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Hey guys, it's Essence!
Warning: This is gonna be sad asf. Seriously, this one-shot deals with depression and self-harm, and suicide so if you get triggered by either of those concepts, please go for your own safety and well being.
I honestly didn't mean to make this so dark. Sorry guys :/
Modern AU
Read on, babes!
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Reddie
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"Richie Tozier! Get your head out of the fucking clouds and open your eyes!" Eddie screamed at him, crystal clear tears slipping down his face. "This isn't working out anymore!"
Richie's face was red with anger and frustration, "We can make it work, Eds-" he attempted to reach for the smaller boy, in which he quickly pulled away.
"Don't fucking call me that!" Eddie screamed. Richie was taken aback. Sure, Eddie had always said that, but never in that tone. Richie's eyes became watery, "But, you love it when I call you that."
Eddie scoffed and crossed his arms, "Actually, I don't. Just leave."
"Eddie-"
"Get out, Trashmouth. I've said what I've needed to. This thing that we have going on...It's weird. We aren't meant to be." Eddie lied. He lied straight through his fucking teeth. He knew he had to.
"I'm not giving up on you, Eddie. I'm not giving up on us. Please." Richie was this close to bursting into tears.
And what Eddie said next, shattered his heart into fucking pieces.
"No! I don't love you!"
And that was the moment Eddie Kaspbrak, ruined Richie Tozier's life.
Eddie was surprised by the words that had left his mouth, and covered it, "Wait. No, Richie-" he tried to grab his arm but Richie stepped back. His mouth was open, cheeks stained red, shock was splattered across his face along with his tears.
Richie pursed his lips to fight the sob on the tip of his tongue. He nodded, "Okay. I see how it is." he stepped back, frown evident on his pale face.
"I'll go."
"Richie, wait, I didn't mean it." Eddie grabbed his arm.
Both of them felt like they were on the edge of a cliff, hanging onto each other for dear life.
But, Eddie pushed Richie.
And Richie.
He fell.
Fell to his death.
While Eddie watched him fall down, down, down, down...
Richie gave a sad smile and pulled away, shaking his head, "Maybe you didn't mean to. But you still said it." tears streamed down the 17-year old's face. So many tears, staining his rosy cheeks. The cheeks Eddie used to kiss whenever he did something sweet.
That was the end of that.
Eddie could feel his heart pounding inside his chest. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much he thought he was gonna die.
In the beginning, it was just an accidental kiss. Next, it was not-so-accidental kisses. Then it was fooling around together almost every day in secret. Eddie never meant to fall in love with his best friend. He never meant for it to get this far.
He never meant to let Richie walk out of his house in tears.
He never meant to shun everyone out of his life.
He never meant to stop eating.
He never meant to start hurting himself.
He never meant to start hating himself.
He never meant to let his grades drop so low.
And he surely never meant to hurt Richie Tozier.
And even 2 years later, Eddie was still depressed.
He was thinner than ever, pale, and always had dark crescents underneath his eyes. The rest of the losers often went to his house. Mostly to check up on him to make sure he's okay and to hang out for a bit. But, Richie never came by. The last time Richie stepped inside the Kaspbrak residence was the day of their fight.
It was a crisp, foggy, Saturday morning. It was currently early November and the high was 51 degrees. Eddie sighed as he stared at his ceiling.
For over two years, Eddie often didn't see Richie. He had most of his classes changed and usually left school for lunch. And during the summers, Richie and he never saw each other, Eddie was too cooped up inside his house, thinking bad thoughts about himself.
"Eddie bear!?" his mother, Sonia Kaspbrak, yelled up to her son from the kitchen. "Yea, Mom?" Eddie had long ago stopped listening to his mom. He was too caught up in himself and Richie Tozier to focus on anything these days.
"Please, come down. I made breakfast?" she exclaimed, hope in her voice, holding a plate of pancakes. Eddie sighed, "No thanks! I'm not hungry right now. I'll get something on my way out." he replied, slipping on an oversized black hoodie, jeans, and his black Vans.
Sonia's shoulders fell, knowing he wasn't. She noticed how Eddie had gotten sicker, sadder, quieter. She was his mother for God's sake. And she tried to reach out for him, but he only pushed her away, saying she was smothering him. The busty woman had only hoped and prayed that whatever was going on, his friends would help him.
Sonia placed the plate on the table and frowned, wiping the tears from her blue eyes. And in a flash, she felt her son rush past him and out the door.
Eddie felt the cool November air hit his cheeks as he walked through the lonely Derry streets. Eddie usually went on walks to get his mind off of things. It often worked. Today...not so much.
As the Kaspbrak boy turned the corner, he saw various teens, laughing and talking, sipping hot chocolate. And then Eddie realized, those were his friends. Having fun without him. He felt his breath get caught in his throat when he saw him.
Richie Fucking Tozier.
Eddie knew that they still hung out with Richie, even though none of them said it. He also knew that they had a lot more fun when he wasn't bringing them down. But seeing it with his own eyes, hurt a lot more than letting his own imagination run wild.
Eddie stepped back, feeling the tears prick his eyes. But, he wasn't watching where he was going, and tripped on a few trashcans, knocking them over, falling onto his back with a yelp.
The other 6 teens snapped their heads in the direction of the sounds. Eddie groaned and sat up. Noticing they saw him, quickly got up.
"Eddie?" Richie muttered quietly. Eddie quickly put his hood back up and ran. He ran for his life.
"Eddie, wait!" Richie yelled, running after him.
"Guys! Wait! Hot Chocolate!!" Beverly Marsh yelled, about to run after them. But, her boyfriend, Ben Hanscom, quickly grabbed her arm. "No, Bev. They need to work out whatever they have. It's been like this for 2 years. We just have to wait." Beverly nodded, her red locks blowing in the slight breeze.
"I hope they stop this. And maybe finally tell us what this is about. It's annoying having to go into between the two." Stanley rolled his eyes. Bill smiled and squeezed his boyfriend's hand, "They w-will, Stan. I k-know it."
"If you say so..." Mike sighed, taking another sip from his drink. All five of them stared at each other in silence, worrying about their best friends.
Meanwhile, Eddie cried his eyes out as he ran away. He didn't deserve the friends he had. He didn't deserve Richie. And he didn't deserve his sweet mother.
"Eddie fucking stop!" Richie panted as he ran. Eddie felt his heart pounding as he got close to the quarry they used to jump in together. When they were all happy. When he was happy. When he had Richie.
Eddie ran to the edge of the quarry, looking down below. It was a different side. A much more dangerous side that they never jumped off of, jagged rocks down below.
"Eddie! What the hell are you doing!?" Richie yelled, moving closer to the smaller boy. Eddie looked up, "No! Stay away!" he put his small hands up, trying to block him.
"You're not fucking pushing me away! Get back over here before you fall!"
Eddie looked behind him again, down at the cold water, and looked back at the Tozier boy, "Stay back. Or I'll jump." he stepped closer to the edge, feeling a few pebbles fall off.
Richie's eyes widened as his heart rate sped up, "What!? Are you fucking insane!? Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I!? I'm such a horrible person who doesn't deserve life! I don't deserve Beverly, Ben, Mike, Bill or Stan! And I damn sure don't deserve you, Richie!" Tears poured out of his hazel eyes.
"What are you on!? Besides everything!" Richie tried to step closer but Eddie only moved back, "Eds. Please. Don't do this."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'll never stop loving you, Richie Tozier." And with those last words, Eddie took a step back.
And fell.
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I'm sorry.
This was really sad.
I'll make a happier one next time.
I hope you guys liked this! It was my first one-shot, so it's pretty long.
I love you guys, byeeeee
~Essence