Sorrow and pain forced Mari to commit suicide. Everyone in the family thought she was done for. The drugs would have taken her but she survived once again, much to her family’s disappointment. Nobody really wanted her, but the money that came along with fostering a kid was too much of a temptation to Gracilla’s family. At the time they were offered the kid, their flower shop was withering along with its flowers. They needed the money so they accepted the offer. They sent the girl to school and allowed her to do as she pleased. But never did they show her love nor care through Mari’s years with the family. There was one though who was close to her. Sarah was the youngest of Gracilla’s brood of eight. She is also Gracilla’s favourite. Sarah was a spoiled brat but not as insensitive as the others. She might always think of herself but once she puts you into her list of people that she loves, you’ll surely be pampered with all the attention and bossing around that you could ever wish for. But, when Sarah turned eighteen, she left without any word for anyone in the family except to Mari. A letter was left to Mari scrawled carelessly telling her that she will find the paradise Mari had been telling her about. It had been three years now and Sarah has not yet found it. It had also been a month now since she wrote to her. It made her nervous wondering what might have happened to Sarah. Maybe she found Sun Kissed beach, maybe she was lost or worse injured and dead.
“Miss Mari,” whispered the young nurse to the charming lady with sorrow written on her downturned lips and creased forehead. “Miss Mari, its time for your meal.”
Mari woke up startled and she looked at the young nurse in fear. Gradually, the events last night came to her and she broke into tears and sobs. The nurse embraced her tightly offering comfort although it was forbidden for them to do so. “Its okay, Miss Mari. We’re going to take care of you now.” The little girl patted the lady’s back wondering what made her want to end her years. Suicide was not very uncommon in the City. Most of them are people who have nothing else going on for them. No family, no friends, no money, no future, not even hope. Some are those who just like the easy way out.
The young nurse laid the lady down and smiled reassuringly at her. “You are very pretty so you shouldn’t be sad,” she commented as she checked her vital signs. “I’m sure you’ll be prettier when you smile.” Mari smiled at the young nurse although sadness still clouded her eyes.
“You are very sweet, thank you… What’s your name?” Mari said.
“Thanks, and people call my Mini, because I’m small, but my real name is Chance,” answered the young nurse as she injects Mari with drugs that made people sleep for hours without dreams or nightmares.
“Beautiful name.” Mari utters as the drugs started to take effect numbing her senses from every pains she could possible suffer. “Do you know that it was chance that had led me to a paradise when I was young?” Mari closed her eyes and the nurse thought she fell asleep but the appearance of the smile told her otherwise. It was a timid smile and yet it had the effect of lighting up the woman’s face. The frown disappeared and the woman seemed to age backwards. When Mari opened her eyes there was a distant light shining through them. The young nurse was captivated and she stared at Mari unable to believe the transformation.
“Paradise,” the young nurse whispered and bowed her head and turned to look out the window.
“Yes, as far fetched as it may sound, in this world that we live in there exist still places hidden out there that mirrors paradise itself. I wonder if it still exists.” Mari’s memories of the past had been blurred. She can barely remember the faces of her companions. Worst of all, she can’t even remember how her twin looked like. Her only memory of him was the sound of his laugh and his name. “Tristan,” she whispered as tears cascaded once again from her sorrowful eyes and feeling that familiar pain deep down inside her that any drugs she take could not quite extinguish.
“Miss, sorry to have made you cry,” cried the young nurse when she turned and saw tears running down Mari’s cheeks.
Mari shook her head at the young nurse and tried to smile but failed which made her cry even more. She cried quietly, no sound came out of her tightly pursed lips as Mari tried to calm herself down. “I’m sorry for behaving so,” she whispered, “I’m okay now.” Mari pushed the young nurse away from her then wiped her eyes.
The nurse watched Mari as she tried to gain control over her emotion. “Its okay to cry. My grandfather always told me a good cry relieves the pain somehow even if it doesn’t make it go away. I know it’s different than what most people say but, I bet once in a while someone out there indulges in a good cry.” Chance smiled with fondness in her eyes as she reminisced of her grandfather.
“Your grandfather must have been a wonderful person. Thank you again, Chance. ” Mari turned away from her nurse as she tried once again to clear the fog from her memory. But it was in vain. No matter how hard she tried she keeps getting lost in the fog. No memory appears before her eyes, not even in dreams. The drugs had destroyed her past and Mari decided she will have nothing more to do with those horrible things. She can’t lose whatever that was left of her wonderful past no matter how painful they are now. She will cling to them and no one is ever going to get them away from her anymore. As she succumbs to sleep a dream crept in, it was so vivid she could almost believed it was real. She was with her family, Alistair, Tristan and little Amelie. They were running along the shores of Sun Kissed beach. They had finally found each other but when she looked at their faces there was nothing. Fear clutched at her heart and then that pain that wrenches through her soul making its way out towards her mouth as she screamed in agony at her faceless friends. She wanted to cry and shout and make them stop but she knew it was her doing. So, she slumped down on the beach as she sees them running away from her farther away until she can see them no longer.
“I have lost them. Forgive me.”
Mari woke up with a start as she felt hands patting at her cheek and some sweet voice calling at her name. She opened her eyes tentatively and saw the kind face of her young nurse. “Chance,” she smiled sitting up from her bed. “What time is it? Have I been sleeping too long?”
“I’m glad I can see you smile today. I have a letter for you.” Chance took out a small envelope with a red rose imprinted on its upper right hand corner. “Your mother said it came from Sarah and this will help you get better.” Chance hoped it was good news because Miss Mari certainly needed one. But as she watched Mari reading on the letter with a frown appearing on her flawless forehead, her hope was crushed. “Is something wrong?” Chance asked.
“No, nothing’s wrong. It was good news actually,” Mari said smiling but her eyes held no warmth and the frown remained on her forehead.
“What’s it about?” Chance asked curiously, she might be able to help Miss Mari if she needed help.
“Oh, its Sarah. She says she had found one of my friends from …” she stopped and closed her eyes pressing a finger on them. “I should be happy,” Mari muttered to herself but she could feel a nagging fear starting. She can’t put a finger on it but it doesn’t feel right. She must do something but she doesn’t know what to do. She looked at Chance with pleading eyes, “Help me.”
Chance was about to say something when the door burst open and in came the doctor that was assigned to Mari. He took one look at her and he frowned, studying Mari’s chart. “You’re looking … exceptionally well, Miss Mari.”
“She does, doesn’t she?” exclaimed Chance before she could stop herself beaming at the doctor. The doctor only laughed at Mini as they are fond of calling her then checked Mari’s vital signs and once again commented upon her fast recovery not mentioning even once her attempted suicide before heading out for his rounds with a strange smile upon his face.
Mari refused anymore pills and voiced to her doctor that she was well enough and wants to go out. She had talked to the psychiatrist and had been cleared to go home. But Mari didn’t go home and never again shall she set foot on that place. She was thankful that they had taken her in and she could have been given to a worse family but she had had enough of them. From now on she shall live on her own no matter how hard it must be and face everything with a brave heart and never will she turn to drugs for any sort of relief.
“Chance, may I ask for your help?” she asked as she was signing all the necessary papers so she can finally go home. Mari smiled as Chance nodded eagerly at her question. “Don’t get too excited yet, I may be asking something loathsome or horrible, against every moral standards or some such,” said Mari in a teasing tone.
Chance blinked at Mari with confusion in her eyes. “What do you mean?” asked Chance a little warily, this woman just got out from the hospital after she had tried to take her own life.
Mari smiled patiently at Chance guessing her thoughts accurately, “dear, I’m not going to suggest anything criminal. I’m only going to ask if you know a place where I can stay. A cheap hotel or an apartment would be better. I’m not going back to Gracilla and I’m sure she’ll be happy to finally get rid of me.” Her face showed her conviction and with or without Chance’s help, she will find that apartment or hotel and never come back to her adopter’s family.
Chance sighed and smiled ruefully at Mari and nodded her head smiling widely as an idea struck her. “I know a place!” she exclaimed. “It’s the perfect place! I need someone to share my rent and you need a place. It’s the perfect solution.” Chance grasped Mari’s hand delighted at her genius proposal. Mari laughed at the younger girl’s enthusiasm which so reminded her of Amelie. Suddenly a face flashed through her thoughts. It was fast and she could just make out the colour of her eyes and the way her smile always lights up her face.
“Amelie,” Mari murmured smiling.
“Did you say something?” asked Chance hearing Mari but couldn’t quite make out the word.
“Hmmm?” Mari looked at Chance and shook her head. “I just said that it’s grand of you to offer your apartment.”
“Thanks, but its not charity you know. You still gotta pay the rent.” Mari stuck her tongue out at Chance grinning which made the two girls laugh.
A week later, Mari was settled comfortably at Chance’s apartment. Chance had also helped Mari got a job at the local pub as a waitress. Working was easy for Mari as she had never forgotten the tedious days when she had to work to live. She was almost content working odd jobs here and there and going out with Chance and her friends whenever they are free. But living in the stone walled City with its brick paths and dark smoke that sometimes covered up whatever sunshine was left was not what her heart wants. In her heart is a longing for her friends that she had recklessly and selfishly forgotten drowning herself with the pills that Gracilla had been giving her. She needed to find her paradise. That is where she and her friends belong. She might even bring Chance with her, Mari thought.
“Mari! What are you daydreaming about?” It was a weekend and both Mari and Chance were cooking a meal for those homeless people clustered on the east side of the City.
“My friends,” she told Chance.
“Them again.” Chance was a naturally optimistic person but in Mari’s case, she thought it was hopeless. Mari had told her vaguely of her life before she was adopted by Gracilla and her family. Mari had also told her of her plan to go back to her so-called paradise. She didn’t really know what to believe of Mari. Her memory had been destroyed by the amount of drugs she had taken all those years and she held no solid proof of the existence of these friends. “You never told me their names, you know,” she said finally when Mari kept silent.
Mari sighed when that nagging fear once again surfaced. It confused her that she could not tell Chance their names. She remembered their names but not their faces, except, lately she had been remembering Amelie. Just vague memories such as the first time they saw her crying huddled between the root trees with a broken wrist. Amelie’s tear stained face and scared eyes. Then it was gone. Sometimes, she even dreamed of them but she waked up not remembering their faces. It was frustrating and she really wanted to tell chance everything. But the way Sarah had been obsessed with them scared her and almost making her wish she didn’t tell her about them. What if she found them and never tell her? What if they mistook Sarah for Mari and she will be left alone again. These doubts crowded in her mind and made her shake her head. But a small voice in her head insisted that Chance was different from Sarah and it was enough reason to trust her.
“My twin brother is Tristan,” she said after a long moment of silence.
“Tristan,” Chance whispered.
“Alistair was just the same age as us but he came to paradise first,” Mari smiled remembering a feeling of fear and sudden joy. “We came next, and then Little Amelie. She was the youngest, probably nine.” Surprisingly, no tears came instead she felt hopeful.
“So, you actually remember their names.” Chance was scowling down at her task and Mari wondered if she thought she was going bonkers. “Wait,” Chance’s face cleared but confusion clouded her brown eyes. “Alistair,” she whispered trying to place the name somewhere. She tried to remember patient names wondering if he could be suffering the same fate as Mari. Nothing.
Their clock strike twelve and they started and laughed at each other. “Oh dear, we are late,” Mari said as she hastily prepared the meals they were going to give deliver at eastern slums just at the edge of the City.
They were going home and both were tired. Mari was asleep beside Chance as they drove back to their apartment on the other side of the City. Suddenly chance jerked her car to a stop as she realized they were not heading back to their apartment. Instead they were on the highway out of the City. Chance mentally shook her head wondering what came over her. She looked to see if Mari was awake but she was still asleep.
Having felt the car stopped she forced herself to wake and was about to open the door when Chance reached out to her and stopped her. “What?!” Mari looked out her window to see nothing but darkness. “Where are we?” asked Mari bewildered.
“I don’t know. I was driving and I probably fell asleep then I realized we were already out of the City. I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry, Mari. We could have had an accident. Maybe we should have accepted Sister Anna’s offer to stay at the foundation tonight.” Chance’s worries doubled over when she saw that Mari was already out of the car and heading for the forest. She immediately went out and ran after Mari. “Mari!” she grabbed Mari’s hand when she caught her and stopped when she saw the expression on her friend’s face. “What is it?”
Written all over Mari’s face was pure and heart wrenching happiness. Chance had never seen her this happy and over what? A dark and seemingly dangerous forest. Who knew what kind of criminals were hiding in there? She tugged at Mari’s hand but it only made her move forward.
“This is the place,” she whispered a little breathlessly as she stepped forward her heart thumping loudly Chance could probably hear it. She was suddenly overwhelmed with joy and exhilaration as she scanned the area. “This is it. I can’t be mistaken.” She covered Chance’s hand that was holding her arm. “Let’s go,” she said and dragged her friend with her inside the dark forest. She could still remember it as though she never left. There were a few changes but not enough that she would lose her way to her destination. She was almost running now and she could feel Chance trying to stop her. She probably though she was getting crazy again. But she will see when they get there so she just held on tighter and actually run deeper inside the forest and stopped when she could hear the waves calling out to her.
“Mari,” Chance whispered as they finally stopped somewhere in the middle of nowhere. She was a little afraid for both of them. What if there were wild animals lurking about? Chance moved closer to Mari who was really silent. She couldn’t see her face because it was really dark and the only illumination was coming from the silver moon hovering in the skies. “Let’s go back, please!” she pleaded to Mari.
“No, we can’t. Not yet, you have to see the sunrise,” a giggle escaped her lips and she hugged Chance making her feel safe. “We’re here, listen Chance. Can’t you hear it calling out to you? Can’t you feel the ocean’s whispering, welcoming me back? I’m almost there!” she cried out and fell silent wanting Chance to feel what she’s feeling and hear what she’s hearing. She could feel the hesitation on Chance and the tension on her body. She waited patiently. Her paradise won’t fail her. It had waited long for her, for her other friends.
Chance closed her eyes hugging Mari tighter wanting the fear to go away. Mari won’t let anything happen to her. She breathed deeply and listened carefully. Her head came up to look Mari in her eyes and she smiled. She nodded, she could hear the waves crashing along the shore. She could hear the music of the wind passing above them. Her heart was unexpectedly filled with longing, memories of her grandfather and his stories of paradise crowded her mind and tears welled up in her eyes racing down on her cheeks. She buried her face on Mari’s shoulder and wept her heart out.
It took a few minutes for Chance to stop crying and when she did, Mari urged her forward towards where the sound of the ocean was coming. They now walked slowly and Mari was drinking her fill looking at every tree greeting them like they were her old friends. When they neared a somewhat huge tree, she stopped her hand reaching out gingerly towards the trunk of the tree. “You’re still here,” she said and hugged the tree. “This was where we found little Amy,” there was a catch on her voice and Chance knew she was trying not to cry. “She had a broken wrist and she was crying. She looked so lost that my heart reached out to her. I miss her so much. I miss them so much.” She felt Chance’s hand resting on her back. “I’m okay, Chance. Sorry for worrying you. I’m fine, really.” She straightened up and wiped the tears from her face. “Let’s go, we’re almost there.”
Destruction was too trivial a word that described what Mari and Chance saw when they arrived at the shore. The place was reeking with the smell of oil and garbage. Mari felt fury overwhelm her as she scanned the place. The shore was filled with lumps of garbage, big and small. Most of these wastes were brought in by the tide. At a closer inspection, the once glorious ocean that held the reflection of the sky on a clear night was now covered by a thick film of oil and debris of garbage were floating on it. It seemed the City has finally found a place to throw their wastes destroying probably the last paradise on the mortal world.
“This is a nightmare.” Mari whispered as fury turned into despair. She grasped Chance’s hand wanting comfort. “Please, tell me this is only a nightmare.”
“I’m so sorry,” said Chance. She could not offer comfort to Mari as she herself was feeling quite cheated by fate. She had wanted to know and see for herself that the Sun Kissed beach, as her grandfather would call it, really existed and now that she was actually here, it was destroyed probably beyond redemption. She would not be able to witness the sun rise up on the horizon and transform the shore into a golden paradise.
The paradise was not only lost, it was destroyed. Mari’s anger and disbelief were suddenly drained from her and replaced by fear. Guilt ate at her heart and helplessness. What this fate’s way of telling her to give up? Why would it let something this hideous happen to such a magnificent place? Why did she ever have to find it in this state?
“There’s no hope left. Paradise is dead. My life is worthless.” These were the words she kept chanting as she started to rock herself while blocking the scene before her forgetting Chance and everything as she goes back to her own miserable world.
The End