A/N: NO UPDATE on Saturday & Sunday. I'm out of town. I will try to update on Monday. Happy reading! 😉
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
ALL THAT ALEXZA wanted that day is to lay in bed, doing nothing but to eat. If this mood is because of thinking how they would celebrate the fifth birthday of Blake or how they would mourn for their son's fifth death anniversary at the same time, she doesn't have an idea.
Or maybe there's something else why she was feeling lazy all of a sudden.
She's just contented laying on Drake's bed, smelling his scent on the pillows while the window is open to feel the air and to hear the waves.
She and Drake always talk about their lives when we weren't together. Natanto nila na ang daming taon pala ang nasayang nila noon at ngayon ay pinupunan nila ang mga iyon.
They're getting stronger and they're starting to build a new relationship with Blake on it. All in all, they're fine being with each other. Mas palagi lang silang sabik sa isa't-isa ngayon kahit na palagi naman silang magkasama at magkayakap.
Suddenly, the door wide open and Drake came in, holding some paper bags.
"I can't find that sweet and spicy dilis you were talking about, love." He sat beside her and give her a kiss on the lips. "I've been looking for it in and outside the Mall, pero wala talaga."
Inirapan niya ito. "Magluto ka na lang niyon kung hindi ka nakabili."
"I will. I bought dilis and other ingredients for it."
"Sarapan mo. Yung kasing sarap nung nakain ko nung nakaraang araw. Dapat gano'n na gano'n 'yung lasa."
Nakita niyang napapangiwi si Drake at napakamot pa sa batok.
When they went to Church last Sunday, while she was waiting for them inside the car after mass while he and Blake was still buying ice cream, she saw an old woman selling sweet and spicy dilis and other kind of snacks.
Nang pagkita niya palang sa dilis na pula ay talagang naglaway kaagad siya. Napabili siya ng wala sa oras. At ngayon ay hinahanap-hanap niya ang pagkain na 'yon! May kung ano yata ang dilis na 'yon.
"Sasarapan ko ang luto para sa'yo. What else do you want to eat?"
Inayos niya ang higa sa kama. "The sweet and spicy dilis only."
"Okay, I'll cook now and bring it here."
"Can you tell Blake to come here?"
"Sure love,"
Muli ay binigyan siya nito ng mabilis na halik sa labi bago lumabas ng silid. Maya-maya lang ay bumukas ulit ang pinto at iniluwa niyon si Blake. Patakbo itong sumampa sa kama.
"Mommy are you sick?"
"No baby," she wide her arm a little for a hug. Blake move closer and let her hug him. "Why did you say that?"
"Because you've been laying in bed since morning."
She chuckle softly and pinch the tip of his cute nose. He's playing with his car toys in the air.
"Mommy feel lazy today. I'm not sick."
"Don't be sick on my birthday, okay?"
For a moment she stilled and think about it. Bakit ba kailangan sabay ang kaarawan nito at kamatayan ng anak niya? Ang hirap-hirap maging masaya sa araw na sobrang malungkot siya.
"Ano ba ang gusto mo sa birthday mo?"
"I wanted all of us to be happy po." He sway his car toys in the air. "I wanted to spend my birthday with you and daddy only. Pwede po ba 'yon?"
"Oo naman. We would spend your birthday with me and your dad. Where do you want to spend it?"
"Ahm, I don't know yet mommy. What do you think?"
Naglabas siya ng marahan na hangin mula sa dibdib.
"Actually, I need to go to one of the unforgettable place in your birthday." Pagkasabi niya ay napabangon si Blake at tumitig sa kanya. May pangamba sa mga mata.
"I thought we would spend my birthday together? Aalis ka po sa birthday ko?" His voice became sad.
"I would leave early in the morning and be back as soon as I can, for your birthday."
"Is that really important mommy?"
She give him a warm smile and cares his small face.
"That day is so important to me, baby."
She study every bit of his face. From his innocent brown eyes, cute nose, thin lips and divided small chin, all of it. No wonder that he's Drake's son. Blake's a mini version of him, the only difference is he looks at her with pure love from a child to his mother.
"Important than my birthday?" He almost whisper the words before he look down.
Using her forefinger, she place it under his chin and lifted gently a little to meet his eyes again.
"Your birthday is important to me, too. Okay? It's both important to me."
He nod, as if he finally understand her.
"Can I come with you there mommy?"
Alexza stilled again for a moment. She didn't expect him to say that.
"A-Anak—"
"Kami po ni daddy? Pwede po kaming sumama?"
Now, she's speechless again. How can she decide for it? Blake might feel sad seeing her crying. Ayaw niyang ipakita dito na mahina siya. At sa araw na iyon nang pag-alala sa nawalang anak niya, alam niya sa sarili na tumungtong palang siya sa lugar na iyon ay bubuhos kaagad ang luha niya. Alam niyang hindi niya mapipigilan ang emosyon niya.
Kaya nga hanggat maaari ay ayaw niyang dumating ang araw na iyon kasi sisisihin niya na naman ang sa sarili niya dahil sa nangyari. Sa wari niya, siya talaga ang may kasalanan, ayaw niya lang aminin ng tuluyan kay Drake kasi natatakot siyang sisihin siya nito.
Even after the investigation and they found out that it's really an accident and no one to blame with, and yes she's still blaming herself for losing her own son. She can't move on. She can't accept what happened. She's still mourning for it. She's still blaming herself.
"P-Pwede naman na hindi ka na sumama anak ko, kaya na iyon ni mommy."
"Si daddy po? Hindi rin siya pwedeng sumama?"
"Saan sasama?" Drake came in, holding a tray.
Naamoy niya kaagad ang pamilyar na amoy ng dilis! Napaupo siya at sinulyapan ang pagkain na inilapag nito sa side table.
"Please give me that,"
Takam na takam na itinuro niya ang sweet and spicy dilis na masunog-sunog pa pero wala na siyang pakialam pa do'n.
"Here, hope you would like it."
Inabot sa kanya ni Drake ang lalagyan at sinamahan sila sa pag-upo sa kama.
"Ang sarap!" Bulalas niya.
"I'm glad you like it." He focus on his son who's watching her. "Ano ang pinag-uusapan niyo ni mommy?"
"Aalis daw siya sa birthday ko daddy pero babalik po siya kaagad."
"Where's she going?"
She gave Drake a knowing glance, telling him about their son's death anniversary. He got it and focus to Blake again.
"I don't know where daddy,"
"I also don't know where is it, son. Your Mommy didn't tell me yet."
"Let's talk about Blake's birthday." She change their topic while eating.
"I told mommy to celebrate my birthday on that important place she was telling me. Can we celebrate my birthday there, mommy?"
Napawi nang tuluyan ang ngiti niya pati ang pag-nguya niya ay natigil. Walang salita ang gustong lumabas sa bibig niya. Mabuti na lang ay nadiyan si Drake para saluhin siya sa mga hindi inaasahan na tanong ni Blake.
"I don't think it's a good idea son. That place is not the right place to celebrate your birthday."
"Huwag nalang po natin i-celebrate ang birthday ko daddy. Sama nalang po tayo kay mommy." Suhestiyon pa ng anak kaya nagkatinginan sila ni Drake. "Wish ko po sa birthday ko sama-sama po tayong tatlo."
"Anak," napabuntong hininga siya pagkatapos. "Ang hirap i-explain. I don't know if you would understand the situation, you're still our baby, I don't think you would understand if we tell you."
"Tell me what is it mommy and I'll try to understand po."
Blake attentively watch her and wait for her to speak again. Her lips pout a little when her gaze drifted at the man beside her, telling him that she can't explain the situation.
"Can I tell him?" Tanong ni Drake, naninimbang ang tingin sa kanya.
Tango lang ang isinagot niya at nagpatuloy sa pagkain ng dilis. In fairness kahit sunog ay masarap pa rin iyon sa panlasa niya.
"Ano po 'yon daddy ko?" Halata ang pagkainteresado ng anak nila. "Makikinig po ako. Promise." He even lifted his right small hand as a sign of swearing.
Drake stare at his son carefully before he speak.
"We want you to know that you have a baby brother—"
"Wow!" Blake exclaim and to her surprise he lifted her blouse and place his ear on her stomach as if listening to something inside.
Her eyes widened when she realized what her son's is thinking about.
"Blake, is not like what you think—"
"May baby brother na sa loob ng tiyan ni mommy!"
Muntik na siyang mabilaukan at nasapo ang leeg niya. Maagap na inabutan siya ni Drake ng baso ng tubig. She drink while Blake's still on her stomach.
Napangiwi siya nang ibalik ang baso kay Drake at ito naman ay pinipigil ang mapangisi. Ah! Ano ba ang iniisip ng lalaking ito? Na may baby talaga sa tiyan niya?
"Ako ang Kuya mo... ako si Kuya Blake..." lalo siyang napangiwi ng kinausap pa ni Blake ang tiyan niya. "Kailan ka lalabas? Marami akong toys, I will give it to you baby brother."
"In a few months Blake, wait for it." Drake said.
Nilingon nito ang ama. "Maraming-maraming tulog pa daddy bago siya lumabas?"
"Yes, maraming-maraming tulog pa."
"Naririnig niya na po ba ako?"
Drake let out a sexy amusing laugh. "Not yet son. So, get back here and let's continue talking."
"Gano'n po ba..."
Tinignan pa ni Blake ang tiyan niya bago inayos ulit ang damit niya. Muli itong bumalik sa pwesto at mabait na binigyan ulit ng pansin ang ama. Habang siya ay wala sa sariling napahawak sa ibabaw ng tiyan niya.
"Yes you have a baby brother and he's still in Mommy's stomach," Drake continued making her gasped. What the hell he's talking about?!
"Okay po daddy," mabait na tumango-tango si Blake. "What else po?"
"You have another baby brother who's already in heaven." Deretso na sabi ni Drake na hindi na binigyan pang makapagsalita ang anak dahil inunahan na nito kaagad. "His death anniversary is same with your birthday, that's why we can't celebrate your birthday in the place where he is... but don't worry anak, we will still celebrate your birthday after we visit your baby brother, is that okey to you?"
"Can I visit my baby brother too?" Instead, Blake asked.
Drake glance at her, asking for permission but she don't need to answer it because her answer would be always Yes when it comes to Blake!
"Yes, we would bring you with us."
"Are we going to go to heaven to visit my baby brother daddy?"
Hindi niya mapigilan ang pag-alpas ng maiksing tawa at nang nilingon siya nang dalawa ay itinikom niya ang bibig. Why this little boy need to be so cute all the time?
"Nope," Drake answer, popping the third letter. "Can you please stop asking questions that's so hard to answer, anak?"
Kahit si Drake ay parang nauubusan na rin ng isasagot sa anak nila. Siya ay malapit na rin maubusan sa totoo lang lalo at sa ganitong usapin. Hindi siya handa.
"How can we visit my baby brother if he's in heaven then? You said he's in heaven. Ang hirap mong kausap daddy."
Padapa na napahiga si Drake sa kama sa tabi niya at automatiko na yumapos ang braso sa bewang niya.
"Please, talk to our son, love." Drake whisper.
"We can't visit him on heaven, baby. We would only visit him to the place where he d-died." Alexza clear her throat. "Do you understand now? Your baby brother is in heaven. Hindi na natin siya makikita at makakasama kasi patay na siya. Wala na siya sa mundo natin. We will only visit him to let him know that we still remember him even if he's no longer with us. To let him know that we still love him even if we don't see him."
Napatitig siya kay Blake nang tumayo ito at lumapit sa kanya. Naramdaman niya ang maliliit na daliri nitong pinupunasan ang luhang hindi niya man lang namalayan na tumulo pala.
"I understand now mommy ko." Blake whisper softly. The sadness on his eyes is very visible while staring at her. "Huwag ka na pong umiyak mahal ka rin po ni baby brother ko...kasi ikaw po ang mommy niya. Mahal po ng mga baby ang mga mommy."
"A-and mommies loves their babies." She force a smile and pinch his chin. "Thank you, Blake. You're such a blessing to me."
"Blessing ka rin po sa akin mommy ko...kung hindi ka po dumating baka wala pa rin akong mommy hanggang ngayon."
"Buti dumating ako?"
"Opo, para ikaw ang mommy ko at hindi si Tita Maisie."
Sumama kaagad ang timpla niya nang marinig ang pangalan na iyon. Sa inis ay hinawi niya ang braso ni Drake na nakayapos sa kanya.
"Dun ka nga! Dikit ka ng dikit!" Iritadong sabi niya, hindi na maipinta ang mukha.
Drake groaned at what she did. He lazily look up on her.
"Ano na naman ba ang ginawa ko? Galit ka na naman love."
"Basta! Lumayo-layo ka muna sa'kin. Naiirita ako sa'yo!"
Bagot na umalis si Drake sa kama. He stood up, looking at her with protrude lips.
"Tawagin mo nalang ulit ako kapag hindi ka na galit sa'kin..."
Inirapan niya ito habang kumakain ng dilis na sunog. Nagpapaawa pa talaga sa kanya! Akala naman ay uubra.
"Kapag birthday ko dapat hindi ka na galit mommy ha?"
Kahit si Blake ay parang tinitimbang na rin ang mood niya. Parang aandap-andap din ito na baka mainis siya dito. Syempre hindi, kay Drake lang siya iritable.
"We should be happy on your birthday, Blake. Hindi ako magagalit. Promise!" Itinaas niya pa ang kanan na kamay.
"Happy tayo sa birthday ko? Happy din si baby brother sa heaven?"
Her lips for a thin line. She silently took a deep breath and give her son a warm smile.
"I think he's happy now in heaven and I should be happy, too, right?"
"Opo," Blake nod his head. "We will visit him to make him more happy mommy."
"S-Sige anak, we will visit him on your birthday next week." She decided.
Alexza gaze went to the man standing near them, she's still annoyed but she managed to smile at him warmly.
Magaan ang titig sa kanya ni Drake, tila sinasabing kahit ano pa man ang maging desisyon niya ay palagi lang itong nakasuporta sa kanya.
Maybe, this is the right time to finally let go of those bad and painful memories from the past.
Letting go doesn't always mean forgetting and surrendering, it also means freeing yourself from all the pain and give yourself another chance to be happy again the way you deserve it.
Dahil minsan kung kailan tayo mas labis na nasasaktan, mas do'n natin nararamdaman na tama na...itigil na. Na sapat na 'yung sakit para pakawalan mo 'yung mga ala-ala na bumabasag sa puso mo.
It is not being a coward or a weak, it is being strong enough to accept all the pain in the process. You don't need to burry yourself in the dark when there's always a bright lights that would illuminate you.