I should not have worried about the kid's virtue at all. Me and Three were both egging him on the whole afternoon. Saying shit like he doesn't know what he is missing. Telling him it feels better than a hundred orgasms. Which if you never tried it, it does indeed feel a lot better. Naw. Tommy wasn't believing any of the shit spewing outta our mouths. Fucking little bastard. Michael was even propositioning him. Oh yeah. 'Michael' is Three. I've known the guy for years and within the first half hour he was laying down his life story to Tommy. Fucking ass. He even told Tommy he'd let Tommy fuck him if he just snorted a line of H. Tommy was dead set against anything Michael was asking for. The little shit is stronger than I thought.
After a couple hours of getting blitzed, listening to 'Michael' blabber on about wanting a boyfriend, Tommy turning him down each time, I had enough. There was not enough heroin to get me to sit there a moment more listening to Three blubber about his lack of love life. I stood, as well as I could, considering how much dope I shot in these last couple hours, walked over to Tommy, grabbed his hand and pulled him up and ushered him to the door, so we could exit promptly.
Three protested but I told him we'd be back in a couple of days. Finally. A little peace and quiet. I wish I did not hear half the shit that spewed out of dear ole Michael's mouth. He even had the nerve to recite every detail of how he would go down on Tommy. I think that was my breaking point. I really don't wanna hear about that stuff. Don't get me wrong I am no homophone, I just would rather not have to listen to every tiny detail.
We were half way to town when Tommy spoke. "You like that guy? He really doesn't know when to shut up, huh, Jax"
"Honestly, dude, that is the first time he talked so fucking much or even mentioned his name or anything remotely personal with me around. I think he was into you."
"Well I sure am not into him. Besides dealing drugs and doing them, he is totally old. Just totally gross." Tommy pauses for a moment and his cheeks flush just a bit and continues his thought. "Besides, I, I already like someone. A lot. A real lot." He looks down and drags his feet as we walk back.
Hmm, I wonder who he likes. Why try to get to be friends with me if he already has someone in mind. I don't share well. Never have. When I was little and made a friend I made sure they did everything with me and not hang with anyone else. Strange, that train of thought got me thinking about my first best friend now.
We were ten and on the first day of school I decided to trip him so I could see his face smash on the pavement. Yeah I know I'm real nice. But after I tripped him he ended up getting a hold of a kid that was on his left. Joey lunged over to him to see if he could make the other kid a cushion for his fall. Joey did a mighty fine job of landing on the littler kid. The other kid ended up with a couple of teeth knocked out, his hands skinned almost to the bone and both his knees badly bruised from Joey's fall on him. I looked at Joey, he looked at me. Then we both looked at the kid bleeding and hurt sprawled on the cement and at the same moment we burst out laughing. From that moment me and Joey were inseparable. We did every thing together. Homework, play, pick on kids. Every fucking thing. It was great. Until about three months before school let out for the summer. I remember, it was Friday and I wanted him to come over to hang in the woods and smoke cigarettes. That was our usual m.o. on Friday nights. He turned to look at me from his lunch and said he was busy. He was never fucking busy. I asked him what he was going to do. And he made up some flimsy excuse about his ma grounded him. Which I know was a total lie due to the fact his ma didn't care enough to bother feeding or clothing him properly. I brought him food. I gave him my sneakers when I noticed his had fucking holes in them. I even found an old coat to keep him warm. What a crock of shit. Anyways a few days later I found out he was with this older guy, I forget the asshole's name, but I guess he was richie rich. You know? He gave him better stuff and more stuff than I could ever get him. Years later I found out he gave also gave Joey H.I.V. He was fucking Joey when Joey was only ten. Ten fucking years old. Now I know I ain't no brand new flower and we got into a lot of shit but damn... That be like me fucking a four year old and that is... Oh crap. I feel sick just thinking about it. Since Joey let the other guy fuck him he got a shit load of stuff from the fag. And to top it off the dude wasn't even a kid. He was something like nineteen and sticking his dirty dick into a kid. I heard a couple years ago Joey died. I think that is when I decided I needed to be alone. Not after he ditched me, but after his death. Even though we did not know each other any more I felt like a piece of me died with him.
Which takes me to my new little friend I seem to have now. If he thinks he wants to hang with me he better not be looking to hook up with anyone. I don't care if we are just friends. Once people start fucking something, all there friends go poof. And you never hear from them again til it is too fucking late. Argh. I fucking lost my high and now I am all on edge and want to smash something or someone.
I look up and notice we are standing in front of my complex. "Wanna come up? Hang out?" I ask Tommy with gritted teeth.
"Sure, Jax. Thanks." He casually replied. I grabbed his left wrist and yanked him through the front of the apartments and then dragged him over to my door. Got the key from under the puke green colored mat that has seen better days. As I opened the door I tugged him into my home sweet fucking home. I slammed the door and shoved his back right into the door, knob and all. He let out a slight whimper but he'll be okay. I had him pinned to the door and looked straight into those crazy beautiful blue eyes which shined with fear, caring and hurt and in a guttural whisper told him how things will be. "You listen to me Tommy and don't interrupt me. You say you wanna be a friend to me. But I'm telling you this is how our friendship works. You hang with me and only me. No other dudes. I ain't gay so you gotta deal with jerking off because you are not allowed to have a boyfriend if we are friends... Hush, not a word. No girls either. It is just you and me. You fuck me over once, Tommy, and you will regret ever coming up to me asking to be my friend." I ended the sentence with a slight sneer. He turned whiter than a ghost for a brief moment. But then he seemed to collect himself. I felt him stand taller and look deeper into my eyes. "Fine." I looked at him and waited for the and, or but, or ha no fucking way. But that was it. He continued to look at me but with a slightly amused expression on his face. Maybe he is the insane one...
That is all I could think as to how he reacted. I thought for sure he'd be out the door. "Um, Jax," he said with a genuine smile on his face that went straight to his eyes, "Will you move back a bit so I can use the toilet?"
Oh Christ. I still had the kid pinned to the door. I let him up and pointed the way for him to go to do his business.
"Come on Jax, show me your room!" He yells as he opens the bathroom door after finishing up. I headed toward him and took hold of his wrist again so I could lead him to my room. With a slight giggle he muttered, "You know I can actually walk quite well without your aid." I ignored him and we carried on to my room. Mind you, my room isn't really anything to write home about. But he walked inside and glanced around. Turned to look at me and gave me a big smile and told me my room was great. I almost wanted to argue with him but honestly I couldn't give two shits at that moment. I wanted a buzz back. I dropped down to my knees so I could crawl around my filthy floor in hopes of finding a bottle of something leftover from a couple weekends ago.
"Um, is this a new way to hang out? Want me to crawl too?" Tommy looked a bit odd as he asked me. I opened my mouth to give him a nasty retort, however, my mind did not like that idea apparently and I said instead, "No this is not a new way to hang out, but if you have the urge to crawl to me go for it, baby." I used my most intimidating voice on him. Then to my surprise the boy's cheeks turned a rosy pink and I saw goose bumps sprout on his arms. What the fuck? Did I scare him? As I was trying to figure out what was going on, Tommy dropped down to all fours and slowly crawled over to me. Once he stopped he lifted his upper body off the floor, spread his knees wide open, pulled his hands behind his back, and tilted his head down so he was not looking at me in the eyes. Holy fuck. That was the most erotic thing I've ever seen. Christ. My dick filled out and is now throbbing in my jeans. I don't think I've ever been this fucking hard before. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't be in the same room as he was. I quickly blurted out, "I'm gonna grab a drink. Um, yeah. I'll get you one too." I booked it out of my room as fast as I could with a rock hard dick.
He is a guy. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh no. Okay so yeah, I never mentioned this before but I have never had sex before. I liked being alone. Fucking sue me. I saw what it did to Joey. And I never thought any of the girls at school were all that hot looking. And no. I never noticed the guys at all. Shit. Shit. Shit. What if I am gay? No. I kinda always considered myself asexual. I can probably count on my two hands how many times I've jerked off in my life. But Tommy... Damn. Now I really need something. Strong. Real, real strong.
I quickly rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchen and located a half empty bottle of tequilla. Naturally. I loathe the stuff. But since I can not seem to find anything else it'll do. I grabbed the bottle and chugged a quarter of it down. I think it wiped out my vocal chords. My entire throat, esophagus and stomach burned as if there were tiny shards of glass sliding through my system. I stood for a moment and recovered from the shock of the alcohol. Really vile stuff. I walked back to my room, hoping it'll take effect soon and my brain will stop functioning and thoughts of Tommy disappear.
By the time I get to the room I feel a slight bit better. Unfortunately, as I walk pass the threshold I see Tommy still on his knees but instead he turned himself so he faced the door as I entered. Also he took his shirt, shoes and pants off leaving him in bright cherry red boxers and white athletic socks. I quickly placed the bottle to my lips and took a huge gulp of the foul liquid. Oh. And I stared at Tommy.
Perhaps I should not have drunk the booze. More crazy thoughts pushed themselves into my mind and my dick too. With a slow gait I went towards Tommy. "Tilt your head back, keep your eyes lowered and open your mouth," I grunted out. Without a stutter. Damn sometimes I impress myself. He did it. I placed the bottle to his soft pouty lips and let the tequila slowly flow from the bottle into his mouth. I noticed that he did not swallow it. Gruffly I ordered him to swallow. He did so immediately. I couldn't take it. My mind was taking me to disturbing places I never knew existed. I ripped the bottle from Tommy and chugged down the rest, dropping the bottle as my hand grabbed my searing throat. "Fuck!" I roared. Then I bent down so I could grab Tommy under his arms and yanked him up off my crusty floor and pushed him out my bedroom door then slammed it shut. I noticed his clothes and hurriedly picked them out and opened the door to throw them at him. "Get the fuck outta my house." I growled out to the shocked, quivering boy. I slammed the door and crawled into my bed and hid under my covers. My mind swirled with fear, regret, desire.
At some point I must have passed out from the booze because the next thing I remember is opening my eyes to an almost bright sky and the sun waiting until it could turn up its volume and blare its harmful rays right through my retinas. I got out of bed and threw some blanket in front of my bare window to alleviate any scorching blaze that might fall upon my eyes.
The next time I woke it was already half past noon. No sense in going to school, I thought. So I rolled my lazy ass over and fell back into my coma. Needless to say since my mind and apparently my dick weren't functioning properly I stayed home all week to try and sort out what was going on in my head and cock. I smoked copious amounts of pot. Drank a fifth a vodka I stole on Wednesday... Maybe it was Thursday night I stole that. Then Friday was hovering over me. I was broke. But never fear, friends. Since most people got paid on Fridays I decided to stalk the local check cashing place for the losers who don't have a bank account. I was happily surprised by the four hundred bucks I was able to acquire without breaking much of a sweat. I strode over to Threes place and picked up three hundred worth of pure blessed heroin. When I got home I thought as to why I did not spend all of it. I know I'll be back to his house before the weekend is over. But maybe Tommy might shock me with an appearance. And we could do something. No. I never want to see him again! I roared out load in my room.
I'm not gay I told myself. I also hate people. Argh! I am so fucking messed up. The only thing I know is that I'm gonna cook up some shit and tap it right into a vein and float...
Regrettably, I couldn't even do that right away since I lost my needle. So I spent about an hour searching this shit hole of a home. Finally I located my mother's stash. Can you believe my ma hides her needles. Ha. I'd hide them too from the likes of me. She is diabetic and she gets a certain amount a month. When she realizes one or two are missing she comes right to me. As always I look at her as if she is insane. Then say my same spiel I've recited more times than I could count about doesn't she remember when I went to the doctor's and had to get shots. Every fucking time I'd pass out right before the needle touch my skin. My sister would be laughing as I returned to the world. Then I put the idea in mom's head that maybe my sis took them for her science experiments she always seems to be doing. Which by the way is true. That girl is super smart and loves causing havoc in chemistry lab. My mom would ponder this as if I never have mentioned it before and shakes her head up and down in agreement. She thanks me, turns around and leaves me alone as she putters back to her room. She never confronts my sis about it. I like the system. It works. But every time she notices one missing she finds a new hiding place. Which irks me cuz like she hides them really well and it takes me forever to locate the fucking things.
I cooked up a real good shot. And out I went into another world without worries...
"Holy fuck!" I screamed out. It sounds like someone has a fucking automatic and aiming it at my place. I look over at the clock and it was almost seven Friday night. Then another round pummels my hearing. I roll over and hide my head under a pillow but that didn't work. I was just about to get out of bed to see if someone got shot. That is when I saw Tommy leaning on my bedroom door frame, staring me down as if I was a piece of shit on a pile of garbage in a junkyard.