Dear Diary,
Today he looked at me. I know it's a weird entry but it's progress right? Two minutes and five seconds. That's how long he looked at me. Well he glared at me because I corrected him in class but let's be optimistic here.
He also called me 'dumbass' and not 'fuckhead' which must also mean something. Maybe he's beginning to tolerate me. Totally progress.
It won't be long now. Maybe I should just confess. Should I?
(Y/n) gasped inaudibly and looked up from her diary, her unmoving pen hovering over the page.
She had never considered telling Katsuki about her feelings for him but now that the question had risen, it scared her.
What would he think? And most importantly, how would he react? What if he avoids her? Or worse, laughs at her?
The female was well aware that Katsuki wasn't one to be associated with matters relating relationships. Heck, he didn't even care about the other girls in his class and he rarely even conversed with them.
Most girls would be put off by his hostile character and steer as far away from him but not (Y/n). A while back yes but not now.
Her friends couldn't understand what she saw in him and were even tempted to take her to a psychologist but (Y/n) only laughed it off and said that she was fine before proceeding to point out his "desirable" characteristics. To say her friends still didn't get it would be the understatement of the century.
But that didn't deter the girl from liking him. It had been nine months ever since her crush on him manifested and she was sure it had turned into something else other than a mere crush.
Love? Do I love him?...or is it just an unhealthy obsession?...
The girl squeaked and dropped the diary from her hands to cover her beet root red face. She fell back on her bed and uncovered her face, her eyes trailing up to her ceiling.
Her thoughts revolved around the ash-blond. The unfulfilled fantasies, the cute scenarios that she knew would never happen, her imaginations that would still make her blush in embarrassment, all things she had been used to by now. It was clear that her feelings were eating her out from the inside and the longer that she kept them hidden, the longer she'd go crazy.
She had even gone as far as keeping a secret diary called 'Mr and Mrs Bakugou's adventures'. If that wasn't the first step to total madness, she didn't know what was.
(Y/n) then suddenly sat up, her eyes flashing with determination.
Maybe I should tell him. I must tell him...I can't go on like this. He's driving me insane!...
The girl ran her hands through her hair and tugged at the roots. Her mind tried to convince her to delay for a little while longer but her heart yearned to spill the beans. She had kept silent for nine months. What was she waiting for? A miracle? The day Katsuki would grab an electrical guitar and serenade her in the most Katsuki way possible?
That was impossible. It was up to her to take the first step. Maybe if he knew of her feelings, he might consider. Right?
(Y/n) giggled and grabbed her diary and pen. Her stomach felt all jittery as she imagined her long time crush actually taking a chance on her. It was too good to be true.
The female smiled as she wrote another entry under her latest one.
Dear Diary,
I'm going to confess to him tomorrow. I hope it goes well and that he'll finally look my way.
Wish me luck!
***
The moment of truth couldn't have arrived any quicker.
It found (Y/n) anxiously shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she waited for Katsuki. After the day's classes, she had found the courage to drop a small note on his desk asking him to meet her in an empty hallway. It was nerve wracking at first, from the moment she had composed the note (which consisted of her practically begging him to come meet her) to the moment the bell had rung. She had almost backed out of her plan multiple times but a boost of self encouragement and confidence had finally managed to push her to his desk and drop the note before quickly scurrying out of the class.
She knew it was cliché, the whole confessing in an empty hallway but heck, she'd rather go cliché than do something embarrassing in public.
(Y/n) checked her wristwatch and saw that he was ten minutes late. But that was basically her fault since she had arrived there twenty minutes earlier to practice her breathing exercises to calm her nerves.
She thinned her lips into a straight line and looked up from the watch to check the hallway again for any sign of the ash-blond male. There was none. Looking back over her shoulder, she briefly scanned the surroundings. Still none.
She tugged her bottom lip in between her teeth and started humming under her breath. Her low hum bounced off the walls, echoing through the hallway, signifying her lone presence.
What's taking him so long? Huffing out a sigh through her nose, she glanced at her watch again. Only one minute had passed but to her, it felt like an eternity. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked around the hallway for the nth time, her foot rapidly tapping against the tiled floors.
What if he doesn't even show up?
She froze, all movement ceasing. Her eyebrows slowly drew closer together as this cruel realization dawned in her mind. Her lips parted slightly, her eyes widening.
She hadn't stopped to think of that possibility in the first place. This was Katsuki she was dealing with, not some random guy. What if he hadn't even bothered reading her note and had already gone home? It's not like she had waited around long enough to see if he read it or not. She was too scared to do so. Or worse, what if he had read it but regarded it as a complete waste of his time and gone home while she was there waiting for him like the clown she was?
Oh, God.
She pressed a hand to her abdomen as a sudden feeling of nausea washed over her.
Screw rejection. He stood her up.
The female sighed and her chin dropped to her chest. A painful lump formed in her throat as tears brimmed in her eyes. Scoffing at her pathetic state, she brought her fingers up and swiped at her eyes.
"Well," she rubbed her wet hands together, "so much for hoping..."
Scoffing once again, she turned around to leave the hallway only to stop when she almost collided with someone's chest.
"You talking to yourself now, you shitty girl? Damn you're so fucking weird!"
The female gasped and looked up at the male who was frowning down at her. Her eyes widened and her breath escaped her. Stupefied, she took a step back as her brain tried to form comprehensible words.
Katsuki's frown deepened at her dumb stare.
"Oi!" he brought his hand up and flicked her forehead, snapping her out of her reverie. "Quit staring at me dumbass and tell me what the fuck you wanna say!"
Letting out a low 'ow', (Y/n) rubbed the sore spot on her forehead and quickly cast her gaze to the ground. Her brain was working on overdrive, trying to comprehend what was happening and what to say. Was she to apologize for staring at him? Was she to simply say what she wanted to say in the first place? What was it?
Worst of all, she could feel his intense crimson-colored eyes burning into her skull, making her feel more pressured.
Licking her lips, the girl nervously looked back up at the impatient male. The moment their eyes met, she freaked out and broke off the eye contact, choosing to look at the empty spot between them instead. She began wringing her hands together as she began piecing her words together. God, her palms were so sweaty.
Guess this is it.
"Bakugou there's um-there's something-something I need to uh...tell you...." she stuttered, internally smacking herself for doing so.
The boy narrowed his eyes at her and sized her up. He saw how nervous she was, how she played with her fingers and how she completely avoided his gaze. It didn't take him long to figure out what she was about to tell him. And when he did, his cheeks turned red. He had never received a confession before and didn't have to worry about that since he was well aware of his reputation with girls.
But now that he was getting one, he didn't know how to react. It wasn't like he was prepared for it or anything. And most of all, he didn't know what he thought about (Y/n). Annoying yes. Pestering, yes. Insufferable, check that.
But beautiful? He was a guy and he had eyes. She was kinda pretty but he had never dwelt on that since he was too focused on achieving the number one hero status. She would also go out of her way to say hi to him every day, sometimes sit with him during lunch and even offer to partner up with him when no one else wanted to. Before, he never cared about these gestures and only thought she was bothering him. But now he knew why she was so nice to him.
All these sudden new thoughts were starting to confuse him and made him freak out internally. And the only way he knew how to relay these internal feelings was through one emotion. Anger.
"...Bakugou I-"
"Shut up."
Shock crossed over the girl's face and she looked up at the angered male, her slacken jaw almost falling to the ground.
"Wha-"
"Shut up. Don't fucking speak. I know what you're gonna fucking say and I don't wanna fucking hear it," Katsuki spat, his blood boiling at the nerve of the girl to even attempt to make him think of such things.
(Y/n) on the other hand, felt like she was getting torn apart. She already had a clue of what he was about to say and his expression alone was enough to let her know that he was rejecting her.
Her throat felt tight and she was suffocating from the inside.
Katsuki clicked his tongue and took a step forward towards her.
"Now listen and get this through that delusional thick head of yours," he hissed in a low, menacing tone. "I don't have time to think about your fucked up feelings and I definitely don't have time to waste around your pathetic existence so do yourself a fucking favor and stay away from me. I don't care about your feelings and I don't care if you cry or shit. You got yourself into this fucking mess so get yourself out of it. I couldn't give a single fuck about you even if the fucking world burns down with me in it!"
(Y/n)'s eyes were practically saucers at this point. His hurtful words replayed in her mind and she could feel her heart literally breaking piece by piece. Before, she had imagined Katsuki's rejection to be somewhere along the lines of an insult and mocking laugh afterward but not like that. He didn't even smirk like he always did whenever someone was getting hurt. He just stood there, glowering at her as she teared up.
(Y/n) felt a hot tear slide down her cheek and she quickly wiped it off with her fingers. She sniffled and briefly averted her gaze to the ground before looking back up at him.
"O-okay..." she choked out, straining herself not to break down in front of him. "I-I understand. I won't..." she paused and cast her pained gaze to the floor. "I won't bother you again."
The girl swiped at her eyes but the tears came anyway. She decided that it was time to leave. One more second and she'd completely lose it.
With those last words, the girl bolted past him, sprinting towards the exit as tears streamed freely down her face. She ran towards the direction of her home, the only place where she could cry alone. Far away from the boy who hurt her feelings.
***
After hours of pouring her feelings out on her pillow, wetting it with her never-ending tears until she fell asleep, she woke up.
Her eyes stung from crying too much and she was sure that they were all red and puffy. Her nose also felt a bit stuffy and she hoped that it wouldn't revolutionize into an unwanted cold.
Slowly blinking her eyes to adjust to the light in her room, her phone, which lay next to her pillow, appeared in her line of vision. The screen was lit up, signifying a notification. Sniffling, she slowly reached out for it and brought it closer to her face. She laid on her back as she squinted at the bright screen.
She had seven missed calls and several messages. All from her friends. She hadn't heard her phone ring, the reason being she had simply forgotten to switch the phone from silent after school.
She sighed and laid the phone on her chest. She stared up at her ceiling. Her friends must've been worried. She had told them about her plan to confess after school, and even though they were against it at first, they reluctantly left her behind but on the condition she'd tell them what his answer was. By now they probably had guessed silence meant bad news...
Whatever.
(Y/n) wasn't in the mood to advertise her failure.
She felt numb. Her face was pale and all energy was drained. She didn't think rejection would feel that way but it was to be expected. Even though she was somehow mentally prepared, she wasn't emotionally prepared. And it was taking a toll on her.
Releasing another tired sigh, (Y/n) sat up, her phone sliding off her and plopping onto the bed.
She looked around her room with a dazed expression. The last time she was there, she was practicing her confession before leaving for school and now all she wished for was to turn back time and stop herself from making that mistake.
If only she had listened to her brain, maybe then she wouldn't have been feeling that way.
The (h/c)-haired female looked at her bedside table. She inwardly sighed and leaned over to open the top drawer before taking out her diary. She stared down sullenly at the cover she had decorated, at the little stars and hearts all around and over their surnames. Gently, she brushed her fingers over the coarse surface.
She clicked her tongue. What a waste.
She opened the diary, to the page where her pen was and read the last entry. The excited words permanently etched on the white paper in black ink mocked her current state, laughing at how stupidity.
She scoffed a bitter laugh and grazed her finger against the edge of the page.
I'm so stupid. So...fucking...stupid.
With a low growl, she gripped the page and roughly ripped it clean off the book.
In her sudden burst of anger, she grabbed a handful of the previous filled pages and tore them off too. She didn't bother reading any of the stuff before ripping them off, she just didn't care. She carelessly tossed the pages off her bed onto her floor, her rage quickening her blood as she remembered how she'd record any significant or insignificant thing that happened between her and Katsuki.
She suddenly felt deep loathing for him. For rejecting her. For saying all those mean words. And most of all, for not liking her back.
The female stripped the book of its written pages, leaving it only with a few empty ones. And she wasn't done yet.
She closed the diary and took her pen before harshly shading their names until nothing was visible, only messy, dark blue lines over the cover.
Her rage pushed her to the edge as she let out a frustrated scream and hurled the book across the room, the diary hitting the wall and landing on the ground with a thud.
Her breaths came out short and heavy as angry tears stung her eyes. She dug her shaky fingers into her messy hair and tugged harshly at the roots. Her red eyes, wide open and manic, stared at the spot where the diary had hit the wall. Her heart hurt, so much that she felt like she was getting rejected all over again.
With a pained moan, she fell back on the bed and buried her face on her pillow to stain it with fresh tears.
She was utterly done.
Done with everything.
But most of all, done with Katsuki.
Little did she know that as she was giving up her feelings, was when someone else's feelings were beginning to stir. And thus the start of another messy one-sided crush.
***
This story contains cursing, sexual themes and mild-no strong wtf moments¯\_ಠ_ಠ_/¯ This is also a SLOW BURN ROMANCE story. Nothing is rushed and everything is pure, sweet torture.
I do not rush the chemistry, conflicts or relationships between the characters. Also allow me to say this again. There are several sexual stuff and innuendos in here. You have been informed prior of reading.
Reader discretion is advised ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ