E M I L E E
The sound of crashing waves, the smell of fresh saltwater, and bright morning light wake me from a fantastic night's sleep. However, it does bring with it the slightest bit of pain above my right eye where a hangover is threatening to unleash fury for yesterday's wine consumption. I'm sure the beers didn't help.
Every morning for the last week I have woken and stared down the empty pillow to my right. That was always Cody's spot; he had to sleep on the right side of the bed. I could sleep there now, or I could sprawl out in the center; shit, I could sleep at an angle with my head at the bottom of the bed if I wanted to. But no, I keep to my spot on the left. Perhaps it's habit or perhaps my mind still thinks of it as his spot. It's not though. I'm not going to be one of those girls that accepts an apology for being treated like absolute shit. This whole bed is mine.
As much as I don't want to pry myself from these sheets, I'm limited on Bali time and would like to make the most of the experience. I slide out, hesitating before stepping down onto my foot. I give it a little stretch, bending it back and then forward. It still hurts, but the ankle swelling has gone down and it's almost back to a normal size.
I cringe as I limp my way to the coffee pot. There is a basket filled with different selections of coffees and teas to choose from; I sift through it before selecting a raspberry coffee. It's something I wouldn't have normally made, as Cody would only drink hazelnut flavored. But, since I have a screw-Cody mindset this morning - I will drink something different, something I actually want to try.
When I take my first sip of the hot beverage I actually find myself closing my eyes and moaning with an "mmm" to myself.
"Screw hazelnut - raspberry is where it's at," I giggle and tell my mug. I take it to the deck to drink and watch the ocean, something I plan to do every morning while here.
Empty beer bottles still sit right where Hodge and I left them last night. I glance over to his deck, seeing it empty except for a blue mug sitting on the table. He's apparently a much earlier riser than myself. I wonder if he was up early enough to see sunrise. I need to add that to my list of things to do before leaving Bali.
I know the reason why I'm in a good mood today is because he is here. Hodge took my mind away from a night I was absolutely dreading. He made me laugh and instead of prying about why I'm alone in a honeymoon suite - and for that I am so thankful. Although I am extremely curious as to how he ended up at a couples resort by himself, I know not to ask. He didn't seem too excited about it last night.
I take my time, sipping slow, enjoying every bit of coffee and a beautiful Bali morning, before deciding that today I will stick to the beach. Baby steps; I want to be comfortable around the resort before venturing off into unfamiliar territory alone. My anxiety can only handle so much, so fast.
Out of the six bikinis that I stuffed into my suitcase, I select a solid teal one with criss-cross straps under the bust with bottoms that have the same straps on the sides. Kara helped me pick it out, along with some bridal lingerie that is buried under everything. I didn't have the heart to unpack it. I tie my hair up, keeping it off my neck so that maybe I can gain a little bit of a tan while here. With some oversized sunglasses, sunscreen, a notebook and pen, towel, and my flip flops, I'm out the door.
I select a happy middle, a spot between the the resort and the line of overwater bungalows, so that I stay near a bar and bathrooms. Thankfully, as soon as my towel is down, a very nice employee offers me my choice in beverages. It may be early, but I'm drinking. Gretchen always told me the best way to get over a hangover is to drink the next morning and she has never been wrong. The girl knows her shit.
After much deliberating, I order a Bali Mary, the Bali version of a Bloody Mary, and then pull out my notebook to begin reviewing my list.
I spent many nights combing through websites and other people's honeymoon videos on YouTube trying to find all the hidden gems of Bali that I wanted to experience while here. This has now become ridiculous, many of them are couple -related and I am on my own. Even at first glance I'm seeing a common problem, and it's not just because I'm here alone...
•Mount Batur Volcano Hike - ankle?
•Ubud Monkey Forest - ankle?
•Swing Park - anxiety.
•Kaveri Couples Spa - HA!
•SingSing Waterfalls Romantic Hike - FML!
I toss my pen and the notepad in a huff and roll to my stomach, lying my head onto my arms. I've never been so pissed off with one of my lists before. I love making lists! This has disheartened my plans for this trip. I crossed half the lines off just because Cody is a dumb fuck!
I take a sip of my fancy drink and groan at my morning. Maybe today I should just have just stayed in my bed.
"A little early, don't you think?"
My lips curl up and I pull off my sunglasses. "I have a hangover."
When I flip over I feel my cheeks flush at the sight of Hodge. He stands beside me with his hands on his hips, panting and sweaty from a recent run. He pulls his white tank from around his neck and rubs it across his face, followed by his stomach, to collect the sweat. My eyes can't help but to hover at the sight that is his abdomen.
Oh my God, those abs. Every crease of his stomach is molded to pure perfection.
"Aspirin?"
I clear my throat and divert my eyes back to the sand. "Never works. My friend says to drink the next morning."
He laughs and plops himself down the sand beside me, grunting when he sees my flip flops and tosses them behind us, making me laugh. I can vaguely make out the sight of a tattoo on the side of his torso and another on his shoulder.
"What are you drinking?" He asks through his continual panty breaths.
I should not have looked at him like that. I've been single for a week, that's not okay. I barely know him and yet I've already attempted to memorize his tattoos and abs.
"Bali's version of a Bloody Mary," I roll to my back and hold the ornate goblet up to him. "Want to try it?"
Hodge smirks and shakes his head no before grabbing my notebook. "Christ, that's quite a list."
"Yeah," I sigh, "it was."
His lips purse and he tosses it back down. I'm sure he saw my marginalized notes. Zero fucks.
"You're very organized..."
I laugh at how he said the word. "You wanted to say anal."
A hearty laugh erupts from deep in his chest and he nods, looking out over the water. "I wasn't sure if you'd like me using that word."
I'm definitely not the type of girl he needs to tiptoe around. I have three older brothers, I've heard it all. Being anal retentive is practically calling me sweet.
"I'm anal, I admit it. I am not, however," I hold my finger up and giggle, "easily offended by words, or really anything for that matter."
"Good to know," he chuckles again and turns back to me. This time I notice him scan my swimwear quickly before locking our glances and smiling. "You should try taking Bali day by day. You don't have to plan every moment of it. Wing it and make it an adventure," he shrugs.
If only it were that easy. I have never been adventurous. I plan, I make lists, I scrap those lists and make new ones when they aren't perfect, I never try new things. Part of me thinks that Cody liked me like this because it kept me busy. He always knew where I was and what I was doing because it was scheduled. We never did anything spontaneous or fun because he liked to remind me that my anxiety would bother me, which would just make my anxiety that much worse. I don't like being like this, I want to have fun and enjoy my trip. I'm just not sure how to do that yet.
"Being adventurous doesn't come easy to me," I mutter and glance down at the blowing paper.
I hate Cody for making this way. I hate that he leaves his damn shoes in the doorway, I hate that he used my anxiety for his gain, I hate that he broke my heart, I hate his fucking hazelnut coffee and I hate the left side of the bed.
"I think it does," he nudges my arm so that I look to him. He smiles down at me, knowing that I will smile back - and I do. "Try it once and see what happens. You might find that Emmy is a very adventurous girl."
We lock eyes again, his reassuring smile still upon his lips.
He's right. Maybe Emmy could be adventurous and it's Emilee that is holding me back. I can be whoever I want to be here. No one knows me. They don't know that I'm some broken girl from the Midwest who gets off on organization and nights spent alone in my personal bubble. I'm Emmy now.
"Excuse me," a young woman's voice breaks our stare and I use my hand to cover the sun from directly hitting my eyes to view her. "I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but will you take a picture of my fiancé and I?"
"Sure!" I agree happily and hold out my hand for her phone.
"Oh gosh! Thank you!" She hands it to me and steps back. "We recognized you guys from the plane and knew you spoke English! The last two people we asked didn't, and I felt dumb."
I laugh at her honestly, knowing I feel the same when trying to break a language barrier, and stand from my spot. I took two years of German in high school and can barely form a sentence - I get it.
"Thank you," her fiancé smiles as he wraps his arm around his girlfriend.
I snap a few pictures of them, knowing I always like a couple options to choose from when someone takes pictures of me. I hand it back to them and she repeats a few more thanks.
"When's the big day?" I ask, trying to show enthusiasm for an excited bride as I take my place back on my towel and beside Hodge. I loved telling people about every detail of my wedding. I loved when people asked me about it.
"Tomorrow!" she says proudly as they wrap their arms around each other again.
"Wow! Congratulations!"
"Congrats," Hodge says beside me, holding no enthusiasm for them but forcing the word out. Oof, someone is a love-grouch.
"What about you two?" The man asks pointing between us. "How long have you two been married?"
Hodge and I both laugh and look to each other again. They saw us in the plane and assumed we were married. All that bickering and me falling asleep on him made us look like a couple. That reminds me...
"A week!" I say with enthusiasm as I place my hand on his bare, sweaty chest. "Right, honey?"
Hodge's eyes grow wide and his lips part as if he's going to speak but can't find he words. He looks terrified at the thought and that makes this even better.
Payback for the plane is a bitch. I am not a gropey sleeper.
I turn back to the couple, continuing that smile that isn't being forced at all because I am on the brink of laughing my ass off. "We are honeymooning!"
"Congratulations!" They both offer us, followed by some very energetic clappy hands from the girl. "Are you both from Minnesota, then?"
I look back to Hodge who is now shaking his head at me, trying not to laugh and yet rolling his eyes while he plays along, begrudgingly. "We are, actually. Born and raised. I teach and my Emmy here," I jump as his arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me into him, "is a vet who hoards cats."
I begin giggling and feel him do the same. "Hodge is lucky to make his own hours during the summer with a pool cleaning business so we were lucky to be able to take a two week honeymoon here in Bali."
"I'm Natalie, and this is Michael!" the red-haired girl motions with her thumb between her and her fiancée. "We are both accountants and just recently moved to Minneapolis from Albert Lea."
Hodge and I both nod, apparently both knowing the area. His arm has not left me and his fingertips begin making small circles on the bare skin of my stomach, as if this is comfortable for him. A series of tingles radiate from the area, causing me to blush for the second time today. He plays the part well, I'll give him that. I'm glad he found this as funny as I did.
"You guys should come out with us tonight! We have a rehearsal dinner with way too much food that we need to share with you and then we thought we would hit a bar or two and see what Bali's nightlife is like!"
I turn to Hodge and before I can even make up any excuse not to impose on this couple's night or his for that matter, his eyes catch mine and he shrugs. "Sure."
Sure?
I see that smirk return to his face, making our little game last longer.
"Great!" Michael replies. "Rehearsal is out here on the beach at seven. It won't take long. It's basically only our wedding party and some close family and friends that could make it. We will see you guys there!"
"Nice to meet you!" Natalie waves as they walk off.
Now I can't hold it in. I burst out laughing and turn to Hodge who is shaking his head and smiling like a complete idiot. He wants to be mad and he can't be because he did the same damn thing to me on be plane.
"Well, wife..." He sighs and grabs my drink from the sand with an eye roll, downing it quickly and laughing, "I suppose tonight will be an adventure..."