Jisoo came back with popcorn as both of them snuggled next to each other to watch the movie. Lisa's mind wouldn't stop thinking about what just happened with Jisoo's friends.
I mean... I guess she likes them... For some reason. I have yet to figure out that reason, but, apparently there is one. I guess they make her laugh? I mean... I don't get their type of humor, but... Okay, I guess...?
Then Lisa's eyebrows furrowed as she remembered the things they have done to her.
I mean, they don't know me. And they acted rude towards me. I mean, everything aside, calling someone you've just met "a freak" is not nice. And the way they've disregarded my opinions when I tried to join their conversations... I was trying not to look antisocial and actually engage with them and they were... mean. Rude. All three of them.
Lisa's blood started to boil. For the first time in a long time, she didn't want to come up with any excuses for Jisoo or her friends. Actually, she did try to come up with excuses for them, because Lisa's mind always tries to do the polite thing. But this time, she actually couldn't come up with anything.
But, she didn't want to come off as "paranoid" like Jisoo would describe her. So she went the quieter route:
"Hey Jisoo..."
"Mm?" Jisoo said, still not taking her eyes off the movie."
Good, she's still awake. And she doesn't seem tired.
"So... What do you think your friends think of me?" Jisoo sat up and moved away from Lisa, turning her head towards her and pausing the movie. Lisa was confused.
"Actually... I wanted to talk to you about that." Jisoo spoke in a very calm manner, treading lightly.
"Oh, okay, what is it?" Lisa was even more confused now since the situation felt tense.
"They think you're weird." Jisoo said calmly, trying to keep the situation as light as possible. But she was surprised because Lisa gave her an enraged look, while still asking calmly:
"What?" Lisa deadpanned.
"Yeah... When you were in the bathroom, they commented, and yeah..."
Lisa calmed herself down. She didn't want to flip or do anything sudden. She was boiling, but still willing to ask calmly:
"Okay... What did they say?"
"Well, Jessica didn't like the way you spoke to her when she first shook your hand. They all commented how you were really silent during most of their conversations and they felt weird about it. They also didn't like when you wouldn't laugh at their jokes..." Jisoo stopped because she could see that Lisa was fuming.
Lisa breathed in heavily to calm herself down a bit, but this time the words just kept flowing out her mouth uncontrollably.
"I HAVE NOTHING against Jessica. She looks amazing, she seems intelligent, and you like her, so... Why wouldn't I like her? But calling ME a FREAK?! And she's only met me? That's not nice. That's rude! And then getting offended even though I was clearly joking AND I apologized, even though I didn't EVEN HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.... Because, it was a JOKE..."
"Yeah, don't get me wrong, she was kidding when she called you a freak, but I do agree with you, she shouldn't have done that." Jisoo tried to calm Lisa down, but Lisa wouldn't budge.
"OF COURSE SHE SHOULDN'T have done that! We've just met! She doesn't know me. It's rude. It's okay if friends who know each other poke fun at each other like that... But I'm a stranger to her, and that was rude. But I can disregard that part, okay... I mean, she wanted to make a joke, fine..." Lisa was again excusing someone's behavior. "BUT... I won't disregard that she didn't even accept my apology and that she acted offended, even though I clearly was joking. I even said I was joking. AND I apologized."
Jisoo just nodded her head.
"And DON'T get me started on the rest of the conversation. You were only talking about work related stuff. When you didn't, you would disregard my opinion! They completely ignored my interview story while I had to nod and smile and listen to their stories. I didn't HAVE TO DO THAT, I WANTED TO DO THAT, because they are YOUR FRIENDS and I want YOUR FRIENDS TO like me because I want you to have people in your life who can GET ALONG!"
"Okay, what's with all of the yelling?" Jisoo was getting annoyed.
"I am yelling because they called me weird when clearly they are the ones who have to work on their people skills." Lisa calmed down a bit, but her face was still red. She then continued in a more calm manner:
"Also, I don't get their jokes. I don't think their jokes are funny. So that's why I didn't laugh. I tried to fake-laugh a couple of times, but in those times when I did that, they weren't joking at all, they were just talking, so I felt weird and decided not to laugh at all." Lisa then stopped, sat back down and ate a bit of popcorn, trying to calm herself down.
Jisoo sat next to Lisa and kissed her on the cheek, rubbing her back softly.
"Listen, I know you. You will get along with them, just give them time. They are nice people."
Lisa calmed down and kissed Jisoo on the cheek:
"Yeah, I don't think they are, but again, if you like them, I will try to like them as well. I will give them a chance." Lisa then put the movie back on. Jisoo smiled, kissed Lisa on the cheek again and snuggled next to her.
"Thanks, love!" she said softly.
"You're welcome babe!" She gave Jisoo a goofy smile.
"Besides... It's not like Chaeyoung is any better." Jisoo chuckled.
"You take that back!" Lisa spoke louder.
"Well, she was weird to me when we met. She is still weird now."
"I agree that she was weird when you two met, but she has become a lot less weird now. And she really likes you. I thought you liked her too."
"I do, I do... It's just that she can be weird sometimes. You know, sometimes she can just come up with these wild ideas-"
"She just likes to daydream. Also, she has a respected job now, so you know that she can take care of herself as well." Lisa defended Chaeyoung.
"Okay, okay, look at you taking her side..."
"I'm not taking her side, I'm just explaining." Lisa tried to calmly explain.
"Yeah, okay... Unbelievable." Jisoo tried to end the conversation.
"And that word, "unbelievable". I'm telling you now, if you start to overuse it, I will be annoyed."
"It's just a joke, Lisa!"
"I gave you a fair warning. It's annoying when you repeat something too many times. Also, it reminds me of Jessica now, and I don't really like her at the moment."
"You can't make me stop using a word, Lisa."
"I am not saying that you should stop, I'm saying that I will get annoyed. But, for you, I will try to overcome it. For you. Because I love you. Just use it less, please. I will get used to it. I will do it for you."
"Whatever" Jisoo huffed. "Unbelievable." she said with a serious tone, this time not joking at all. Jisoo sat there, looking at Lisa, and she started to look annoyed.
"What's wrong?" Lisa asked carefully.
Jisoo got up from the couch and went to her room, straight to her bed, without a word. Lisa sat there confused. Well that's not a nice way to end a night. I'll have to go and fix my mess once again.
Lisa entered Jisoo's room carefully. Jisoo was lying in her bed, under the covers, looking like she was trying to go to sleep.
"Jisoo?"
"What do you want?" She spoke angrily.
"I want to talk."
"About what? Words? Or which words I can and cannot use?"
"I'm sorry-"
"No Lisa, listen! You cannot tell me with whom I can hang out with, what to say and when to say it. You cannot decide who I like or dislike, do you understand that?" Jisoo yelled out, jumping out of her bed.
Lisa stood there, scared. She didn't know what to say. She looked Jisoo with tears in her eyes.
"Oh don't you give me those teary eyes, I'm tired of it." Jisoo spoke with disgust.
"I'm sorry." Lisa spoke softly, trying very hard not to cry. "I'm sorry, you're right. You can like whoever you want and dislike whoever you want. You can use whichever words you want and as much as you want. You can hang out with whoever you want to hang out. I am not someone who can tell you how to live your life." Lisa spoke with her voice cracking, but she didn't want to cry.
"I didn't even say that you had to stop using a certain word. And I definitely never told you with whom you can hang out with. But, I do apologize if you felt bad about anything I said tonight." She added, her voice cracking once more, as she lowered her gaze towards the floor.
She then looked into Jisoo's eyes and Jisoo was still looking mad.
Lisa then broke down. She sat down on the floor in front of Jisoo's room and silently wept. She closed her eyes tightly and didn't want to open them. After a couple of seconds, she felt a touch on the top of her head. Jisoo was trying to hold her and hug her.
"Please don't leave me! Please don't leave me!" Lisa cried out of her mouth, the words were barely recognizable. But Jisoo understood what she meant.
"Shhh Shhh Calm down." Jisoo was petting Lisa's head, holding her and kissing her cheeks. She spoke softly, trying to calm Lisa down.
"Shhh Shhh.... I will not leave you."
"Ever?" Lisa tried to calm down but she was still crying. She knew that asking such a question was childish, but she really needed some reassurance that she wasn't going to be alone. She really needed some boost to her low and diminishing self-esteem. Something, anything.
"Ever." Jisoo spoke calmly, hugging Lisa tight.
After that, they silently went to Jisoo's bed, without a word between them. Lisa was shaking while Jisoo spooned her and tried to calm her down. After a while, Jisoo fell asleep, while Lisa was still awake.
This isn't working. Our relationship isn't working. We fight, one of us cries or does something like this, we then make up, we say we're going to make it better, it gets somewhat better, and then... Lisa mused.
Should I break up with her? I mean... When I think about my previous relationships... Yeah, they didn't end well. I mean, technically, before Jisoo, there was only the one relationship. But, that ended because the other person stopped having feelings for me. What if... What if Jisoo stops having feelings for me? I mean... Lisa was scared from all the thinking, but she couldn't stop.
What if I'm unlovable? What if everyone who loves me can only love me for a couple of years before they stop loving me? You know, like an expiration date? Like... "Oh look, this relationship between Lisa and me is 2 or 4 or 6 years old... well, better drop her like hot garbage before it gets stale!" - What if everyone's going to be like that?
I mean, my previous relationship lasted 2 years. We told each other it was going to be forever. And we believed it. Like, we actually talked about a lot of things Jisoo and I talked about - marriage, kids, a home... And then I went through the same thing with Jisoo.
I don't want to leave her because I'm afraid of being alone. And I'm afraid that if someone else comes along, they will love me and then leave me again.
But I can't be in this type of relationship anymore. I don't know what to do.
Tomorrow, I'll call Chaeyoung and beg her to have a drink with me. I need a drink. Like a few of them. A night out maybe? Oh I hope Chaeyoung won't kill me for dragging her out on a weeknight. Lisa fought a couple of more minutes with her thoughts before finally, she was able to go to sleep.