CHAPTER THRITY FIVE- Unwrapping Happiness.
After an eight hour delayed flight, it was pretty safe to say, I was done with drama. Due to this late flight and not being able to find my luggage when we actually got to the airport, it was now breaching midnight when we got to where he lived. I bit my lip as we walked down the familiar lane and memories from last summer came flooding back, how it started raining as we got about halfway down here and he kissed me and then there was his friend or whatever a bit too keen to make comments on me. It was a nice two days, not long, but it wasn’t always about quantity with Niall, however cheesy it sounds, quality had always been our forte.
The air was cool and well, not just cool, freezing. But I remembered from last year that it was only about two more minutes until Niall’s house. I wondered what Christmas would really be like for him and his family, and how many of them there were actually going to be. I played out many scenarios in my head, maybe it would be a quiet, well thought out dinner followed by opening presents and then just having a lazy day until it was over and Boxing Day was on the cards. Or maybe it would be loud and buzzy, with hearty food, screaming kids and laughter all over. I guess there really was no telling until it actually got to tomorrow but I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed since with Niall, things never were boring.
“You’re freezing, Ash, here.”
Niall remarked draping his jacket around my shoulders and pressing a sweet kiss to my temple. I looked up at him biting my lower lip as I gave him a small smile and rested my head on his shoulder holding onto his arm as he pulled me closer to him as we made our way down the street.
“Now you’re cold.”
I frowned.
“I’ll live, we’re almost there.”
He shrugged slipping his fingers in between mine and giving my hand a squeeze. His palm was so warm compared to how utterly cold the air was tonight, I half expected my hair to be frozen by now, it was that cold.
“You know,” He said as we rounded the hedgerows and started up his driveway the gravel crunching underneath our feet. “The moonlight has a really nice glow on you.”
He told me and I looked at him narrowing my eyes deciding whether to laugh or not.
“Niall what the hell?”
I giggled and he shrugged wiggling his eye-brows at me.
“What? I was completing you…On how the moonlight compliments you.”
He winked.
“Shut up.”
I laughed hitting his arm playfully and he just smiled as we crossed the porch steps and the porch light flickered on giving off a dim light.
“But you look even better in proper light…”
He winked again and I rolled my eyes as he lightly rested his forehead on mine linking his fingers with mine as he pressed his lips to my nose for a few seconds before smiling at me.
“I love you.”
He breathed his breath warm against my skin and the ever growing colder night air.
“I love you too.”
I smiled giving his hand a squeeze which he returned as he lightly placed his lips on mine, it was a sweet and tender kiss but it still held a lot of emotion because I guess, they always did.
“Let’s go inside you’re shivering.”
Niall observed tugging at my hand as he cracked the door open which was unlocked since he had told his Mum he didn’t have a key, which was of course, typical Niall. The heat hit me as soon as he shut the door behind us once we’d stepped over the threshold. So warm, or maybe the outside was just so cold but all in all, it felt nice to be somewhere with a suitable temperature again. It was completely pitch black and nothing was stirring so since it had just passed midnight I assumed everyone who was here was sleeping, which was understandable, but was also a kind of strange concept for us since we always stayed up or out late, it was just one of those things. We found it easy to pass time and the hours would hastily slip by when we were together so sometimes we didn’t even realise when the sun began to rise and we hadn’t even thought about sleeping yet.
Niall tugged at my hand bringing me from my thoughts as he pulled me in front of him motioning for me to go in front of him up the stairs. I knew from memory Niall’s was the second bedroom on the left and I suddenly had a flash of the last time we were going up these stairs in the dark.
“Crap Niall don’t push me!” I hissed as we made our way up the stairs. “No don’t tickle me there!” I squealed as his hands gripped onto my waist his fingers dancing over my stomach as we made our way up the stairs; this was anything but a quiet forbidden return.
That was such a good day. As if rekindling this I felt Niall’s hand get tighter gripping onto my hips as he guided me up his stomach pressed to my back as we made our way to the top and I stumbled across the landing as he basically tripped on the last step.
“Idiot.”
I hissed and he chuckled sliding his hands from my right hip to my left one cheekily slipping them down to my bum briefly. He hugged me close to him as he switched on the lamp by his bed and we crashed down onto it. It was all so familiar, doing this with him last year. It was almost as if we were completely re-living it, just over a year later.
“I think everyone’s asleep.”
Niall frowned letting his hands glide up and down my thighs.
“Well it has gone midnight.”
I shrugged and Niall did too.
“Exactly, early if you ask me.”
“Ooooh bad ass.”
I giggled and he smiled.
“I know.”
He breathed pressing his lips to my forehead before letting me go and standing up pulling off his clothes and running his hand through his hair as he smirked at me.
“You want something?”
He asked referring to the fact that I had no other clothes besides the ones I had on since our bags were downstairs and we didn’t really feel like turfing through them right now. I didn’t want to seem like a whore but it was honestly way too hot for clothes, I swear the heating must be on full blast, I could already feel myself beginning to sweat, but it was better than the cold I suppose. I shook my head and he grinned a smug expression on his face. I rolled my eyes playfully as I got up from his bed and stifled a yawn.
“I’m gonna go wash my make-up off.”
I informed him and he nodded watching me as I stumbled to the bathroom. The light hurt my eyes as I switched it on and then proceeded to splash my face with water watching the black streams of make-up running down my cheeks, splashing my skin again so there were no traces of make-up left cluttering my face I wiped it dry with a towel and then pulled the comb through my hair that I had present in the handbag I had kept with me. Afterwards I stripped off my clothes leaving myself in my underwear now feeling slightly relieved in the hot atmosphere of this place, I left my clothes on a stall in Niall’s bathroom and then proceeded back into his room where he was smirking up at me after doing an obvious satisfied once over.
“Shut up it’s boiling and that is the only reason, so don’t go getting any ideas.”
I snapped feeling a small blush creep onto my cheeks as I slipped into the covers beside him and he smiled at me. I felt his arm wrap around me pulling me into him so his stomach was pressed against my back and then I felt his fingers slip up my leg and reach over to my inner thigh and beginning to move over my skin giving it that same flinching feeling as he already made my insides go crazy with that one small movement.
“How can I not get any ideas when I have a beautiful girl led next to me like this…”
He breathed now using both his hands to dance over my skin, it was so enticing and captivating but it made go crazy with crave for him. He has this ridiculous effect on me and it’s so inconvenient at times like these but others it’s really quite luxurious to indulge myself in but right now, it’s really not very helpful.
“Niall…” I complained supressing a moan and he smirked beside me now making his movements from his fingers inflicting onto my skin harsher as he rubbed them against my skin harder and not so lightly. “Stop it…”
“What?” He grinned now leaning even closer he pressed his lips to my neck forcing me to turn closer to him his lips moved down to my collarbone and leaving a trail of electronic butterfly kisses he found my soft spot and let his lips stay there, sucking onto my skin harder. Great, button down high collared blouse it is tomorrow. “Do I…turn you on?”
He asked smugly and I gasped both with his words and how his fingers got a little bit too far up my leg causing me to let out a light moan making him chuckle slightly.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
He enthused and I refrained an eye-roll, although, I was struggling with words let alone eye-rolls at his cheekiness.
“Niall not here.”
I hissed but he continued anyway pressing his body right up against mine so close I almost couldn’t move. Stiff with how tightly my body was embraced into his and the dizzy drunk feeling that was rushing through my body hyped up with excitement and need for him. But not here, not when his Mum, brother and god knows who else was sleeping mere metres away.
“Why not? We did it here before…Don’t you remember?”
He questioned and I was a little taken aback, this was one of the most open and cheeky times he had spoken like this to me, let alone on Christmas Eve at his Mum’s house who could quite possibly not even know of our arrival as it was late.
“Niall I’m not being funny, not here.”
I warned but I was resisting the very strong urge to turn over and let my fingers roam his bare torso the same way his were roaming mine now making me cringe with seduction as he slipped his fingers across my bikini line slowly making their way up my stomach and tracing over my bra line. I knew he wouldn’t do anything if I told him no but I was finding that increasingly harder as he let this progress even further by the second.
“Okay baby, I’m just messing with ya’…You’re just the biggest tease I’ve ever met though…”
He soothed now retreating his fingers back to my hips holding me close to him as he snaked one of his hands underneath me caressing the small of my back the way he knew I liked it.
“I am? Look at you, I wasn’t doing anything!”
I yell whispered and he smirked.
“Exactly.”
He whispered against my lips as he gently slid his onto mine in a light yet firm kiss, tender it was more innocent than what he had just been doing and the love bite he had just left but it held a lot of emotion all the same, the same as he always did, he was always keen to tell me how he felt and I liked that, how I didn’t have to push to get him to open up, unfortunately it was not so easy for him as I take a little more convincing to vent my feelings. But he’s always had this kind of power over me that made me spill everything in the end.
“Night beautiful.”
He breathed against my mouth. Smiling I reached a hand up cupping his face the same way he does to me, I looked at him with that look of adoration that he always gives me because it was honest. I do adore him, it’s just everything, his laugh, his immaculate personality, his way with words, his smooth and flawless accent that I’m slightly jealous of, and the way he’s so caring, and just beautiful in every way. Only word could sum up how I felt about having him as my boyfriend, lucky, and that was a huge understatement.
“Goodnight Nialler…I love you.”
I replied smiling at him and he smiled back at me fumbling his fingers underneath my chin tilting it up so my eyes were level with his.
“I love you too Ash.”
He breathed pulling me closer to him and then pressing a sweet and tender kiss to my forehead that just made me melt even more and then after staring at his eyes for a few more seconds I closed mine snuggling into him as I let fatigue finally take over.
-
I woke up to the feel of something landing on top of me, groaning I shifted in my space feeling about me and sure enough Niall was next to me his hand resting lazily over my thigh and his other wrapped tightly around my waist. But whatever had landed on top of me was now moving and as I came around from sleep a child’s laughter filled my ears and I snapped my eyes open to be faced with a giggly toddler grinning down at me, one of her front teeth was missing and her bright blonde hair a similar shade to my own was in high bunches either side of her head with bright pink hairbands. She gave me another toothless grin but it was Niall she was interested in, who, was somehow still asleep even with the giggling child’s bony body rolling over us.
“Nialley!”
She giggled tugging at his hair he scrunched his face up and then released a slight moan as he turned in his space, but his eyes were still closed as his hands moved over my body and he licked his lower lip.
“Ash…”
He moaned and I said nothing waiting for him to realise himself as he opened his eyes slightly startled at the giddy girl grinning down at us.
“Oh hey Jess.”
He cooed securing his hands around her stomach as she continued to giggle, while I just kind of led there, watching this all play out. He lifted her up into the air above our heads as she laughed uncontrollably.
“It’s Christmas Niall!”
She exclaimed and he smiled back at her holding her small hands in his.
“I know it is Jess, are you excited?”
He questioned and even though I had no idea who this child was I couldn’t help but smile, there’s something extremely attractive about watching Niall play with a child so gently.
“Yeah!”
She exclaimed still in mid-air where he was holding her so effortlessly but I don’t think she even cared, or noticed. Whether as I, did notice when he lifted me up in the air for long periods of time.
“Me too. So why don’t you go downstairs and see what Santa’s brought and I’ll be down in a bit, yeah?”
She nodded still giddily and he continued to smile at the child.
“Okay Nialley!”
She exclaimed and after he dropped a kiss onto her forehead he set her back down and she began to run off but then she stopped in the doorway turning in the doorway she looked at me and then flashed me a smile with a wave which I absentmindedly returned.
"Awh she liked you."
Niall grinned pressing his lips to my forehead. I smiled back at him still not having a clue who the child was but it didn’t really matter as she was undeniably cute all the same.
"Why do I get the sense we overslept?"
“Because it’s quarter to twelve.”
I informed him curtly and he smiled moving some hair from my eyes and now it was sprawled out across the pillow in long and wispy waves, it hadn’t gone too unruly since yesterday which, was always good.
“Mmm maybe. Merry Christmas Ash.”
He grinned pressing his body closer to him and finding my hand underneath the covers and slipping his fingers in between mine.
“Merry Christmas Niall.”
I echoed and suddenly I remembered how we exchanged the same words last year, but in a completely different place and context, I suppose it’s strange how much changes in a year. I suppose it’s also quite the bit ironic that we are where we are today with each other after the bleak months that followed last Christmas, but I suppose you never really can predict the future, you can only make assumptions. But right now, I was pretty sure he was about to kiss me, and I was right.
Covering my lips with his I could feel him smiling as he gently rolled himself on top of me sliding his hands underneath me his fingers brushing my bare skin. I think someone had turned the heating down now but his bed was still undeniably warm and comfortable. As his lips moved against mine I felt his hands move to the front of my stomach and before I knew it his fingers were dancing wildly over my bare skin tickling me. I had to force myself to pull away as a bubble of laughter escaped my lips.
“You know how ticklish you are is unbelievable?”
Niall chuckled leaning down closer to me his fingers still hastily moving over my bare skin tickling me even harder than he had before. The sound of someone clearing their throat behind us brought us from our fit of laughter and Niall abruptly stopped tickling me (much to my satisfaction) and we both turned to the door where a boy probably around the age of twelve with short brown hair and a Hollister t-shirt with jeans was stood smirking at Niall.
“Alright Tom?”
Niall questioned slightly awkwardly as he rolled off of me and sat up but still let his fingers trace over my hips and thighs, I swear he must always think let’s-see-how-good-at-acting-like-I’m-not-doing-anything-Ashley-is, rather annoying.
“Yup.” Tom popped the p still smirking although Niall was attempting to not be fazed. Feeling awkward again as I didn’t know this kid either I stiffly sat up yanking Niall’s hands away from my skin underneath the covers but he supressed a smirk as he brought his fingers back to my thigh rubbing it gently. “Was just wondering when you were coming down…” He pondered and then he slipped his gaze to me and I yanked the covers up further hoping this twelve year old could not see my lack of clothing. “Well hell-o…” Tom grinned at me a little too smugly and I caught Niall rolling his eyes.
“Hi.”
I tried forcing a smile back and Niall licked his lower lip giving Tom a stern look but he didn’t seem to notice as he locked his gaze with mine smiling at me a little too easily for a twelve year old and I suddenly felt uncomfortable.
“We’ll be down in half an hour, Tom.”
Niall informed him and it was a few more seconds before Tom pried his gaze away from me to Niall the stupid smile still plastered on his face.
“Right, whatever. Who’s your friend?”
He queried wiggling his eye-brows at Niall who was not finding this as amusing and was still giving him that stern look he had begun with. Niall took a small sigh inwardly as he carefully lifted his arm and dropped it around my shoulders pulling me closer to him a small smile quirking at the corner of his lips.
“This is Ashley, my girlfriend.”
Niall informed him and I almost smirked at how protective Niall was getting, come on Niall, he’s like twelve.
“Ashley.”
Tom repeated flashing me another smile and then sending me a wink before ignoring Niall’s hard stares and then stuffing his hands into his pockets walking out.
“I think we should get up,” I suggested placing a hand on Niall’s naked chest feeling his heartbeat frequent against my palm. “Before someone else comes to find you.”
I smirked but he still had that half scowl playing on his lips that came across when Tom started talking to me.
“Tom’s a dick.”
Niall mumbled and I smirked as I slid out of the covers in search for my clothes, our bags seemed to have appeared some when during the night or this morning and were now on the floor so I sifted through my first one and found a small silk robe that I would use to cover up while I looked for some new clothes.
“Oh I thought he was quite the charmer.”
I shrugged smugly as Niall got out of bed running a hand through his hair and then snapping his gaze to mine as the words left my mouth. He gave me a stern look and I smiled sauntering over to him and wrapping my arms around his neck grinning at him.
“Awh baby I’m joking, I love you.”
I breathed and he rolled his eyes smiling back at me.
“I should hope you are, I love you too.”
He grinned melting his lips onto mine in a sweet and soft kiss that lasted for a few seconds before I pulled away and flashed him a smile returning to sifting through my clothes for something to wear. I settled with a crème jumper that went well with a pale blue scarf I had which you know was always good after the lovely bruise Niall left on my collar bone last night. Pairing that with some high waisted jeans and flat pumps I pulled a comb through my waves bringing them into two parts from behind my head and settling them either side of my shoulders before beginning on my rushed and natural make-up.
“I told you I look sexy in this.”
Niall commented smugly and I turned around to see him grinning proudly sporting a pair of tan chinos and a Christmas jumper.
“Sure you do.”
I agreed giving him a sarcastic smile and he smirked as I turned back around looking for my eye-liner.
“Awh cheers babe.”
He grinned and then I felt arms slip around my waist resting on my hips and then his lips press to my neck leaving small and soft kisses.
“No, no no not again.”
I scolded as his lips began to settle in that one fateful place for a little too long. I pulled away giving him a stern look and he frowned.
“Spoil sport.”
I rolled my eyes playfully as I turned around to face him giving him a stern look.
“What? You are, little miss goody two shoes.”
He cooed and I rolled my eyes again.
“Shut up.”
“Awh baby.”
When I just looked at him he smirked sliding his lips onto mine. He slid his hands down past my bum to the top of my thighs lifting me up slightly, his fingers tickled my particularly sensitive skin for some reason today and a small bubble of laughter escaped my lips causing me to pull away and he looked at me wiggling his eye-brows in a confused fashion, which just made me laugh even more, now I didn’t even know what I was finding funny.
“What’s so funny?”
He asked and I shrugged still giggling.
“Nothing.”
“You’re a weird one.”
He concluded smashing his lips back to mine making me sober up my laughter just enough to kiss him back. He brought me up higher his hands tighter around my thighs as he brought my body to his and then slipped his hands up my body to my waist gripping it tightly as I wrapped my arms around his neck so there was virtually no space between us. I could feel his smile growing wider and then he pulled away smiling at me.
“Why do you always do that?”
I questioned a smile quirking at my lips as he set me back onto the ground still smiling back at me.
“Do what?”
“Smile too much and then pull away!”
I demanded and he smirked lacing his fingers and pressing his palm flat against mine.
“Because you make me happy.”
“How’d I know you’d say something like that?”
I blushed gazing up at him and he shrugged.
“Maybe because it’s true.”
Smiling I pressed my lips back to his for a few seconds before we concluded we should probably go downstairs now as people were apparently waiting for us. Us, they were actually waiting for me too.
“Ashley love it’s so lovely to see you!”
Niall’s Mum immediately rushed up to me giving me a warm hug which I returned.
“You too.”
I echoed and she smiled.
“Would you like anything to drink love? Anything to eat? What time did you and Niall get back last night I never heard you, it’s terrible when they delay flights like that, right at the last minute as well!”
She tutted and I smiled back at her, Niall was talking with some other people that I didn’t know, well I guess I didn’t know anyone here apart from his Mum, brother and now some boy called Tom.
“No I’m alright thanks. Err I think it was about quarter past twelve in the end.”
“Oh, well I suppose that’s not too bad then, did you sleep well?”
“Yes I did thanks.”
When Niall actually let me sleep.
“Good, well I must dash but it’s lovely to have you here with us Ashley.”
“It’s lovely to be here.”
“Oh you are very sweet aren’t you love?”
She smiled giving me another hug before shimmying off to talk to other people. As I was about to find myself at a bit of an end and didn’t want to drag Niall from his family a girl who looked to be in her twenties appeared in front of me giving me a bright smile.
“Hi I’m Alyssa,” She beamed holding her hand out for me to shake which I did. “You must be Ashley, the girl my cousins always raving about right?”
She grinned and I smiled back.
“You’re Niall’s cousin?”
I asked avoiding the remark of always raving about.
“Uh huh, believe me Niall’s told me all about you.” I wondered exactly what all about you meant and wondered for a moment what exactly he had said, she seemed quick to pick up on this. “Oh don’t worry nothing bad, in fact he made you sound wonderful, which I’m sure you are. You live in New York, right?”
“Yeah,” I smiled. “I do.”
“That is so cool I’ve always wanted to live there!”
She gushed. Niall looked over to me flashing me a smile and a wink, I gave him a small smile back before turning back to Alyssa.
“You have? It’s pretty cool, but it’s not really all that. London’s better.”
“Yeah Niall told me that you’re a proper London girl and I can so tell, you’re accent suits you and you have that whole London look you know.”
“She’s not a girl off the Rimmel London advert Lici.”
A girl who was a bit older than Alyssa chipped in flashing me a smile as she placed a hand on Alyssa’s shoulder and then slid her gaze to me.
“Toni,” She grinned. “You’re Ashley right?”
“Yeah, um nice to meet you Toni.”
I smiled and she returned it.
“Likewise, just tell Lici here if she’s gushing too much.”
She said flashing me another smile earning a death stare from Alyssa and then she walked off and I watched her as she picked up the same blonde girl who had jumped on us this morning.
“Toni’s annoying. So have you met Jane? She’s my other sister.”
“Um no I haven’t met a lot of people yet.”
“Oh you totally have to meet her! She’s a bit younger than you but I think you’ll get along really well. Come on and I’ll introduce you to everyone!”
I didn’t really have time to respond as she grabbed my hand and began dragging me off into the many groups of people hugging, talking, laughing and introduced me to pretty much everyone and as Ashley, Niall’s London/New Yorker girlfriend she was nice though, and it was better than me just standing there not knowing what to do, I had never been good at introducing myself to strangers, I guess it kinda came with the confidence thing.
-
By now it was beginning to get dark and I had struggled my way through dinner, which was of course nice I just wish I was able to appreciate it a bit more, I think some people picked up on how uncomfortable I was; Niall certainly did constantly whispering things to me and rubbing my knee with his hand underneath the table, but that was nothing new for him to notice my slightest of in-securities so I wasn’t surprised. In the end I managed to eat the majority of it and Niall had the rest of my potatoes, as there was, an awful lot there. I had to eat it though, of course I did, it would have been plain rude not to. I’m just glad that I was able to keep calm and not freak out because was the absolute last thing I wanted to do not only in Niall’s home, but in front of his whole family. And obviously for my own selfish benefit, as far as I was concerned, it was my fault for being fat. Somewhere it went wrong didn’t it? Somewhere I ate something I shouldn’t have, sometime I skipped some exercise I desperately needed, some when I took a compliment from someone lacking in modesty too much. This was my own fault. I brought it upon myself, I’m disgusting. Making myself known to myself as fat and then crying about it whenever someone tries to help, I’m horrible. Of course just adding to the guilt I felt on this seriously unnerving topic there always someone at my aid to tell me these things weren’t true, that I wasn’t fat and didn’t need to change at all. But it’s sometimes it’s not even about listening to other people and what they think, sometimes it’s about yourself. I stress, real easily and maybe I kind of thought that if I was skinny, if I was happy with myself then maybe this stress would ease off. I guess it was also the other countering issue of comparing myself to other people, sometimes it even got to the point where I wouldn’t want to go out in public and I would think that everyone who looked at me would be thinking she’s so fat, she’s so disgusting. As a child, being skinny was something I never had to work at, it would come naturally, I could and did eat anything without putting on a considerable amount of weight, sure I had the belly of a child but that was just normal, what child has a flat stomach anyway? I suppose things change and people change too. I can’t help but think my sister is an influence, she’s always been naturally stick thin whereas I had always been slim yet on the edge of voluptuous, but that was always the thing, there was never a word to describe me I was always radically changing in my figure, nobody could really pinpoint me down to one word because I was always changing, I suppose it was just if I felt like eating or not, sad, but true.
Everyone was beginning to tire now and as all of the normal Christmas rituals of carol singing, present opening and pictures (it had been insisted that I was in all of them as I was Niall’s girlfriend I was now ‘family) that was a slightly scary term for me as less than twenty four hours ago I had basically been disowned by my Mother and I wasn’t sure whether she would manage to turn my Father against me too, but maybe already I was learning to move on, and maybe I liked the sound of being accepted into somebody else’s family. The fact that they were so open about allowing me into their world of perfect family and that Niall was highly enthusiastic on it too was really flattering for me, but it made me feel even more pressurised too, and after they were all so welcoming to me I concluded that this time I really couldn’t mess things up again with Niall and I wasn’t going to or let anyone else mess it up, and I suppose that included myself too. However much I’d tried to distance my eating dis-order from my relationship with Niall it kept on creeping back but Niall didn’t even seem to mind in fact he was keen to have it as a part of our relationship, it was a part of me so therefore it should be a part of our relationship good or bad, he would tell me, because he felt safer like that. Like he had more of an idea what was going on with me because he hated the fact that I was low on myself and he intended to address it properly and that he couldn’t do that if I distanced it so much from him.
“Hey babe.”
Niall breathed and I felt his arms wrap around my waist, I looked around me wondering whether this was appropriate or not but nobody seemed to care and half the people here were intoxicated too and this was Niall’s house and family, so he would know right from wrong.
“Hey.”
I replied smiling as I turned around to face him smiling up at him, I hadn’t really spent a lot of time with just him today which was only fair as this was one of his few chances to spend time with family so I didn’t mind but it was nice for it to just be me and him, if only for a few minutes.
“You wanna go out for a bit? I still have to um you know, give you your present.”
He asked. My present, yes. He had been stressing all day and even this morning he seemed on edge when we discussed gift arrangements, he even seemed nervous now. What could be so nerve-racking about this one Christmas present? I couldn’t guess what it was though, something incredibly cheesy but laughable at the end of the day? Or knowing Niall, he might have gone way past the necessary and got me something that I simply wouldn’t be able to accept so extreme, I honestly had no clue. He was good with surprises, most of the time.
“Sure, but are you are sure we should leave I mean-“
“Everyone’s been drinking, nobody will notice that we’re gone and by the time they do they’ll be too drunk to care.”
I smiled taking his hands in mine and slipping my fingers in between the gaps in his a few times before securing them there and giving his hand a squeeze.
“Okay.”
I agreed and he smiled back at me dropping a kiss onto my forehead.
“Go and put something warm on, it’s cold out. I’ll wait down here.”
He grinned but I could hear that slight edge in his tone like he was still nervous for some reason. Maybe it was just me, but I’ve seen this on him before, this nervous demeanour he tries to conceal before he asks me something or something like that, it might just be me after all today’s been a pretty hectic day but I guess I’ll find out soon. I dug out my winter coat and also settled a grey beanie with a white bow on the side on top of my head hoping I would be warm enough.
“Ready?”
Niall asked grinning at me and I nodded slipping his hand into mine as we disregarded the still bubbly atmosphere of the house and spilled out into the cool evening air. Our breath came out in misty clouds as we breathed in the frosty chilliness of the wintry air as a smooth breeze danced around us nipping at any skin that wasn’t covered by hats and scarves in the artic atmosphere of winter in Ireland. Or rather, Christmas in Ireland. I brought my scarf tighter around my neck as the benumbed air continued to etch it’s way into my skin sucking any traces of warmth from my body already.
“It’s so cold. Why are you never cold?”
I observed pulling my hat lower so now it was covering my whole head and not just the back of my head or rather, hair. Niall gave a small smile sliding his gaze to mine, he was still so warm he always is and it’s strange, however cold somewhere is, his palm is always warm against mine.
“You’re always cold.”
He remarked still smiling at me.
“I know, and you never are.”
“You look cute in that hat.”
He smirked and I just looked at him supressing the small smile tugging at the corners of my lips at his random comment.
“Irrelevant. Why are you never cold?”
I demanded suddenly frustrated that he could continuously be invincible to any kind of drop in temperature; it was definitely below zero today. He shrugged leaning closer to me his breath was warm against my skin as it breezed through the hair that had escaped my hat.
“You know why you’re always cold?”
I looked at him meeting his icy blue orbs staring at me with sheer seriousness.
“Why’s that?”
I asked genuinely intrigued, I had no idea why I was always so cold in not even the coldest of temperatures, today, it was freezing so it was understandable but other times weren’t so.
“Because there’s nothing to you.”
He admitted slipping his hands either side of my waist and pressing his fingers tighter against my body, I had multiple layers on but I could still feel how far his fingers could squeeze into my gut, maybe he was right, there’s nothing to me. It’s taken me a while to admit this but it’s come easier each day, after spending literal hours standing in front of the mirror examining myself maybe I have gone too far. But sometimes it just feels like you’ve dug the hole too deep to pull yourself out again.
“N-Niall…”
I breathed channelling another mist into the air of my breath. I wasn’t even sure why I said this, maybe to warn him not to push it too far right now, I don’t know. I don’t understand myself sometimes.
“I’m sorry Ash but it’s true, you know it’s true…Right?”
I dragged my gaze away from his concentrating on the solid arid tarmac of the road we were walking on. So dark, so bleak, blank, depressing, almost.
“Ashley look at me.” He demanded and I slowly pried my gaze from the floor and lifted it to his, he was staring at me with that same intensity, so pure, honest. “You know it’s true, right?”
He repeated and I felt my heart speed up a little. I wasn’t sure if I did one hundred per cent know it was true, maybe I was halfway there but there was still that awful word playing across my thoughts. Whispering in my ear, assertive, cool and calm, so blunt, so true. Fat.
“M-Maybe.”
I stuttered but I could feel something inside of me backtracking these words, twisting them and telling me I shouldn’t be agreeing with him. Because there isn’t nothing to me, there’s too much to me. Way too much.
“Maybe?”
“Look can we just talk about this another time…please?”
I attempted to veer the conversation away from this; we talked about it too much. Well, talking about it once was too much for me but I knew it had to be done, but right now I didn’t want my selfish problems with food to ruin the mood of our Christmas here together.
He seemed sceptical but eventually agreed forcing me a small smile.
“Sure, love.”
“Where are we going?”
I queried attempting to lighten the mood. He smiled lacing his fingers closer to mine, I could feel my hand beginning to go numb with the cold now, but it was worth it as his palm was slowly heating up mine anyway.
“You’ll see. It’s nowhere spectacular.”
“Everywhere around here is.”
I commented not even realising I had commented this until the words left my mouth and I felt my cheeks heat up a bit as he smirked at me but I could feel they were already rosy red with the cold so it didn’t matter.
“Well, I’m glad to see you like it.”
“I do,” I confirmed. “It’s really pretty, especially at night, compared to London. London’s pretty in the right places at night too, but here it’s a different type of pretty.”
I admired. Darkness was slowly beginning to cloak the light in it’s sinister cover, but there was nothing sinister about this type of darkness here, it just made everything seem even better. It was actually quite breath-taking in places, how pretty it was.
“Oh yeah? How so?”
Niall questioned seeming genuinely interested in my opinion. I continued my admiring as I rolled my eyes across the sky, it was clear where we were at the moment but there were dense clouds gathering in the distance slowly moving across the sky.
“Well it’s just, so quiet. And it’s the countryside, and I’ve never really spent a lot of time in the countryside.”
“Well maybe that’ll change.”
He smiled and I looked at him moving my gaze to his.
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged.
“Maybe you should come back here with me more often, I mean if you like it here then it’s just a win-win situation. Cus I like having you here and my Mum loves you so she won’t mind. Only if you want to though.”
I couldn’t describe the rush of joy I got from feeling wanted. All my life I’d longed for someone to actually make me feel wanted, feel loved and to just care. And I think I’ve finally found that person, words cannot vent how purely amazing he is. He probably doesn’t think of it as a lot, inviting me to come back to his true home more often with him and his family, but it means a lot, it really does. It’s nice to feel like someone wants me, so nice.
“I’d love to. I love it here, it’s so nice. I envy you, you know, growing up somewhere like this and all.”
I told him, and I honestly did. London’s nice in the right places but sometimes there’s only so much you can take of the city, being so trapped, hardly any countryside. It’d be nice to have the countryside on my doorstep but I never quite have.
“It’s nice, I guess. The city would be cool to grow up in though too, I mean right in the rush of things, sometimes it’s nice.”
“But sometimes it’s too much,” I added. “If you’d lived there all your life like me, you’d know it’s not all that.”
He shrugged giving me a small smile.
“Well, I guess it’s good that you like both sides of places to live, I’m glad that we agree.”
I looked at him half questioning exactly what that meant but I brushed it off, maybe I just look for too much depth in speech sometimes, maybe.
“I swear we’ve been down this lane before.”
I pondered and then I was pretty sure we had when my eyes fell upon the familiar garden. Neat and well kempt for, the borders which once held roses now held purple and yellow pansies and the water feature had been dug out and replaced by a statue of a fairy. Niall smiled at me as he followed my gaze to the garden a cheeky smirk working it’s way across his lips.
“Oh we have, remember this garden and Mr Manning?”
Niall asked smugly and then it all came flooding back.
“Oh yeah, poor man, we totally trashed his roses.”
I frowned and Niall just looked at me.
“Such a typical girl response. That man has literally about fifty of my footballs in that house of his, roses will grow back, footballs can never be replaced!”
“I’m sure they can Niall-“
“No, not when you get it signed you can’t.”
He pouted and I smiled leaning closer to him and resting my forehead on his.
“Awh Nialler lost his football.”
I cooed and he continued to pout.
“I know, terrible, kiss it better?”
Rolling my eyes at his cheekiness I gave in anyway slipping my lips onto his. It had only been a few hours since I last had, but it felt good to kiss him again, however cheesy that sounds.
“Can you guess where we’re going yet?”
He asked wiggling his eye-brows and soon it all became apparent as he lifted himself over a five bar gate and then reached back over slipping his hands around my waist and lifting me over the top with ease and setting me beside him. I looked over his shoulder and yes, it was this same field.
“Mmm, I think I just might be able to.”
I mused smiling as he wrapped an arm around my waist pulling me close to him as we stumbled over the rough ground.
“Believe it or not the water’s not as warm now as it was last summer.”
He informed me and I smiled as the memories of this river, this place, this boy from last summer entered my mind.
“Really? Never would have guessed since it’s winter and all, I expected it to be boiling.”
“I know right, me too. We’ll have to put in a complaint.”
“We will.”
I echoed rolling my eyes and he chuckled dropping a kiss onto my forehead.
“I haven’t forgotten you know.”
He told me and I slid my gaze to his a questioning look crossing my face.
“Forgotten what?”
“What we said last year, you know I promised you we’d come back here and I’m not breaking that promise.”
I looked up at him a smile spreading across my lips which he returned but he still had that on-edge demeanour about him, he had calmed down a bit now, but it was still there lurking.
“Thank you Nialler,” I grinned pressing my body closer to his. “For not breaking your promise, I appreciate it.”
“It’s okay,” He smiled back down at me brushing some hair from my eyes and tucking it underneath my hat. “Anything for you.”
I beamed back up at him. It was such a blessed feeling to have someone who was willing to do ‘anything for you’ I couldn’t even describe it, magical almost.
“I love you.”
I breathed my breath still a misty cloud in the still benumbing air but his body heat was transferring onto me, heating me up slowly.
“I love you too beautiful.”
Now we had arrived at the river the gushing noise sounding throughout the quiet fields, Niall pulled me down next to him onto to the soft and cold grass the air whipped around us lifting up a few strands of my hair. A sheet of ice broke off from the banks of the river drifting down the icy rage and I watched as it slowly dissolved down the river sinking back into nothing.
“Remember when I saved you from these icy waters?”
Niall dramatized smirking and I looked up at him. Now I could really feel how red my cheeks must have been with the cold, my face was almost numb it was that cold.
“Oh you hero.”
I giggled and he smiled pressing his lips to my forehead for a few seconds.
A few minutes passed and Niall began to fidget beside me and I could feel him getting tenser beside me, I was about to look up at him and question what the matter was but then he began to speak, his breath warm against my skin as he whispered in my ear.
“I have your present love. You want it now?”
He breathed and I looked up at him a small smile quirking at the corner of my lips.
“Okay.”
I agreed and he bit his lip smiling back at me as he fumbled with something in his pocket. Curiousness was killing me.
“To bring you back here isn’t the only promise I made and kept, I intend to keep this one too, but it’s kind of a two way thing, okay?”
I stared back at him trying to decipher what this meant but I didn’t really understand so I absentmindedly nodded knowing that I would promise anything to Niall however big or small, I would do anything for him.
“O-Okay.”
Whatever was in his pocket, he fished out from it but he kept it tight in his palm so I couldn’t see it. I looked at his hand and then back to him wondering what on earth it was.
“Listen, Ash. I love you, a lot. And I honestly know I won’t be able to bear losing you again, these past few months where I’ve had you back have honestly been some of the best times of my life even if I haven’t been with you all the time, to just know that I can call you my girlfriend again is amazing. And I never, ever, want to lose you again. I’m not asking for forever Ash, because I know nobody can really guarantee that, but a long time would be wonderful, so you have my promise straight up, but would you please promise me to stay with me and do me the honour of being my girlfriend for as long as we can?”
I stared back at him not being able to supress the smile on my lips, and it only grew wider as he opened his palm showing me a small box which he lifted the lid on revealing one of the simplest yet amazing rings I had ever seen.
“Of course. Of course Niall, I promise.”
I confirmed and he grinned now taking my hand and holding it out he slid the ring onto my ring finger and it fit perfectly.
"You have no idea how happy you've just made me."
He breathed and I smiled back at him resting my forehead lightly on his.
"Oh I think I do cus you've just made me very happy too. And it's beautiful too. Almost so beautiful I can't believe your taste in women's jewellery..."
I raised an eyebrow suspiciously and he bit his lip.
"I may have got Louis to help me..."
"Louis?"
I asked in disbelief and he nodded biting his lower lip.
"Yup."
"Well I had no idea Louis could have such taste. But he wasn't acting weird though?"
I questioned.
"Oh well you see I brought this like last year..."
At that point my heart dropped and I had a pretty good idea of exactly when he brought this and I could already feel the reserved guilt flooding through me, slashing down a fraction of the happiness that had so recently rushed through me.
"Oh no...You didn't buy it for that night-"
"Yeah, I did but you know it's okay because I think the time is better suited to now."
"Oh my god Niall I'm so sorry-"
"No it's okay please don't apologise again you've done it enough times. It's honestly okay I think it's better we waited until now, really. The time obviously wasn't right and now, it's even more special because it is right, and I know it is."
I looked at him feeling my heart already in my throat from both the guilt that this was his ‘surprise’ for that night last year and the happiness that he created inside of me. Honestly, could what happened last year affect any more things right now? This is truly ironic, but maybe he’s right, it is better suited to now, I suppose last year there were way to many things going on and everything was so un-certain and making promises like that under that circumstance? It probably wasn’t the best scenario. And besides, how was I supposed to tell him no because I was moving halfway across the world? I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to tell him no. Now that I think about it, maybe things have worked out better this way, it’s taken a lot of pain and tears to get here and months on end of hating myself and everything I did but maybe it was necessary and it’s worth it and we’re being rewarded now for struggling through and finding our way back to each other, however much we thought we never would.
“Please don’t feel guilty Ash,” He pleaded brushing some hair from my eyes. “I’m honestly glad we waited until now, could you be too? I don’t blame you, you know, everyone makes mistakes and last year it wasn’t the right time and you know that’s okay because now it is.”
I stared back at him and the pleading look in his eyes. His honesty was evadible, but it was always was. I wish I could be that honest, but over the years I guess I’ve got better at telling people what they want to hear, and maybe even better at expecting people to tell me what I want to hear. But I guess now I don’t really expect anything from anyone, after all, it’s not like I deserve anything. But that’s the thing with Niall, I don’t expect anything special from him, yet he’s so determined to give it to me, and a thousand times more. It’s weird I suppose, what love does to people.
“O-Okay. I’m glad…I’m glad that everything worked out for us like this you know Niall, even if it took a while to get here, just know, that I couldn’t be happier.”
I gave in to the small smile tugging at my lips which he immediately returned. Even now I still can’t help but look at him and his pure innocence and honesty and compare myself to what the opposite I am but to know that he doesn’t compare me like that is special enough.
“I’m glad too Ash…But can I ask you something else?”
He got that edge in his voice again and I could feel him becoming tenser beside me, his fingers were shaky against mine and I could see the way he was furiously chewing on his lower lip. What is going on with him today? Am I really that scary to talk to?
“Sure, anything.”
He gave me a small smile. For him to be nervous before asking me for even the smallest of things wasn’t surprising but I couldn’t prepare myself for what he was about to ask now, which definitely was surprising.
“I want…I was wondering, I mean, I really love you and after what um happened yesterday with your Mum and all. I’ve been doing some thinking lately, about you, about us and I-I really want you to see how serious I am about you and I hope that you can feel the same way about me so I was hoping, I mean it would be really great if we moved in together…Because I mean Ash, you, this relationship means the world to me and I want us to be like a real couple, even if we can’t all the time…”
I couldn’t supress the wide grin spreading across my lips and the almost tears gathering in my eyes, but they were tears of joy, wow, he really does know how to make a girl melt. He cares so much. Even though I was smiling he was still looking worried as he awaited my answer, in all honesty I was kind of lost for words so doing a classic Niall I leant forwards grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him long and hard, he kissed me back as he always did but I could still feel he was slightly tense so I pulled away staring straight at him and smiling.
“So…I can take that as a yes?”
He stuttered a twang of hope evitable in his tone. I grinned wrapping my arms around his neck and nodding.
“Yes, a thousand times yes…And you mean the world to me too. You don’t have to be so nervous you know, I love you.”
He grinned back at me pulling me onto his lap so my legs were either side of his waist he pulled my body flat against his so our stomachs were touching he rested his forehead lightly on mine.
“I love you too beautiful, and I’m so glad you said yes.”
He beamed crashing his lips to mine. And as I kissed him back, running my fingers through his tousled blonde hair of a similar shade to mine, I realised that maybe the un-expected can be better than the planned. Because there’s something about an un-expected moment, you can’t plan it, you can’t prepare for it, and maybe that’s the most special thing because then, things happen the way they’re supposed to and with the right amount of time, patience and compassion, things come out right. Exactly, right.
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A/N.
this is seriously worse than yesterday okay now my jaws ache and my teeth hurt my ass they don't make your jaws ache ffs.
but on the brighter side, this chapter was cute;)
still obsessed with one more night;o the video doesn't really make sense though...
Probably a few more days of uploads and then I won't be uploading for a few days cus I'll be without wifi:s but there's a few double uploads coming up cus some chapters are shorter and/or fillers:S
see ya.
-Emily.