Chapter Nine
The Inconstancy Of Life
"Life is always changing, the only constant in life is change. The only thing you could depend on is change."
~
For the last two weeks I had been stressing over the tour, taking photos, preparing, deciding. The tour was in order. And after a brief telling to my family that I was leaving, no matter how devastated Mama L was, I was sure that my family supported me, even if it was just for the concert tickets. No matter how much I had been readying myself, I still felt unsure and not adequately prepared for tomorrow. It would be my first concert of the tour, in L.A., and I would have to do it again the next day. It was my first concert where I was the focus.
I laid in my bed, tossing and turning while my heart raced faster than ever, I had managed to get a few hours of sleep earlier, but I knew that it wouldn't sustain me. Turning to the daunting clock on my nightstand I saw in big bold red 1:31 A.M., there was no hope. In just a few short hours my alarm would sound the rise of my body, I reached for my phone and called the one person I knew could truly understand.
"Hello?" The groggy deep voice sounded intoxicating.
"I need to talk to you." My voice came out more urgent than I had intended it to.
"Nervous?" He paused, a small groan followed. "Be ready in 15, I have something to show you."
"What?" I had expected a tired and terse pep talk.
"Be. Ready. In. 15." He hung up, even through I was apprehension, I stood up and started a pot of coffee. Quickly rushing to my closet, I grabbed a cropped Post Malone Tour hoodie pairing it with some high waisted black jeans to counter the bright yellow colour. Not caring how I looked, I threw my hair in a bun and poured my coffee in a cup, chugging the warm liquid, the warm liquid in my throat caused me too wake up. I finished just in time, because soon after a distant knock came from my door. "I tried to be gentle, for your neighbours sake."
"Thank you." My instinct took over and I hugged him, feeling some stress fade at the simple touch, he openly welcomed the embrace. I kissed his cheek softly, feeling suddenly calmed by the bear hug, I masked my warm blush by turning and locking my door.
"Follow me to the car." I slightly stumbled, Austin tenderly grabbed my hand and pulled me into his sturdy body, leading me with his protective arm around my shoulders.
I could feel myself succumb to the want for his touch, to my desire, the longer I allowed him to lead me down the stairs to his car. But unusually, I didn't fight it, my tired and incompetent mind seemed to only be concerned with the way his arm fit perfectly around me and the way his face was so handsomely carved, like a Greek goddess. Not to mention the small curls that didn't manage to be slicked back into his loose bun, his scruff that he allowed to grow longer than usual, I felt an urge to touch more of him to be closer to him rise in me like a tidal wave.
I was silent the whole drive, but neither of us complained, our intertwined fingers were entertaining enough for me. Austin only let go of his hold on me to get out and open the door for me after pulling up to an empty lot, before the car was a small and built path. "Where are we going?"
"My secret hiding spot." He didn't take the path, the one that led to what I assumed was the Hollywood sign, he led me to a hidden spot behind the bottom of the mountain, with our backs faced towards he city I saw the dim lights of a less populated city. "I use to go venturing around this area to write my songs in peace, no cars or loud and nagging people. Where I'm from things are always quite, so sometimes I feel mad to always be surrounded by noise."
"It's gorgeous Austin." We sat side by side, my hand still in his, they laid there motionless on my lap, the warmth of our touch spread up into my shivering chest.
"Are you cold?" I softly mumbled a yes, he let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close into himself. His eyes caught mine as our faces nearly grazed. "I want you to know that you can always call me, Mad, no matter how late it is, this morning for example, and I will always come running. You are important, no matter how new our friendship is, it's more important to me than a concert, or my manager, or even the music industry in general. I truly have a connection with you, and those kind of friendships should be cultivated and cherished, it doesn't matter if it is freshly formed."
"I know, I couldn't convey the words any better." My breath was short and heavy, his eyes left mine and traveled down to my lips for a moment. Taking it as a hint, or at least an expression of his desire, I closed the small space between our lips, instantly feeling a fire rise from my toes and my lips outwards, engulfing my body, slowly. Neither of us moved for a few moments, until the fire consumed me, and it was then my hand moved to his face, deepening the innocent kiss. His arm left my shoulder and fell around my back, pulling me further into his body, I responded by wrapping my free arm around his neck, using his body as support to not lean over in the dirt. I tangled my fingers in his curls, he let out a breathless moan.
Before we moved too far, Austin pulled away, unable to catch his breath, but he held goofy boyish grin on his face that reached his eyes, I could feel that I looked the same. "Friends?" He whispered jokingly.
"You need to stop being a good man and maybe I could keep it that way." I chuckled, stroking his face and tracing imaginary lines.
"You barely lasted two weeks." His hand traced circles into my back, his imitation of my 'line drawing' told me he enjoyed the soft touch. "But don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining."
"This doesn't mean we're together." I mumbled.
"Of course not," he touched my forehead with his. "Just dating at least?"
"But not openly."
"There aren't many people I would tell." I nodded, softly clunking our head together.
"Sorry." I chuckled, he softly press his lips against mine as a response before standing up. After dusting his sweats off, he gave me a hand up, quickly wrapping our hands together and tucking me tenderly under his mother-bird sort of grip. "What if some nutty fan finds out?"
"Then I will deal with them, accordingly." He kissed my forehead, leaving his lips there momentarily. "Is your anxiety gone?"
"For now." As soon as I sat in the car, he took my hands, his keys still in his lap.
"Your going to be nervous, probably for every single show for the rest of your career, I still am. But it gets less and less, before soon it feels so natural to have a pit in your stomach you would feel empty without it. It reminds you that your doing what your suppose to-" he tucked a rogue hair behind my ear. "What your made to do. And when you see your fans screaming your name, or gawking at the chance to meet you, or just being there for you in general, even if they came for the headliner, they are singing your songs or swaying to the beat. It's...it's..."
"Invigorating?"
"Yes! It makes your blood bump and every inch of your body tingle with excitement. As soon as you get on that stage, even with your stage fright haunting you and clawing at your insides, the adrenaline is overpowering." I smiled, truly comforted by his encouraging words.
"What your saying is it's like all my other performances but heightened?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying." He half smirked, my stomach plummeting at the careless grin. "Do you want to get a couple hours of shut eye before the sound check?"
"I thought you didn't have to be there till-"
"I'll be there early." He turned the ignition, letting go of my hands to pull out, before subconsciously grabbing one. "It's only two hours, I mean we don't have to be there till 10:00, it's 6:00. If we leave at 9:00 we'll be good, I can sleep till 8:30 and shower and throw on something that isn't PJ's."
"I didn't get ready at all!" My outfit was fine, but I had no makeup or hair products, and it wasn't like Austin straightened or curled his hair, he barely brushed it as it was.
"You look gorgeous either way, I tell no difference, except your beautiful soul glistens through without makeup." He stared at me out of the corner of his eyes, barely making the stop for the red light. His brakes squeaked, but his truck stopped gracefully. "Oops."
"Focus Austin, I'm no reason to get in a car crash."
"There was no one there." I glared at him, he shook me off with a laugh. "You need to make a nickname for me, one no one calls me."
"Well then you need to be more original than Mad." I laughed, he feigned offence.
"I guess it'll have to come naturally, I'll be thinking about it all day."
"As will I."
~
I woke up to Austin crawling out of his bed, he shuffled through a few draws and his closet before walking to the master bathroom. He didn't notice me staring, and he didn't close the door all the way, I could see his pulling his hair down in the mirror. He took off his shirt and pranced over to the shower, turning it on and sitting there with his hand under the water until he decided it was warm enough. He began to take his sweatpants, it was then I looked away, my stomach tumbling at the thought of seeing him. I wanted to go in there and join his shower, but I thought otherwise, decided to try and search his house for coffee.
I looked through all his cabinets, finding his coffee filters and then some cheap looking coffee, it was new. I pulled out his coffee machine and began preparing it, soon praising myself for figuring it out, I enjoyed the smell as I looked for his creamer. Behind the 25 pack of Bud Light, I found some half and half, I settled on the reaching out-of-date milk. He obviously didn't drink coffee too much.
After fixing a cup for myself, I sat on the patio, I could scarcely believe how comfortable I was in his house, in Post Malone's house. Only a few short weeks ago, I was barely scraping by, catching a semi big break with Demi, and had no potential love interest and no friends outside of my family. But after stumbling into Austin, I had a love interest, a year long job of traveling the world and doing what I love, performing, I had a friend that wasn't family and a future record deal. How could life be so bipolar? Life is always changing, the only constant in life is change. The only thing you could depend on is change.
Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed with appreciation, I didn't understand why it happened to me rather than someone more deserving, but I didn't want to fight it. I don't want to loose my future that looked so bright, so hopeful.
I was deep in my thoughts when a warm hand settled on my shoulder. "Ready to go?" I smiled at Austin, I was prepared for sound check.
~
When we arrived, Austin and I decided it was best to not hold hands or do anything couple like, we didn't want any untrustworthy crew members to know and spill the secret to the press. But we walked close together, joking and laughing like we would anyways.
"Austin? I didn't expect you to be here?" The sound manager smiled at him, and pulled him in for a hug, but his eyes lingered on me. I could tell he was suspicious of us. "And who is this?"
"This is who's opening for us, Madison meet Mavro, he is a very good friend of mine." Austin hit his back brotherly, and smiled at me.
"Nice to meet you Mavro." I smiled wide and friendly as I shook his large and sturdy hand.
"Nice to meet you as well Madison, you didn't tell me she was so gorgeous." He winked. "Mind you, I didn't look at any of the interviews or pictures."
"Well thank you." Austin went to my side, and gawked at me momentarily.
"I know she is." He then controlled himself, Mavro's grin seemed to widen, if that was possible.
"I see." He mumbled, nodding to himself. "Okay, I see."
"See what?" Austin asked, staring confused at his close friend.
"I see what kind of relationship you have." He looked down at his board. "You two are together."
"No we aren't, we are friends." Austin argued, Mavro cocked an eyebrow, looking at me and then at Austin's red face.
"I won't tell anyone, not even William if he doesn't know." Austin fumbled for words, only furthering to prove Mavro's words were true.
"We aren't together, just, confused on what we want." I clarified. "And I know you won't tell anyone, because your the only one that knows, and it would be apparent to us it was you that stabbed him in the back." I smiled, Mavro looked as bubbly as before, chuckling at me.
"I like her, feisty, that's what you need Austin." He clapped Austin on the back. "Want to get this shit started?"
"Let me take a cigarette break." Austin said, I nodded.
"Let's do this." I smiled, grabbing the microphone and walking up on the stage.
"Have you warmed up?"
"The whole drive here." I shook my nerves off, and decided on a song. "Play Give Me One Reason."
As I hit the chorus for the last time Austin came in, I caught his eyes and he seemed to loose his ability to walk, he just stood there, staring at me. My stomach squeezed, his crystal blue eyes made my body quiver, my notes seemed stronger and cleaner now that he was there. The depth of my voice came out clean, I pulled from my chest, and found the passion I was searching for through the song, he was my passion.
Hitting the last note, I decided to string it out, slowly fading into nothing, and by the end not only was my microphone set to perfection, but so was my voice.
"Tracy Chapman would be proud." Austin yelled, clapping furiously, I blushed crimson, and Mavro smiled towards Austin.
"Where the hell did you find her? Her voice is magnificent!"
"Thank you." I growled into the microphone, my voice was rasped by the singing.
"I don't even fucking believe it! How did I score just ana amazing singer for my tour?"
"And girlfriend." Mavro winked.
"Why don't you go up Austin, we can set your vocals for the duet and your songs? Madison, stay there, I'm going to set your second vocals."
"Second?"
"Well you have two different singing styles, ones more soul and depth and the other is Indie and softer."
"I get it now." I laughed at my stupidity. Austin jogged up to the stage, kissing my cheek and settling his guitar over his shoulder.
"You did amazing, song bird." He whispered, before his hands methodically plucked at the guitar, the sound wavered as Mavro tried to settle on one sound, but I could hear the way the guitar sounded beyond the monitors. It flowed and was nearly as beautiful as his fingers plucking, it didn't looked forced or rushed, it flowed and moved like a river.
"Okay, ready for your voices."
"Don't want to hear you
Don't want you on my mind
Don't want to feel you
Don't want you on my mind
Don't want to see you
Don't want you on my mind..." I sang slow, drawing every note out, while Austin countered my high voice with his low one.
"Why on earth would I leave, if you were everything I needed you to be
When I saw who you are, who you are
Got me questionin' the things I want..." Austin's voice was deep, raspy and filled with confusion.
"So I ask myself, do I let you go?
Or do I keep you in the frame of my mind?
Now I'm growing wise to your sugar-coated words
Nothing's sweet about your games, yeah..." I hit every note smoothly, making sure the daw out the emotions. We sang together on the chorus, every chorus and I took the next Bridge, as the song faded out I smiled, feeling satisfied with how it sounded.
"You two make good music together, when is this coming out for sale?" Mavro asked.
"Well, she and I recorded it so it could be released as a taste of what's to come."
"I see, so people fall in love with one song and want more. Smart selling." He winked at us.
"He's the business man." I joked, touching Austin's arm before stepping off the stage. "That sounded great, thanks for tuning us in."
"It's my job." I stood beside him, watching him press buttons and mess with this and that. "Wanna stay back here with me? Or you can go back to the trucks and help pull all the equipment off."
"I'd rather be here, learning how you do what you do." I smiled, he returned the favour.
"Alright Austin, I'll put on Up There just do your thing." He talked into his microphone, I watched as he isolated Austin's voice from the music, but kept the music in Austin's monitor. Then he proceeded to explain his every step. "See, I have reverb, but I don't want it for this song, so I have to wait till he sings something like Fall Apart, but I do want to lesson the base, so his voice doesn't sound too deep..."
I listened to his every word, and before I knew it Austin sounded like the infamous Post Malone, he sounded better than his recording. His voice made me want to run up to him and kiss him. It was sexy, raspy, and deep.
"Alright, that's it. You two are done, but I think your fashion designers need you two, same room, the one to the right of the men's restroom." As soon as we were in front of the restroom Austin opened the door and pulled me in.
"What are you doing?" After my words he pinned my wrists beside my head and kissed me deeply.
"I have wanted to do that for weeks now." My puffy lips gaped open as I stared star struck at him, my heart raced as long as my head.
"That was-" I paused, pulling my lips close to his, Just barely grazing them. "Amazing."
He let go of my wrists to grab my face, forcing our lips to meet, my fingers went to his side, pulling him close.
"We should get going." He growled, his dark eyes never leaving my face as he let go and reached to open the door.
"For sure." I mumbled, stumbling backwards and towards the dressing room.
"Madison!" Alyssa cheered as soon as I walked in, she pulled me in for a warm embrace, I hugged her back.
"I have a lot to tell you." I whispered before letting go and standing beside her and who I assumed to be Austin's dresser.
"Hi, I'm Skyla (Ski-la), Austin's costume designer." She shook my hand, before saying her greetings to Austin.
"Why are we here?" Austin's asked, innocently.
"We need to figure out your look. And I know you want it to be cohesive."
"So you guys can pick your twin pieces and we'll clean it up."
"Gucci Loafers." Austin bent over and showed me them, I nodded approvingly.
"Black pants?" He nodded.
"Uh, we could do just black tops." He pulled out a black blazer.
"Sounds good to me." I shrugged turning to Skyla and Alyssa.
"Alright babe." Alyssa walked over to my clothing rack and pulled the jeans from my hands and hung them up, then turned and stared at the rack. She picked up Gucci horse-bit black leather loafers, a black leather Gucci belt, and a plain black cropped long sleeve. She then topped it off with a few simple necklaces and glistening golden rings. "Your turn Skyla."
She grabbed Austin's jacket and slides, then instantly went for a button up black and white polka dotted shirt, and simple black slacks and Gucci leather belt. "Easy."
"That went fast." Austin shrugged as he spoke, putting his arm around my shoulder. "We're going to grab a bit, text us if you need us."
~
Austin bolted it out of the concert venue, racing to the car and zooming out of the area. "What are you doing crazy?"
"We're going to get fast food, and we'll hide in the back, I just need to fucking to talk to you and shit freely. Without people overheating me."
"Okay." I nodded, reaching for his tender hand on the wheel, he relaxed at my touch, smiling.
"That feels right." He mumbled.
"Your pretty needy for a new relationship."
"I'll always be needy, get use to it." We soon pulled up to some burger fast food joint, we walked in. Austin sported a white dad hat, that severely clashed with his loose vintage striped shirt, and I wore a pink one. We held hand inside, making sure to keep our heads low, I ordered our food and Austin threw cash down before I could pay. "Keep the change."
"Alright, you guys are number fifteen, leave this number on your table and we'll make sure to get your food to you quickly." The teenager with acne conceded skin smiled at us. "Have a good afternoon."
Austin pulled me into a U shaped booth, and pulled me in to hug me into his body. "I think I chose a nickname." My nose touched Austin's tenderly.
"What is it?"
"Bear, maybe Boo Bear." He grinned.
"Why's that?"
"Because, your cuddly and warm like a bear but you can also roar and protect like one." He chuckled, letting me go and staring sweetly at me.
"I like the nickname."
"Why did you stop cuddling me?" He smiled.
"I just want to make sure to take it sort of slow, not completely, but I want this to develop properly." He held my hand. "No more bathroom kisses, I need to romance you."
"How the fuck did I managed to get you?"
"You acted like yourself, dork." He kissed my hand. "By the way, I have an old friend to introduce you too."
"Who?"
"Justin Bieber."
...
Don't worry, this doesn't mean they are a sure thing ;) don't get too attached:D