2:05pm
AU
—
Patton leaned on his window sill, staring down at the party going on downstairs with a blank expression. He saw his brother, Logan, standing next to his friends, celebrating his sixteenth birthday. It seemed everyone from their school was invited, getting drunk, probably doing drugs, dancing around and inside their pool.
Their parents didn't care. They were the ones to post the invitations to this stupid party. Patton would be happy for his brother, if it weren't for the fact everyone seemed to forget it was his birthday too. Earlier on, Logan blew out his candles on the cake baked specifically for him, Patton wondered if he had one, but when they cut and handed out the cake - Patton realised he didn't. His parents forgot.
He wanted to call himself selfish, but it was his birthday too!
Sighing out, he pulled his curtains closed and slumped onto his bed, staring at the white ceiling above. He wouldn't be too annoyed with this if it weren't for the fact it's happened before. Many, many times. Not exactly the same situation, but it seemed to their parents Logan was their only child while Patton just...lived there.
He wouldn't be surprised if they'd get rid of him if they could.
He was a disappointment to them, he could tell by the way they looked at him. When he was younger, he didn't care if Logan got most of the attention, he didn't care his brother won award after award, he was happy for him! Who wouldn't be? They were twins, brothers, siblings, they have a close bond, and should be over the moon for the others successes. So, Patton was never mad at his brother for this, until recently.
Three problems happened in this month that led up to Patton finally snapping.
First, at the beginning of that month, their parents found out Patton was bisexual. The brothers didn't think it would matter, they had never expressed their opinions on the LGBT community before, ever, but...when they saw their reactions they realised why they hadn't. Four hours was spent of Patton sitting on the couch, listening to his parents rant about their disliking to anyone who wasn't straight - how it was stupid, sinful, and it was just a phase.
Then, they told him he was begging for attention, and grounded him for a week because of it.
Of course he cried, he cried for a few nights straight, now his parents would never love him, but the more he thought about it, the more he realised they probably never did.
The second problem was about a test - Logan was too focused on a certain subject, he completely forgot about the test he was having in another one, and didn't study for it at all, while Patton did. He spent an entire week solely focused on that lesson, and when he got the results for the test the next day, he literally screamed in excitement. He got an A. His first ever A.
He wasn't the brightest student, but he wasn't dumb either, and getting an A was definitely possible for him if he felt more motivated to do more work at home, but while at home he felt free, and wanted to do literally anything else. It was normal for a teenager.
That day, when he got home, he found out Logan got a B. The smart student wasn't too down about it, it was a lesson he didn't particularly need in his future, so he brushed it too the side as nothing, but of course their parents took it as everything.
They practically verbally abused Patton for "showing off" the fact he got an A, and made him apologise to Logan because they felt if he bragged about his grade - even if he only mentioned it once - it would discourage Logan from trying his hardest next time. Logan explained many times he didn't care, and he was proud of his brother, but his parents weren't having it. They even tried to make up the excuse they mixed the grades, or the school got it wrong, they even phoned up multiple times.
It was truly that bad and Patton never felt the want to study that hard ever again. He was fine with B's and C's. As long as his parents would never shout at him for doing better than his brother again. He thinks that was when he stopped...loving his parents. He did love them for many years, children always love their parents unconditionally from birth until they are old enough to truly understand who they are - many people might attack Patton for saying such things, and remind him again and again that they are his parents, but that makes it worse, and makes him love them less.
His parents should love both of their kids equally, but it was obvious from birth as soon as Logan showed having more academic skills than Patton, they would never treat them as equals.
Patton never wanted to blame Logan for this, but it's becoming really hard not to. Patton understands he's busy, but he's literally the smartest boy in their school, how can he not realise how hurtful their parents are to their son?
The third problem was tonight. The entirety of this stupid sixteenth birthday party but one moment sticks out to him. Patton found his parents giving Logan his presents, and remembered the entirety of it vividly. It only happened a few hours ago.
"Hey, mom!" Patton smiled at his mother who handed Logan his seventh present. She glanced at her son over her shoulder, replying back with a small 'hello' before turning to Logan, smiling happily when he pulled out the gift. Patton fiddled with his sleeves, skipping over to the table full of gifts. He was sure at least one was his, every other birthday they had they always got him what he wanted, but...even so they always got Logan more.
Picking up a box, it was quickly plucked from his fingers by his father who handed it to Logan. "Do I have anything?" Patton kept his smile, even if it was beginning to wobble.
"You didn't ask for anything" their mother waved off, Patton deflating slightly. "So...I have nothing?" But they didn't reply, happily talking to Logan instead who thanked them for the plentiful amounts of presents. Most he didn't even ask for.
Turning around on his heel, he stormed off. "I love you too!" He yelled sarcastically, slamming the living room door behind him before sprinting off to his bedroom, locking himself away and falling onto his bed, silently crying into his pillow.
And since then, he hadn't left for the entire afternoon, completely alone in his room.
He just wanted someone to love him - was that really too much to ask?
Patton realised that night all the times he was blanked out in the past, the times he wasn't cared for, the many evenings where he wasn't given dinner because they "forgot" - it meant something. They weren't mistakes, he was the mistake, and everything was done on purpose. His parents wanted him to feel forgotten, to feel alone, so one day he'd leave, and never come back. They don't want him, but if they were to give him away, how would that affect their reputation? They were scared. And Patton had enough.
He wasn't going to leave, that would give them what they wanted, but he was done being a push over.
And that was when he snapped.
The next morning, he completely ignored his parents after they asked him to help clean up later. It just meant they would clean for five minutes and leave the rest for him anyway. But, they didn't notice he didn't reply, and he knew that. He noticed that this time. Getting into his car, he drove to school with a closed off expression.
It was odd to see Patton not smiling - everyone in the school knew him to be bubbly, happily, and an all around nice, caring guy. A few students even asked if he was okay, but he ignored them too. He didn't mean to, they hadn't done anything wrong to him, but could you really blame him? Coming to terms with the fact for sixteen years no one cared about you won't make someone be in the happiest of moods.
Slamming open his locker, he forcefully stuffed his books inside his bag, only stopping his movements when he heard his brother talk up beside him. "Salutations, Patton. Last night was fun, I didn't think I would enjoy it so much" Logan sent him a small smile after Patton slowly closed his locker, his eyes screwed shut tightly as he repeated something over and over in his mind.
Shut up, shut up, shut up
"I do hope you like your gifts" Logan carried on, completely oblivious to the fact Patton was a ticking bomb ready to explode. No, he went on, talking about the speech he was going to give later that day for yet another award he won.
Patton clenched his fists, but counting to ten wasn't working. For a second, his brain went blank, and he realised he didn't care. For those few moments in his life, it was like he lost the ability to care, and standing right next to him was a punching bag ready for him to leg his anger out on. Twirling around on his spot, his left arm dropped his bag that was hanging from his forearm and reeled backwards, people who were walking by noticed this, and time slowed down, turning their heads to see Patton - sweet, adoring, gentle Patton - swing forward and punch his brother square in his face, sending the boy flying back onto the floor, crying out in pain as blood slowly seeped down his nostrils.
Then, time went back to normal, and Patton was standing with his eyes wide and mouth parted in silent shock. Pain resonated in his knuckles, but he didn't even feel it, too focused on his brother who was being helped up by a few teachers who so happened to be walking by as this broke out.
He punched his brother....
He punched... his brother!
He was in a daze, and when he finally snapped out of it, he was sitting in the principles office, his ears deaf to the deep voice that asked him what happened, and why he decided to punch Logan. He's never been in a situation like this, and with the surge of emotions that suddenly broke free from the dam he built since he was a child forcing his way through his body and mind, he broke down, sobs racking his body as he began to have a panic attack.
The principle paused for a few seconds before jumping up and calling for the nurse who took him away and calmed him down.
The next few hours seemed to pass by in minutes, and the oh-so-smart school they went to decided to place the two students in the same room so they could endure the detention they were given. Logan's parents were furious, and demanded for Logan to be let go, because this was all Patton's fault, but because Patton wasn't stable enough to talk about what happened, they couldn't trust Logan's side of the story without hearing his - so they were both stuck in an empty classroom after school hours, waiting till they could go home.
Or, in Patton's case, back to the hell he had to live in.
Logan was of course pissed at what happened, luckily his nose was fine, and the bleeding stopped pretty quickly, but why would Patton punch him like that? He hadn't done anything wrong! The curiosity was killing him, and he couldn't last without knowing why. He knew he hadn't done anything in the past to make Patton want to do this, so he assumed it was anger from something else - but what?
Standing up, he moved across the classroom to grab a chair and sit opposite Patton who was staring at the graffiti covered desk like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
"Patton?"
"What?" he muttered back, the devoid-of-emotion tone surprising Logan a bit as he sat back, perplexed. He knew his brother well, and this wasn't like him at all, especially hurting people - he would never do that unless he absolutely had to.
"What...happened earlier? Why did you punch me?" Logan queried, leaning back forward in the chair to rest his arms on his desk, he knew Patton wouldn't hit him again - the instant regret crossed with guilt shining in his eyes earlier today proved that. Patton didn't respond for awhile, instead picking at a loose thread. He had decided to put his cardigan on earlier, he didn't know why, just felt like it.
Finally, he looked up, and met Logan's worried but also curious gaze. "It hurts" he replied back in the same tone, "it hurts you don't know why" his voice gave way at the end, turning into a whisper as he closed his mouth, keeping his eyes locked with the same dark coloured ones his brother owned.
"I..do not understand, I'm not good with understanding such emotional-powered situations-"
"No shit" Patton cut him off, surprising himself and Logan from the choice of words. He guessed whoever stole his ability to care still hasn't given it back, because then and there he would say anything - even if it hurt Logan - without regretting it until later, where he would apologise and inevitably cry because that's what he was. A pathetic baby.
Logan's jaw clenched a little, getting agitated over the fact Patton wouldn't tell him what was going on, and why he did what he did. He waited in silence for awhile, trying to decide what to say to try and ease Patton's burning anger, but Patton spoke up first.
"They don't love me" he whispered, his head falling down. "They only love you - haven't you noticed?" Now he had started, he felt like he couldn't stop, finally able to pour out everything. "They don't care about me" He sniffled, rubbing at his watering eyes. "Only you. I'm a disappointment to them. They didn't get me anything for our birthday, they hate it when I get better grades than you, and they don't accept me for who I am..." Patton slowly bent down to pick up his bag, standing up while a few tears slid down his red cheeks.
Logan stayed silent.
"There's no point in trying" his voice cracked, breathing in deeply through his partially blocked nose. "I just want to be cared for..." his voice kept giving out as he tried to speak, forcing his eyes not to cry until he was alone. He wanted to say as much as he could before fully breaking down. "I don't exist to them anymore, they want me gone, I-I don't want to live with them anymore..." choking on a sob, he shook his head, harshly rubbing his eyes until the tears stopped for a bit longer.
"If they ask tell them I had another panic attack" he finally spoke up, voice groggy and tired.
"They said I could leave if I had one..." he quietly left the room, leaving Logan to play what he said over in his mind. While at home, Logan spent most of his time in his bedroom, so he hadn't noticed the times their parents would treat Patton in the way he just described, but he could remember a few moments.
The many times Patton didn't show up for dinner was one - Logan now understood why there was usually only three plates on their table. They don't care about their other son. Thinking harder, he brought himself back to the day Patton came home with an A - his parents really did explode at his brother, how was it his fault? Maybe if he got an A too Patton wouldn't of gotten into trouble...and when they found out about his sexuality - what is their problem?
His eyes darkened, finally understanding the torment Patton went through...and he felt like the biggest idiot alive for not realising sooner. Not waiting for the detention to be over, he scooped up his bag and sprinted down the hallway, panting heavily as soon as he reached the front doors. He could see Patton's car was gone, and seeing as he was too busy to take a drivers test, he had to get a lift.
Grabbing his phone from his back pocket, he scrolled through his contacts, thumb hovering over the contact labelled "Mother"...should he phone her? He was still fucking pissed at his parents, and didn't know if he could stand being in a car with one of them. He carried on down to 'R' where he saw his friend Roman.
Phoning the play performer, he instantly agreed to giving Logan a lift as he was in town currently. About fifteen minutes later he was home, and furious. He spotted Patton's car in the driveway, his fast paced movements ceasing to a halt as he thought of his brother, realising he would much rather comfort the boy than explode at his parents.
He hurried inside, being as silent as he could as to not alert the two adults talking in the living room. He would much rather not listen to them rant about the fact he didn't do anything wrong and it was "all Patton's fault" like they did earlier today. He didn't feel at all mad at his brother for what he did, he's come to terms with the fact that him talking about his achievements would make anyone mad - in Patton's position, his attack was completely rational...well, completely is a strong word, but if Logan was in that position he was sure he would do the same thing.
Leaving his bag in his room, he gently padded down the hallway to stand outside his brothers white door, he hadn't been here for awhile, and for the first time he noticed the plaque on his door that read "Patton" in goofy, colourful but scruffy hand writing. This must've been from when he was a child. Logan thought that to be absolutely adorable.
Knocking on the wood gently, he heard quiet sniffling die down from inside before his ear was met with silence. Frowning, he gently twisted the golden doorknob, peeking his head in to see his brother hugging his cat-cardigan tightly to his chest. The one Logan gave to them when they were both twelve. Logan remembered the exact reason he got that gift - he couldn't bare the fact the child wanted to wear a onesie around his shoulders. How unpractical is that?
Stepping inside, he closed the door behind him, not entirely knowing what to do. He and his brother were close to an extent, they never had to deal with the other if they were crying. Well, apart from once - they were both ten, Logan was crying in his room after a particular loud lightning strike hit outside their house.
Earlier that day in school they had taught the classes the dangers of lighting and what to do if they were caught outside in one. Logan memorised all of it, and knew exactly what to do, yet he still didn't know why he was so scared that night - the next morning he felt silly, and never once was he scared of lighting strikes again - maybe his brain created the fear because it suddenly knew how easily lighting could kill, and it went full blown terrified.
He assumed that was it, but a smile always brightened on his face when he saw in his memories Patton entering the room. The brother instantly hugged Logan to his chest, laying down on his bed to hold his brother protectively but also reassuringly. Patton never admitted it to his brother but he was petrified that night as well. Not because of the raging weather outside, but because he had never seen his brother cry. Especially if it was because he was scared.
Both boys remember that night vividly, and both didn't think they're ever forget it.
Finally stepping across the fluffy carpet fitted into Patton's bedroom, he sat on his bed beside him, the sudden added weight making the mattress dip. Feeling the movement, Patton looked up, letting out a sob mixed with a sigh of relief upon seeing his brother - he thought he would hate him for what he did, but staring into his eyes, Patton couldn't detect anything but concern and worry.
Moving his hoodie to the side, the brothers wordlessly pulled the other into a tight hug, Logan closing his eyes and rubbing his back gently as he sobbed onto his shoulder - doing the same movements Patton does to him whenever he's stressed about work and such. They spent a full half an hour silently hugging each other - somewhere in between they shuffled up the bed so they were resting against the headboard, in the end Patton finally found his voice, arms securely held around Logan's waist, head resting on his chest.
Logan had his arm loosely wrapped around his torso, the other playing with his hair to help calm him down. It worked instantly, and Logan hasn't stopped since.
"T-thank you" Patton croaked out, the seemingly endless amount of tears coming to a stop. "I hope you didn't think I would dislike you after your actions from today - I rationalised the situation in my mind, and I concur with you about our....parents" Logan forced out the word, eyes narrowing with hate as he did.
"And if you hate them, I do, too. I have always loved you more than them, and I apologise if I didn't make that clear. I will try in the future, but for now, I need to have a word with the pair of halfwits" Logan shifted his position, letting Patton sit up before he himself arose from the bed, marching towards the door with a certain angry velocity.
"I'll come with you" Patton stood up too, cat-hoodie clasped tightly in his shaking hands. Logan turned towards him, holding out a hand which the brother instantly took. The two walked hand in hand down the staircase, appearing in the living room where their parents still resided, comfortably cuddled up to each other. Logan rounded the couch, letting Patton hide half of himself behind him. He cleared his throat, catching their attention.
"You're back!" Their mother smiled, sitting up. "Patton, you're grounded, remember?" Their Dad spoke up next, sitting up too and gesturing towards the doorway, but he didn't move after Logan gripped his hand tighter, gesturing for him too stay. To stand his ground.
"He is not going anywhere until we all talk" Logan rectified, eyes holding only one emotion directed at the two adults who sat there, dumbfounded by the anger mixing with Logan's words. Breathing in deeply, Logan turned to Patton, silently asking him if he wanted to go through with this at all.
Patton chewed his sleeve, nodding at Logan who squeezed his hand reassuringly, turning back to his so called parents.
"Patton informed me of something while we were enduring our detention. It has never come to my attention before, but now that he had explained it, I finally realise for myself how appallingly you have treated him, and I feel like this...environment is not suitable for him - he is coming up to the most important part of his school life, and I don't want him to not try his best incase he gets better grades than I. When he got that A, you should have congratulated him, and treated him as you would to me, yet you didn't - but that is not the only problem" Logan ranted passionately, driven with the hate and anger combined that coiled and swarmed around his heart. Figuratively.
"You do not accept him for who he is - if he is romantically attracted to both genders, you should not treat him as any less of a human. I will keep this monologue short, as I do not want to be in a room with you two for any longer as I am sure Patton agrees - besides, your horrified and stupefied expressions are making me sick" He was right, the two adults didn't know what to say, mouths fallen open in shock from what Logan had said. Never had he acted like this before, they hadn't seen this side of their favourite son, and they sure as hell did not like it.
"Logan, how dare you-"
"I'm gay, father, and I do hope you don't mind me and Patton here living with our uncle. I am sure he will pose as a better guardian than you two could ever be" he spat out, tugging Patton out of the room as the two followed after them, screaming profanities and slurs at the two who locked themselves away in Logan's bedroom.
At first, they listened in silence to their parents accusations towards the pair, eventually Logan handed Patton a pair of earphones so he could block it out while he pulled out his phone and called up his uncle. Their uncle was the kindest person in their family, and had baby sat the twins in the past. Logan was sure he would be more than happy to let them stay at his home instead of his torturous house.
And, he did. Their "parents" agreed instantly, going through all the legal necessities needed to make their uncle their guardian. They didn't want "sinners" in their house, anyway.
And since they moved, Logan never shadowed Patton again.
—
EHHHH DIS WAS DE SHITTY
10:22pm