JABARI
I FINALLY EXITED the bathroom after feeling as if I had been frozen there for more than six months after me and Jacoby got through one of our toughest altercations. First period of class had still not come to an end apparently as the halls looked to be vacant at first glance as I now stood in front of the men's bathroom entrance, causing me to ponder on the decision of stepping back in and waiting to hear the bell ring. I sucked my teeth as I pushed my back upon the brown door and readied myself to go right back into my hiding spot. . .that was until I finally saw her.
I watched as she shuffled through the school entrance with some of her books in her hands as well as her yellow backpack slung upon her covered shoulders. She kept her eyes to the floor as I knew she had always hated to be late and it would mentally kill her if she was but then again she always hated being absent all the more which caused me to wonder just why she hadn't attended school yesterday; especially because I had a game yesterday. Her brown curly hair was a bit disorderly as if she hadn't slept with her favorite pink bonnet on last night. She sported a plain oversized white shirt along with a denim overall fit accompanied by some black and white striped adidas sneakers. She had usually been the type of person to dress rather fashionably for things as simple as school so today I figured something was up.
I trekked over to her as she walked with her head down but as soon as she heard my steps she happened to look up and give me a look that clearly meant she didn't want me in her presence. She attempted to dodge me and walk pass me but I quickly put that action to an end as I latched my arm around her stomach as I nonverbally told her not so fast.
"What's up with the cold shoulder, Des? Why you illin'?" I questioned just above a whisper as we were not supposed to be in the halls during such a time. "Matter fact c'mere." She apparently hadn't wanted to venture with me as she always had wanted to on any other day, but I disregarded her body language as I led her to the boys bathroom. It was beginning to look as if most of my dire situations go down in this very restroom.
"What the hell, J! Can you get your hands off of me! Do I look like a kid?" Taking the hint, I obliged as I backed up and held onto my backpack strap with one hand as the other grazed through my curled up hair. The tension between us was so thick it probably couldn't even be cut with basic scissors, but instead with a knife.
"You still mad about what I said yesterday Des? . . . look baby I'm sorry. I just get sensitive about certain things and you out of everyone should understand that. I just get so passionate about things. . . I get upset! And I know- I know I shouldn't have said that about the whole "that might just be your daddy" thing- I admit that was outta line. I can't imagine having to grow up with a dad so I- uh, I apologize and you know how much I hate apologizing." I confessed as I looked into her dark brown eyes that were companied by her light bags upon her mahogany skin. Her plain facial expression made it hard for me to come to a conclusion for if she had mentally accepted my apology or if she instead ignored it. For the most part, it was a bit frustrating. "So what's it gonna be, Des?" My deep voice bellowed as my eyebrows lightly furrowed as I awaited an answer.
"I-I just don't know, J. . . I mean what you said was real outta line and I wasn't feeling that noise. S-."
"But I'm apologizing, ain't I? Come on Des don't be like that. . ." I begged as I drew closer to her causing my stature to almost intimidate her as I looked down at her. "Don't front on me. . ." I knew my deep voice had always been her weakness and I internally hoped it was working in my favor as I subtly placed my large hand upon her face. She winced as if I had hit her and if it wasn't enough before, it was now- I understood there was something up with her. This wasn't our first argument and this definitely wasn't my first apology to her so this rare alternate ending of such a situation was quite peculiar. I mean, she always melted like butter when I stood this close to her or even when the bass in my tone was showcased all the more- but now?, she was acting different.
"I don't know if I can do this with you anymore J." My heart dropped at the sound of her words as my mind raced while she backed away from me. I took a deep breath as I remembered Kareem's words telling me to chill out sometimes. After everything that had been happening all in the span of 24 hours I at least expected to have Des alongside Kareem in my corner but as one could see, that likely wasn't going to happen. She spotted the difference in my demeanor as I discreetly attempted to calm myself down as my jaw repeatedly clenched causing her to further her statement. "I mean maybe this is too much for you. . .for us. You've got basketball going for you and all these colleges checking you out. . . I don't wanna ruin any of that." She rambled as she pushed her clothed back against the graffiti masked wall.
"I never said you'll ruin it. I kept you in my corner for a reason Desirae! What the hell do you mean you don't wanna ruin things! We've been rocking for a long ass time and now all of a sudden you think you ruining things? When the fuck were you gonna fill me in that you were ruining my life, huh? 'Cause I sure as hell didn't notice!" Like a volcano, I was erupting. Believe me when I say, I'm trying so hard to contain it but it looked as if I were losing the grand battle. My anger being Goliath and I being David. . .but if there was anything I knew about the Bible it was that David won the battle. . . But seeing that I was in the midst of an alternate ending, things might not go as expected.
"See! Your stress and anger is out of this world! There's only so much I could take and this might not be it!" She seethed as she spoke with her hands
"Now you a psychologist or something? Ain't nobody stressed! And if I am it's because you causing it right about now!" I yelped as I began to talk with my own hands - playing off her energy. She avoided my eye contact causing me to tuck in my lips as I came to realize my aggression. "Des, all I wanted to fucking do was be your man! Thats all I asked! Now you flipping the script! I was gonna take you all the way! Me and you! You and me! That's it!" I continued while I came over to her once again and planted my palm upon the wall.
"I wish it could be like that, Bari. . .but it can't." She said just above a whisper as her voice cracked just before moving over to where the sinks sat. It was like my life was changing all to quickly and by the looks of it, I couldn't take it. Just like Jacoby foretold- even though not referring to the same thing- things were indeed changing. "I mean look at you! You bug out all the time and I know I've been taking it for a long time but this time I can't!"
"You don't mean that! I can guarantee you, you don't mean that! Okay? So let's just get past this like we always do, Des, come on! We've done it before." I kept at my begging hoping that it was going somewhere although she looked unmoved. I ain't never been the one to beg nor apologize so she could've at least cut me some slack for hopping out of character for the sake of our relationship. Besides that, I truly love Desirae. . . I thought we were going to make it. I thought she would be there when I would go off to college. . .when I get drafted. . .when I make it. It was going to be just me and her. . .
Just her and I.
"Can't you just listen to me for once? I said what the hell I said Bari! It's done! And you could guarantee that!" She shot back, showcasing an attitude I have yet to become familiar with. I let out a soft chuckle due to this demeanor as I placed my hands up in defeat- I had finally gotten the message.
"You know, Coby told me shit was changing. . . I guess underestimated him when he said that, don't ya think?" I let out as a frail smirk found its way upon my lips- not 'cause anything was hysterical but it was that little smirk that masked my solace. It was like Desirae became a new person overnight, a person who I couldn't show my pain to- this leading me to revive my nonchalant attitude as I let out a sigh. "You know I hope you find someone better than me, Des. Someone who could make you say it was all worth it, ya know? Because it'll be a damn shame if you came running back to me and I close the door." I stated just before the bell rang. "You might wanna hurry and get up outta here fore some cats see you and get the wrong idea. . .wouldn't wanna scare them away already, am I right?" She glanced at me, still standing by the sinks- shocked by what I said causing me to shy away from her stare and avert my eyes to the ground. A part of me felt bad but the other part was practically telling me not to think twice about what I said. Without a word, she shook the spot and disappeared into the hallways as I stayed behind.
She was gone. My babygirl was gone. The girl I wore my heart on my sleeve for after all these damn years. She had the nerve to leave my ass? Really? After all I've done for us? Of course I had a temper but like I thought before, she of all people knew that! She was one out of the two people I actually let in! It was never just sex and dates with us- even though we did have a lot of that. It was more so chilling and record tapes. . . It was hopes and dreams with us. She got me to my happy place and at times it almost felt like I had reached Nirvana. I was happiest with her- even though my attitude had caused us to have to come across bumpy roads but I guess this time around was the straw that broke the camels back.
I felt like a dead man walking as I exited into the sea of people in pursuit of their next class as did I. I was beyond tired of the interior of the boys bathroom so I figured it best if I just go on to my gym period. I knew I couldn't skip school 'cause I literally had no where to go unless I wanted to sit at the pizzeria all day but what would I gain from that anyway? I could've went to the court but that was practically asking for my father to bust me and seeing that Kareem was sitting in class somewhere, I couldn't go to his crib. If I couldn't talk about things as of yet I might as well go play basketball in the gym- the sport was the closest thing to my happy place I could get.
"Yo Lil D, Pass the ball man!" I yelped as I ran just after I dropped my bag onto the gym floors.
"What I tell y'all about calling me that?" He retorted as he passed the ball to me just before getting himself in position to play defense. It was just me and him on the court as the other teens who shared the same gym period chose to participate in other activities or simply sit in the bleachers but then again the late bell had yet to ring so I wouldn't be surprised if our game grew in numbers as the later students came tumbling in. I placed that thought to the back of my head as I readied myself to play.
"If I don't get this bucket then I'll stop."
"Hell, judging by what happened yest-." He attempted to let out a rebuttal but I instead cut it short as I quickly crossed him and shot the ball into the net.
"See, what happens when you try and talk that mess?" I shot back causing D to chuckle as more students entered the gym.
"I got next!" The all too familiar voice of Christopher rang as he ran over to the court causing me to roll my eyes as hard as I ever could. I passed him the ball- something I rarely ever do just before I took notice of our two versus one game.
"We uneven bro."
"Yo! Boogie! Two on two real quick!" He shouted out to Boogie who had been chilling in the bleachers.
"Nigga, I ain't got my ball sneakers on right now! Can't fuck up the Jordan's!" He retorted upon exuding his loud ass chuckle. This man really been feeling himself ever since he worked at his dumb ole recreational center but I always knew that was a front. What rec center up in Harlem paying this man that much? You had to be stuck on stupid if you believed that mess. Dude probably a male stripper.
"Boy get down here so we could dust they ass!"
"Shouldn't you be studying or something?" I inquired as this man was way too eager to "dust" my ass in a game I was way better than him in.
"Oh, but shouldn't you? Graduation looking type questionable for you, ain't it?." He shot back as he turned the ball on his index finger in attempt to show off as I once again took a deep breath to sustain the anger brewing. Boogie finally came down from the bleachers, deciding to play once and for all. I ignored Darius's look as he knew I naturally would've said something right back but I instead moved on as the game began.
"Eyes Up Bari!" D told me as he took notice of my wondering eyes as Christopher dribbled the ball between his legs attempting to cross me just like I did Darius earlier in the game.
"Play, nigga! I ain't tryna be here all day!" Boogie shouted as he played defense.
"You lookin' like you got a lot on ya mind, J." Chris stated as he still dribbled while he looked into my eyes. The hell was he talking bout? I again kept it moving as I attempted to steal the ball as he instead turned over to my left-my weaker side- and skated right past me causing me to race after him in attempt to block his shot- as did Darius- but that didn't work in our favor as Chris shot the ball. And just like that I was pissed. "What's the problem King Bari? You lookin' a little upset." He taunted as if he had won the game off of that one shot.
"Save that talking shit, Chris. You know I ain't much of a talker nigga."
"Shit, I could tell." He retorted causing Lil D to get quiet as Boogie attempted to moderate by saying "Yo guys let's just keep the game going" which was only paid no attention to as I stepped towards him.
"The hell you mean by that? The fuck you tryna say?" I reprimanded as my arms widened, indicating my hostility.
"You oughta get to talking to Des. Take care of your fuckin' responsibilities with ya dumbass." I swear I was so close to rocking this man in his jaw but I acknowledged his words and stepped back a bit.
"Don't bring Des into this mess nigga." Boogie added in in defense of Desirae who is as well his friend as much as she was to both Monty and Chris.
"Why not? He already did!" Chris bickered as he shot the ball back at me.
"Maybe you guys should chill. . .we don't even gotta play no more let's just go bout our business." Lil D cut in with the use of his meek voice.
"What mess I bring Des into nigga? My business is my business! I ain't bring in her no shit."
"Find out yourself."
WOAH! I'M BACK! I know this ain't come in madddddd long so I wouldn't be surprised if y'all ignore the hell outta this but I just felt inspired to come back to this book 'cause I had a few motivators in my circle! This chapter is dedicated to Da fookin Cru who kept gassing me to come back to this book. Then again don't hold yourself for an update 'cause who knows how long this inspiration gon' last. ANYWAYS vote! Comment! Love y'all!