he had spoken such horrid words to her would be etched in his brain forever, the look of the utmost hurt and despair he had ever seen in a human being. She backed away from him slowly, almost like she was afraid of him. Mike felt bile rise in his throat and he felt lips start to quiver. She was terrified of him. He couldn't describe the way he was felt, he was a monster and the look in Max's eyes only intensified the utter loathing he had for himself. He wanted to apologize for not one thing he said was true, in fact, it was the opposite, he cared for her, more deeply then he cared for most others, he knew that if she was scared he would lose his mind trying to make her feel safe.
A tear slipped past Max's eye, and then another, she knew he didn't like her, but this, this was a whole new level of hatred she didn't know Mike could possess. Maybe she hadn't known him as well as she thought she did. No matter how much Max despised someone she would never, never, say something as harsh and unethical as that.
She looked up at him one last time, prepared to leave and never once look back, but then she halted-
She hated herself for it, but she saw it. No matter how much she wished she didn't, she saw it. She saw emotion. His eyes held all of his emotions. When she looked at them now, she no longer saw cold brown orbs. Instead, she saw amusement dance and desire burn and confusion surface. He could change the tone of his voice with a whim and fool even her; as long as she wasn't looking at his eyes. But she had looked, and she knew he didn't mean a word he had just said to her.
And just like that, she was falling for him all over again.
Happy Monday! Here's a longer chapter to hopefully make you're Monday a tiny bit better. I hope I made you cry a bit this chapter, even though I don't ship Eleven and Mike I still know they have a special bond and that's not going to go away just because their not romantically together anymore, they still have a beautiful friendship, built with trust and compassion. I also wanted to apologize for not posting last week, like I said I would, I was having issues with Wifi at home. That's all for today, see you guys next time. Thanks for reading!
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